Tear Your Love Apart
by Kedda
Summary: After the finale with some twists. Addek of course!
1. Ending Start

OMG Kendel wrote a new story.

So this is a fairly standard fic, picking up where season 2 left off. And I know that everyone has one of these but I SWEAR TO GOD that mine is different. SERIOUSLY. I promise. It will just take me a few chapters to get them going in the direction that I want them, but OMG. Anyway, the chapters are rather short at the beginning so... it will move quickly.

Also I ma an Addek writer, but if they don't want to be together, they won't be. That's just the way it is.

This chapter is called...Ending Start and it is by Metric... if anyone cares.

Enjoy

XXXXXXXXXX

_All this that is more than a wish is a memory _

_All this that is ceases to be _

_All is revealed _

_The obvious door opens nothing _

_Nothing, nothing, nothing left _

_Nothing left to chance _

_When you try to see, we'll watch you _

_When you try to leave, we'll keep you _

_When you should be dreaming, we'll wake you _

_But don't scream, we'll make you swallow your words _

_Gave them our explosions, our reactions, all that was ours _

_For graphs of passion and charts of stars _

_Fave them our reactions, our explosions all that we are _

_For graphs of passion and charts of stars _

_How ending starts _

_Ending starts with answers_

XXXX

Meredith closed her eyes and braced herself. She was tired. More then anything she wanted this day to be over.

She opened her eyes, then blinked quickly to hold back the tears.

"I'm sorry," she began, "I'm sorry..." she grasped for something to say, "...about Doc. I know you loved him."

Derek's head fell forward.

Meredith took a few steps forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek, "He was a good dog," she whispered.

She turned to Finn, a watery smile on her face, " Can you take me home now?"

Meredith felt Finn's arm go around her waist as they walked. She had made the right decision. Finn made her happy. She could see herself with Finn, doing whatever he had planned. She still had those images of Derek, of being happy with Derek, but they were tainted now. They had become tainted the moment that Addison walked into the hospital, they had continued to disintegrate every time he picked his wife over her, every time she saw him look at his wife, every time something reaffirmed that they were working things out. Tonight was a mistake, she didn't want to be that person, that woman. The other woman.

She was better then second best.

XXXX

Addison stood in front of the mirror undoing her hair. If this day lasted much longer, well, she wasn't sure she could take it.

Derek walked into the room, their eyes met momentarily in the mirror before he walked quickly to the bank of lockers and grabbed both their coats.

"Let's go to Joe's."

Addison sighed, "Not tonight Derek."

"Addison," Derek voice was hard and cold, "I need a drink."

Addison leaned forward heavily on the sink, "Fine," she turned and walked briskly to him, grabbing her jacket and heading out the door.

XXXX

Meredith and Finn sat silently in his black pickup truck. She leaned her head against the head rest then rolled it towards Finn.

"Come in," she invited quietly.

"Nah," he smiled at her, "You go in and take care of your friend. I'll come pick you up in the morning and we'll have breakfast before work."

She sighed, "Now I want you to come in more,"

Finn laughed and leaned over to kiss her. She returned the kiss tentatively.

"I don't want to be alone tonight."

XXXX

Derek followed Addison into Joe's and headed straight to a back table while Addison headed to the bar.

Derek ran both hands through his hair then stared down at the table. Glancing up he saw Addison standing at the bar, her back to him waiting for their drinks. Her head was turned and she was watching something further down the bar. Derek followed her line of sight until he reached Callie Torres who was not so discreetly glaring at him.

His body stiffened and his eyes drifted back to his wife. Her body had turned slightly and she was now watching him. He looked back down to the table.

A few moments later Addison set a glass down in front of him, but he didn't look up. He picked up the glass and gulped down half it's contents. He expected some sort of comment from her, but she remained silent.

"Addison..." Derek began.

Addison just raised an eyebrow and glanced at her husband.

And he lost his nerve, draining the rest of his drink.

"Would you like another drink?"

Addison sighed, "I'll get them."

Addison made her way through the bar. It was crowded. Many of the hospital staff had decided to continue the prom party at Joe's. She arrived at the bar and stood beside Callie as she waited.

Callie glanced at Addison, then glared at Derek, before returning to her drink. Addison sighed and took a sip of her drink while she waited for Derek's. She glanced at Derek, then back at Callie who was watching her.

"I am not an idiot, Dr.Torres," Addison said picking up Derek's drink, "And I am not blind."

XXXX

Meredith, in her most comfortable pajama's, stood at the door way to Izzie's room. Izzie was curled up in the fetal position clutching a pillow. She had fallen asleep quickly, but Meredith didn't expect it to last long.

When they had arrived home Izzie was in a daze. She wouldn't respond when people spoke to her, and she just sat there and stared straight ahead as Meredith changed her into pajama's. As she had finished George had arrived in the doorway.

"I'll finish putting her to bed," he had said quietly.

Meredith nodded and moved to the doorway, intending to change out of her formal dress. She'd paused at the door and looked back. George was kneeling in front of Izzie with a warm washcloth, gently washing away the traces of tears and what was left of her make up.

How had they survived without him?

"Hey," Finn came up behind her and draped a blanket over her shoulders.

Meredith fought the urge to lean back against him. She didn't deserve a guy like Finn.

"She loved him _so_ much," Meredith whispered, "And she barely even knew him."

Finn ran his hand up and down her arm, stopping at her elbow, "Sometimes it happens like that."

Meredith gave in and leaned back against him. He was solid and strong, and soft and comfy all that the same time.

"She'll be okay."

Meredith watched Izzie sleep, praying that she would sleep through the night. It was better then being awake. "How'd you get to be so smart?"

Finn chuckled and placed his hands on her shoulders and steered her towards her open bedroom door, "I'm not scary and damaged for nothing."

XXXX

Addison and Derek were still sitting in Joe's. Derek had gone through more drinks then he cared to think about. Addison had just sat there silently. Although the bar was crowded, no one really bothered them. People assumed that they wanted to be alone. They assumed right, but they assumed for the wrong reasons.

Callie had been watching them for over an hour. She knew what was going on, but she was confused by there actions. They were sitting close together, Callie attributed this to habit. That she could explain, kind of. What she couldn't explain was why Derek had reached over and wrapped his hand gently around Addison's forearm, or why she had, after a moment, put her hand over his.

But what happened next left Callie speechless.

Derek leaned back in his chair, and looked straight at his wife. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and he was clearly drunk. He leaned over and whispered something to Addison. She shook her head and took another drink. He leaned in again, but this time Addison indicated the number of glasses littering the table. A number of people smirked at Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd clearly informing her husband that a very large quantity of alcohol had been consumed.

That was the normal part. Then came the strange part.

Addison sighed heavily as her obviously drunk husband stood from the table and walked a few feet away and turned to face her again. Addison drained her glass and walked over to where her husband was standing amidst a few dancing couples. She stopped in front of him and reluctantly allowed him to wrap his arms around her. She stood there, her hands barely resting on his upper arms as he slumped against her, countless glasses of scotch and the events of the day clearly catching up with him.

"Are they dancing?" Callie demanded, staring at Joe and resisting the urge to throw her glass across the bar,

"Well, he is trying too," Joe replied, pouring her another drink, "She just looks annoyed."

"Clearly she is intoxicated," Callie murmured as Derek buried his face in Addison's shoulder and she reluctantly wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer, running her fingers through his hair.

Joe looked at them curiously, "She's been drinking water."

Callie stared at him, "People are stupid," she exclaimed and she drained her glass again, "Stupid."

XXXX

"I got Doc right before Christmas," Meredith whispered into the darkness. She was laying in bed, on top of the covers facing Finn. Finn's position mirrored hers. They had been like that for a awhile now. Just laying silently, watching each other in the light that came from the hall, Meredith having left the door open so she could hear Izzie if she woke up, "Izzie and I went together, and as soon as we saw him we knew that he was the one. He was just perfect you know?"

Meredith pulled the throw from the bottom of the bed up around her shoulders. "We had both given up on men and thought that a dog would solve all our problems. But it didn't really work." Meredith held up the corner of the blanket, inviting Finn to move closer and share it with her, which he did, but still they did not touch, "Doc is... was... completely destructive. He's kinda like me, breaking everything that he touches."

Finn laughed gently.

"But he got to be to much and he went to Derek. And after that, he was fine. He destroyed everything while he was here, and he went there and..." Meredith voice broke,"... it's not fair." Meredith looked away, "It was just one more thing that ... I know that I am completely irrational, but," Meredith smiled slightly, "I am pretty sure he liked Addison better."

Finn smiled too at her admission, "Doc lit-up when you were around, he loved you."

"He didn't destroy her shoes."

Finn laughed, reaching over to pull her towards him.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, forcing herself to relax in his arms and push away some of the guilt she was feeling.

"What for?"

"For not pushing the Derek issue. He was the reason that I got Doc in the first place, " Meredith felt Finn's body stiffen beside her, "So with everything that has happened, with Derek and me and with Doc, it means allot to me that your not..."

"Being nosey? Even though right now it is taking all myself control not to pester you for details."

Meredith laughed, "Exactly," she rolled back over onto her back, "But I _will _tell you. Someday."

"Good," Finn mumbled against her hair as he kissed her temple. "Now go to sleep."

Meredith turned her face a bit towards his and concentrated on the sound of his breathing, "Today sucked," she murmured sleepily.

"Tomorrow will be better," Finn replied, almost asleep.

"I hope so," Meredith whispered as flashes of Derek flew threw her mind as she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

"Meredith? Mer!"

Meredith shook herself awake.

"Meredith?"

"George?" Meredith propped herself up on her elbow.

"I have to go get Callie."

"Callie?"

"Ya, she is down at Joe's," George whispered, "Umm, Izzie is still sleeping but she is starting to toss and turn, so..."

"Okay," Meredith slide out of bed, and padded out into the hall, "So, umm...Callie," she said when she got in the hall, "Are you bringing her here?"

George looked at her oddly, "Probably. Why?"

"I was just thinking of Izzie."

George nodded, "It will be fine. Callie and Izzie will probably sleep most of tomorrow anyway. Oh, and Alex is asleep on our couch."

"Perfect," Meredith whispered to herself as George walked away, "Perfect."

XXXX

Addison clutched her pillow and stared at the ceiling. Derek was in the shower. He had been showering for the last 45 minutes. Addison sighed and turned on her side away from Derek's side of the bed.

She used to take long showers like that.

When he climbed in bed 10 minutes later his skin was red and she could feel the heat still radiating off of him.

"That was a long hot shower," Addison commented, bitterness creeping into her voice.

Derek ignored the comment, "Did you have a good time at the prom?"

"At first."

They were silent along time, neither of them getting any closer too sleep.

"You asked me to prom Derek. You asked _me_."

"I know."

Another long silence filled the trailer.

Addison sighed, "I miss Doc."

XXXXXXXXXX

So there is the first chapter. I am assuming that it didn't do exactly as you expected, in particular Addison and Derek. As you may have noticed, Addison hasn't killed Derek dispite having a fairly good idea of what happend, and Derek is actually sticking pretty close to her. Strange non? Well I plan on adressing that in the next two chapters, but the end of prom night seemed the logical place to stop chapter 1.

So as always, Review. If you send questions I tend to reply with answers. Cause I have no life. Maybe I'll post chapter 2 tomorrow, it's mostly written.


	2. Confessions pt 1

Hey look, an update. How fun. So this chapter is called _Confessions pt 1. _It seemed to fit. Next part is _Confessions pt 2_. Clever eh.

Enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Izzie laid curled on her side in bed. She could hear Meredith and Finn laughing and talking across the hall. She smiled slightly. She was glad that Meredith was happy, and she must be happy if she was talking to someone, let alone laughing, this early in the morning.

Izzie rolled over on to her other side and pulled a pillow over her face to block out the light and the noise.

She was going back to sleep.

She was happy they were happy, but it would be easier if they could be happy somewhere else.

XXXX

Derek wander sullenly through the halls of the surgical wing. He had heard from several different sources that Meredith was coming back today.

He didn't want to see her.

He had been trying to track down Addison since he had arrived that morning, but she was being rather elusive. He was certain that she didn't know what was going on. If she knew she certainly would have killed him by now.

_She probably thinks that we had a fight._ And a fight could work to his advantage.

He wasn't going to loose Addison too. Meredith had already walked away without looking back.

So he was spending every available moment with Addison. Before rounds, after rounds, lunch, when ever he had a moment he would go up and try to find her. She usually wasn't around but life even half his messages got to her she would know that he was around, wanting to be with her.

And if she knew that he was around, she would be happy. And he wouldn't have to worry about her getting fed up with him and leaving.

He needed her.

If she left too...

Well he wasn't going to think about, 'cause it wasn't going to happen.

XXXX

Meredith smoothed the blankets over the bed. She _had_ to go into work today. She had no choice. She used up all the sick days she could reasonably get away with by saying she was looking after Izzie.

Which was true.

But Izzie hadn't really need her. She was sticking to herself. If she was hungry she would make something to eat. If she was tired she would nap. If she needed to think, she would go for a walk.

Basically Meredith had been hanging out for 5 days. Or hiding out.

Most of the time she enjoyed it, hanging out. Finn had only left once, and only for a few hours to take care of somethings at the office and to grab a few changes of clothes. They had spent 5 days just being together, hiding out in Meredith's room. Finn had brought a huge book of puzzles. It was no secret that they both sucked at them, but they were also both very stubborn. And they had talked, allot. Meredith couldn't remember a time that she had spent so much time just talking with someone. And she was happy.

Except when she was hiding. Physically hiding from Callie who had been in the house quite a bit. And hiding from thoughts of Derek that surfaced whenever she tried to sleep, or whenever the house was silent.

Meredith glanced up as Finn entered the room wearing a white t-shirt and sweat pants. His hair was sticking up in every direction, he hadn't shaved and he was eating a bowl of cereal. He looked adorable.

"Awww, you made the bed."

Meredith smiled at him, "I made the bed."

Finn eased himself onto the bed and motioned for Meredith to join him, "I don't want to go back to work," he sighed offering Meredith some Cheerios.

"Me neither."

XXXX

Derek slid into the elevator after Addison and leaned slouched against the back, "Hey."

Addison raised and eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the door, "Hi."

"You left early this morning."

"I got paged."

Derek nodded, "How's your day been?"

"Fine."

"Fine," Derek repeated, "Busy?"

Addison just nodded.

The elevators opened and Addison walked out on to the floor. To her surprise Derek followed.

"Do you have a patient up here?"

Derek shook his head and glanced around the hall, "No I was just coming up to see you."

"Why?"

Derek shrugged, "I had some free time."

Addison sighed in frustraighton over her husbands sudden change in behavior, "Okay," Addison started down the hall, Derek following just behind her.

"Did you _need_ something?" she asked stopping suddenly.

Derek shook his head.

"Did you want to_ talk_ to me?"

Again he shook his head.

"You were just coming up here to see me."

He nodded, smiling at her.

For the first time in 5 days, Addison felt that maybe the rumours, and the conclusions she had jumped to, weren't true.

XXXX

Meredith slowly walked down the stairs. She was assigned to Bailey, thankfully, and she hadn't run into Derek, Addison or Callie.

Until now.

Just as she reached the landing, the door below her opened revealing the Shepherds.

Meredith's eyes darted back and forth nervously between them.

Addison eyes slide slowly from Meredith to Derek.

Derek just stared at the floor.

Meredith jumped as the door a floor above her opened and footsteps rapidly descended towards her.

Callie.

Perfect.

Addison gave Meredith one last hard look and turned on her heel, leaving the stairwell.

Meredith sighed heavily.

Derek glanced quickly at Meredith before his gaze landed on Callie. He glanced at the door behind him that was still slowly closing. Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, he walked quickly down the stairs, away from Meredith and Callie.

Meredith sighed again, and continued down the stairs.

"Dr. Grey," Callie called after her.

Meredith flinched, but turned around to face her.

"You've been avoiding me."

"No," Meredith smiled weakly.

"I have spent the last 5 nights at your place, I haven't seen you once."

"Callie..."

Callie shook her hand to interrupt Meredith, "I've tried to like you. I have. Really. For George's sake I have tried to like you, even though _clearly_ you don't like me. But what I saw the other night..."

"Callie I know what you saw..."

"No you don't," Callie interrupted her again, her voice was low and serious, "I watched a woman comfort her husband, _her husband, _because _you _broke his heart. She is trying to fix what you broke while your camped out in your room with another man. What world do you live in where that is ok? Start taking responsibility for what you've done. You and McDreamy are not the only people involved. Your inability to keep your panties on, is hurting everyone."

Meredith stood completely dumbfounded long after Callie had gone.

Nothing good ever happend to her in a stairwell.

XXXX

Addison sat quietly in the cafeteria reading the newspaper. Apartment hunting sucked. Everything felt wrong.

She randomly circled another listing, this one had a fireplace.

She didn't really care.

She could feel the eyes on her.

She sighed. People had _just _stopped looking at her. Now she was certain everyone knew everything. They probably either pitied her or blamed her.

Derek sat down silently beside her.

She ignored him.

The glimmer of hope that she had held on to, the one that allowed her to think that the worst had not happened, was officially dead. Now she was left making contingence plans. She just wasn't sure what she wanted those plans to be.

She glanced at him and closed the newspaper. She was fairly certain that he wouldn't care that she was looking at apartment listings, but at this point affirmation would be like pouring salt on a gapping wound.

"It's been awhile," Addison greeted him sarcastically.

In reality she had probably seen him more in the 5 days since prom then she had in the last month. He was wandering aimlessly around the hospital, avoiding everyone. Except her. It seemed like every time she approached the nurses station, Derek had just been asking for her. And if she had found him lurking around neonatal once, she had found him there a million times. At first this had made her nervous, eventually it had made her happy, now it was pissing her off.

He ignored her, "I was just upstairs looking for you, they said I could find you here."

Addison studied him, "Do you need a consult?"

Derek shook his head.

"Did you want to... _talk_ to me?"

Again Derek shook his head.

"Well then, what _do_ you want?" Addison snapped.

Derek glanced up at her, his eyes full of pain, but his voice hard,"I just wanted to see you. Isn't that what you wanted, _Addison_?"

"Yes!" Addison exclaimed, gathering her stuff together, "But not like this. Not because you don't have anything better to do."

"Addison," Derek attempted to stop her as she left, "That's not why I am here."

"I know," Addison said cooly "Your avoiding Meredith."

XXXX

Callie flagged down Addison as she quickly marched by.

"I need a consult," she explained, "32 weeks, fell on her side when she broke her foot. Seems fine, just taking precautions."

Addison nodded and turned to follow Callie down the hall, as the entered an empty hallway, Callie stopped.

"Why are you still with him?" she asked suddenly.

"Dr. Torres..." Addison began.

"I get that it's none of my business, but I saw them together, and I saw you with him, and I know you know. So why are you punishing your self like this. Why aren't you leaving?

"Dr. Torres," Addison voice was hard and cold, "My best friend just had hid heart broken by someone he loves. You must have friends. Would you pick now to tell your best friend that they are the scum of the earth and potentially tell them that you are leaving?

"Potentially?"

Addison sighed, "He is my husband. And to be perfectly fair, if I were to walk away and say nothing, I would be a bit of a hypocrite. That said, I would like nothing more then to peel his skin slowly from his body with my bare hands. But part of me is hoping that he is going to come to me and confess and tell me that he wants to work it out. Because the most unfortunate thing is, despite everything," Addison paused, "I still love him."

XXXX

Meredith watched Derek long after Addison stormed away.

_Damnit._

Derek glanced up and locked eyes with her.

Meredith didn't know what to do. She gave him a tentative smile, hoping that he would return it, show her that they were going to be okay.

But Derek instantly looked away abandoning his lunch, he took off out of the cafeteria after Addison.

Meredith sighed heavily and turned away. She couldn't help but smile when she saw Finn heading towards her.

"I made you lunch," he announced as he approached, "Well a client made _me _lunch but I decide to share."

"I need to tell you something." Meredith cringed when the words came out of her mouth. She hadn't meant to say them and now she couldn't take them back. "It's about Derek."

"Now? 'Cause there is some truly amazing potato salad in here and I _really _ want to eat it before it officially hits room temperature."

"I fell in love with Derek," she blurted out.

Finn smiled with amusement. "Since this morning? Am I really that forgettable?"

"No. No. No your not and not not since this morning. Along time ago." Meredith felt herself begining to ramble, but realized that rambling might be the only way to get out everything that she needed too, "I fell in love with him. And we were happy, and then he had a wife, but I didn't know that he had a wife cause if I did I probably wouldn't have fallen in love with him, or maybe I would have I dunno. but I did and he had a wife. But she slept with his best friend so he was _suppose_ to sign the divorce papers and we were going to be together and be happy and live this amazing life together. But he didn't sign and I _begged_ him to choose me and love me, but he chose her and loved her because she is his wife and he _should_ choose her and love her. So they were together fighting and looking at each other and I was alone, so I got Doc. And then I didn't have Doc, he had Doc, _she _ had Doc and they were this cute little family living in the woods, my McDreamy and my McDog and the woman that stole them from me. And basically everything was going wrong cause they were getting happy and George wasn't talking to me and Izzie was falling in love with her patient and I was alone so I started knitting and I met you."

Finn smiled, "And since then your love life has significantly improved?"

"No, I..." Meredith pursed her lips and closed her eyes, "I had sex with Derek. At prom. He was looking at me and..."

Finn paled.

"I am so sorry," Meredith rushed on,"You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back, it all feels so cheap and I feel... like his dirty mistress again. And that's not what I want I want to be with you. I want to do whatever it is that you have planned. Which is why I told you. I didn't want this to be between us, and it would be even if you didn't know it was between us i would know and.. I wanted to tell you. 'Cause I want this to work and it won't if I hide things from you. So I am not, hiding it. I am telling you and I hope that you can forgive me and ..."

Meredith trailed off as Finn turned and began to walk away.

"Finn..."

"Meredith," he cut her off, "I need to process this. I'll call you in a few days. I don't know what I'll say, but I'll call you."

Meredith sighed and leaned back against the wall.

Damnit.

Damnit, damnit.

"Hey," Cristina greeted her, what seemed like an eternity later, "I've barely seen you since you got back. What's up."

"I think Finn just dumped me."

"What? Why?"

"I had sex with Derek at prom."

Cristina stared, "That rumour's true?"

Meredith nodded.

"Well I'm out $20."

"Sorry." Meredith sank to the floor.

"I don't worry about it." Cristina sank to the floor beside her, "Was it at least worth it?"

XXXX

_If I could turn back the hands of time and start all over I would, _

'_Stead of everything bein all bad beby everything will be all good, _

_I don't wanna lose you but I know what im telling you aint gon' make you wanna stay, probally just make you run away_

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Well there is another chapter. If anyone is interested I do indeed have a beta, her name is Addy. If anyone gets that they get a cookie.

Reviews, questions, comments...


	3. Confessions pt 2

Third chapter already. Third update this freakin' week. Methinks I am setting a pace I cannot keep up with. Oh well.

All right, chapter 3 aka Confessions part 2, alternate title Ch-Ch- Changes.

XXXXXXXXXX

_These are my confessions _

_Just when I thought I said all I can say_

Addison stood at the counter, alternating between nervously tapping her nails, and nervously fiddling with her pen.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Addison looked up as a receptionist seated herself behind her desk.

"Exciting isn't it."

"Addison mustered a smile, "Very."

"And your husband," the woman questioned future, "He..."

"He has no idea," Addison cut her off.

"Oh," the woman was slightly taken aback, "Well he will certainly be surprised."

"Yes," Addison agreed, "He certainly will," she paused, "What happens next?"

"You'll be getting a call, with any luck by the end of the day, but you never know with these things."

"So I just wait?"

The receptionist smiled sympathetically, "I know, the waiting is the hardest part."

XXXX

Cristina rolled her eyes as she watched Meredith fiddle with her cell phone. It had been 2 days since Finn had walked away. The first night she went home and spilled her guts to Izzie and they mopped around together. The next day she tried to pretend that nothing had happened, but needed constant pep talks so she would stay on task. Now what little resolve she had was waning, and Cristina had even seen her check her phone _twice_ to see if it was working.

"You are turning into one of _those _girls."

"What girls?" Meredith questioned distractedly.

"The kind of girls that sit there willing the cute boy to call her. I hate girls like that," Cristina huffed slightly and turned back to her charts.

"Why do you think he hasn't called?"

Cristina let out an exasperated sigh, "I don't know."

"He'll call though right? I mean he said he would call in a few days, and it's been a few days so... he'll call... right?"

"Meredith!" Cristina started to snap, but quickly curbed it, "You know you _were _starting to get to happy. Your life was heading in a good direction. You smiled, everything was good. Clearly you upset some sort of cosmic balance."

Meredith glared,"Shut up."

Cristina hopped up off the counter and grabbed her charts, "He'll call."

XXXX

Derek could just feel that today was going to be a bad day.

Addison had been gone again when he woke up that morning. For the last 3 mornings in fact she had been gone when his alarm went off. And all week she had been asleep when he got home. He had mentioned it to her yesterday and she had simply said that he was welcome to wake her up if he wanted to talk.

Even though it was clearly starting to annoy her, he had continued to visit her on the maternity floor. The nurses had begun making snide remarks about his guilty conscience behind his back, and sugary sweet remarks to his face about how they should just put his name on the rocking chair in the corner.

He was willing to overlook this, as long as they didn't make comments like those he had overheard, around Addison. Given time things would blow over and go back to normal.

He wondered if he should go back up and look for her. It had been over an hour since he had last tired. She hadn't been around, so he made up an excuse and waited around for a bit, but she hadn't appeared,

He'd try again. All she could do was send him away, again. She had started out being so nice to him, earlier in the week. She'd brought him coffee, ignored his sulking, smiled when he visited excessively. Now she seemed to have lost all patience with him, last time he had visited for no reason she told him to leave her alone unless he actually wanted to talk to her about something important.

This wasn't going to work. Now she was pushing him away too.

This wasn't what he wanted.

Acting on a hunch he changed directions and made his way to the OR's.

She was in OR 3.

He slipped unseen into the gallery and tried to ignore the gossiping interns in front of him.

Clearly they hadn't noticed him, because he distinctly heard Yang and Karev scoff and refer to him as McNeedy numerous times.

And he wasn't being needy. He was making sure that his wife knew that he cared. It had nothing to do with him and his own problems.

Nothing to do with him at all.

"The two of them are driving Bailey up the wall," Alex informed the group, "McNeedy's all like 'BooHoo, Meredith moved on to the sexy vet. I'm sad. Addison take care of me. I'm all alone. WHHAAA.'"

The interns all laughed.

Derek suppressed a sigh and watched Addison. She glanced up at him momentarily, but went right back to work. He wasn't sure, but he thought he might have seen her roll her eyes.

"And Meredith," Cristina picked up the story, "Hides out all week, finally comes back bringing with her a whole new meaning to the word skittish, but that's okay because for once at least she is smiling, then she gets dumped by the 'sexy vet' and sinks into the most depressive funk that I have ever seen. Bailey has her doing scut just so she doesn't have to deal with people. She is that depressing to be around."

At that, Derek quietly got up and left.

XXXX

Meredith continued to twirl her cellphone between her fingers as she sat at the bottom of the stairwell.

Hiding. Again. It was her thing.

"Meredith?"

Meredith glanced up, her pulse increasing slightly, "Leave me alone."

"I just want to talk to you," Derek took a step towards her.

"I don't _want_ to to talk to you, or see you for that matter, _ever again_."

"Meredith..." Derek moved closer again.

Meredith stood up in order to move further away.

"Meredith, we have to talk at some point, if for no other reason then we work together."

"We don't work together now, so _leave_."

Derek faltered slightly. He jammed his hands in his pockets and examined the wall, "I heard you broke up with Dr. Dandridge."

Meredith's head jerked up and her eye's flashed, "That's why you are here?" she spat, "You are _unbelievable!_ No we didn't _break up,_ he dumped me _because of you._ You have single handily managed to _screw up_ the best relationship that I have _ever_ been in. I was _happy_. Actually _happy_, which is a _huge_ thing for me. I just want to be around him all the time, just be with him, and you ruined that for me by turning me back into your dirty mistress. He won't even _talk_ to me. I will _never _forgive you for that, _NEVER_."

Derek grabbed her arm as she went to storm by him, "Meredith."

"_Stop!_" she ripped her arm out of his grasp, "_We are over. Do you hear me? OVER._ Because now I really am the mistress. _I knew _you were married, and _you weren't_ separated from your wife, you were _with _her, really _with_ her. I don't _care_ how many problems you have. You are _with her_. I can never forgive you for putting me in that position, you turned me into the other women. So we are _definitely _not _ever_ going to be together, we are _not _friends we are not _not-friends_ we are _NOTHING."_

"_Meredith!" _Derek stood in front of her as she tried to leave, "I just..."

"I _know_ what you want," Meredith exclaimed ripping open the door, "And I am going to make this very clear, I can't be with you, I can't _love you_, because I cannot _respect_ you."

XXXX

Addison was completely lost in thought when her phone rang. So lost in thought in fact, that she jumped and had to take several deep breaths before answering.

"Dr. Shepherd," she stated.

"Addison? Great news."

Addison sighed. There wasn't really any turning back now. Everything was moving ahead whether she wanted it to or not.

"Addison?"

Addison shook herself out of her daze, "That's wonderful. Everything is coming together? Everything is on schedule?"

"Of course. I took the liberty of calling some people on your behalf. Your looking at about 6 weeks if you go with the best, but these things almost always take longer."

"I want the best," Addison said firmly, "Money isn't an issue."

"Of course."

Addison could hear the greediness masked as respect in the woman's voice. "What about an apartment in the mean time?"

"I found the perfect place for you and your husband," the woman gushed.

Addison rolled her eyes,

"It's available for sublet for the next 3 months, which is perfect for you, if you don't mind paying out once the renovations on your house are complete."

"I don't care," Addison exclaimed evenly, "I'll come by this evening and sign all the papers."

With that Addison flipped closed her phone, flinching at the finality or the click.

She was leaving Derek. She had decided on a week, and she had given him a week. He hadn't told her.

So she was leaving. Not because she wanted to, but because she had to. She couldn't stay with the knowledge that her husband had cheated on her and hadn't even had the decency to tell her, to apologize.

If he had told her, had apologized, and had wanted to continue working things out, she would have stayed.

She didn't have a choice, she had to leave.

"Dr. Shepherd..." Meredith stood nervously at the door holding the lab results a nurse had sent her to get, "I have your labs..."

"Meredith, not now.," Addison replied bitterly.

Meredith was taken aback. She was silent for a long time as Addison ignored her presence, "You know, don't you?"

"Meredith..."

"When you asked..." Meredith stuttered and stumbled over her confession, "When I told you... It was the truth... but..."

"But now it's not... I know."

"He told you?"

"No," Addison sighed, "No he didn't."

"I'm _so _sorry, Addison..."

Addison stopped her, "Was it just a one time thing? Or is it just about the sex? Or ..." Addison paused, "Was he planning on leaving me or just cheating on me?"

Meredith looked at her curiously, "I am never going to sleep with your husband again. I am tired of this whole thing. I am tired of not being able to move on. I am tired of being the other woman, the dirty mistress. I will always come second to you... and I want more then that."

Addison laughed bitterly, "I think you have it backwards, since I got here, I have come second to you."

XXXX

Finn walked purposely through the courtyard and up to where Meredith was standing talking to Alex and Cristina.

"I need to talk to you," he insisted, pulling her away before she had a chance to respond.

"You fell in love with Derek," he clarified.

Meredith nodded.

"Your in love with him?" he asked.

"Was."

"Was?"

"Was."

"But you had sex with him at prom."

Meredith nodded again, trying her hardest not to flinch.

"But you don't want to be with him, you want to be with me."

"Yes."

"And your not in love with him?"

"No."

Finn nodded and turned, "Okay, that's all I wanted to know."

Meredith quickly stepped in front of him, "So now what?"

"Now I go out to my truck, call you, and ask you out to dinner for tonight."

Meredith's face lit up and she bit her lip in order to contain her smile, not that it really worked, "Really? We're ok?"

Finn grinned back, "We're okay."

Meredith bounced slightly as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him quickly, "Okay, go call me." She grinned pushing him away.

"Okay, okay," Finn grinned back, "Don't push me woman."

Meredith smiled as she headed back to Cristina and Alex, who were standing where she left them, pretending they hadn't been watching her the entire time.

She smiled contentedly to no one in particular, "He is going to call me"

XXXX

"What are you doing?" Derek quietly approached, kissing Addison's cheek, furrowing his brow when she pulled away.

"Just organizing some papers."

"Are you okay?" Derek asked, gently rubbing her arm.

She pulled away and turned to face him, "You had sex with Meredith," she answered in an angry whisper, "At prom. You had sex with Meredith.

Derek hung his head.

"Are we even now? Is it out of your system?" She spat.

Derek nodded.

People began to look at them, not because they could hear what she was saying, but because it was clear that Addison was furious, and most people realized why.

"Good," Addison reached into her briefcase, "Sign these."

"Divorce papers?"

"Our lawyer said they are okay."

"I am _not _signing these," Derek exclaimed loud enough for people to hear him.

"_Derek,_" Addison moved to grab them back.

"I am _not _signing."

"Fine," Addison turned on her heel and stormed away.

"Addison!" Derek called after her, "Addison!"

Addison held up her hand and continued down the hall and to the stairs.

"_Addison!_" Derek raced after her.

"Leave me alone Derek."

"We can fix this," he insisted as they approached the front doors.

"Fix this? _Fix this? _ We _were _fixing this. We _were_ working things out. I _waited _ for it to pass. You _promised _me that I had no reason to be jealous of Meredith Grey. But less then 8 hours later you were having _sex _ with her in an exam room when I was what? 100 feet away?"

"_Addison_!" Derek grabbed her arm and forced her to look him in the eye. People all around them were now blatantly watching them, "_We _can fix this. I _want _to fix this."

Addison wrenched her arm from his grip, "_Why_? Because after everything she wants to be with the _vet_? It doesn't work that way. I refuse to be your second choice." She lowered her voice and leaned slightly towards him, "Now do us both a favor, _and sign the papers!"_

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek is having one hell of a bad day. I would feel bad, if he didn't deserve it. I think that Meredith is my favorite character in this chapter, she kicked some McDreamy/McNeedy ass.

Review svp


	4. I Can't Get No, Satisfaction

Okay so my laziness has gotten out of control. I have this document zoomed into 200 so that I can lay in bed and type it. Reminds me of my university roommate a few years ago who had her desk chair perfectly positioned so that she could reach the TV, microwave, the fridge, her computer and if need be her text books. I miss her. But god that room was small...

Okay. So. Here is another chapter. (I can't get no) Satisfaction. 'Cause everyone is having a bad day and is stuck with the realization that they brought it on themselves.

Enjoy

XXXXXXXXXXX

_I can't get no satisfaction. _

_'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try. _

_I can't get no, I can't get no. _

XXXX

Addison sank further into the warm bath water. After living in that trailer for so long she was taking baths as frequently as possible. And the bathtub being installed in her new house was beyond luxurious. It was the best.

Addison looked around her small bathroom. It was only slightly bigger then the trailer's, but it had a tub and real walls, actual counter space, and the shower was actually inside the bathroom.

And it was the only room that felt like hers. She had bought some furniture, picked it out carefully to go with what she envisioned for her house, but most would be delivered there, only a few pieces came to the apartment, giving it a cold un-welcoming feel.

Her bachelorette pad.

She hated everything about it.

She held out her hand and examined the rings she still had on her left hand. Deftly removing them she dangled them between her index finger and thumb.

She was definitely not giving them back to Derek. They were hers, she should be able to do with them as she wanted. Derek would probably wait awhile then sell them, buy something for some other woman. Like Meredith.

Besides, he shouldn't get to cheat on her, break her heart repeatedly, not apologize, cause her grief trying to tell her he _doesn't_ want out, _and_ on top of all that get her favorite jewelry.

She considered for a brief moment dropping them in the tub and letting them go down the drain. It seemed fitting enough. But what good were her rings going to do swirling around the Seattle sewer system.

She was keeping them.

Not only was she keeping them, she was wearing them, there was no reason that she should be denied fine jewelry. She'd go so far as to say she was entitled. She moved the rings on to her right hand.

Perfect.

Absolutely perfect.

XXXX

"Meredith relax," Izzie curled up in the corner of the couch braiding and re-braiding her hair, the phone pressed to her ear,

"I just know I am going to end up with Derek today. Bailey has nothing surgical today so she is not going to let me just tag along with her, besides, I can't work with Bailey forever, as much as I'd like to. I don't think I can avoid being assigned to neuro. I think I'm safe on OB. It goes without saying that Addison gets Alex."

"Plus she probably doesn't want to see you."

Meredith was silent for a moment, "Thanks, Izzie."

"You slept with her husband."

"Don't remind me."

Izzie paused sympathetically,"Could you work with Callie? Or with Burke's replacement?"

Meredith sighed and lowered her voice as she saw George walking in her general direction.."George and Callie have been working on this huge case all week, and since he doesn't know about... well I can't really ask him to switch with me. And Cristina is dying to work in Cardio again, and she hasn't been because of me, she been volunteering for neuro, and that's not fair. So I am going to end up with neuro. With Derek. I would do _anything _to get out of this."

XXXX

Derek sat slouched over the table adjacent to his wife. Another set of divorce papers sat in the space between them. Derek placed even more weight on the pen that was under his hands.

"Holding the pen hostage is not going to stop this divorce Derek," Addison muttered irritably, turning her chair even further away from him.

Derek just glared at her and stubbornly pushed the papers further away.

Addison lawyer finally spoke, "Dr. Shepherd, I am sure that your lawyer explained to you that we don't actually need your signature to proceed, but it would make the process allot easier and less stressful."

Derek's lawyer nodded at him, but Derek just ignored him and glared at them both.

Turning more towards Addison he spoke, "You said that if I signed you would sign, I'm not signing. For the second time I am not signing. You _cannot_ sign these papers."

"That was long time ago. Allot has changed."

"I know, we were getting better. We were working on it. Why are you doing this?"

Addison spun in her chair, her eye's flashing, "I'm doing this? You slept with _Meredith_."

"You slept with my best friend first!"

"And that makes it ok? God Derek. You never even apologized for Meredith. You just pretended it never happened. At least when I cheated owned up to it."

"I _caught_ you in bed with him!"

"And I apologized for that. Repeatedly."

"Fine, I am sorry. I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry. Will you please come home now?"

"Derek, sign the papers!"

"No!"

"Sign the papers!"

"No."

Addison hand shot out to grab the pen from her husband, but before she could, his hand grabbed hers.

His face seemed to fall and smirk simultaneously, "Are you trying to tell me something?" he asked quietly, brushing his fingers over the wedding rings that now graced the middle finger of her right hand.

"Don't make this any harder Derek," She begged quietly, starting to pull her hand away.

He held her hand firmly, "Things like this," he said softly still looking at her rings, "Make me remember how we were."

"That was along time ago, things have changed."

"Not everything."

Addison was silent along time, "Please sign the papers."

Derek tried to hold her hand tighter, but this time she firmly pulled away. "I can't do that. I'm sorry. I can't."

XXXX

Bailey stood in front of her interns. She was fed up with their personal lives dictating who she assigned them too. But requests were requests, and she couldn't completely ignore them.

"O'Malley, your with Torres, _again._ And Karev, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Montgomery-Shepherd is gonna want you. Grey, I'm guessing your going to want cardio?"

Meredith gave Cristina a side long glance and shook her head reluctantly.

Bailey raised an eyebrow, "Okay, Yang it's yours."

Cristina lit up slightly, and smiled appreciatively at Meredith.

"So, Grey that leads you with... Shepherd..."

Meredith sighed and reached for the chart.

"Hey," Alex stopped her, "I'll trade you Montgomery-Shepherd for Shepherd."

Meredith glanced at Bailey.

Bailey shrugged, "It's up to you, choose your Shepherd."

XXXX

"I'm with Addison," Meredith whispered into her phone.

Izzie cradled her portable, against her shoulder as she adjusted her shirt in the mirror, "Bailey put you with Addison?"

"She let me choose."

"And you chose McDreamy's wife?"

"He is _not _McDreamy." Meredith sighed as the elevator doors closed around her, "And Addison is mad but, that just means that she will leave me alone right? I mean, I worked with her when she first got to town, she was perfectly civil."

"They weren't together then, and you hadn't knowingly slept with her husband."

"So you think I should have worked with Derek?"

Izzie shrugged and smoothed her hair, "Derek doesn't hate you."

"That's the problem," Meredith sighed, "What are you doing?"

"Getting ready to go out."

"Out?" Meredith asked in surprised, "Where are you going?"

Izzie paused, "I... I've decided... I'm going to start seeing a therapist."

XXXX

Addison stood above an incubator examining her rings. It had hurt Derek to see what she had done with them. But at the same time he almost seemed to admire it.

The man was infuriating.

And he was still refusing to sign the papers. She hated that he was doing that. As hard as she tried not to, it made her feel hopeful that maybe they did stand a chance, that he really did want to be with her and work things out.

But then she would see Meredith and she would remember, the only reason that he isn't signing is that he doesn't want to be alone, Meredith didn't want to be with him and so he was settling for her.

She heard a throat clear behind her and she turned around.

"I've been assigned to you for the day."

Addison sighed and faced Meredith fully, "Where is Karev?"

"He is working with Der... Dr. Shepherd," Meredith paused, "Bailey let us switch, I hope you don't mind."

Addison smirked slightly, "You _chose_ to work with _me_?"

Meredith couldn't help but smile a bit at her tone. "It seemed safer."

XXXX

"Karev," Derek greeted Alex with a smile, "So my wife decided you've suffered enough?"

Alex shrugged, "I switched with Grey."

Derek's face immediately fell, "Meredith _wanted _ to work with _Addison_."

"Dude, I don't know. All I know is she _didn't_ want to work with you, and I have had enough of the cervix squad."

XXXX

"So?" Izzie asked the second Meredith answered her phone.

"So," Meredith replied in a hushed tone, trying not to attract Addison's attention, "She is ignoring me. She hands me the chart, I read it, and follow her around."

"Sounds fun. What kind of cases are there? Anything good?" Izzie asked eagerly.

"Everything is textbook, if there is something good, she's not telling me."

Izzie sighed heavily.

"Are you bored?" Meredith teased.

Izzie sighed. "I need to find a job, I am going stir crazy."

"Dr. Grey," Addison called from across the room, motioning her to come over.

"Gotta go," Meredith murmured, "She _talking_ to me."

"Is my department not exciting enough for you?" Addison questioned.

"No. I mean it is. It's just..."

Addison raised an eyebrow.

"I was talking to Izzie, she's alone all day, with nothing to do and well... She's lonely, and miserable... and... well you don't exactly have me doing anything."

Addison held up her hand, "How is Izzie?"

Meredith was slightly taken back by the concern in Addison's voice, "She's not great... but, she's decided to go into therapy and..."

Addison nodded, "I've been worried about her."

"Oh," Meredith replied awkwardly, "Listen, I know you don't want to work with me, but..."

"Your right, I don't. But truthfully, it makes me feel rather triumphant that you would rather work with my hostility then with Derek's..."

"McNeedy-ness?" she offered.

Addison smiled, "Exactly."

Meredith paused, "I'm sorry that I ruined you marriage..."

Addison took a bracing sigh, "You didn't. I did. I did and he did. You just..."

"Made things worse..."

Addison shook her head, "No. Never mind. I am trying really hard not to hate you, and talking about this is making it difficult."

"You should hate me."

"No I shouldn't, since you sl... since _it _ happened, you have been more honest and straightforward then my husband has. I can't hate you for that."

"I am _so _sorry."

"But are you really?"

XXXX

Derek leaned against the back of the elevator and sighed. He was heading up to neonatal. He knew that both Addison and Meredith were up there and he was determined to get at least one of them to talk to him.

The doors slide open and Derek smiled when he saw Meredith standing on the other side.

Meredith took one look at him and turned and headed for the stairs.

"Meredith," Derek called after her, starting to follow.

"Don't even think about it," Bailey ordered, forcing him back into the elevator.

"Hello Miranda," Derek greeted her with annoyance.

"Stay away from the elevators."

"What?"

"Stay away from the elevators, your making my life difficult. And I don't like when your screwed up love life effect me and my day."

"How can me riding the elevator be effecting you life?" he teased.

"Because my interns are avoiding the elevators like they contain the bubonic plague, which means it takes them twice as long to respond to pages. Not to mention the fact that this hospital currently contains an intern, a resident and an attending all of whom cringe, flinch and gag whenever the subject of elevators, brains and my personal favorite _hair_ come up" she glared at him, "_Stay out_ of the elevator."

"Well help me fix this, then we can all go back to riding the elevator in peace."

Bailey gave him an incredulous look and stopped the elevator, "Fix what?"

"Fix this. I just want everything back how it was. Back to normal. Neither of them will even talk to me, they are both avoiding me... I feel like I just can't win. I try to fix things with Addison and she just gets madder. When I try to talk to Meredith she gets mad too, and then Addison gets even madder. And I just can't get it to stop," he turned to Bailey, "How do I make it stop? Tell me how to fix it.."

Bailey stared at him for along time, "You are _stupider_ then I give you credit for. You _can't _fix this. Leave them alone."

"I can't do that," Derek murmured, "I am not walking away again. Not this time"

"_Who_ are you _talking _about?" she demanded.

Derek was silent.

"Oh I could strangle you, " Bailey turned and restarted the elevator, "You can only _be_ with _one_."

"But how do I know which one...?"

Bailey gave him a hard stare, "You know that tall redhead? The one that handed you the divorce papers your refusing to sign?" Bailey paused as the elevator doors opened, "I think she decided for you."

XXXXXXXXXX

I love what Addison did with her ring. My girl is so creative.

The next chapter is good. Muahaha

Review. They keep me warm at night.


	5. You Must Remember This

SO. This took me forever. No good reason. I was fooling around with Kayli and hiding it from Steph. Or it was the other way around. Or it was neither and that was just a really good dream I had.

Enjoy the chapter.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Good morning," Derek greeted Addison as he fell into step beside her as she crossed the lobby.

"Did you sign the papers?" she asked, aggressively hitting the call button to the elevator.

"Nice to see too. You know Addy, your people skills could use a little work," he teased.

"Derek if you are not going to sign, if you _insist _on contesting this, could you at least leave me alone? I really don't think that that is to much to ask."

"Addy, it will be rather difficult for me to make things up to you if I can't talk to you," he grinned at her.

"Derek," she sighed, "There is nothing to make up. It's over. I'm done."

The elevator arrived and Addison stepped on, leaning against the side as she hit the button.

"Addy," Derek said softly, trying to get her to talk to him.

"Let's just agree to stay out of each others way. I'll do my job, you do yours."

Derek took a step back as the doors began to close, "Addison..."

"Just let me do my job, Derek."

Derek sighed as the elevator closed completely. That had failed miserably.

He stepped back as the next elevator opened.

Meredith.

Derek grinned, "Hey."

Meredith glared and stormed by, heading quickly to the exit.

"Hey, come on," he called after her, "I want to fix this."

Meredith turned slowly to face him, "Fix what."

"Us."

"Us?" she repeated, "There is no us to fix. There was an us, along time ago, and you chose to be with Addison instead. So that us, the good us, ended. And then we tried to be friends, but that failed miserably, because I ended up the mistress, So when you say 'fix us' are you trying to fix us as friends? 'Cause if you are, you can save your breath, cause I am not interested in being your mistress. I am not _interested _at all"

"That is not what I am saying," Derek insisted, quickly loosing his temper.

"Really?" Meredith demanded, "Not that it matters, but have you signed those papers?"

Derek looked away.

"Then what do you expect from me?"

XXXX

Izzie burst into the kitchen and threw her purse down on the table, "I _hate_ that therapist." she raged, " Who is she to tell me _why _I fell in love with Denny. It doesn't matter. She makes everything sound so _clinical_. I did not fall in love with him because I get attached to easily. Or because I never knew my father. Or because of things that happened in my childhood. I fell in love with him because he was a good man, he was a kind man, and he loved me. _Me. _I don't want some textbook reason for why I love him. _I just want to love him. _And I don't _want _to move on. I _want_ to love him. I am not saying I never want to love anyone else, but I _need _to keep loving him. _Why can't people just understand that. I am not just hanging onto the past. I loved him. _Stop trying to _rationalize it_."

Izzie left the kitchen slightly calmer then she arrived,

George looked at Callie.

"I dunno," Callie shrugged, "She's your friend."

XXXX

"Rebekah Gregory, 29, 27 weeks. Seizures."

Addison glanced unimpressed at the intern beside her. She longed for Steven, or even Karev, or Grey. At least Bailey's interns were competent, not that anything was going to make her feel better about this patient, "What would you suggest as aa course of treatment?"

The intern shrugged, "I'd start with a neuro consult."

Addison sighed, "Perfect."

XXXX

"I like it here," Meredith smiled contentedly, staring up at the leaves of the huge tree she was sitting under with Finn.

"Me too," Finn replied digging through the backpack they had brought, looking for apples, "I knew I was right to bring you here,"

"I bet you say that to all the girls," she teased.

"I've never brought another person up here."

"Really?" Meredith asked suspiciously.

Finn grinned, "Ya, it's special, and I wanted to bring you."

"Why?"

Finn paused, then smiled and threw her an apple, "I'll tell you after lunch."

XXXX

"What happened to 'you do your job, I'll do mine'?" Derek teased as they exited the room, "It's only been a few hours and your already dragging me up here to see you."

"What's your diagnosis." Addison asked, ignoring his friendly tone.

"I get that your upset, but Addy..."

"Is she going to need surgery?"

"If we could just talk..."

"We are talking, about the patient. That's all I want to talk to you about." Addison crossed her arms defensively, "Is she going to need surgery?"

Derek watched her for a moment, "Probably, I'll have her taken down for a couple of scans, and I can probably operate this afternoon."

Addison nodded, "I need to run a few more tests, but book whatever you want."

"Okay," Derek nodded as Addison turned to leave, "Wait, can't we talk about us for a minute." he begged.

"There _is_ no us."

XXXX

"So you ready?"

Meredith looked up at Finn curiously, "Where are we going?"

"For a walk," Finn smiled and reached out to take her hand, "So I was thinking,"He said after they had walked along for awhile, "That we should ease into meeting family and stuff."

Meredith squeezed his hand and moved slightly closer, "I love that idea."

"Really?"

Meredith nodded, "Every time I see my parents it's like being introduced to them for the first time. Slow is good. Very good."

"I figured we could start out very none threatening, very little chance of disapproval and uncomfortable questions."

"Oh ya?"

"Ya, " Finn stopped and indicated a small plaque embedded in the earth, "This is my wife Liz," he paused and looked over at her, "I really wanted you to meet her."

XXXX

Derek's brow furrowed. The procedure could be going better. He was trying, but not only was the procedure tricky, but her stats were not what he would like. Derek persevered, not only did he have a responsibility to the patient and her family, but there was an unborn child to consider.

Plus this was Addison's patient, he owed it to her to take care of her patients. She had put them in his care, she was depending on him, trusting him. Considering the point that they were at in their relationship, he couldn't afford to loose that trust, even if it was only professional trust, doctor to doctor.

"Stats are dropping," he murmured to himself, keeping one eye on the monitors.

"V-Fib," a nurse called out sharply, as the team began to move frantically around the patient,

"ADDISON!" Derek yelled out of the room, cursing her for leaving to talk to one of her interns.

Addison rushed into the room, instantly organizing her team around her.

"Addison that baby has to come out NOW."

Addison ignored him, focusing on the task at hand. Derek held his breath as he continued to compress the patients chest.

Addison worked quickly, Her hands flying as she reached for instruments she needed.

"Babe, you've _got_ to work faster."

"I am going as fast as I can _Derek_."

"She's been down to long."

"_I'm trying," _Worry flashed across Addison's face, and Derek instantly panicked.

"What's wrong?" he demanded.

Addison shook her head and continued.

"_Addy what is wrong?_"

"Karev," she ordered sharply, "Slide your hand in beside mine, the baby is wedged under the ribs."

"LIke this?"

"No," Addison shook her head in frustration, "I need you to... you have to..." Addison was at a loss for how explain what she needed.

"_Karev_, take over compression's" Derek ordered, maneuvering over beside Addison and sliding his hand in beside hers, "Get ready to shock her the second we have delivered." He instructed.

They struggled silently, concentrating on delivering the baby.

"Got him?" Addison murmured quietly, extracting her hand.

Derek nodded and careful pulled the premie from it's mothers body, handing him of to Addison.

Taking a step back he watched the crash team go to work.

It was futile.

Derek glanced over at Addison as a nurse called time of death on the mother.

Addison was taking off her mask, defeated.

XXXX

Izzie silently closed the door to Preston Burkes room behind her.

"Hey," she said softly.

He smiled at her, "I wasn't expecting to see you here. I heard you made quite the exit."

Izzie sighed and sank into the chair beside the bed, "I'm sorry."

Burke shook his head, "Don't be, you loved him. He died knowing he was loved, He died happy."

Izzie considered this for a moment, then dismissed it, "If I hadn't cut the wires you wouldn't have had to come back here, and you would have never been shot. Not only did I ruin my career, I might have ruined yours."

Burke sat in silence.

"This is where you say something supportive. "Izzie my career isn't over', something like that."

Burke smiled, "But would me lying to you really help?"

"I am _so _sorry."

"Izzie don't be. Truth be told, none of us could say that they wouldn't do exactly what you did when faced with losing someone we loved. If it was Cristina that needed a heart, I can't say that there is line I wouldn't cross to get her one. So don't apologize for trying to save Denny. I don't blame you for what happened. "

Izzie nodded. "Thank you."

XXXX

Addison leaned back against the scrub sink and sighed. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically, she wasn't completely sure that her legs would support her if she tried to stand. She looked up, then quickly back to the floor as Derek entered.

They were silent for along moment.

"You did everything that..."

"Ya I know," Addison said quietly, "Thank you for..." she trailed off.

"We work well together. Addison," he paused, "You can't stay mad at me forever."

"I can try," she replied still avoiding his eyes.

"Listen, I messed up, I know I messed up. But Addy, I am so sorry. I am really truly sorry."

"I'm tired Derek," she said quietly, "I am just exhausted."

Derek stepped directly in front of her, she leaned further back on the ledge of the scrub sink in order to increase the distance between them.

"I'm sorry I hurt you,"

"Please stop."

"I was stupid and I hurt you. But I am sorry. Throw it in my face as much as you want,"

Addison smiled slightly as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"I'm serious, Add, start every morning with 'you cheated on me, you bastard' if you want, hit me if you have too." Derek reached out and placed a hand on each of her elbows, not allowing her to move away, "But come home. Come home so we can fix this."

Addison sighed and diverted her eyes further, "Stop. Please, just stop."

"Add," he coaxed softly, "Addy."He smiled at her as she finally looked up at him.

"Don't," she begged quietly as she turned her face towards him, closing her eyes in frustration.

He stared at her a moment, before slowly and deliberately ignoring her request, leaning forward and softly but firmly kissing her.

Addison suppressed a sigh as she found herself responding to the kiss , mentally chiding herself for being weak. "Stop," she murmured, pulling away.

Derek brought his hand up from her elbow, grazing it down her neck until it rested on her shoulder, his thumb gently running over her collarbone, "Addison..." he breathed.

She sighed, "What do you want from me Derek?"

For the second time that day, Derek was floored by those words.

XXXX

You must remember this

A kiss is still a kiss

A sigh is still just a sigh

The fundamental things apply

As time goes by

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek is a jerk. 'Nough said. In my opinion that was a rather bad idea. Hot, but bad.

Review.


	6. It Feels Like Home to Me

YOu know, I am always trying to come up with clever excuses for why the update took so long. It was either:

A) I was abducted by aliens.

B) I was abducted by aliens and immpregnanted and was busy giving birth to their alien spawn, (I'm registered with Pottery Barn kids and Victoria Secret)

C) I've been having an abusive affair with Dewey Decimal.

XXXXXXXXXX

_Feels like home to me_

_Feels like home to me_

_Feels like I'm all the way_

_Back where I belong_

XXXX

Addison walked slowly from room to room in her new house, her arms hugging her chest. It had been worth shelling out the extra money, the house was actually ahead of schedule. The master suite just needed paint and hardware, the upstairs guest bedroom only reacquired a coat of paint, and the kitchen in theory would be done at the end of the week. The outside, all the landscaping and the stone work was done.

A small smile crossed her face.

She couldn't believe how excited she was. Everything looked exactly how she wanted it to and everything was perfectly her. Classy, feminine, warm and cozy. In 4 weeks she had essentially created her dream house.

Her smile grew as she continued to look around her.

It had been hard. adjusting to the idea that it would be just her. That she didn't have to ask anyone else's opinion on what kind of tile she should use in the bathroom or whether the hardwood should be light or dark. It was all her. The colour she had chosen for her bedroom would have driven Derek crazy, it did lean in the direction of pink. If Addison were to be perfectly honest with herself, she partially choose it because he would hate it.

This room was hers.

Just hers.

XXXX

"Meredith," Derek cleared his throat.

Meredith looked up her arms crossed against her chest, and glared.

"Would you like to handle Mr. Friedman's..."

"Robert," the patient interrupted

Derek smiled, "Would you handle all Robert's tests and book me an OR."

"I am off in an hour."

"Could you get things started then?" Derek asked starting to loose patience with her.

"Sure, _Dr. Shepherd."_

"Oh, that was hostile," remarked a young woman sitting at the bedside.

Another young woman at the bedside laughed, "No bad vibes near the baby," she joked, making motions as if to clear the hostility from around her stomach, "Lucky 13, we don't need to be taking chances."

"Ladies," Robert warned gently.

"These are..." Derek look at the women in confusion.

"Sarah and Rachel, my wives."

Meredith's eyebrow shot up. "You have 2 wives?"

Robert smiled as Sarah and Rachel exchanged amused glances, "Actually I have 4."

"Well," Meredith glanced at Robert then shot Derek a look, "How karmically appropriate.". She looked at Rachel who was rubbing her stomach with amusement, "If my bad vibes get the better of you, his _wife,_ is the best OB around."

Derek sighed as Meredith angrily left the room.

The Friedmans stared at him.

"How do you do it?" Derek finally asked earnestly, "You have 4 wives, I have only have the one and truth be told, she won't even talk to me, she basically wants nothing to do with me. And then there is Meredith who I had a great relationship with, until now. She won't even look at me." Derek forced a smile, "How do you keep all these women happy?"

Mr. Robert stared at him for a moment, "There is your wife, and Meredith is your... girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend."

Robert raised an eyebrow, "Ex-girlfriend," he corrected himself, "That is your problem. One is your wife and one is not. My wives are all my wives, they are all equal in that way. More importantly they know they are equals." He smiled at Sarah who was flipping through a magazine at his bed side, and then to Rachel who's hands still affectionately caressed her stomach "Sarah knows that I love her no more and no less then Rachel."

"Or Naomi or Ruth," Sarah teased, glancing up briefly.

"I love them all differently, and for different reasons. But at the same time, I love them all the same."

Derek nodded.

"You can't say the same."

"No," Derek paused, "I can't."

Sarah sighed with amusement, "Men."

"Sarah," Robert chastised, but not concealing his own amusement.

"All men think they are polygamists at heart," she mused, she smiled at Derek, "You certainly are not. And apparently neither are your wife and girlfriend."

Derek stared at her for a moment, before straightening his back and searching his pager for nonexistent pages, "I'll be back when your test results are in."

Robert looked at Sarah and Rachel as Derek left the room, "Those women are going to eat him alive."

Sarah laughed, "More or less."

XXXX

Izzie leaned against the nurses station and sighed. She was bored, _really _bored.

"Didn't you quit?" Cristina stated bluntly, coming up behind her.

"Yes," Izzie sighed again, "I came to see my roommates. I haven't seen them in _days._"

"So you came to the _hospital_?"

"I am _that bored_ Cristina. Modeling leaves you with allot of downtime."

"Sucks for you. I just thought you would be avoiding this place at all costs. You more or less killed your boyfriend, then quit in the most dramatic ways possible. I mean, you were wearing a ball gown."

Izzie just shrugged, not even registering the harsh bluntness of Cristinas words, "I've been coming in to see Burke. It's not as hard as I thought it would be. And did I mention I was really bored, and haven't seen my roommates in years?

"Well you won't have much luck tonight, Meredith is getting dressed for a date right now, and George already left with Callie."

"Seriously?" Izzie groaned, "But I am _bored_."

Cristina smirked, "Well luckily for you, you are just in time for my new favorite soap opera, _The Lonely Shepherd_."

Izzie glanced at her.

"The names a work in progress. Just watch." She nodded to Derek who was cautiously approaching Addison at the far end of the desk, out of earshot to Cristina and Izzie.

"You like it.'

Addison looked up at Derek and sighed, "Have you signed the papers?"

Derek ignored the question, "So I was out for a walk last night, and I noticed that that house across the river had been sold."

"Wonderful," Addison said not so enthusiastically. She knew where this was going.

"So I made a mental note to mention it to you, cause I know that you liked that house. It's really amazing what they are doing with it. The stone patio is all redone, those huge windows have all been replaced, I think you mentioned that that place would look great with those massive french style window things, and the owner even got all these really expensive looking stones to reface the house. "

Addison glanced at him

"But then I realized that you already knew all that, since you bought it."

Addison sighed, "I was going to tell you..."

"You like it." Derek grinned at her.

"Like what?" Addison questioned, trying not to smile.

"The woods, the forest, being in the middle of nowhere," he moved a little closer, "You like it."

Addison tried her hardest not to smile, but she couldn't, "Fine, I like it. But I also like walls, and bathtubs and great big walk in closets." she dropped her chart onto the counter and gave him a look, "So leave me alone."

"You like it, you like it, you like it," he continued to tease, moving closer and closer as she tried her hardest not to laugh.

Just as Addison was about to respond, a door opened across the hall. Addison watched all the happiness drain from Derek's face as he watched Meredith back out the door, hopping on one foot as she tried to fit a strappy sandal on the other.

"I am so late," she murmured to no one in particular as she rested a hand on the nurse stations in order to balance and put her other shoe on, a small smile splayed on her lips, "Finn is going to kill me."

"Hey Mer."

Meredith head snapped up, "Izzie!" she exclaimed in surprise.

"I came to see you," Izzie explained, "I haven't spoken to you in days."

Meredith fidgeted, "I've been..." she pointedly ignored Derek, "...Busy."

She glanced up as she smoothed out the wrinkles on her dress. Her eyes met Derek's, who immediately turned away.

"You look nice Meredith," Addison said in order to break the awkward silence.

"Thank you," Meredith replied quietly, "I should go. I'm late."

Addison nodded as Meredith walked away, then turned back to Derek, "Have you signed the papers?"

"I don't want a divorce," he said quietly, staring at his shoes.

Addison sighed and picked up her papers, "I do."

xXXX

Meredith's mind drifted over everything that had happened that day. Izzie was right, it had actually been days since they had spoken. She had come so caught up with her relationship with Finn and trying to forget her relationship with Derek, that she had completely forgot about her relationship with Izzie. She didn't even really know what Izzie was up too.

She had gone back to modeling. She knew that much. She knew they had stocked up on baking flour and eggs for no reason. She suspected that she might be talking a yoga class, but she couldn't be sure, she hadn't had time to ask.

She sighed loudly.

Finn looked over from the drivers seat, "Hey," he reached over and ran a comforting hand through her hair., "What's wrong."

Meredith smiled and leaned back against his hand, "Nothing important," she looked back him and out the window, "Where are we going? 'Cause I think I might be over dressed."

Finn grinned, "You look perfect, " he pulled the truck onto the shoulder of the road and then continued on into a field He turned of the truck and turned to Meredith, "I got a flat tire here once. "

"Really?" Meredith teased, not seeing his point.

"Listen," Finn grinned, opening his door, "It's pretty and I bought food; Don't complain."

Meredith slid out of the truck and immediately slipped off her shoes, tentatively walking through the grass.

Finn approached her with a blanket and a cooler, "Hungry?"

Meredith grinned mischievously, "Starving," she claimed as she stood on her tiptoes to wrap her arms around his neck

Finn pulled away and set down the cooler before returning and encircling her waist with his arms, "I _meant_ for food," he informed her, tightening his arms around her as she brought her hands to his chest and undoing the top buttons of his shirt and kissing the base of his neck as she did so.

"I didn't."

XXXX

Addison dug through her purse as she crossed the parking lot towards her car.

"They are in the pocket."

Addison searched again and immediately found them, "This borders on stalking,".

"I can't make sure my wife makes it across the parking lot safely in the dark?"

Addison stopped short and turned around, "What do you really want?"

"To apologize."

Addison smirked:"What for this time."

"That I messed up and made you think that Meredith ..."

Addison turned away, "Your apologies are beginning to get redundant."

"Addison," he called after her.

"_What?" _she spun around again.

"How long?"

"'Til what?"

"Until you forgive me."

Addison looked at him steadily, "It's going to be awhile."

Derek nodded, and approached her, leading her towards her car. She followed wearily beside him.

"I started building an outdoor fireplace. It's really something. All river rock. It's taking awhile. But it's going to be worth it. So you were right, it was a great idea."

Addison looked at him suspiciously.

"And I think I'll get one of those big grills like you saw on TV. Allot less running in and out of the trailer, but the deck is to small. And I know you said that the deck is going to end up bigger then the trailer, but I really don't see any other way we could do it without..."

"Stop. What did you just say?"

"What?"

"You said 'we'"

"I didn't..." he began to protest.

"Derek," Addison said softly, "I'm not coming back.:"

They watched each other silently for a moment.

"You _said_ you would forgive me."

"And I will. But I am not coming back."

"But it's your home."

"No it's not Not anymore.:"

XXXX

Izzie lazily flipped through the channels. She needed a change. A new start. She needed something to keep her from dwelling on the future that she could have had.

She glanced around her, she needed a fresh start, and yet, at the same time she needed everything to stay the same.

She contemplated working on the painting she was doing for her watercolour class, or practicing her scales for her piano lesson the next day, or even get caught up on her reading for her book club. Instead she flipped the channel again.

Suddenly she bolted up.

A plane crash on the runway.

Mass chaos.

Tons of traumas

Izzie leaned back against the pillows.

The others were so lucky.

XXXX

Derek tentatively entered Addison new house. He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and forced himself to move from room to room. The whole house screamed Addison to him. Everything was exactly her taste and done exactly how she would want it.

He suddenly felt like he was trespassing. He quickly crossed through the living room and out on the stone deck. Not slowing down he made his way to the river and back around to the other side and his own trailer.

Slamming the door behind him, he collapsed at the dinette.

She hadn't bought a house. She had made a home.

Without him.

She was making a life for herself, and it didn't include him. He didn't belong in her new life.

He didn't fit. She didn't want him to fit.

Derek ran a shaky hand threw his hair and reached for the ever growing stack of magazines, junk mail and papers that gathered there. Pulling his pen from his jacket pocket, he paused for several minutes before forcing himself to sign him name.

Staring at the signed divorce papers in front of him, he tried to convince himself that drinking whatever liquor happened to be in the cabinet, would not fix what he had destroyed.

He just sat there, staring at his hands.

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

XXXX

Meredith buried her head against Finn's chest and inhaled deeply.

One of his arms tightened around her waist the other continuing to move gently across her skin.

"You have goose bumps," he whispered, hating to break the silence.

Meredith laughed, "It gets cold when you are outside at midnight _naked."_

"I thought we did a pretty good job keeping warm," he teased, wrapping his flannel shirt around them both.

"Amazingly good job," she smiled, "You know, your not suppose to be able to fit two people in these shirts. You might want to start buying a smaller size."

Finn kissed the top of her head, "This shirt is the perfect size."

Meredith laughed again, then sighed happily, "I am never moving from right here."

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

XXXX

_If you knew how lonely_

_My life has been_

_And how long _

_I've been so alone_

_If you knew how I wanted_

_Someone to come along_

_And change my life_

_The way you've done..._

_Feels like home to me_

_Feels like home to me_

_Feels like I'm all the way_

_Back where I belong_

XXXXXXXXXX

You know, Derek and Addison are making it very hard to write Addek. Addison is all like, I'm independant, I have a house and a pink bedroom. Screw Derek. And Derek is all like, I love Addison, no I Iove Meredith. and then he is signing divorce papers which is not condustive to Addek togetherness. No it is not.

But Meredith is happy and well sexed. She has a nagging suspision that she is a bad friend, but she is well sexed so, ya know, you can't have it all.

And Mr and Mrs and Mrs Polygamy. Not going to lie. That was there for my own amusement


	7. Starting Over Again

So I just realized I never wrote a disclaimer. Mostly cause I don't have to, I own Grey's Anatomy. It was a birthday present.

Second thing, Addison's bedroom. Now. I know that it has been like 3 and a half years since I updated, and I highly doubt that any of you remember this, BUT Addison bedroom is not actually pink. It's a warm beige, and in certain lights it _may_ look pink. There is a difference.

Thirdly. I am sorry the update was so long in coming. I've been working and then I went away for the long weekend... and then I was lazy.

Enjoy the chapter.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Morning."

Addison looked up from her coffee and sighed for the first time that day, "What?"

"I brought you a muffin"

"I don't want a muffin."

"Take the muffin."

"_I don't want the muffin._"

"Take the muffin."

"Did you sign the papers?"

"Take the muffin."

"If I take the muffin will you go away?"

Derek shrugged, "Only one way to find out."

Addison took the muffin and looked at him expectantly.

"Eat the muffin."

"You didn't say I had to eat it."

"Eat the muffin."

"You didn't say.."

"Eat the muffin."

"_Derek!_"

"Did you have breakfast?"

Addison's jaw dropped slightly, but she didn't reply.

"Eat your muffin."

Addison pointedly broke off a piece and glared at him as she put it in her mouth. "Happy?" she asked.

Derek smiled, leaned forward and gently kissed her cheek, "Have a good day," he said in a low voice.

Addison stared dumbfounded as he walked away.

XXXX

Izzie rested her chin in her hand as she concentrated on her game of solitaire.

"You could get killed for doing that."

Izzie glanced up, then around at the nurses station which she had just rearranged. She shrugged. "No one stopped me. And I have been here for almost an hour without anyone even walking by."

Alex sat down on the counter, purposely messing up all the pencils and pens she had just arranged by type, and ink colour and lined up at perfect 90 degree angles to the edge of the desk, "Sulking around at home get boring or did you just miss me that much?"

"Is that your socailly awkward way of asking me how I am?"

"No."

"'Cause I'm fine." Izzie asserted

"I know."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Okay."

"That still doesn't tell me why you are here. Which brings me back to, you missed me."

"I did not."

"Then why are you here?"

"There was a plane crash." Izzie informed him, "20 minutes from here. Less then 48 hours ago."

Alex looked amused, "I may have heard something about that."

"Shut up."

Alex leaned forward, "You miss it. You came by because you were hoping to over hear the details of some great surgery or come across some horridly repulsing injury."

"No."

Alex leered, "I don't believe you."

Izzie glared, "Well even if I was, which I am not, nothing is going on here anyway."

"I see."

Izzie silently went back to her game of solitaire, ignoring Alex as he watched her. "Ok fine," she gave in, "Why is there nothing going on."

Alex grinned, "The chief at Mercy West had the idea to put together an amazing team of specialists and base it at his hospital. most of our patients got transferred over there,"

Izzie's eyes got wide, "Webber must have flipped."

Alex nodded, "So not to be out done he sent an abundance off nurses over. Which is why no one cares that you have pulled a Martha Stewart on the filing system."

"It's suppose to be arranged by colour. Just because you are too..."

"Steven's," Addison approached the counter briskly, "Go down to the nursery, tell Evelyn to put you to work."

Izzie stared blankly at her, "I don't work here."

Addison glanced up at her, "I know that," she replied evenly, "But Richard sent all my nurses to Mercy West and all my volunteers are incompetent. Go down and volunteer so that the nurses I do have can do their jobs instead of supervising half-witted morons. Is that a problem?"

Izzie shook her head and suppressed a grin, "No."

"Good," Addison looked back to her chart.

Izzie grinned at Addison then at Alex, then immediately tried to hide it, attempting to act nonchalant, "Ya I guess I could help you out for today."

XXXX

Meredith walked placidly through the halls. For once she was enjoying the serenity of the hospital. The only was to describe her mood was to say, she was mellow.

"Meredith!"

Meredith turned to see Izzie approaching at a jog.

"Hey," she greeted her roommate, "What are you doing here."

Izzie grinned, "I came to see you, seems the hospital and the veterinary clinic are the only place you can be found lately."

Meredith just shrugged and smiled, "So I like spending time with my sexy boyfriend, I could be doing allot worse."

Izzie raised an eyebrow in agreement, "So I have to get down to the nursery."

"The nursery?"

Izzie shrugged and grinned again. "Yeah."

Meredith stared at her curiously as she turned the corner.

"Ufgh," she exclaimed as she ran into something very solid, "Sorry," she muttered, pulling away from the arms that were holding her steady.

"Anything for my partner in crime."

Meredith groaned, "Do you have like a radar or something?"

"I am not here to cause trouble," Mark insisted, stepping to the side so he was not as visible, "I volunteered to work on Mercy West's team. But there is a patient over here that can't be moved. I had to come over."

"So your not..."

"I am trying my best to stay out of the Shepherds way. She made it clear she wants to be with him. If I have it my way they will never know that I am in town and..."

"Wait," Meredith interrupted, "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"She left him. Weeks ago. She's filed for divorce."

Mark cocked an eyebrow, "And I suppose that you had nothing to do with that?"

"I have a boyfriend. He's a vet."

"That's not what I asked."

"I am leaving now," Meredith glared at him and turned away.

"Wait," Mark grabbed Meredith's arm, "Do you know where they are?"

Meredith took a step away from him and shook her head, "I haven't seen Derek all day. And I don't know where Addison is now."

"It looked like she was heading to the third floor," Izzie cut in.

Meredith glared at her.

"What?"

Mark interjected with frustration, "Now could one of you tell me how to the 5th floor, and not run into her _or _stumble into the neuro department

Both girls stared at him,

Mark shrugged, "Now's not the time."

Meredith looked to Izzie, "You take care of him."

"Me!" Izzie exclaimed, "I am working with Addison."

"No," Meredith clarified, "You are _volunteering _for Addison. Your not on a schedule or anything _and _ you know where she is, you can't keep an eye on her _and _keep _him_ out of the way."

"But..."

"I have to work!"

"Ladies, I hate to interrupt this very flattering fight, but if you could point me in the right direction..."

Meredith glanced pointedly at Izzie.

"Fine." Izzie exclaimed, "But you owe me."

XXXX

Addison tapped her fingers against her chart impatiently. She was lacking in the patience department today. She would like nothing more then to have everyone in the world leave her alone. Just 24 hours of peace.

Unfortunately, like most days lately, people where gossiping about her. And not subtly, the gossiping was more or less to her face.

For instance, she had heard the nurses in front of her say 'Shepherd' or 'Montgomery-Shepherd' at least a dozen times, and she was clearly within earshot.

Suddenly Addison's head shot up, "Sloan?" she snapped, "Did you say Sloan?"

The nurses exchanged glances.

"Mark Sloan? Is here?" She demanded, "Right now. Today. In the hospital."

The nurses expressions barely changed.

"Great," Addison exclaimed, "Just _great." _She turned on her heel and headed for the stairwell.

XXXX

"So can I ask you 2 questions."

Izzie glared at Mark as he reclined comfortably in his chair.

"Just 2?"

"Just 2," he assured her.

Izzie sighed and nodded.

"Well first of all," Mark leaned forward, a cocky expression on his face, "Why are you suddenly a volunteer and not an intern."

Izzie didn't look up from what she was doing, "I killed my boyfriend. Or... well, fiancé I guess. In any case I cut the wires that were keeping him alive. And now he is dead."

Mark stared, shocked, and leaned back.

"What was your other question?"

Mark continued to stare, "Why," he continued when he had regained his power of speech, "If we are _hiding_ from Addison, are we in _her _nursery?"

Izzie rolled her eyes and finished swaddling an infant. "By now Addison has _probably _heard that you are here. If _I _where Addison, and I am glad I am not, I would either be hiding, looking for you or looking for my husband in hopes of preventing another fight." Izzie paused as she settled the baby in it's bassinet, "So since she isn't here hiding. It's one of the other two. Which means that if you don't want to run into her by wandering around until your patient is back from the pointless test you sent him for, your safest here where she won't look for you."

Mark considered this, then smiled slyly, "But what if _Derek_ comes looking for _Addison_?"

Izzie shrugged, "Then you get punched again."

XXXX

Addison stood at the 2nd floor nurses station, agitation clear in her every movement.

"Good evening Addison."

"Richard," Addison greeted him. She opened her mouth to ask something, then changed her mind and turned away.

"I wish he wasn't here too," Richard spoke, not looking at her, "But it's what is best for the patient. No one is forcing you to see or speak to him."

Addison nodded, "I just don't think that I could handle another scene," she replied honestly.

"Then don't cause one."

"It's not me that I am worried about." Addison sighed heavily and shook her head, "Have you seen Derek? I have been searching for him all afternoon."

Richard looked at her oddly.

"I am hoping to prevent a fight, Richard. If Derek goes looking for Mark, or Mark goes looking for Derek..."

"Addison," Richard interrupted, "Derek isn't here."

Addison raise an eyebrow, "I saw him on the ferry this morning, Richard. He forced me to eat a muffin. He's here."

Richard shook his head,"He's taking his vacation time. Left this morning I believe."

Addison stared at him dumbly, "He left? _This _morning?"

Richard nodded, confused by her reaction.

"Well," Addison paused, glancing around her as if looking for something, "Did he _say_ anything? Or _leave_ anything? He wouldn't just go without..." Addison trailed off, a frantic edge to her voice.

"Dr. Shepherd?" a timid nurse spoke up from behind the desk, holding up an envelope, "I'm sorry, He did leave something. I forgot."

XXXX

Mark pushed his hands deep into his pockets as he walked as from the hospital. His patient was stable and being transferred to Mercy West in the morning. He had no reason to return to Seattle Grace.

On a whim he turned back and looked at the hospital. After surveying it a moment he noticed Addison standing on the bridge staring out the window.

She didn't see him.

She was staring hard at the window, probably at her own reflection given the darkness outside. Every so often her gaze would travel down to her hands, then back to the window.

Finally she turned away and Mark sighed.

He glanced over the hospital one more time.

Who was he kidding.

He'd be back.

XXXX

Addison stared at the envelope in her hands. It was a card. That much she had figured out without actually opening it.

She flipped it over a few more times.

With a sigh she ripped it open and held it in her hands.

She didn't read it, just stared, bracing herself for what she would read.

Inhaling deeply, she flipped open the card.

Gasping, she turned her head to the side. Figures Derek would put in one of those stupid butterfly's in the card.

Dragging her eyes back to the card she slowly opened the bundle of papers inside. Her expression didn't change as she slowly read over them.

He was giving her the divorce.

She turned back to the card and curiously read what he had written inside.

_I've always just wanted you to be happy._

_Happy Birthday._

XXXXX

_Starting over again _

_Where should they begin _

_'Cause they've never been out on their own _

_Starting over again _

_Where do you begin _

_When your dreams are all shattered_

XXXXXXXXXXX

Derek is breaking my Addek loving heart. Seriously dude. COME ON.

And Mark. OH MARK. I am rather glad that he didn't drag my newly single Addy into a supply closet. 'Cause if she can't be with Derek, I want her with me, NOT MARK. Actually... she didn't even see Mark. Whatever. She's mine. MINE. Okay my lesbian outburst is over.

REVIEW.


	8. Jolene

So, couple of things. Note to the keeners, what happened was, I posted last night, like 3 minutes later I realized that I hated it and wanted to change stuff and the grammar sucked. So I took it down and went to bed. I woke up, fixed it, and now I am posting it again.

So Mark, the only reason that I added Mark was because he is coming back on the show.

But he isn't in this chapter. He is in New York right now. But he will be back. I think. But the moral of the story is: I don't know what to do with Mark, I don't know what to do with Addison, I don't know what to do with Meredith, and I don't know what to do with Derek.

Actually, that's not true. I do know what I am doing with one.

But the other three.

I am curious to see what happens.

Now about the actual story. I did this chapter a little different. It's basically like one long 'scene'. There is a conversation and it moves along by what is being played on the jukebox (that's right _jukebox_). In between they are sitting in silence, but I didn't write that in, but that is what they are doing.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison sat sideways on the bench, her back pressed against the wall. She was in the back in the corner, protected from the world by a table, two chairs and a half wall. And by the tray of whiskey shots in front of her, and the pile of quarters that were piled on the corner, so she could easily reach them when she leaned towards the jukebox at the end of her bench.

She threw back another shot, and closing her eyes rested her head against the wall.

She had been there 72 minutes, spent $38 on shots and $5.75 in the jukebox. She had no plans to move. She did however have plans to buy another tray of shots and get another couple bills changed into quarters.

She was getting divorced. And it sucked.

Her eyes remained closed for several minutes. The bar was almost empty and she inwardly groaned as she heard a patron invading her space.

"I'll apologize right now."

Addison slowly dragged her eyes open. The voice was disembodied, and Addison realized belatedly that they were hidden by the jukebox.

She picked up another shot and dangled it between he fingers for a moment before draining it.

"And why is that?" she asked.

She heard a glass hit the table on the other side of the jukebox, "Because I am in the mood to drink and to talk."

"I'm just in the mood to drink," Addison emphasized this heavily by slowly pouring 2 shots down her throat in quick succession.

"That's why I apologized. And that's why I told Joe to bring us more drinks."

Addison smiled in spite of herself, leaning forward and sliding another quarter into the jukebox.

XXXX

A slow healing heart dyin' to mend

Longin' for love lonely again

When the spirit is broken

And the memories start

You know nothin' moves slower

Than a slow healing heart

Nothin' moves slower

Than a slow healing heart

XXXX

"Finn might be leaving," Meredith finally revealed.

Addison didn't respond. She wasn't expected to.

"His sister-in-law, his wife's sister, has MS. She's a single mom. She lives in Colorado. I think that Finn wishes that he could be closer, to take care of her and help with his niece and nephew."

Addison heard Meredith take a long drink and set the glass down heavily.

"I think that he is staying here for me. And I am so _selfish_ that I am glad he is. I don't want him to go. But it's still his family and he _should_ be with him. _Family_ is important. You don't just _end_ your _family_"

"Finn wouldn't stay if he didn't want to."

Meredith digested this,"I hope not."

Addison continued her silent vigil, welcoming the thoughtlessness that evading her mind.

"I saw my half-sister at the market last month."

Addison inwardly sighed, turning her focus to Meredith's voice again.

"She says hello. The baby is beautiful."

Addison didn't respond.

"I never thanked you for helping her. You saved my niece."

Addison searched for something to say to the woman that she didn't want to be talking too, "You would have done the same for me."

"Do you have nieces? Or nephews?"

Addison groaned at the direction the conversation was taking, "Tons."

Meredith was silent.

Addison continued despite herself, "My brother, has 5 sons. The youngest, Jeramy is just starting junior high."

"5 nephews." She heard Meredith murmur, "Just like Derek"

Addison paused, "Derek has 9 nieces," she said softly.

"And 5 nephews."

Addison remained silent.

"He told me he had 5 nephews."

"He watched them grow up."

Addison heard her pick up her glass twice before she spoke again, "I don't want Finn to go."

XXXX

Pardon the way that I stare

There's nothing else to compare

The sight of you leaves me weak

There are no words left to speak

So if you feel like I feel

Please let me know that it's real

You're just too good to be true

Can't take my eyes off of you

XXXX

"That night. At prom. The night that we..." Meredith trailed off and took another drink, "It was the first night that... he looked at me."

Addison threw back a shot, considered it and threw back another, "You slept with my husband because he looked at you."

"He looked at me like he looks at you."

Addison considered this for a moment, "My husband hasn't looked at me for a long time."

Unseen to Addison, Meredith rolled her eyes, "Then it must have been some other redhead he was always staring at and watching."

Addison sat in silence and continued to drink.

"He never noticed me when you were around. It's like I wasn't even there. He would look at you and I would feel like waving my hand in front of his face to get his attention again. We were talking one day," Meredith rambled on, "he heard you laugh, and he knew it was you right away. He couldn't take his eyes off of you. And all of a sudden..." Meredith sighed and took another drink,"... I wasn't there anymore. He never saw me like he saw you."

XXXX

She should be accustomed

She oughta know you just can't trust 'em

When he's got a wife that he ain't gonna leave

Maybe she deserves what she's got comin'

She can't hide and there's no runnin'

From the guilty, lonely life she's bound to lead

'Cause she's the other woman

You've seen her before

Deep in his eyes

When he walks through the door

But did you know that even though

She's puttin' you through hell

You don't have to hate the other woman

She'll do it herself

XXXX

"He cheapened it. I just couldn't stop thinking that if he really cared about he in the way that I wanted him to, he wouldn't have..." Meredith paused, "He would have done it right."

"Meaning he would have left me first." Addison stated bluntly.

Meredith sighed, "Well yes." She took another drink, "You know I spent... months... thinking that I didn't care how we got together, as long as we eventually did. But clearly I was wrong. Apparently I still wanted him to show me some of the decency that he showed you:

"Derek? Show me decency? I think you were watching a different marriage disintegrate. There was no shows of decency in our marriage."

"It comes down to the fact that if he had the decency to try work things out with you, then he should have at least had the decency to end it with you before approaching me again. _But_ he would never do that, because he loves you."

"He doesn't love me he loves you."

"No he doesn't."

"He does, he told me."

Meredith froze.

"Right before Christmas. He said he didn't want to hurt me, or leave me, but he was in love with you and that doesn't just go away." Addison took a swig of her recently delivered beer, then clenched her jaw bitterly, "Then he asked me to wait for it to pass."

Meredith stared at the wood paneling.

"I'm still waiting for it to pass."

Meredith drained another glass.

"I know he loves you," Addison continued, now that she had started talking she was finding it hard to stop, "Everyone at the hospital knows that he loves you. And now you know he loves you..."

"Everyone is wrong," Meredith stated.

Addison opened her mouth to protest, but Meredith kept talking.

"If everyone in the hospital, including you, thought he was in love with _me_, then me and Derek were the only two that knew how much he really loved you.

XXXX

Talk to me

In your own language, please

In your own

Talk to me

In your own language please

XXXX

"I have had two conversations with Derek that stood out in my mind, but to be fair, we never really talked a whole lot. No three, we had 3 conversations. The first one wasn't really so much a conversation as, I said I wouldn't sleep with him again until he told me something, anything about himself. I got, mothers maiden name, his favorite book and his favorite colour. He left out the wife."

"The cheating wife," Addison corrected, making a sloppy motion with her glass before taking a small sip.

"He left out wives altogether. And then he said that was all I got."

"Because me introducing myself to you as his wife served us all _so_ well."

"Amen." Meredith took another drink, then set it on the table between them. On her last trip back from the bathroom Meredith had chosen to give up on the charade that if they couldn't see each other, the conversation wasn't happening, and had slide into the booth across from Addison. Between the two of them they had amassed enough glasses and pitchers that they couldn't see each other that well anyway.

"Then another time, it was right after I almost blew up, and he came to my house," Meredith saw Addison's raised eyebrow, "Sorry. Anyway he came to my house, and I asked him what our last kiss was, and he described it back to me in painstaking detail. What I was wearing, what I was doing, what I smelled like."

Addison looked pained.

"No it gets better, I crawl in bed that night and I realize. That wasn't our last kiss at all. I kissed him weeks after that. You were already here and my mother had been admitted, and Cristina had collapsed, and I was just having a really bad day, and I ran into him as he was leaving and... what?"

"Nothing. Keep going."

"No what are you thinking."

Addison shrugged, "Nothing, just the day of Cristina's surgery I kissed him too. He had a change of heart on a case we were working on, and I took the chance to try to tempt him back."

"Well it worked."

"Not really."

They sat in silence.

"What was the third conversation."

Meredith shrugged, "It was about you. How you cheated. He knew all the details of that too. He just sat there and told me everything, well, he told me his version, which in hindsight may have been slightly skewed because he was reliving seeing the woman he loved in bed with his best friend, and he was clearly still hurt by that. All he would talk about was how things felt. And the way he described it, it was like it had been an out of body experience. He still hadn't dealt with it. Which should have been my first clue."

"Your very bitter towards him."

"Your not bitter enough."

XXXX

I'm sorry, so sorry

That I was such a fool

I didn't know

Love could be so cruel

XXXX

"You know he never apologized. After you arrived. Not once. All the chasing and the excuses. But no apologies. I mean, would a 'Meredith, I'm sorry I lied to you about my wife' be so hard?"

"Derek doesn't apologize unless he is pushed into a corner. That would be like admitting he was wrong."

"And Derek is never wrong."

"No. Never."

XXXX

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene

Im begging of you please dont take my man

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene

Please dont take him just because you can

Your beauty is beyond compare

With flaming locks of auburn hair

With ivory skin and eyes of emerald green

Your smile is like a breath of spring

Your voice is soft like summer rain

And I cannot compete with you, jolene

He talks about you in his sleep

Theres nothing I can do to keep

From crying when he calls your name, jolene

And I can easily understand

How you could easily take my man

But you dont know what he means to me, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene

Im begging of you please dont take my man

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene

Please dont take him just because you can

You could have your choice of men

But I could never love again

Hes the only one for me, jolene

I had to have this talk with you

My happiness depends on you

And whatever you decide to do, jolene

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene

Im begging of you please dont take my man

Jolene, jolene, jolene, jolene

Please dont take him even though you can

Jolene, jolene

XXXX

Meredith drained another glass she proclaimed to be her last, "What," she paused thought about what she was going to say, and began again, "What are the chances that your middle name is Jolene."

"Mine?" Addison continued shelling the beer nuts but not eating them, "The songs about you."

"It's about a redhead."

"It's about a man-stealer."

"I didn't mean to!"

"It still counts!"

Meredith began furiously tearing up her napkin, "He said your name once. I think. In his sleep. He was sitting up with a patient and passed out in the chair,"

"And how did that make you feel?" Addison mocked, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the wall.

Meredith shrugged, "I felt fine. I'd only known him a week." She reached over and stole a handful of Addison's abandoned beer nuts.

Addison's eyes remained closed, "I'm getting divorced."

Meredith chewed silently.

"Could you not? Until we are?"

Meredith took a few minutes to process what Addison was asking her, "I wasn't planning on..."

"But _if..._."

Meredith was silent, "Okay."'

Addison nodded and stood, steadier on her feet then she should have been.

She left the bar without saying another word.

XXXXXXXXXX

How random was that chapter.

Basically I decided that I wanted to know how Meredith felt about Derek and Addison, or how she saw Derek's feelings for his wife. Now whether she actually thinks that Derek loves Addison, or she has just convinced herself... i dunno. 'Cause, well okay. If I was in Meredith situation, and thank the lord I am not, I think that the only reason that I could rationalize the man I love leaving me for another women, is if I convinced myself that he really truly loved this other person. So that's what I was trying to show here, Meredith really believes that Derek loves Addison because otherwise he would be with her.

Review.


	9. Help!

So this is the first chapter in a little mini arc that I am IN LOVE WITH. I honestly LOVE IT.

This part is short, and might seem pointless, but it isn't. I swear. And I wouldn't lie to you.

Read!

XXXXXXXXXX

Help, I need somebody,

Help, not just anybody,

Help, you know I need someone, help.

XXXX

Meredith leaned against the wall and dangled her hand in the box, "They are SO cute," she cooed.

Finn glanced at her and smiled, shaking his head, "They have their appeal I guess," he teased.

"But look at them with their little noses... and ears." Meredith continued to fawn over the tiny occupants of the box.

Finally she tore herself away and crossed the room, "How is that one doing?"

Finn sighed and shrugged, "Not so good. He is just to small." Finn smiled slightly.

"There's nothing you can do?" Meredith leaned against his shoulder, her eyes sad.

"If he would eat he might have a chance but..." Finn shook his head, "He's too small. He can't even suckle the bottle."

"But he is so cute," Meredith touched him gently on the nose.

"Well," Finn relented, "I am open to suggestions."

XXXX

It had been 10 days. 10 days and no one had heard anything from Derek.

Every morning Addison expected to be pulled aside, told that Derek had left Seattle, that he left the hospital and was now employed as the star neurosurgeon at some classy hospital in Dallas or Chicago, or maybe that he had crossed borders and oceans, was practicing in Toronto or London or somewhere in Russia.

It had happened before.

She pushed open the door to the NICU and stopped short.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"I came to visit," Mark grinned, "Heard you were available."

"Get out."

Mark leaned against the wall.

"Get out."

Mark stayed where he was, smiling at her.

She glared, "I thought you went back to New York."

"I did."

Addison continued to glare.

"But," Mark continued, "I still have patients out here."

Addison inhaled sharply.

"So I'll be back. Every week. Thursday night, 'til Sunday morning."

Addison stared at him blankly unable to process what he was saying.

She turned gratefully to a sound behind her.

"I'm sorry," Meredith apologized but made no move to leave,"I need smaller nipples."

Addison shook her head, she must have heard her wrong, "What?"

"For Finn," Meredith explained, "Do you have something smaller then this?" Meredith held out a small rubber nipple. "We have this patient and he is really small and..."

Addison nodded, half to affirm that she had what Meredith needed, half to clear her head. She walked over to a drawer and pulled out the smallest rubber nipples she could find, "Here," she said offering them to Meredith. She noticed Mark over Meredith's shoulder.

He winked at her and smiled.

"Actually," Addison said throwing her charts on the counter and grabbing, sweater that was laying there and turning to Meredith, "I'll come with you."

XXXX

"How did the espionage go?" Finn asked as Meredith entered the back room.

"Great," Meredith replied, nodding Addison towards the exam table.

Finn stared as Addison knelt by the box. He turned to Meredith.

"She's the best."

"With babies."

"These are babies."

"Baby animals."

"Close enough." Meredith retorted.

Addison spoke from the other side of the room, "What's wrong with this one?" She asked, gently petting so as not to waken him.

Finn crossed the room, "In a nutshell, he's to small."

Addison nodded, "He is kind of warm. Is that normal?"

Finn settled a hand on the sleeping creatures side, "No," he sighed.

"Well do something," Meredith ordered from his spot on the floor.

"Do what?" Finn asked raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know," Meredith looked at him like he was an idiot, "She's the best. Use her. Do you think I let her tag along cause we like spending time together?"

"I thought that maybe you had worked out your issues..."

Addison gave Finn a look, "When sober we grudgingly except each others existence. Nothing more. Unfortunately tonight, she decided to save my life. So, here I am."

Meredith looked at the two of them, "Go ahead, save him."

XXXX

"So."

"So."

"Any ideas?"

Addison shrugged and reexamined the x-rays.

"Nothing?"

Addison shrugged again, "This really isn't my forte..."

"But..."

"I had a patient about 8 years ago with a similar problem. But, well, human."

"Right," Finn sighed and crossed his arms.

"So what did you do?" Meredith asked pointedly.

Addison sighed, "Operated. But it was years before she was able to eat solids of any kind."

"Do it."

"Meredith..." Finn tried to reason with her.

"LIsten," Meredith interrupted, "You put my dog to sleep," she said to Finn, then turned to Addison, "and tonight I am your knight in shining armor. You both owe me."

Addison raised an eyebrow, "I owe you?"

"Do you want me to tell Mark where you are?"

Addison closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them and glared slightly, "I guess I can give it a try."

XXXX

Finn stood in front of Meredith his arms crossed sternly, "You realize that until I can find an owner that is willing to bottle feed, he is your responsibility."

"Fine."

"I'm not kidding, your responsible for making sure that he gets fed ever 4 hours and that he is getting all the nutrients that he needs."

"I know."

"Just as long as you understand that it's a big..."

Meredith rolled her eyes and walked away. She went over to where Addison was adjusting dressings and making herself look busy.

"He's a good guy. Finn." Addison told her.

Meredith nodded and half smiled, "Back off there Jolene," she teased.

Addison laughed, "That song was not about me"

Meredith smiled and fell silent. "Thanks," she said finally, "You didn't have to do this. Considering you hate me and all."

"I don't hate you."

Meredith sighed and shook her head.

"I don't like you, but I don't hate you."

"Why not?" Meredith persisted, "I keep asking, and you never really answer."

Addison was silent along time, "For the same reasons that you don't hate me."

XXXXXXXXXX

So. I didn't feel like writing anymore. If I kept going it would have gotten REALLY long and it would have been a year and a half before I updated. It's better this way. Really. It is.

Remember this is just the start of something. Something good.

Review.


	10. Please Send Me Someone to Love

This is a short one. Cause... well... it's my story and I can post short chapters if I want to.

XXXXXXXXXX

And don't you think I'm ready now?

So please send me someone to love . . .

Please send me someone, someone to love

As much as I loved you

Please, please send me someone, someone to love

Please send me someone

XXXX

"Dr. Grey."

Meredith head snapped up.

Bailey held out a chart to her, "Your with Montgomery-Shepherd. Special request," she added with a raised eyebrow.

"What did you do?" Cristina whispered.

"Nothing."

"She never requests you unless you've done something."

"I didn't _do_ anything." Meredith insisted.

"Sure." Cristina gave her a skeptical look, "Whatever."

"I_ didn't_."

XXXX

"How's he doing?" Addison questioned as soon as Meredith walked into the Neonatal unit.

Meredith paused a moment, "Great, considering, He's not getting supplemental nutrients anymore, so he is just on the bottle."

"That's good," Addison turned back to her chart, "Very good."

"I, on the other hand am exhausted,."

Addison glanced at her.

"I have to feed him." Meredith reminded her.

Addison continued to review her chart, not looking up as she spoke, "Complaining," she observed, "When a week ago you were dragging _me _in to assist."

"You offered."

"I said thank out for getting me out of a bad situation, and you said you needed a _small_ favor. That's hardly offering."

Meredith shrugged, "Well thanks anyway."

Addison rolled her eyes, 'Go down to the pitt and do sutures, rest up."

"Unfounded generosity," Meredith remarked dryly walking away.

"Your not going near _my_ patients on no sleep," Addison reprimanded, "Plus you have another long night of 4 am feedings." Addison smirked and turned away, "Lucky you."

"You sent her away?" Izzie questioned as Addison approached the area where Izzie was filling bottles.

"She hasn't had a good nights sleep in almost 2 weeks."

"It's Meredith. She doesn't need sleep."

Addison looked at her skeptically.

"Seriously she doesn't. And, okay I am not one to gossip, but really she is spending to much time over there. Especially if he goes to Colorado. This could turn into the Doc situation all over again," Izzie was silent awhile, "Did you ever think about getting a dog?"

Addison ignored the implications of the question and returned to the subject of Meredith, "Meredith has another patient right now that needs her more." Addison looked up and smiled, "Besides I have you."

Izzie blushed slightly, "But I'm not an intern."

Addison leaned forward slightly and lowered her voice, "Technicality."

XXXX

Addison walked through the neonatal unit one last time, "Your leaving already Dr. Shepherd?" asked a resident.

Addison nodded, "I think I might start my weekend a day early, so I'll be scarce for the next 3 days."

The resident nodded, "Enjoy your long weekend."

Addison nodded and started to walk away, "Could you do me a favor?"

The resident nodded.

"If Mark Sloan comes by, tell him I am out of town 'til Monday"

XXXX

Addison stood on her tip toes forcing a box onto the top shelf of her laundry room.

She grinned when she heard the doorbell ring, "_Come in_," she yelled, unable to get the box steady. She heard someone moving through the house and called out, "Just leave everything in the kitchen. He's in the living room asleep if you want to check on him."

She got no reply.

With one last shove Addison got the box on the shelf, dusting her hands as she walked towards the kitchen, "Finn...?"

She stopped short.

"Get out."

"You where expecting Meredith's boyfriend?"

"Get _out_ of my house Mark."

"Relax Addison," Mark smiled easily, "I just brought you a house warming gift."

"I don't want it"

"Sure you do."

"Get out."

"Open it."

"Mark _please."_

"Open it," Mark repeated.

Addison sighed and opened the 3 foot tall box on her counter.

Mark reached over and ripped the box apart at the seams.

Addison stared.

"It's a love bird," he informed her, "To keep you company. When I'm not here to do it myself of course."

"I...I... ugh..." Addison stuttered.

A small noise came from the doorway to the living room.

Addison looked over and smiled affectionately.

Mark stared, "What the hell."

XXXXXXXXXX

I know I know. This was ANNOYING short. But you know, I updated RETARDEDLY fast. SO... ya know.

The next chapter is called "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd had a Farm" Ifs a good time. Oh and I _think_ that Derek comes back from where ever it is that his is.

I am really excited about the next chapter. Well like... 12 lines of the next chapter.

Review and help me reach my incredibly unrealistic goal that I know I can't reach.


	11. Dr MontgomeryShepherd Had a Farm

So the last chapter was really short. This one is a little longer. Manageable.. In theory i should be able to update like every 3 or 4 days ish. However try to keep in mind that I have 2 very stressful jobs and after a few hours swinging around a pole, your hands are a little tender. Makes for hard typing.

Seriously.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

_Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd had a farm_

_eee i eee i oh_

XXXX

"Your very rude."

"It's Monday morning," Addison replied, "Shouldn't you be far away right now."

"Change of plans. Flight delayed, there is a storm in Canada."

Addison just shook her head and ignored him.

"How is your menagerie?"

Addison was silent.

"Everyone getting along?"

Addison pointedly ignored him.

"Dr. Shepherd," Izzie came round the corner, pausing when she saw Mark in order to glare at him, "I have to go drop something off to George, but if you need volunteers..."

"Does Izzie know?"

Izzie and Addison both glared.

"Addison is creating her own little petting zoo."

Addison blushed slightly.

"Tell her what you got Addison," Mark was almost giddy.

"I could use your help actually," Addison said to Izzie, ignoring Mark completely.

"Tell her," Mark egged her.

"There are some new volunteers starting this morning.."

"_Tell her_."

"A pig," Addison exclaimed, "I got a pig."

Izzie stared at her, "_The_ pig?"

Addison nodded with a small smile, then turned to glare at Mark once again, "And it's a dwarf potbellied pig, he was the runt of his litter, and he is really small and won't get much bigger."

Mark kept grinning "Now tell her his name."

"Truman," Addison shot Mark a warning look.

Mark ignored it, "Tell her what you've been calling him."

Addison glared at him, "Don't you have a plane to catch?."

"I heard you talking to him. It's a cute little pet name."

Izzie turned her back to Mark and lowered her voice, "What is it?" she asked curiously.

Addison glared, "McDreamy."

"Nice Addison," Derek snapped appearing at her side, "You get a pig and name it after me, _thanks_."

"Says the man who called me Satan for 2 months."

"It was affectionate, and _clearly_ accurate."

"It was petty."

"I am _so_ glad I came to work today," Derek muttered sarcastically.

"Oh that reminds me," Addison replied turning to face him, "Thanks for leaving town without a word. _Again._"

"I can tell you were heartbroken. How long did you wait before you called Mark? An hour?"

"You think that I invited him here/"

"Didn't you?" Derek asked bitterly.

"Of course not." Addison spat.

"So he just _sensed_ that you gave up on our marriage."

"_Do NOT_ blame this on me."

"I don't remember being the one throwing around divorce papers. _I_ wanted to work things out."

"Typical. Things don't go your way and you take off rewrite history." Addison stopped short of slamming her chart down on the counter "I am _not_ the bad guy this time."

"Your the one that gave up."

"You _cheated!"_

"_So did you!" _Derek exclaimed.

"You _left_ me!" Addison shot back, "Twice."

"Or forgive me if I need a little _time to myself _whenever my wife decides to show me that I am clearly not an important facet in her life. That I am unnecessary for her to be happy."

"What are you talking about?"

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Addison and Derek glared at each other for several seconds before dragging their eyes down to their pagers.

Addison crossed her arms and set her jaw.

Derek glared at her one more time before turning and walking away.

Addison turned away from his retreating figure, violently grabbing some charts from the counter and stormed away.

Mark and Izzie stood alone at opposite ends of the counter.

Mark straightened up and crossed his arms, "That was definitely worth staying the extra day."

XXXX

Finn held Meredith tightly against his chest.

"I'm already late." Meredith sighed, making no move to pull away.

"I don't care," Finn whispered, "I am not letting you go."

Meredith held onto him extra tight for a moment, then slowly pulled away, "I have to go to work."

"And I have to go to Colorado."

Meredith nodded, "You do."

Finn pulled her to him again, "I think ... I am going to hate Colorado."

Meredith laughed, "You'll forget all about me once you see all the pretty cowgirls," she teased.

"Come with me," Finn whispered into her hair, "You'd make an adorable cowgirl."

Meredith pulled away for the last time, "I can't go. My family is here," she smiled sadly, "And yours is there."

Finn nodded, "I'll call you when I get there."

"Bye Finn," Meredith whispered backing away, not letting go of his hand until she had too.

"Bye Mer."

Meredith held her breath until she got to her car. As she exhaled the tears started to pour down her face.

She wiped them away quickly and forced herself to take deep breaths.

Finally she picked up her phone and dialed, "Izzie?"

"Meredith? Where are you?"

Meredith's voice came out stronger then she expected, "Finn and I just broke up."

XXXX

30 minutes later Izzie and Cristina met Meredith as she walked through the front doors.

"Are you ok?" Izzie immediately asked.

"Of course she isn't okay," Cristina chastised, "She wouldn't have called if she was okay."

"Sorry," Izzie apologized, "But she sounded okay on the phone."

"Does she look okay?"

"I'm fine," Meredith sighed, "How mad is Bailey?"

"She thinks you've been here along."

"Why does she think that?"

Cristina shrugged, "That's what I told her."

"And she believed you?"

Izzie and Cristina exchanged looks.

"What?"

Izzie bit her lip, "Derek's back "

"He is?" Meredith asked weakly.

"No it's good," Cristina replied dryly, "He's already picked a fight with Addison and they aren't speaking. It's kinda comforting that things never change around her."

"Your not helping," Izzie hissed.

"Oh god," Meredith brought her hands up to her face, "This is not happening."

Cristina and Izzie exchanged looks.

"Is this really bad though?" Izzie asked, "I mean, your both single now."

Meredith glanced at Izzie and started towards the stairs, "I never should have gotten out of bed."

XXXX

40 minutes later Meredith still hadn't found a reason to leave the stairwell. She was seated at the very top of the stairs. Any higher up and she would be on the roof. She had swiped everyone's overnight charts and was going over each one with a fine tooth comb.

"Stay away from her Derek."

Meredith curled herself into the corner when she heard Addison and Derek burst into the stairwell.

"I signed the papers, you don't get to tell me not to talk to Meredith."

"I am not telling you as your wife, I am telling you as Meredith's friend. Leave her alone."

"_Your_ Meredith's friend?" Derek laughed.

"More then you are right now."

"You can't stop me from talking to her."

"If she wants to talk to you, she'll find you."

"Why wouldn't she?" Meredith could hear the arrogance in his voice.

"Trust me."

"Cause you _know._"

"I _do_ know." Addison spat back, "Finn called me a few days ago to recommend another vet. He left Derek. He left this morning."

Meredith held her breath through the long silence that followed. She heard Addison murmur something in a low voice, but couldn't make it out.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

Another long silence followed and Meredith found herself leaning towards the rail, attempting to see what was happening.

They stood a few feet apart, Derek's hands shoved deep in his pockets, Addison's arms crossed over her chest.

"He's a really cute pig." Addison explained defensively.

Derek chucked, "Thanks."

"I didn't do it to be mean."

"I know. It's feels strange, this situation. I didn't..." Derek paused, then quietly said, "I'm sorry Addy."

Addison nodded, "I know."

"I should have told you I was leaving."

"You shouldn't have left on my birthday."

"I won't do it again."

Addison laughed a bit, "Thanks."

Derek looked at her straight in the eye, "We're okay?"

Addison nodded and replied in a low voice, "We're okay."

Derek touched her arm before heading to the door, "Do you think you could do something about Sloan being in my hospital?"

"Jerk," Addison teased, "This is my hospital."

"I was here first."

"People like me better."

"They do not."

"Who? Who likes you better?"

Derek was silent until Addison started to laugh.

"_I_ don't like you," he said finally.

"Right."

Meredith watched has Derek threw a halfhearted glare and a small smile in Addison's direction before leaving the stairwell.

Addison inhaled deeply and leaned against the wall, looking up and meeting Meredith's eyes.

She had known she was there all along.

"Thank you Addison."

Addison nodded, "We're even now."

XXXXXXXXXX

So In case you missed that, Addison adopted a pig. Whom she calls McDreamy.

It's perfect on SO many levels.

Like, I am retardedly proud of this. I patted myself on the back. I honestly could not stop laughing when I had this idea. I wanted her to have a pet, but dogs are Meredith's thing, and then I finally decided on a bird. But then I was like NO A PIG. But I had already bonded with the bird so now she has both.

Tell me what you think.


	12. Talk

So. This story sometimes makes me want to rip out all my hair. Which is sad cause I have nice hair.

So sorry for the wait. Derek hates me.

XXXXXXXXXX

_Oh brother I can't, I can't get through _

_I've been trying hard to reach you 'cause I don't know what to do _

_Oh brother I can't believe it's true _

_I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you _

_Oh I wanna talk to you _

XXXX

Addison's heels clicked purposely as she breezed down the hallway.

"Miranda?" she questioned, stopping in front of Bailey, "Have you seen Derek recently?"

Miranda looked her over and shook her head, "Not recently," she replied, her eyes now glued to her chart.

Addison furrowed her brow,"Well he isn't in surgery, so he can't be that far. Your sure that you haven't seen him?"

Bailey rearranged her piles of charts, "_If_ I happen to cross paths with him, I will let him know you want to see him."

Addison was completely confused as Bailey seemed to be brushing off, "But..."

"I will give him the message," Bailey firmly assured her moving away, leaving a very confused Addison standing in the middle of the hallway.

XXXX

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Ugh. How are you?"

Meredith smiled, "I'm fine George."

"Oh. Good." George smiled at her then faced the window again, "It's just that, well, my room is _right_ down the hall from yours. So when you are up all night pacing around and walking up and down the stairs, I notice, and I worry."

Meredith smiled at him again, "It's stupid," she laughed, "I just can't get used to sleeping alone again."

George gave her a skeptical look.

"I'm serious George, I miss Finn. But I am _fine_."

"Your sure?"

"Please." Meredith teased, "Before you know it I'll be up to my old tricks and you'll be _wishing_ that I was pacing the floor."

George blushed, "You're waiting for Derek to..."

"No!" Meredith exclaimed a bit to quickly.

George was stunned, "I'm sorry," he stammered, "I just thought that since he is getting divorced and Finn is gone, that you and Shepherd would," George shrugged, "Get back together eventually."

"Derek and I are over George."

"Okay," George smiled tentatively, "Your really okay?"

"I'm _really_ okay."

George grinned at her one last time before walking away.

Meredith sighed and leaned her forehead against the cool glass. She had George more or less convinced that she she wasn't completely miserable. Which she was.

Meredith sighed and for the millionth time wished that George would stop giving her the benefit of the doubt. He blindly believed that she was not responsible for the breakdown of the Shepherds marriage. She wished that Callie would stop protecting him from her.

Then she wouldn't feel guilty that he was worried about the dirty mistress.

XXXX

"Karev!" Addison marched determinedly down the hall, "Where is my husband?" she demanded

Alex starred at her, "You too huh?"

She just glared, "I don't have the patience to play anymore games. Someone is going to tell me where he is, and that someone is you. Tell me where to find him."

Alex turned to continue down the hall, "You don't want to do that."

"I am not _asking _Karev." Addison said firmly, "I know your assigned to him _even though_ you are suppose to be on my service. So you either tell me where he is _right now_ or you will be back in neonatal so fast you'll think you've been possessed by Dorothy Gale."

"Listen _Dr Shepherd,_" Alex stood a bit straighter, "I am doing you a favor. You don't want to be _anywhere _near him today. _I_ don't want to be near him today. _No one_ wants to be near him today. Oscar the Grouch is cheerful by comparison. So do yourself a favor and save yourself the aggravation."

XXXX

Meredith walked slowly down the hall. She had neither the physical nor the emotional energy to move any faster.

She glanced up and locked eyes with Derek.

Derek's entire body was tense.

His eyes flashed, and his jaw was clenched so tightly it was probably hurting him.

Meredith forced herself to turn away.

She quickly turned around and started in the opposite direction.

Derek stared in to space long after she had disappeared.

"Derek."

"Addison," he replied tersely, turning to face her.

"We are having lunch together, at noon. And you _will_ be there." She ordered, "And this mood you are in, it stops now. People don't want want to work with you and that is unacceptable. You are not a child Derek, grow up."

Derek stared, slack jaw, as she walked away.

XXXX

At the appointed time Derek slumped into the chair across from Addison.

"You yelled at me."

"You needed it."

"You _yelled _at me."

Addison ignored him, "Have a sandwich. We need to talk."

Derek sullenly took the offered sandwich and leaned back in his chair.

"Okay." Addison began, "All we have left to do is divide up _mutual assets_, which is basically properties. I talked to the realtor that we bought the house from and she said that it will go quickly. If we hold out we could probably get more then we paid for it, but at this point I really don't care. So unless you want to wait, I'll just tell her to sell as quickly as possible."

Derek was silent, he merely shrugged.

"The house in the Hamptons is more complicated," Addison continued,"She suggested that we sell it furnished. Which is ridiculous and it also means that we have to actually go through everything now and decide what we want to keep and what to leave because there have already been offers on it and it is not even for sale yet, _and_..."

"You want to sell the house in the Hamptons?" Derek interrupted.

Addison looked at him strangely, "Well, it's kind of far to use it as a weekend house, Derek. Anyway, I was thinking that I would go up next weekend, so if there is anything that you want..."

"But you love the Hampton house."

"I know," Addison stared at him:"But I live here now."

"But you _love_ the house in the Hampton."

"I do. But it really doesn't make sense to hang on to it when we both live on the other side of the country."

"I just think that maybe we should talk about it a bit more before we just _abruptly decide_ to sell it."

"Do _you_ want the house?" Addison questioned in confusion.

"I _thought_ you would want to keep it."

"Well I have a house here now, I'll miss the beach, but I mean... It's just a house," she paused, "Do you want it?"

Derek didn't move a muscle for almost a full minute.

"Well I don't want to sell it."

"So..."

Derek shrugged, "I'll take it, I guess."

"Well okay." Addison leaned back trying to process this, "I'll let the lawyers know that we worked this all out."

"I need to go," Derek declared, quickly getting to his feet and exiting the cafeteria.

Addison remained in her seat, stunned.

XXXX

Meredith ran quickly down the stairs. She had just seen Addison exit the elevator and figured that Derek couldn't be that far behind.

"Ugh," she groaned as she tripped over something blocking the stairwell.

Derek starred up at her, "It's hard to avoid talking to someone when you literally trip over them."

"I wasn't avoiding you," she replied defensively.

"You always turn and run from the people you aren't avoiding?"

"Why are you moping in the stairwell," Meredith asked, desperate for a change of subject.

"I'm avoiding Addison," he answered not looking at her, "We had lunch."

"Oh."

Meredith watched him silent;y. When he made no move to continue she turned to go down the stairs.

"She wanted to talk about the divorce. She wants to sell our house in the Hampton."

"Well that makes sense doesn't it?"

"She loves that house."

"But it's in New York. It's far away. She wouldn't use it."

"But she _loves _it. She brought up selling it like it meant nothing. Just a house she said," He fumed, "It is _not _just a house. _We _bought that house for our 8th aniversary. 8 years. The average doctor in our hospital barely made it to 4. We doubled that so we bought that house. And _she says _ 'It's just a house'"

Meredith stared at him then shook her head, walking determinedly down the stairs.

"What?"

Meredith turned once she reached the landing and looked at Derek who still sat at the top, "Do you realize that all we ever talk about... all _you_ ever talk about, is her?"

XXXXXXXXXX

There's another chapter.

Next chapter... Meredith borrows Derek's cellphone. ooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOooooo

Review.


	13. Case of the Ex

So here are my general feels on life and this fic. I feel you guys are all like, 'how the hell does she expect to top a pig, i mean Addison has a pet pig,' to that I say, I can and will. That said, not every chapter can pack the omph that a pig does. I mean... that would be like the ultimate fic i'll admit, but it would be exhausting to write and exhauting for the characters to have all these HUGELY dramatic things happening all the time. Sometimes people just need to sit back and play checkers.

BUT, I like HUGELY DRAMATIC moments, so...

Enjoy this moderately dramatic chapter.

XXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't often that she hate her job. But right now she honestly and truly hated it.

Cristina leaned back against the wall. If Burke was here he would tell her how to handle it. Or better yet he would handle it himself. She was not a people person, even when those people were her friends.

She sighed heavily and pushed herself off the wall.

This sucked. For a brief moment she wished that she had been the one to get shot and not him, for the purely selfish reason that then she wouldn't have to say what she had to say to the person she had to say it to. She really missed having him at work with her.

But this wasn't about her.

"Meredith?"

Meredith turned to her and smiled, "Hey."

Cristina glanced at George and Alex who were sitting with Meredith, "Umm, I need to talk to you for a minute."

Meredith looked at her curiously but followed her out of the cafeteria. They sat in some chairs by the window,

"What's going on?"

Cristina took a deep breath, "Something bad has happened."

XXXX

"Whatcha doin'?"

Derek glanced up then back to his MRI results, "Working. What are you doing?"

Addison shrugged. She inched through the door and nodded at the MRI, "Is it interesting?"

Derek shrugged, "'Nother day, 'nother tumour."

Addison laughed.

Derek smiled at her, "Did you need something."

Addison shrugged, "No, just dropped by. Saying hi."

Derek looked at her with suspicious amusement and crossed his arms, "Just saying hi?"

"I'm allowed," she replied defensively.

Derek tilted his head to the side.

"Okay fine," she laughed, "I'm bored."

Derek chuckled and turned back to his MRI.

"I'm serious. I have nothing to do."

"How dare people have healthy babies," he replied dryly.

"Derek!" Addison laughed, "I'm serious."

"Well what do you want me to do about it?"

"Amuse me."

XXXX

"You can go in," Izzie encourage.

Meredith shook her head,

"It's your family."

Meredith shook her head again.

"He's your father. He _just _ had a heart attack. He'd want to see you."

Meredith hugged herself protectively., "He knows that I am here."

Izzie watched her,

"He knows that I work here. His wife knows that I work here. His daughters even know I work here, they just don't know I'm me."

Meredith sighed heavily and played with the chain around her neck.

"If he wanted to see me, he could. He just doesn't"

XXXX

"Are you still wandering around here?" Derek asked as Addison exited the elevator.

"I am so good at my job that I am going to put myself out of work," Addison sighed, feigning modesty, "All my patients are stable or improving. All my mothers are healthy and happy..."

"You _are_ the best."

"I am aren't I."

"You know you really should work on your self-esteem," he teased smiling at her.

She smiled back, "What are you doing now?"

"Still working."

Addison nodded and paused thoughtfully, "Wanna play checkers?" she asked hopefully.

"Addison..."

"Please," she pouted slightly.

"Don't pout," Derek replied, unnerved.

She stuck her lower lip out a bit more.

"I suck at checkers."

"No," Addison protested, "You suck at 'Operation', your _okay _at checkers. Please." stuck her lower lip out again, "_Please_."

"One game," he relented.

Addison grinned.

"But when I loose you are buying me coffee."

"Fine."

"For the rest of the week."

XXXX

Meredith sat, her knees pulled to her chest in an out of the way corner of a waiting room.

"Hey," Derek said quietly approaching her, concern evident on his face.

"Hey," she replied quietly, her voice barely a whisper.

Derek sat down beside her and patiently waited until she turned her face towards him, Her eyes where red, puffy and very watery. She attempted a smile, but the corners of her mouth barely moved before she had buried her face against her knees. She body trembled slightly as she cried.

Derek hesitated for an entire minute. Finally he reached out and rested his hand on her back, rubbing in slow circles.

"I'll fix it," he whispered.

XXXX

Addison rested her forearms on the railing and watched Derek and Meredith on the floor below. After a few moments Bailey joined her and together they watched Derek Shepherd try to comfort Meredith Grey.

"Do you think that Derek would have signed faster if Meredith hadn't been with Finn?"

Bailey didn't reply.

Addison lapsed into silence.

"And why," Addison said finally, "DIdn't he just didn't just sign the divorce papers when I first got here? He could have been with her this whole time."

"Because he wanted to be with you."

Addison and Bailey both turned to see who had spoken.

"Sorry," George murmured.

Addison sighed and leaned back against the railing, "If he wanted to be with me he wouldn't have slept with her at the prom." she said as she glanced over her shoulder at Derek and Meredith again.

"What?" George stuttered.

Addison and Bailey turned back to the intern,

He looked shocked.

The two women exchanged glances.

"I'm sorry George," Addison apologized finally.

George stared at her silently for a moment before walking away.

Addison sighed and turned back to the railing, "I need something to do."

XXXX

"Meredith," Derek repeated, still rubbing her back, "What happened?"

Meredith lifted her head, and to Derek's surprise her face was not tear stained, just pained, "My phone's dead," she said finally, her voice shaky.

Derek hesitated only a moment before handing her his cell phone.

Meredith stared at him a moment before tentatively taking the phone from his hand.

She inhaled deeply as she slowly dialed.

Derek continued to rub her back.

She ran her hand through her hair pushing it out of her face. At that moment the tears began to fall down her face.

"Finn?" She said, her voice breaking as she buried her face against her knees again.

Derek pulled his hand away as if he had been burned.

Meredith continued to cry, oblivious to Derek's presence,"I just...," she sobbed, "I'm all alone."

Derek turned away. He glanced up and for the first time noticed Addison at the railing above him.

She looked down at him sympathetically, offering him a supportive smile. He just looked back at her sadly. Suddenly his eyes drifted to a spot over her shoulder.

Addison turned to see what had caught Derek's attention.

"I brought chinese," Mark grinned at her.

Addison rolled her eyes and turned back to Derek.

He was gone.

XXXX

_It's after midnight _

_And she's on your phone _

_Saying come over _

_Cause she's all alone _

_I could tell it was your ex _

_By your tone _

_But why is she calling now? _

_After so long _

_Now what is that she wants? _

_Tell me what is that she needs? _

_What'cha gonna do _

_When you can't say no _

_And your feelings start to show _

_Boy I really need to know _

_And how you gonna act _

_How you gonna handle that _

_What'cha gonna do when she wants you back _

XXXXXXXXXX

That was short.

Well you win some you loose some.

Unless you are Derek, Derek is just loosing. At life. His life just sucks.

It's called poetic justice.

Review.


	14. Hold My Beer

So if you haven't heard the song "Hold My Beer" go listen to it now. It's hilarious. I actually switched this shapter around so that it would fit the song better. I mean it can only fit so well because neither Addison nor Meredith are his girlfriend. But whatever.

Just read it.

XXXXXXXXXX

Some nights Joe feels as if there are invisible lines dividing his bar. Everyone in separate corners, but acutely aware of the other occupants.

Tonight Derek Shepherd had arrived first, right at 8 as he had most evenings lately. He sat at the end of the bar and ordered, but didn't drink. Just stared. He was in a mood. If there was one thing that Joe had noticed about Derek, it was that he was moody.

Next through the door was Meredith Grey and Izzie Steevens. This had surprised him, they did not frequent his bar as much as they used too. Although maybe they should, Meredith did not look herself. In fact, she seemed downright depressed.

Neither girl acknowledged Derek, and he pretended not to see them. Although Joe noticed that all three were stealing glances at eat other. Izzie in particular.

Then came Addison. She was the walking polar opposite of Meredith Grey. She caught Derek eye and smiled, giving him a small wave. She seemed to shrug it off easily when he turned away from her. She just raised her eyebrow and ordered a drink, carrying it with her to the back. She waved to Meredith and Izzie as she settled a few tables away. Only Izzie waved back.

Joe's favorite entrance by far was that of Mark Sloan.

Mark nodded at Derek.

Derek glared.

He leaned against the bar and winked at Addison.

Addison glared.

He grinned at Meredith.

Meredith glared.

Even Izzie glared when Mark started to walk towards them.

As far as Joe was concerned, it was perfect. Perfectly tense. But perfect.

XXXX

"Meredith," Izzie hissed as Meredith drained another shot of tequila, "DOn't you think that you should slow down."

Meredith shook her head but didn't look up from the table, "We came here for drinks. I'm drinking."

"But..."

Meredith tilted her head to the side in order to look at Izzie without lifting her head, "Have another shot."

XXXX

Mark tipped his beer back and drained half the bottle. He set it back down on the bar with a clank, but never took his eyes off Derek at the opposite end of the bar. The man was a mess. He kept his head down except to steal occasional glances at Meredith who was ignoring his existence and Addison who had her feet up on a chair, sipping a martini and reading vogue, oblivious to everyone.

Mark heard the bell chime behind him as someone entered the bar. He watched Derek look up, and saw his body instantly tense up.

Interesting.

XXXX

Meredith stared down the bottom of her glass. She just needed a month where everything went semi-right. Just 4 weeks in a row where none of her family members were admitted to the hospital, 30 days where she didn't have inappropriate sex, or have to break up with her boyfriend or forget to take the garbage out.

That's it.

That's all.

"Mer?"

Meredith glanced up and instantly let out a relieved sigh, She slowly stood from her chair and wrapped her arms around Finn's waist, "You came back."

"A little birdy told me that you _really_ needed a hug," he said, kissing her forehead and smiling at Izzie as she slipped away and went to talk to Addison.

"I did," Meredith sighed, refusing to let go, "I really did."

XXXX

Mark drained his beer and watched his former best friend glare at Meredith and a man Mark assumed to be a boyfriend. He almost felt bad for Derek. He knew from experience that it almost physically hurt to have someone you care about have an intimate moment with someone else, right in front of your eyes.

On the other hand, Derek had been less then desirable as a best friend during the past 2 years. And that was aside from everything that had happened with Addison. At this point he didn't feel he owe much loyalty to the man.

But still, it did suck. He felt bad for him.

Mark ordered another beer for himself, and one for Derek.

Derek looked up in surprise. Mark nodded and tipped his beer towards him in a silent cheers.

Then he crossed the bar to where Addison and Izzie sat.

He didn't really feel _that_ bad.

Mark leaned close to Addison, ignoring her attempts to move away and her hostile words. He murmured something nonsensical in her ear, then grinned triumphantly as he saw Derek stalk from the bar.

He'd won that round.

XXXX

_And hold my beer_

_While I kiss you're girlfriend_

_cause she needs a real man_

_and not a boy like you-ou_

_hold my beer_

_yeah I"m a man on a mission_

_you don't see what you're missin_

_but I do, so here_

_hold my beer_

XXXX

It was still early morning as Addison walked back through her front door and set Truman on the floor, smiling as he ran across the hard wood and disappeared into the living room. She followed close behind him rummaging through her purse as she walked.

Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks.

She stared into her living room then turned and walked back out of the house. She marched down her front walk until she got to a particular paving stone. She bent down, pried it up and stared.

She spare key was still there. It hadn't even been moved.

She turned and walked purposely back into the house.

"Get out."

"This bird is not very friendly.," Mark replied ignoring her comment.

"_Get out_ of my house," Addison repeated, trying not to explode.

"She liked me fine when I bought her," Mark continued, not moving from where he was sprawled comfortably on her couch.

Addison crossed the room to where her lovebird was sitting placidly in her open cage.

"Good girl Astrid," she whispered affectionately to the animal which, until this very moment she only held a passing interest in. She turned back to Mark, "Out."

"You used to be much more hospitable."

"Well I don't make it a habit to entertain people that break and enter."

"I took the room with the walk in closet."

Addison stared, "Excuse me?"

"I thought moving right into your room was presumptuous. But I'm not really settled if you want me to move," he grinned at her.

"I _want_ you to move out the front door."

"I cross the country every weekend to see you and you won't even let me stay in one of your guest rooms?"

"Out," She pointed to the door.

Mark stretched and reached for the remote, "Do you get ESPN?"

Addison continued to stare and then glanced at her watch. She was late. "I will be back in 4 hours. You had better be gone." With one last glare she pet an already sleeping Truman and a preening Astrid good bye.

"I mean it Mark," she called back as she closed the door.

XXXX

He had caught back up with her by the time she arrived at the hospital. She had noticed him a few people behind her when she stopped for coffee, but thought she had lost him after that.

"What do you want?" she demanded, spinning on her heel to face him.

"You," he replied simply.

"Well you are going about it completely wrong."

Mark nodded, "Okay."

Addison looked at him suspiciously.

"I'll try something else."

"Don't try anything. Just leave me alone."

Mark grinned at her, "Have a good day at work Addison," he cupped her cheek and softly kissed the corner of her mouth.

Addison jumped as a loud noise sounded behind her. She looked up and saw Derek's retreating figure through a pane of trembling glass.

He had punched the shatterproof glass.

"Your a jackass," she seethed, storming into the hospital.

XXXX

"Derek," Addison called out as she walked briskly through the halls.

Derek turned and glared at her.

'So your not even talking to me?" Addison demanded.

"How's Mark?" he questioned icily.

"He's a pain in the ass," Addison replied, "You don't honestly think that I am with him."

"So you kiss everyone goodbye like that?"

"What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" a nurse at the station interrupted, "Dr. Sloan is on the phone for you."

"Better go," Derek glared.

"Tell him I moved to Poland," Addison instructed.

"What, is that code for 'Meet me in the supply closet'?"

"That's more of yours and Meredith thing isn't it?"

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" the nurse interrupted again, "He says to tell you that he is picking up groceries before he heads home. So if you want anything to tell him now."

"He is _living_ with you?" Derek was livid.

"_Of course not._" Addison seethed, snatching the phone out of the nurses hand, "_Mark if I catch you in my house one more time i am calling the police."_

"You are unbelievable."

"He is not living with me. He is practically stalking me."

"I'm sure."

"Thanks Derek," Addison glared at him. "Seriously. I thought you knew me better then that."

Derek watched her storm away and fought with himself not to call her back and apologize.

He does know her better then that.

XXXXXXXXXX

Pour Derek. Men are actually crossing state lines to move in on his women. That's brutal.

I think I might give him a break in the next chapter. I've been giving him a rough time. OR I might finalize the divorce. It's all up in the air.

Next chapter: Callie and George question Addison decsion making skills.


	15. Loose Ends

I like this chapter. I really do

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison sighed and adjusted the strap of her purse.

"If I hear you sigh one more time..." Bailey warned.

Addison spoke wearily, "Sorry. Long day."

"That happens when you spend all day avoiding people." Bailey glanced at Addison then at Derek who was sulking on the other side of the nurses station.

Addison met Derek's eye's briefly then turned away and lowered her voice, "Our divorce is being finalized."

Bailey raised an eyebrow, as did the numerous nurses that were eavesdropping, "As in..."

"As in, beginning at midnight, Derek and I are no longer married."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So your..."

"Going to the bar." Addison supplied, clutching her purse and moving away.

Bailey nodded, understandingly, "Addison?"

Addison turned back and looked the nazi in the eye.

"Until midnight you _are_ married,"

Addison cracked a smile, "Are you telling me to behave?"

"I'm telling you not to do anything stupid." she lowered her voice and stepped closer, "Like charming visiting plastic surgeons."

"Dully noted."

Bailey nodded and watched Addison leave.

She then turned her attention to Derek.

"What about you?" she questioned as she approached.

"What? No champ?"

"Excuse me."

"Champ, Slugger... nothing?" Derek shook his head and shrugged, his McDreamyness was not up to par right now, and trying was becoming an unnecessary hassle.

"What are you doing to pass the time tonight." Bailey continued.

Derek shrugged again, "Joe's."

"Drinking?"

"Until I'm cut off."

"No interns," she warned sharply.

"Miranda!"

"I mean it. No interns, no anything that is going to cause gossip."

"But..."

"You go. You drink. You go home. Alone. No one night stands. _No interns._ Understand?"

Derek nodded weakly.

'Have fun, Tigert."

XXXX

"So."

Addison smiled sadly as Derek sat down next to her.

"Drowning your sorrows?" he asked her, motioning to Joe for a drink, not his first.

"For lack of a better phrase."

They sat in silence.

"How much longer?" Addison asked finally.

Derek glanced at his watch, "4 more hours."

Addison sighed, "It is going to be _so _strange not to be married to you."

Derek laughed and reached over to hold her hand. To his surprise she didn't pull away, she just laced her fingers through his.

"So you don't hate me today?" he teased, holding her hand in both of his.

Addison took another drink and grinned, "Not tonight."

"Good," Derek grinned at her and studied her face intently for a moment.

"What?" She asked suspiciously,noting that they were both slightly tipsy.

"I was just thinking that in 4 hours I won't be entitled to kiss you anymore."

"Don't go all McDreamy on me now Derek," she said teasingly, but slightly breathlessly.

Derek grinned, leaning in to kiss her gently and slowly.

As he pulled away her eyes flickered open and she tilted her head to the side, smiling.

"What?" he whispered, his face still close to hers.

"Only four more hours and that's all you got?"

XXXX

George and Callie sat quietly at the back of the bar.

"Do you think there is a reason that Shepherd and Montgomery-Shepherd are making out at the bar?"

Callie tossed back a few beer nuts, "She has really poor judgment," she said dryly.

"Seriously..."

"Seriously." she stated firmly.

George continued to watch them with morbid fascination, "Do you think that there is a reason why they are leaving together?"

Callie glanced at him a small smile on her lips.

"A good one?" he clarified.

"No."

George sighed, "I didn't think so."

XXXX

"Owww," Addison groaned against Derek's mouth as her shoulder blade slammed against the sharp corner of the trailers door frame.

"Sorry," Derek murmured refusing to break the kiss.

Derek pulled the door closed behind them and immediately pushed Addison gently up against it. Her hands desperately fumbled with his belt as his hands tangled in her hair kept her mouth from straying to fair from his.

Addison smirked as Derek impatiently fought with his shoes. She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it over his shoulder.

"Having trouble?" Addison began to tease, but it turned into a gasp as his hands began to roam her skin, quickly followed by his lips.

"Not at all," Derek replied as he nipped along the edge of her collar bone, forcing her jeans off her hips.

Addison couldn't help but moan out loud as Derek brushed his hands over her thighs, "This is _such _a bad idea."

XXXX

Meredith had only been sitting at the bar 20 minutes when someone sat down beside her.

"I thought I would find you here."

Meredith shrugged and didn't look up, "I thought I might run into you too."

"Aren't we a pair." Mark sighed, excepting the drink Joe poured him.

Meredith took another drink, "I am just hanging out at my friendly neighborhood bar after a long day."

Mark nodded, "So the empty shot glasses..."

"Long day,"

Mark nodded again, "So it has nothing to do with your ex-boyfriend and my... Addison... becoming another statistic of a failed marriage."

"I just got out of a relationship."

"Right, the vet. That was _great _timing."

"He needed to be near his family...you know I don't need to defend myself to _you_."

"No you don't," Mark agreed, "'Cause you and me, we are in the same position."

Meredith glared at him halfheartedly.

"Because tomorrow, all bets are off." he paused, "I know it, you know it, they know it."

Meredith shrugged smugly, "I'm not interested. Besides I promised Addison I wouldn't."

Mark shook his head, "Addison wouldn't make you promise that." Meredith began to protest, but Mark stopped her with a knowing smile, "She asked you to wait until they were divorced. Your trying to extend the deal."

"No..."

Mark smiled and took a drink, "Yes."

"I am not. Finn..."

"Is gone. And _your single_."

"But..."

Mark leaned close, "You must be curious."

Meredith sighed and contemplated this for a long time, "We've never been single at the same time."

"Neither have Addison and I."

"So tomorrow everything changes."

Mark nodded, "All bets are off."

Meredith shook her head and sighed, "I need more tequila. _Allot _more tequila."

XXXX

George watched Meredith sitting at the bar with Mark, "If she leaves with him, I am quitting my job," he declared.

Callie glanced at him strangely, "Are you kidding me?" She recapped the evening, "The soon to be divorced Shepherd played tonsil-hockey for 20 minutes at the bar, before practically sprinting to his car. Their ex's are now getting sloshed together, and neither of them is really known to be... prudish. If those two leave together, I am _praying_ for a pregnant woman with a broken _something_, a serious head injury and who wants breast implants _just _ so I can see how this turns out."

George stared at her.

"Seriously, I'm making popcorn."

XXXX

Derek was just drifting off to sleep when he felt Addison shifting beside him.

He dragged open his eyes and saw her sitting at the edge of the bed sorting thru tangled heaps of clothing looking for something that belonged to her.

"Where are you going?"

She glanced over her shoulder, "Home."

"Why?"

She glanced at the clock and he followed her gaze, _12:03._

"We aren't married anymore."

"No," Addison said quietly.

Derek leaned back and sighed, "Just stay 'til morning."

Addison shook her head, "I have to go."

"Oh come on," Derek grinned at her and slowly moved behind her to wrap his arms around her waist, "Think of it as our first one night stands of our new single lives."

Addison laughed, "Are we feeling manipulative?" she questioned as he kissed her shoulder, "Besides I really do _have _to go home. I have responsibilities, mainly a McDreamy that is probably rather hungry."

"No," Derek murmured against her skin, kissing what promised to turn into a rather large bruise on her shoulder blade, "Besides, you have no car."

"It's a 5 minute walk Derek," Addison replied, standing up and heading towards the kitchen, "And Mark has been staying in my guest room, he can drive me in the morning."

Derek got out of bed and followed her, "Mark?"

Addison smiled bitterly, "Don't go there Derek," she warned as she continued to search for her things, "And by the way, this trailer is a mess."

"Addy," he whispered in her ear, wrapping one arm around her waist and pressing her cell phone in to her hand with the other, "Call him and tell him you are staying at the hospital," he tilted her head back and kissed her, "Then stay here with me."

XXXX

_Meeting someone at the bar… where loose ends still have uses._

_It's complicated… this time, I think it could be._

_Triangulated, it could be just what we need..._

_So what you say: we give it up and walk away?_

_We're overrated, anyway._

_We're kissing without kissing… got it down to a fine art._

_Love's supposed to keep you young and frisky; _

_we grew up and wide apart._

_Not now, not ever, no… it's never a good time._

_How will the good times ever roll along?_

_Comparing photos that are no longer there._

_Just wondering…wondering…where it all went wrong._

XXXXXXXXXX

So I am not sure if you noticed this, but Derek and Addison just had sex. Seriously.. Sex. As in I almost called this chapter "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It." but that would have cheapened the hot-spotanious-illconsidered-sex.

Review.


	16. Not Ready to Make Nice

To recap, Derek and Addison had sex.

And it's Brandy's birthday kinda, and this is her present. (note to Brandy: keep your receipt)

And I love Stephy.

XXXXXXXXXX

Sleep was a luxury not afforded in Derek Shepherds trailer that night. Not that they didn't try. They were surgeons, they needed to be well rested. However, the realization that their marriage was actually over was making for an uneasy sleep.

So when Addison woke up alone at 1:32 am, she was uneasy but understanding. She crawled out of bed, pulled on a t-shirt and shorts from Derek's drawer and padded through the trailer.

Derek sat on the top step leading out of the trailer, looking out over the water.

"Hey," Addison whispered, sitting behind him, her legs on either side of his body. She leaned her chest against his back and wrapped her arms under his and around his chest.

"Your awake," he commented as he slipped his arms under her thighs and unconsciously started rubbing her calves.

Addison leaned her chin on his shoulder, "So are you."

Derek turned his head slightly, "Your lights are on."

Addison followed his gaze, "Yes, they are."

Derek sighed, "We should get some sleep."

"Yes we should," Addison agreed.

Neither of them moved for another 20 minutes.

XXXX

Derek awoke suddenly just after 3. He hadn't even realized that he had fallen asleep. His first coherent thought was that Addison had left, gone home after all.

"Addy?" he called out, a slight edge to his voice.

Addison reentered the bedroom and leaned against the doorway, "I'm still here," she teased.

Derek leaned back against the pillows, "I knew that."

"Uh huh."

"What do you have there?"

"Ice cream," she grinned, crawling across the bed on her knees and settling beside him, her side against the pillows

"What kind?" he asked pulling her legs over his lap. wrapping one arm around her waist.

"_Moooocha,"_ she replied, dragging out the syllables as she wrapped the arm with the spoon around his neck.

"Mmmmm."

Addison took a big bite, her every arm movement pulling Derek closer to her, "Want some?"

"Uh huh," he nodded.

"Uh huh," she mocked, feeding him a spoonful.

She loved mocha ice cream.

XXXX

Just after 5 they both woke up at he same time. Derek opened his eyes first. They were on their sides facing each other, but barely touching. Her knees were slightly bent and one just barely touched his leg. One of her hands was tucked under her chin. Derek was using one arm as a pillow, the other rested on his stomach mere inches from where her other hand was lightly tangled in the materiel of his t-shirt.

She dragged open her eyes and stared at him sleepily for a few minutes, before bringing her hand up his chin and guiding his lips to hers.

He kissed her sweetly for a moment before pulling away and running his hand over the side of her face and through her hair, "Go back to sleep Add-love."

She obediently closed her eyes and snuggled against his chest.

Within moments they were fast asleep.

XXXX

"It's not my fault we over slept." Derek exclaimed, leaning heavily on the counter.

"Not..." Addison groaned and continued rummaging through the tangled sheets and clothes on the floor and bed, "Well it wasn't _my_ idea to spend the night."

Derek checked the coffee maker again and sighed, "Sorry," he replied halfheartedly.

"I'll bet," Addison rolled her eyes, "I have no time to shower, no time to go home and nothing to wear to work."

"I'm making coffee."

"Well that's something I guess." Addison sighed as she pulled on the plain long sleeved shirt she had worn to the bar the night before.

Derek entered the back of the trailer and leaned against the door frame, "There are some of your pant suits in the closet," he offered, a small smile on his lips.

Addison raised an eyebrow, the relaxed look on her face contradicting her frantic movements around the trailer.

Derek shrugged and headed for the deck, "I picked up the dry cleaning."

The morning was quiet. It was still early, the air was cool and wet and the birds were just barely making noise.

Derek jumped as the trailer door slammed.

Addison stormed past him, her dry-cleaning flung over her arm. She has halfway to the river before Derek caught up with her.

"What the...? Where are you going?"

"Get the hell away from me Derek."

"Hey! What did I do?"

Addison glared, "That underwear, in with _my_ dry-cleaning. _NOT MINE!_"

Derek stared at her, "So there was a mix up at the cleaners..."

"In with our formal clothes? Really? A mix up?"

"Yeah."

Addison shook her head.

"You don't think..."

Addison gazed at him cooly, "That's exactly what I think."

Derek closed his eyes. When he reopened them a moment later Addison was out of sight.

He decided not to follow her.

XXXX

"You look like hell."

"Thanks Miranda," Addison replied drily.

Bailey took in Addison's red slightly swollen eyes, "You must have one hell of a hang over."

"I am not hung over in the least," Addison said evenly.

"Then what the hell happened to you?"

Addison looked up just as Meredith came around the corner.

Addison paled and pressed a hand to her stomach, She brought her other hand up to her face and turned away, "I have to go," she explained quickly.

"Are you..."

"I'm fine." Addison replied hurriedly, disappearing into the stairwell.

Bailey turned to Meredith and stared her down.

"What?"

"Anyone seen Addison?" Mark Sloan sundered towards them, hands buried casually in his pockets.

"She.." Meredith began.

"No," Bailey cut her off, "We haven't seen her."

"Right," Meredith agreed, belatedly and laced with confusion, "Haven't seen her."

Bailey nodded and shot Meredith a warning lock before turning away.

"So she's..."

"In the stairwell."

"And she's..."

"Mad at me."

"Why?"

"Don't know."

"Hrmm," Mark leaned against the wall and watched Addison pace through the window of the door.

"Aren't you going in there?" Meredith asked.

"Nope."

"Why?"

Mark nodded up the hall, "That's why."

Derek walked purpose up the hall, glancing into exam rooms as he passed. He approached them and Mark waved him over,

Derek pointedly ignored him.

"She's in there," Mark explained pointing to the stairwell door.

"Why did you do that?" Meredith hissed as Derek disappeared into the stairwell.

"'Cause I have been watching them fight for 5 years. I know exactly how this is going to end."

XXXX

"Addison," Derek said quietly, "I'm sorry."

"Go away Derek."

"Addy..."

"_Derek Go AWAY."_

"I am _trying_ to apologize Addison."

"I don't want your apologies Derek. I want you to _Leave Me ALONE." _She seethed.

"_Addison!"_

"_No GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! " _Addison raged, _"FOR MONTHS you treated me like a common whore. FOR MONTHS you chased after another woman. FOR MONTHS you throw Mark in my face. You treated me like garbage and I LET YOU. But I get to be mad about this Derek. I get to tell you to rot in hell. You CHEATED on me." _ Tears began to pool her eyes and she hurriedly wiped them away.

"But you knew Addy." Derek said quietly taking a step towards her, "Why are you getting upset about this all over again?"

Addison leaned back against the railing and covered her face with her hands, "It was perfect Derek. Last night it was perfect and then," her voice broke, "_And then I had the whole thing thrown in my face again It's all about you and Meredith Grey, AGAIN."_

Derek grabbed her arm gently and pulled her towards him, instantly she pulled away and tried to pulled her arm out of his grasp. He persisted, wrapping his arms around her until she stopped violently fighting him and just cried.

He held her against him, holding her and rubbing her hair and back as she sobbed.

"I'm sorry Addy. I'm so sorry,"

"No," she murmured, he voice muffled against his chest, "No," she said again pushing him away.

"But..."

"No," she interrupted. "Youo don't get to do this. You don't get to hold me, you don't get to comfort me. You just don't."

"Addison..."

"No Derek. You _can't fix this_. You _cheated_ on me. I cheated on you. we're done."

"No," Derek argued, "I _forgave_ you"

"I haven't. I can't. I _won't._" She turned away defeated, "Go be with Meredith."

XXXX

When Mark entered the stairwell a few minutes later Addison was composed and staring ot the window.

"I didn't spend the night at the hospital," she confessed, not turning around.

"I know," he placed his hand lightly on her waist, fighting the urge to smile when she didn't pull away.

"He slept with _her_. Again."

"I know," Mark soothed, turning her around and wrapping his arms around her.

"How could i have been so stupid?"

"You not stupid," Mark whispered, "Your perfect."

XXXX

_Forgive, sounds good. _

_Forget, I'm not sure I could. _

_They say time heals everything, _

_But I'm still waiting _

_I'm through, with doubt, _

_There's nothing left for me to figure out, _

_I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying _

_I'm not ready to make nice, _

_I'm not ready to back down, _

_I'm still mad as hell _

_And I don't have time _

_To go round and round and round _

_It's too late to make it right _

_I probably wouldn't if I could _

_Cause I'm mad as hell _

_Can't bring myself to do what it is _

_You think I should _

_I know you said _

_Why can't you just get over it, _

_It turned my whole world around _

_and i kind of like it _

XXXXXXXXXX

Couple things surprised me about this chapter. A) Mark... kind of a bigger bastard then I thought. Few hours ago I was defending him... now, I think he is a manipulative ass, B) I am surprised at how ridiculously fluffy I can make something. Seriously, how many people threw up when reading the first 3 sections. I know kinda overkill on the cuteness, but really, I don't see anymore in the near future the way they are carrying on... So... actually... you know how like camels store water or fat or something in their hump so they don't like die when crossing the desert. The squee from the last chapter and the cute cuddles and what not from this chapter are your camel humps.

sings my humps, my humps, my humps my humps. stops singing

Meredith: crickets

Review, especially if you understood that last joke.


	17. Like We Never Loved At All

_Previously on Tear Your Love Apart : _Addison hates Derek, but not so much Mark.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Buy in is $30 for Shepherd and Grey, $75 on Montgomery-Shepherd and Sloan."

"I'll take Shepherd and Grey being back together one month from today."

"Montgomery-Shepherd and Sloan in 3 weeks."

"Put me in for Montgomery-Shepherd in 2."

"Grey and Shepherd, 2 months."

"Grey and Shepherd, 6 weeks."

"Montgomery-Shepherd and Sloan, 10 days."

"Montgomery-Shepherd, for this Monday."

Alex stepped in to the middle of the crowd and held up his hands, "100 dollars on Shepherd and Montgomery-Shepherd doing _each other. _I'm saying by the end of the week."

Staff members exchanged glances, then did some mental calculating.

"2 weeks."

"1 month."

"By Thursday."

XXXX

Derek entered the locker room. His heart dropped instantly to his stomach as he saw Addison standing by her locker.

He cleared his throat and walked in her direction.

She glanced at him, but didn't acknowledge him.

"Did you see the..." Derek trailed off, unsure why he was bring this up, other then he just wanted her to talk to him.

Addison continued on, arranging her stethoscope as if he wasn't even there.

"They are betting on how long... on how much time... on whether or not..."

"Do you have it with you?" Addison asked simply.

"Have what?" Derek asked, genuinely confused, yet relieved that she was talking and not yelling.

"The sheet. With the bets. What is it a calendar?"

Derek stared at her, but dumbly handed her the roughed out calendar with all the initials and bets scrawled all over it. He had been mean to destroy it.

Addison snatched it out of his hand and examined it for a moment. She pulled a pen out of her lab coat pocket. "I'm putting you down for today," she informed him, "You'll win. Plus I'll even pay for you." she added reaching for her purse.

"Today?"

"Mmm," Addison made a small sound of agreement,"I'm on my way to talk to him now. What should I sign up for?"

"What?"

"What day?" Addison clarified, "Although for only $30 a day I could pick a couple."

Derek glared at her, confused and slightly hurt.

Addison shrugged, and handed him back the paper, "Sign me up for something. I don't really care when. I can't win much anyway."

Addison walked past him, towards the door.

"Your right," Derek agreed, his voice taking on the edge that Addison's previously held. "The real money is in this last one."

Addison turned to face him.

"You know," he said walking towards her, "We could each make a couple thousand if we have sex by the end of the shift."

"Derek..." Addison's voice was small and hurt.

"But that might get in the way of your date tonight."

Addison turned her face away from him.

"Didn't take you long to move on, did it Addison? But you've been looking for an excuse to go running back to him ever since he came to Seattle."

"Your a bastard," Addison whispered as she fled the room.

Derek just stood there motionless as the door closed behind her. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He could have handled that better.

XXXX

"Hello ladies," Mark greeted Izzie and Meredith as he walked into the Neonatal.

"It's Monday." Izzie stated.

"Why yes it is."

""Thursday, Friday, Saturday, sometimes Sunday, those are the days that I have to put up with you. It's Monday." she repeated.

Mark made himself comfortable in a corner chair, "But it's the first Monday after the divorce. The first Monday after Saturdays fight. The first of many Mondays that you'll see me hanging around Seattle."

"Don't you have a job?" Meredith asked in annoyance.

"I do. A good one. But the advantage of being a well-known plastic surgeon is that if you let it be known that you are going to be in Seattle on a fairly regular basis, work finds you."

Both girls rolled their eyes. Izzie turned her back to him, and smiled at the baby she and Meredith were caring for.

Meredith continued to shake her head and contemplate Marks pompousness until she saw Addison standing at the window motioning to Mark.

Mark stood and grinned, "Right on schedule," he smiled.

Izzie turned back and both of the watched Addison and Mark converse on the other side of the glass. They watched as the doctors smiled at each other, and raised their eyebrows as Addison neatly side stepped when Mark tried to kiss her cheek.

"What just happened there?" Izzie murmured.

"Not sure," Meredith replied.

Mark turned back to the window and winked at both of them before turning and walking gauntly away.

"But I am sure that we will know by lunch."

XXXX

Late that afternoon Derek approached Alex and held out his hand, "I believe you owe me money."

Alex crossed his arms, clearly amused, "Do I."

"You do," Derek said evenly, clearly not thrilled by his win, but feeling deserving of the prize.

"Me too," came a voice from behind him, a moment later Addison appeared at Derek's side, "Unless the rumour mills are wrong. Am I giving you to much credit? Or did you actually ask her?"

They glared at each other as Alex fished the pool sheets out of his pocket.

"A. Shepherd and D. Shepherd. This feels fixed."

"A wins a win Dr. Karev," Addison said evenly.

Alex shrugged and handed them their money.

Addison turned without another glance at either man. Derek turned and walked in the opposite direction.

"Someone still needs to win that third pool," Alex called after them.

George looked up from where he was picking up charts, he pulled the paper out of Alex's hand and scrawled his name.

Alex snatched the paper back, "Dude, that's 3 days ago."

George shrugged, "Talk to Joe. And I need the money by Wednesday. It's Callie's birthday."

XXXX

"McDreamy asked you out," Izzie whispered to Meredith across the incubators.

"Yes," Meredith whispered back, "At lunch."

"And you said yes?"

"What was I suppose to say? It's Derek."

"Did you want to say 'no'?"

"I don't know. I didn't completely want to say 'yes'."

"Why? It's Derek."

"_Exactly._"

Izzie stared at her, Meredith just shrugged and shook her head.

Both went silently back to their tasks.

"Oh," Meredith said suddenly, setting down her chart.

Izzie looked at her quizzically.

"Addison," Meredith said, reminding herself, "I meant to tell you. Addison asked Mark to dinner for tonight."

"She _what?_"

"That's what they were talking about earlier."

"Addison asked out _Mark?_"

Meredith nodded.

Again then went back to there jobs.

Meredith looked up again, "You don't think that's why he asked me out do you?"

XXXX

"I thought you had a hot date," Alex grumbled, sitting down at the bar beside Meredith and Izzie.

"Liquid courage," Meredith explained drain another drink, "Okay, I'm ready. Wish me luck."

"Good luck," Izzie muttered, completely void of enthusiasm.

"What's your problem?" Alex questioned the moment Meredith left.

Izzie stared at him evenly, "Your an ass."

XXXX

Derek stood just inside the doors of the hospital. He was suppose to meet Meredith there in a matter of minutes and he was more nervous then he was willing to admit to. He turned when he heard the elevators opening, expecting to see Meredith emerging. Instead he saw Addison exiting. Derek shrank back, and Addison walked by, looking more amazing then usual, not even noticing him.

He watched from the window as she walked out into the early evening light and approached Mark.

Mark said something to her and she laughed. Derek felt his entire body tense.

"Hey," Meredith spoke from behind him.

He turned, his hands buried deep in his pockets, "Hey."

They watched each other for a few moments.

"I am _really_ nervous," Meredith finally blurted out.

Derek let out a relieved laugh, "Me too."

Meredith laughed and smiled, "Oh thank _God_."

Outside Addison dug through her purse. In theory she as making sure she had her pager. In actuality she was searching for a reason to run back inside and call the whole date off. She glanced up as she heard a laugh drift across the parking lot.

She watched Derek open the door to his car for Meredith. Then smile at her as she got in.

"Ready?"

Addison glanced up at Mark.

He held out his hand.

"Ya, I'm ready," Addison forced a smile and took his hand, allowing him to lead her to his car.

Meanwhile Derek had paused before opening his door. He watched as his former best friend held the hand of his now ex-wife as he led her to his car.

Derek watched them till they disappeared then set his shoulders and got in the car beside Meredith.

XXXX

Two hours later Meredith walked slowly through her front door.

Izzie glanced up from where she was drinking a beer on the couch, "How'd it go?"

Meredith shrugged, "I got paged."

"Seriously? That sucks." Izzie laid back down on the couch and dangled the bottle between her fingers.

Meredith shrugged again and sat down by Izzie's feet snagging the beer, "Did you know that Derek doesn't eat pork?"

"Is he jewish? Like kosher or something?"

"No, just doesn't like pork."

Izzie processed this, "I like pork."

"Me too."

"So are you going out again?"

"I guess so," Meredith took another drink and leaned back, "I don't think this counted as a date. We didn't even kiss goodnight. I just... left."

"You didn't kiss?"

"Nope. I just... left"

They sat silently for awhile, passing the beer back and forth.

"Well," Izzie said finally, "First dates are always awkward."

Meredith just looked at her and sighed again.

XXXX

"Well," Addison stood on the step above Mark, she grinned, "I had fun."

Mark smiled up at her, "Me too." He brushed his fingers across her face and stepped up to stand directly in front of her.

Addison smiled slightly and tilted her face towards his.

Slowly he brought his face closer and brushed his lips against hers. He pulled away slightly and she bit her lip.

She glanced up at him and then leaned in and kissed him again.

She panted slightly when he pulled away from her.

He leaned his forehead against hers, "So..."

Addison was silent for a long moment, then she started to shake. Then she started to laugh.

"Ok now," Mark sighed, leaning back a bit, "It wasn't that bad"

"I'm sorry," Addison continued to laugh, "But..."

Mark smiled, "Should have known. Your finally single and therefore unappealing."

"Oh come Mark," Addison teased.

"Fine," Mark gave in and laughed with her, "So what now?"

"Who knows," Addison sat down on the front step, monitoring for him to follow her, "Who do you have your eye on?"

"No one."

"Liar," she teased, nudging him in the stomach, "You always have your eye on someone."

"I don't." he smiled nudging her back.

"I have known you for _ever_. You are flying to Seattle for 4 days every week. And now we both know it's not for me."

"It _was_ for you," Mark insisted.

"Please," Addison rolled her eyes, "You were here for that kiss right?"

Mark laughed.

"Who is it?"

"No one," Mark blushed slightly.

"No one?" Addison questioned, raising an eyebrow., "Tell me._ Tell me_."

"I will tell you, when there is something to tell." He glanced at her, "Can we go in now?"

"Sure," Addison stood up and headed to the door, "So, you would not believe the date that I just had. The kiss goodnight... "

XXXX

_You never looked so good _

_as you did last night, _

_underneath the city lights, _

_there walking with your friend, _

_laughing at the moon. _

_I swear you looked right through me. _

_But I'm still living with your goodbye, _

_and you're just going on with your life. _

_How can you just walk on by _

_without one tear in your eye? _

_Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me? _

_Maybe that's just your way _

_of dealing with the pain, _

_forgetting everything _

_between our rise and fall _

_like we never loved at all._

_Did you forget the magic? _

_Did you forget the passion? _

_Oh, and did you ever miss me, _

_and long to kiss me? _

XXXXXXXXXX

So basically what just happened there is... Addison and Mark, not going to happen. They are friends now I guess. And Meredith and Derek... actually I am not really sure, I think at the moment she is just rather disillusioned by him as a human being. But at the same time she can't not go out with him, it's Derek. So I really don't know what to do with them. Basically I might just poke them with a stick for a few days. Plus I have to deal with Izzie who seems to have reentered her gloom-and-doom period.

_Next on Tear Your Love Apart: _Derek has to deal with the fact that everyone in the greater Seattle area wants to date his ex-wife.

So send me your feedback/ questions / comments

aka

Review.


	18. I Can't Unlove You

I write this fic just for the A/N's. I am not even lying. I spending many a sleepless night deciding what to write in them.

_Last Time on Tear Your Love Apart_: I really don't remember... Addek probably fought. I'll go ask someone... (clearly it was memorable, cause no one knows)... Oh, the bets. And the dates. And Mark likes a guuurl.

Please note, sometimes I throw in things to amuse myself. There is one really obvious one in this chapter.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So are you sick or something?"

Meredith blew on her coffee and put the lid back on, "No. Why?"

"You came home last night." Izzie stuffed a piece of doughnut in her mouth, "You came home last night, alone."

Meredith just stared at her.

Izzie leaned closer and lowered her voice, "You have been officially dating Derek for almost 3 weeks. I wasn't expecting to be sleeping this well."

"We're taking it slow."

"Well stop," Izzie rolled up her nose, "It's creeping me out."

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, you need to have sex. For me."

Meredith just shook her head, starting to walk away.

"I'm serious Mer. It's unnatural," Izzie called after her.

Meredith smiled as she approached Derek near the main doors, "Hey," she rested a hand on his side and lightly kissed his cheek.

Derek's arm went lightly around her waist and he kissed her back, "Hey."

"Lunch?"

"Sure."

Meredith smiled, "See ya then."

"Bye," Derek smiled at her as she entered the hospital.

Slow was good.

XXXX

Murder she wrote

Murder she wrote

Murder she wrote

XXXX

"Why are you avoiding me?" Alex asked in a low voice over the hum of the incubators.

"I'm not."

"Bullshit, I work on She-Shepherd's every other day and some in-between and this is the first time I have managed to corner you."

"I'm just a volunteer Alex, I'm not doing the same things that you are."

"Your avoiding me. Why?"

"Alex!" Izzie hissed, "I am not avoiding you. I just..."

"What?" Alex demanded, "Tell me why we went from being... whatever, to being nothing."

"You were great after..." Izzie took a breath, "After Denny died. But I'm just not..."

"Ready?"

"Interested."

Alex took a step back.

"Alex..."

"No, I get it."

"No, Alex. So much happened. With us and with Denny. I need to separate myself from that."

"So where does that leave me? I'm just asking so I don't waste my time. Other fish."

"I _want _to be your friend."

"Friend?" Alex questioned bitterly.

"For right now, yes."

"Hey," Meredith greeted entering the nursery, "Mark brought Thai food."

"Hey," Mark exclaimed, defensively. "When the woman you want is in high demand you've got to try every trick in the book. Including sucking up to coworkers"

"I'm not complaining," Meredith retorted, "I like Thai food. I encourage all sucking up that gets me fed."

Izzie and Alex stood there awkwardly.

Meredith and Mark exchanged looks.

Mark cleared his throat, "Karev, I have a surgery here in a few weeks, if your interested there is a spot on my team."

Alex shrugged noncommittally, a sure sign that he was dying for the opportunity, "I'm with Montgomery-Shepherd pretty exclusively..."

"I'll talk to her. I _do _have a _bit _ of an influence with her."

"Sure. If you want," Alex turned to stalk away, "I have patients."

"Alex," Izzie called after him.

"Don't you want something to eat?" Meredith added.

"Not really hungry but thanks."

The three stood in silence for a moment.

"Well," Mark said finally, "Let's go find Addison."

XXXX

"Dr. Shepherd, you have _another_ phone call," A nurse held out the receiver, her eyebrow raised.

Addison mustered a smile, "Thank you," she said, moderately embarrassed, "Hello?"

She turned away from the clearly eavesdropping staff.

"Oh hi," she listened for a moment, "Oh, from the video store? Peter?"

She cringed.

"No I'm sorry, Of course Andrew. I remember,at the pet store. You breed the huskies.."

She lowered her voice in the vain hope that no one could hear her.

"No. That sounds fine." she cleared her throat, "No, not at the hospital. Um, why don't I give you my cell number. We can discuss it later."

Addison took a deep cleansing breath as she finally hung up the phone. The situation wouldn't have been as difficult if this hadn't been her third such phone this week.

Really life would have been easier if she was Dr. Jane Smith. Harder to track down.

She smiled weakly at a passing colleague as she rounded the corner.

She briefly caught Derek's eye as he picked up the last of his papers and headed away from her.

He had heard everything.

XXXX

"So I hear you have another date tonight."

Addison groaned, "Where did you hear that from?"

"At least 5 different nurses and a few of your more attractive doctors.'

"That's just great,' Addison sighed picking out an apple, "The staff probably thinks that I am dating half of Seattle."

Mark smirked, "_I_ think you are dating half of Seattle."

"This is your fault." Addison protested, "No one would care if they didn't think I was dating you too."

Mark shrugged, "That _is_ unfortunate."

"Then maybe you could stop bringing me lunch everyday."

Mark shook his head, "Nope, that's part of the _plan._"

Addison rolled her eyes and took a bite of her apple, "I hate your plans. They're sleazy. And now I'm a part of them."

"What are friends for."

"I'm not your friend. You seduced me and ruined my marriage."

"We're friends."

Addison glared at him, then went back to her apple. Suddenly it dawned on her. "Oh," she said with a sly smile, "Oh."

"What?" Mark asked.

"Oh," Addison laughed, "You are in _way_ over your head."

"I am not." Mark blushed slightly.

Addison continued to laugh, "_Way_ over your head."

"It's under control."

"Oh no. There is no way you are in control of this."

"I am."

"Fine," Addison bit her lip and started laughing all over again, "You have _no _idea what you have gotten yourself into. She is going to eat you alive, and you are not even going to see it coming"

XXXX

"Oh hey," Meredith greeted Derek as she came down the stairs. "I was just looking for you," she leant forward to kiss him hello but seeing his fowl mood she quickly changed her mind.

"Ready for lunch?"

"Actually that's why I was coming to find you." Meredith began, "I forgot we had plans. I already ate."

Derek sighed with annoyance.

"Hey. I'm sorry. Someone brought in Thai food. I was hungry."

"Thai food?" Derek hissed, "Let me guess. Mark?"

Meredith stayed silent.

"I should have guessed he would come after you too. _Thai_ food. _Addison's favorite._" By this point Derek had already forgotten Meredith presence, he also didn't notice how loud he was getting, "Although it's going to take a little more that dinner to get her this time. Three dates this week. _Three_. We haven't even been divorced a month and she..."

"_Shut up!"_

Derek stared at her as if seeing her for the first time.

"God," Meredith exclaimed, "Can you _just not _ think about her for like _10 minutes_. Is it to much to ask for you to just, i dunno, _pay attention to me _for a little while." She demanded ignoring Derek's tense jaw and heaving shoulders, "I mean _God. _She _left you, _so we could be _together_ and all you do is think about _HER! WHAT is so SPECIAL about ADDISON?"_

"_NOTHING! BUT SHE'S IS ALL I HAVE!" _Derek yelled.

They stared at each other in stunned silence for a moment.

"Had," Derek said finally, "She's all I had."

Meredith stared over his shoulder for along time before speaking, "I think that maybe we should see other people." Derek didn't respond so she continued, "We both just got out of relationships and maybe we are just rushing into this. We should just... take a step back, slow down."

Derek sighed, "What does that mean."

Meredith shrugged still not looking at him, "I don't know. Maybe we just need time to sort things out in our heads. And I think we could do that better if we were more... casual."

"But what about us?" He clarified.

Meredith shrugged again, "We should be free to get over our respective relationships however we need to."

"So we're...?"

"So we'll have lunch on friday," Meredith replied, offering him an olive branch, "But until then," she paused, "Until then I don't think I want to talk to you."

Derek turned and leaned against the railing as Meredith silently left the stairwell.

He stood unmoving in the silence until a soft clicking behind him told him he was not alone.

"You can't say things like that to her Derek," Addison said softly, slowly coming up the stairs.

Derek turned and stared at her. She must have heard the entire conversation, trapped on the stairs below them, her heels would have given her away if she moved.

"It's not fair to her."

"Not fair to her?" Derek demanded his temper quickly coming to a boil again, "It's been a month Addison. A _month_. A month ago we were together."

"A month ago we had sex," she interrupted, "We were hardly together."

"We were _happy_ Addison. _We were happy."_ Derek exclaimed almost yelling.

"_Do not make it out to be more then it was Derek," _Addison warned, her voice raising and taking on an angry edge.

"Well what do you expect me to do _Addison_? _Tell me_ what I am suppose to do while you are dating every car sales man or dog trainer that you meet. Am I suppose to just _watch_? _Tell me _what I am suppose to be feeling here? Because I _cannot_ _stop loving you JUST BECAUSE YOU ASK!_"

Derek stood there panting from the force of his outburst.

"Tell me what to do Addison."

Addison stared at him evenly, "Wait for it to pass."

XXXX

I can't unthink about you

I can't unfeel your touch

I can't unhear all the words

Unsay all the things

That used to mean so much

I wish I could unremember

Everything my heart's been through

And finding out it's impossible to do

Oh, it's no use

I can't unlove you

XXXXXXXXXX

Oh he's been told. Yes he has.

So I ma not going to lie. For a minute there, I kinda thought that Derek might explode and then I would have my own "Chunks of Derek/Pink Mist" situation to deal with. Like... the longer I write this, the crazier Derek seems to go. This is where Tom Cruise is heading. I mean, Derek is longing for the day where he was simply jumping on Oprah's couch.

Hey Cessy, wanna go on a roadtrip? VEAGS! YEAH BABY!

_Next time on Tear Your Love Apart:_ Poppy Cunningham.

Oh, if you know what it was that was there just for my amusement, you need to review.

Actually, you need to review anyway.


	19. Hey Baby, Let's Go To Vegas

_Previously on Tear Your Love Apart: _Derek exploded pink mist style.

And this is for Cessy. I hope you like it, it almost cost me my marriages.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison looked up to see the chief standing in front of her, arms crossed, glaring.

Addison looked around. She was not usually the recipient of his disapproving looks. This time she it seems she was.

"What?" she asked nervously.

Richard spotted Derek down the hall. "_Shepherd!_" he growled

Now Addison was really confused. They had barely spoken to each other in the last few weeks, as Derek attempted to rebuild and fix things with Meredith. There was nothing that the chief could be mad at both of them for.

Richard thrust a piece of paper at Addison, "Does the name _Sarah Duncan_ mean anything to you."

Except that.

"_Shit_," Derek hissed through clenched teeth.

"No kidding," Addison responded scanning the paper.

"Yes," Richard agreed, "They faxed me your travel arrangements since neither of you could be bothered to buy a fax machine," he explained.

"I'm sorry Richard," Addison apologized, "I completely forgot. We agreed to do this almost a year ago."

"Could we cancel?" Derek wondered out loud.

"We are suppose to speak tomorrow night," Addison groaned.

Richard shook his head and turned away, "Your plane leaves in 4 hours."

XXXX

"Just..." Addison closed her eyes and focused on her phone call, "Truman's bottles are in the bottom drawer of the fridge, just warm them up in the bottle warmer which in in the cupboard by the coffee maker." Addison opened her eyes to see Derek watching her with an amused look on his face, "And if Astrid tries to stop you just show her the bottle, otherwise she won't let you near him. Astrid's food is in the the cupboard by her cage. And neither of them will eat if Mark is in the room so make sure he leaves." Addison took a deep breath and scanned the airport lounge, "I think thetas it. And thanks, Astrid attacks Mark when he goes near either of them. If there are problems call Adele or the vet"

Addison snapped shut her phone, paused, and then immediately reopened it.

"Mark?" she confirmed when the other line was picked up, "Do not burn down my house." she paused, "Am I laughing? Don't even go in the kitchen. I mean it Mark. If my house catches on fire because you were showing off." She rolled her eyes, "I really don't care about your _plan _Mark. I _care_ about my brand-new kitchen. " Addison looked over to see Derek blatantly glaring at her, "And don't go near my lovebird or my McDreamy, I have someone else coming in to feed them." She grinned, "It's a surprise , and your going to _love_ me."

Addison snapped closed her phone after saying her goodbyes and uttering a few more threats.

Derek collapsed in a nearby chair, refusing to take his eyes from the board announcing arrivals and departures. He scowled.

Addison rolled her eyes and sat down across from him, "Just get over yourself."

XXXX

_Hey baby, let's go to Vegas _

_Kiss the single life good-bye _

_Hey baby, let's go to Vegas _

_Bet on love and let it ride_

XXXX

Addison glanced around the hotel bar. It was nice. Very red. But nice.

It was also very loud.

But thetas Las Vegas.

Very loud, and very red.

Addison crossed her legs and ordered another drink.

Derek slid up close beside her.

"She's here," he whispered.

"Who?" Addison asked, mostly pretending he wasn't there. "Oh, _she _she?" Addison smirked but didn't look at him, "She has been waiting years for this." She finally turned to him, "Good luck."

"Addison please," he pleaded, then quickly turned, "She just walked in." he murmured.

Addison began to swivel in her chair, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Don't look at her!"

"Oh God Derek," Addison started fishing through her purse, "I feel like I am in high school," she muttered as she held up her compact and slowly moved it until he spotted Poppy Cunningham.

Poppy Cunningham who at 5 '2" was barely balancing on her 3 inch heels Poppy Cunningham who had put on 10 pounds since the last conference and was not holding it well. Poppy Cunningham who would be considered attractive if she could lighten up on the eyeliner and learn to apply blusher.

Addison dropped her hands to her lap, then brought them back to look again. Addison stifled a laugh, "Oh God, she _cannot _ pull off being a redhead

"Addison you have _got _ to help me."

"How?"

"I don't know. But I will owe you _for the rest of my life,"_ he emphasized.

"You _already _owe me for the rest of your life."

"Then I'll owe you for my next three lives. Addy please." he begged.

Addison glanced down at the bar at the other doctors who where openly eyeing her. The smart, talented, rich, _overweight_ doctors.

Addison sighed, "If you get into to trouble, I'll bail you out. Now go away. I'm trying to have a drink."

Addison finished off her drink as Derek skirted around the room. She smiled weakly at a colleague who was sweating profusely and clearly working up the courage to talk to her.

Addison sighed, switched her rings back to her left hand and crossed the room to where Poppy Cunningham had cornered her ex-husband.

She walked up to them and put her hand possessively on Derek's arm. not acknowledging Poppy's presence, "Honey, I left my purse in the room, do you have the platinum card?"

Derek smiled at her gratefully and wrapped an arm around her waist, "Addison, sweetheart, you remember Poppy?"

Addison smiled at her for the first time, "Of course," Addison slipped seamlessly into her manhattan persona, "Is that the Dior pantsuit? I have that in navy." She turned to Derek, "You know which one I mean? Remember you ripped the shoulder seam that time?" She turned back to Poppy, and tilted her head thoughtfully, "You look...nice."

Poppy cleared her throat, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you two where still together."

Addison gave a well modulated laugh, "Poppy you should know better then to listen to gossip," she chastised lightly, "I stayed behind in New York to take care of loose ends and everyone assumed the worse."

"You have separate rooms."

Addison glanced at Derek, then grinned slyly, "We were trying to be be considerate. Derek can be ...vigorous. This way we don't have any neighbors to disturb."

Poppy's face turned the same unflattering shade of red as her hair.

Derek cleared his throat awkwardly, "It was nice seeing you Poppy," he said leading Addison away, "That was mean."

"That was effective," Addison moved to move her rings back.

"Don't," Derek grabbed her hand, "She's still watching."

"Seriously," Addison looked around in annoyance.

"Come on," Derek took her hand and led her towards the bar, "We might as well make the best of this."

XXXX

"How is she still here?" Addison groaned her body starting to feel heavy from the alcohol

"She is trying to wait us out," Derek sighed, emptying _another_ glass.

"What more does she want? I have been rubbing your thigh and stroking you arm for like 2 hours. Anymore and someone's going to tell us to get a room."

"We have rooms."

"I know, and I want to go back to mine."

Derek looked over and made eye contact with Addison. She smiled at him, her eyes slightly blurred, and sighed.

They were doing their best. Every other colleague they had talked to that night unquestioningly believed that the Shepherds were still together. How could they not be. Their chairs where pushed so close together that Addison legs were tangled with Derek's under the table, and for the last hour her arm had been draped over the back of his chair so she could run her fingers through his hair whenever Poppy Cunningham looked their way.

Not to be outdone, Derek rested his arm possessively across her crossed legs. Addison was popular at these conferences. She always attracted attention, and he did not need someone approaching them and catching her eye. And he was sure that Poppy had sent more then a few men over to do just that.

The irony of the situation was that they were so comfortable together, and with their current positions, that it was making them uncomfortable.

"Your tired," Derek stated as Addison leaned against the table.

Addison nodded.

Derek leaned back and took the hand that Addison's chin was resting on and pulling her to her feet, "Let's go and see if she follows."

Addison nodded again and slipped her arm around his waist, more to keep herself upright then anything.

Derek kissed her temple firmly as they passed by Poppy Cunninghams table, pretending of course not to notice her. He pulled her closer to him as they stood in the elevator, Poppy crossing the lobby towards them. Addison obediently rested her head against his shoulder. The alcohol made it feel twenty pounds and she found it difficult to lift when the elevator doors closed.

"Thanks Addy," Derek breathed with relief.

"No problem," Addison squinted, the elevator was brighter then the bar.

Derek winced and rubbed his head, "We have to come up with a speech by 3 o'clock tomorrow. Hung over."

Addison groaned as she stepped off the elevator, "This is your fault." she stated, her steps unsteady.

Derek didn't deny it.

Addison stopped as they neared there rooms, Derek turned to look at her and without warning Addison leaned forward and kissed him.

His hands went instantly to her hips, then circled around her waist.

Her hand went firmly to the back of his neck as he pulled her closer.

She pulled back a moment later, tugging slightly on his lower lip.

"Did she follow us?" He questioned quietly.

"No," Addison whispered, kissing him again.

XXXXXXXXXX

This is why it takes so freaken long for the story to go anywhere. I hear a song and think, 'Hey, that would be a good chapter". I mean, they are in VEGAS. Is this _really_ necessary. No, it's _really_ not.

But Poppy Cunningham is like... awesome. It's a catch phrase now. For someone who no matter how hard they try and how much money they have will always look cheap. EX: "The new news anchor with the 3 inch acrylic nails, is _such_ a Poppy Cunningham." Learn it. Love it. Spread it to the masses.

Oh and here is a little something that you may not have noticed. ADDISON JUST KISSED DEREK. Now I was rather surprised by this. I was kinda under the impression that Addison wasn't interested in revisiting the apparent hell that was her relationship with Derek. Derek has been the loopy indecisive one. Addison was calling the shots. But now she is kissing him for no reason other then...i dunno, she is drunk and bored. Which I think all know often means you end up in a strangers room at 5 am looking for your underwear and stealing cab money.

_Next time on Tear Your Love Apart : The next day. _

o0o0o0o0o0o0o

I don't know why I am doing this "next time" thing, other then it is forcing me to come up with something for the next chapter. And I _really _don't know why I am doing the "previously" thing 85 of the time I don't even remember.

Review, I think we are at or really close to 300, and that is amazing, and I kinda what to see how fast we can get to 400. PLUS I am a review whore.


	20. Leaving Las Vegas

So I go bored and added times. They mean nothing. Well no, they mean nothing important, if ou look at them you might notice something, but you probably won't, or you don't care. Or both.

_Previously: _Poppy Cunningham. And Addison kissed Derek.

XXXXXXXXXX

_5:59am_

Hangovers.

They suck.

They really suck when you wake up way to early and all you want to is sleep for a year.

They really really suck when you wake up way to early and you know that you have tons to do, so even though you want to go back to sleep for a year, you know you can't.

But the worst, is when on top of all this, you realize you are not alone.

Addison wasn't going to open her eyes. She had a pretty good idea what she was going to see when she did. However she was slightly sketchy on the details of the night before.

She remembered sex. Sloppy drunken sex.

Twice.

Derek groaned, "How the hell did we end up on the couch?"

Okay. Three times.

Addison didn't move. It was still possible that none of this was actually happening. She was at home, in bed, in Seattle. The dream like fragments of the night before were just that. A dream.

She felt fingers curl around her left hand as they were lifted from their spot on a warm chest.

"Did we get married last night?"

Addison dragged her eyes open and watched as Derek kissed the pad of her ring finger. She still had her wedding rings on her left hand.

"I hope not," she replied as he set her hand back down, "I don't have the energy to divorce you again."

Derek laughed.

Addison winced, "Derek my head."

"Sorry," he apologized, sliding off the couch, "I need to pee."

Addison sat up and slide her legs over the side of the couch, "I need water," she groaned to herself, "And my underwear," she added looking around the completely disheveled room, "I _really_ need to find my underwear."

XXXX

_6:27am_

The shower he had taken hadn't helped. Instead of being refreshing it had intensified his headache and made him slightly queasy.

He walked back into to main room and stared at Addison for a moment.

She had found some clothing, but had made it only as far as the bed before falling asleep again.

He crawled in beside her. A nap couldn't hurt.

XXXX

_10:42 am_

Derek roused slowly. There was someone pounding furiously at the door.

He groaned and uncurled his body from Addison's.

Probably room service.

He glanced at Addison as he picked up his shirt off the ground and did up a few buttons.

She was wearing his black t-shirt from the night before and a white pair of those panties that looked like really short shorts. He liked those ones. She looked decent enough for him to open the door, even though she would never let anyone but him see her with her hair like that. He smiled to himself. Sex hair. He put his hand on the door knob, some lucky guy was about to get an eye full of Addy's legs.

"Poppy."

"Derek," she purred.

Derek smiled with amusement and crossed his arms over his chest, "This is a surprise."

Poppy twirled a piece of hair between her fingers, "The macadamia nuts in my mini bar were stale," she pouted.

Derek smirked, "I hate stale nuts."

Poppy giggled. In the harsh hall light her hair took on a pumpkin orange glow.

"I'd invite you in," Derek said, running a hand through his own disheveled hair, "But Addy is still asleep."

Poppy looked past him to see Addison sprawled out over the bed, very much sharing the room with him, "I see," she said tensely her face contorting.

"But _we_ will see you at the cocktail party this evening. After our speech."

"Of course," Poppy quipped as she turned on her to high heels and tottered away.

Derek crawled back in to bed, and was already starting to fall back asleep when Addison shifted closer and wrapped her arm tightly around his waist.

"Where did you go?" she murmured, more then half asleep.

"I was dashing the dreams of my least favorite redhead." he replied, already succumbing to sleep.

"I thought I..."she yawned, "Was your least favorite redhead..." she trailed off, her words becoming incoherent as she fell asleep.

"No," he murmured "You love, are my favorite."

XXXX

_12:43pm_

Addison woke up slowly. She felt like she was being crushed. She glanced at Derek's arm laying across her hung over stomach. It felt like it weighed 500 pounds.

"God Derek," She groaned, pushing at him, "Move your arm."

Derek groaned but moved his arm.

Addison's stomach immediately began to churn, "Put your arm back, put you arm back, _put your arm back._"

Derek put his arm back and continued to sleep, his face buried against her shoulder and the pillow.

Addison stared at the ceiling, will herself not to throw up. Finally she reached for the phone and called the front desk, "Hi, could you send up some coffee. Allot of coffee, maybe the whole pot. And strong. Black. And french toast, some ketchup, hash browns but only if they are deep fried, and.." she held the mouthpiece against her shoulder and shook Derek, "Babe, do you want eggs?"

"Mmhshabumu."

"And scrambled eggs, the fake processed kind, pepper, no salt, maple syrup on the side."

Addison went back to staring at the ceiling.

"Derek, we have to get started on this speech."

XXXX

_2:17 pm_

"We cannot just wing this," Addison exclaimed in frustration, from where she sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed.

"Addison _we_ don't have a choice," Derek argued, leaning against the headboard.

"Yes, yes we do!" Addison snapped, balling up another failed attempt at an introduction. She chucked the piece of paper at Derek's head.

What was that for?" Derek responded, as the paper ball hit him just above his nose.

Addison groaned and laid back against the bed.

"I am holding this disaster of a speech against you."

"Against me?"

"Yes, against you," she replied. Addison shoved the pad of paper and pen at him.

"Write."

"No, it was your case first."

"Write."

"No."

"Derek Shepherd. WRITE," Addison growled.

Derek looked at her sternly, before yanking the pad from her out stretched hand.

"Thank you," she replied with false sweetness.

"Anything for you, s_weetheart_."

Addison rose her arms in victory.

Derek stared intently at the paper for an entire minute, "I don't know what to write." he finally admitted meekly.

Addison just laughed. Hysterically

Derek tossed the pad of paper aside, "Enough of this," he said decidedly grabbing her wrist and playfully pulling her to her knees and against his chest, silencing her with his mouth.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and looped her legs around his waist as he pushed her back on to the bed.

"This is not helping with our speech." Addison teased as Derek's hand slipped under her shirt and across her bare back.

"I think that this is the _only_ thing that will help this speech."

XXXX

_3:54 pm_

"We are going to have to wing this," Addison murmured staring at the chart in front of her.

Derek resisted the urge to smirk and say 'I told you so'.

"Urg," she exclaimed in frustration, drawing her knees closer to her chest and dropping her head back onto his knee's.

Derek automatically pushed her head back upright and continued with what he was doing.

Addison went back to the chart, "_Why_ did you perform a..." Suddenly she flipped back several pages, "_Shit,_" she exclaimed, "This isn't even the patient I thought it was."

"Who did you think it was," Derek asked calmly.

"The infant with the..." Addison waved her hand vaguely in the direction of her spine.

"Oh right," Derek remembered, "Yeah, why _aren't _we talking about that one?"

"I thought we _were_."

"Elastic," Derek requested, setting an outstretched hand on her shoulder.

She handed him the elastic and he secured her hair into the french braid he had just finished.

"Thanks," she said absently looking around the room, "Who's room are we in?"

Derek surveyed the room, "Mine, that's my luggage."

Addison tilted her head, "We have matching luggage."

Derek sighed and crossed the room and unzipped a suitcase, "Mine."

"Okay," Addison started to get up and Derek reach out to give her a hand. He pulled her to her feet, their faces ending up mere inches apart.

"I should go get dressed," Addison said quietly.

"Okay," Derek breathed.

"Okay," Addison took a step away and then grabbed her blouse of the back of a chair, picked up her shoes, and left the room.

As the door closed Derek had the very distinct feeling that he shouldn't have let her leave, or at the very least, he should have kissed her when he had the chance.

In the hall between their rooms Addison paused and let out a long sigh. _What was she doing?_

She heard someone come up behind her.

She turned.

Poppy Cunningham stood, her hand on her hip. She looked Addison over head to toe. Barefoot, holding her shoes, Derek's T-shirt and her skirt, carrying her blouse.

Poppy raised an eyebrow.

Addison look away.

"I'm looking forward to your speech, Dr. _Montgomery_," she said coolly walking past.

Addison turned, "Shepherd." She clarified, "Dr. _Shepherd._"

"I'm sure."

XXXX

_5:57pm_

"No, I understand. It is unfortunate." Derek stared at his reflection in the mirror, "Yes, keep us in mind for next year."

Derek hung up the phone and ran his hand over his face.

Their speech was canceled.

He picked up the phone again and dialed.

"Hello?"

"Addy," he stated rather then questioned.

She didn't reply.

"Addy?"

"I talked to the hotel travel agent, he got us both seats on tonight's flight back to Seattle."

Derek held his breath.

"The seats aren't together."

"What does that _mean_ Addison?"

"It means what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, Derek."

"But you started this Addison., _you kissed me last night. YOU KISSED ME._"

"I know," she said quietly, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry, Addison don't be sorry. Just tell me where we stand."

Addison was silent.

"So everything just goes back to how it was before?"

"It's too complicated, Derek."

"No, Add..."

No. It's is. We are both seeing people in Seattle, Derek. Us being together here, that wasn't fair to them."

"But.."

"That's the way things are Derek. That's how we stand."

"_Addison..."_

"Good bye."

XXXX

Leaving Las Vegas

Leaving for good, for good

I'm leaving for good

I'm leaving for good

XXXX

_11:04pm_

Addison sighed with relief as she finally walked through her front door.

She was home.

She surveyed the foyer and smiled to herself.

That was not her jacket hanging on the coat rack. Or her purse sitting on the table.

Addison raised an eyebrow and headed towards the back of the house.

"Addison!"

She glanced up to see Mark standing in front of her holding two glasses of wine.

"I'm guessing you are not suddenly psychic and foresaw my early arrival."

"There is more in the kitchen," Mark replied ignoring her teasing.

"Say 'hi' for me," she called over her shoulder.

"Nice hair Addison," Mark shot back starting up the stairs.

Addison ran her hand over her still braided hair, "Jerk."

XXXXXXXXXX

So basically, the moral of the story, is that for there to be happy Addek, they need to drink allot, have sex, but NEVER TRY TO LEAVE. It seems that as soon as they are out of earshot, they are able to think clearly.

So basically what we have established is that Addison is just as out of control with her feeling as Derek is, and if things go on much longer, this fic is going to end with Derek offing himself.

And did anyone else catch Derek braiding her hair. Buddy, thats just weird.

I kinda want Poppy Cunningham t move to Seattle. I picture her as like... a 35 year old Tammy Faye Baker.

_Next time :_ Mark's fling is revealed, and people get punched.

Review. Actually kids, I got more reviews on the last chapter then anyother. Which is cool. Cause right now, in my self induced celebate state, they are all I have.


	21. Who Knew

_Previously on Tear Your Love Apart_: Addison and Poppy had a verbal bitch fight, and Addiison decided that she is never sleeping with Derek again... again.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek Shepherd was in need of a good nights rest.

He hadn't slept in Vegas, at least not real sleep, restful sleep. Just alcohol induced sleep, which wasn't restful at all. The flight back to Seattle was bumpy at best, so no sleep there, and within 10 minutes of landing he was paged to the hospital.

Derek Shepherd was a man that needed his sleep

As things stood, he was annoyed with anyone who crossed his path.

Right now that was Mark. Derek and Mark had perfected staying out of each others way in the last few months. When they ran into each other in the halls, which happened frequently since Mark decided to spend a month on a "working-vacation" in Seattle, they pretended to be strangers.

"Morning," Addison greeted absently, vague as to who she was talking to, just helping herself to the nurses coffee.

"Morning Addy," Derek greeted her, his first attempt of civility that day.

"Addison," Mark grinned at her in welcome, "How was the trip?"'

"You don't know?" Derek asked smugly, "You two are so close I thought she would have told you _everything_ by now."

"We didn't really take much time to talk," Mark shot back.

Addison rolled her eyes. Mark was deliberately letting Derek get the wrong idea. But Derek was surly, and Addison _hated_ surly Derek.

"Our speech was canceled at the last minute, " Addison informed in, then smiled slyly, "But Poppy was there."

Mark grinned and turned to Derek, "Good old Poppy Cunningham. _How _is she these days. _Still_ lovesick?"

Derek ignored him, Addison watched with amusement.

"She must have been having a field day," Mark continued, "Did she try to get you drunk? Into bed? Into one of those Wedding Chapels?"

Derek turned, and walked away.

"That was mean," Addison informed Mark.

"That was fun."

"Your such an ass sometimes," she teased.

"It part of my charm," He grinned, "Come on I want to show you something."

XXXX

Derek stared out over the glassed in portion of the cafeteria. He was watching Meredith eat lunch with Alex. He fleetingly considered going down and joining her, but things had been slightly awkward between them, and he didn't want to make things worse by accidentally snapping at her.

He reconsidered when he saw Alex getting up to leave. He had been through allot with Meredith, it was just an off day, there was no reason to hide that from her.

But she was getting up, finished with her meal. He expected her to dump everything in the garbage and leave, but instead she left everything on the table and move across the room to talk to someone. A fake tree was blocking his view of who.

He watched her face. When she walked over she looked mildly please, maybe somewhat interested. But within the minute her face had broken into a grin, and she had covered her mouth with her hands to cover her excitement.

Derek frowned.

Meredith glanced around her, then put her hands on the other persons arms, grinning and talking excitedly. With one last, well Derek assumed it was a squeal, Meredith left and went back to her lunch.

Derek watched as Mark appeared from behind the tree and crossed the caf, smiling slyly at Meredith as he passed in front of her.

Derek glared.

XXXX

"Addison."

It was late afternoon when Derek ran into Addison in the hall way.

"We need to talk."

"No," she insisted, "We don't"

"God Addy," Derek exclaimed, "Why do you do this?"

"Do what?" she asked impatiently.

"Dr. Shepherd," both Addison and Derek turned to see Meredith standing at the door. "Dr. Shepherd," she repeated, addressing Addison, "Dr. Sloan wants to talk to you if you have a chance."

"_I'm _speaking with her right now, if you could excuse us for a moment," Derek cut in.

Addison pointedly ignored Derek and glanced at Meredith, the two women always looked rather off put when they had to converse with each other. "Does he?" Her eyes drifted over Meredith's shoulder to Mark.

Mark grinned at her and held up a huge bouquet of purple flowers, everything from purple daisies to exotic lilies.

Addison smiled, "Tell him it's perfect, and I love it."

Meredith nodded and returned to Mark.

"That was _so _rude Derek." Addison spat.

"What?"

"What you said to her. It was rude and selfish and immature."

Derek ignored her, "I needed to talk to you," he insisted, "We need to talk about this."

"No we don't Derek. There is nothing to talk about."

"I don't _get_ you Addy?" Out of the corner of his eye Derek watched Mark hand Meredith a small gift bag.

"You never _got_ me Derek."

"Why are you so willing to forget how happy we are together? In Vegas we were happy. It was us, the good us. And now you want to forget that it ever happened." Meredith peeked inside the bag and smiled delightedly at Mark.

"I am not forgetting, but we are so rarely happy like that that it hardly seems worth it to..."

Derek suddenly reached out and pushed Addison gently to the side. He crossed the hall quickly, pulled back his arm, and punched Mark squarely on the jaw.

Mark stumbled back, hit the wall, and sank slowly to the floor, clutching his face.

"_Son of a Bitch_," Derek raged, "What the hell are you thinking? Giving gifts to Meredith when Addison is standing 10 feet away."

"_What?" _Mark asked through his quickly swelling lower lip.

"_Derek!" _Addison exclaimed.

"How can you say that you care about her? If you are with her you are _with her_. You don't bring gifts to the interns and..."

"_Derek!" _ Addison interrupted.

"I _will not _let you treat her like that..."

"_Derek!" _Addison exclaimed again, unable to get a word in, "_I'm not with Mark."_

"_And Meredith_" Derek continued, "You just want everything I have. _What? _Get tired of waiting around for Addison? _She's to good for you anyway. _And if you were interested in Meredith, you should have _been a man _ about it. But _no_ your sneaking around, bring her gifts, making her jealous by getting Addison flowers, and..."

"_Oh. My. GOD. Derek you are such an egotistical self-centered jackass." _Addison exclaimed, loud enough that everyone stared, "_He is with IZZIE. God. Not EVERYTHING is about YOU."_

Derek and Addison glared at each other until Addison looked pointedly at Mark, still down on the ground.

Izzie had appeared, seemingly from nowhere and was kneeling on the ground beside him, gently examining his face.

"He was surprising her with tickets to a concert she wanted to go to," Meredith informed him, arms crossed, "You ruined it."

Addison turned away, "You should get some ice on his hand," she suggested to Meredith, ignoring Derek completely.

XXXX

"This is the best patch job I have gotten yet, Isobel," Mark remarked elongating the syllables of her name. He watched Izzie's face as she dabbed disinfectant on his lip.

Izzies lips twitched, "At least you don't need stitches this time."

"True," he moved his head slightly out of the way, Izzie immediately moved it back, "Derek is loosing his touch. The first time I was out cold for thirty seconds."

"So this happens often?" Izzie teased, leaning against the low counter of the nurses station, "Should I be getting you self-defense classes for Christmas?"

Mark grinned then winced, rolling his chair over to sit directly in front of her, "Only if I keep being right."

"He hits you cause you are right;" Izzie was not buying this.

"He hates to be wrong."

"So what where you _right_ about the first time?"

Mark locked eyes with her and rested his hands on the outside of her thighs right above her knees, "I told him if he didn't smarten up, Addison was going to leave him."

"No!"

Izzie and Mark looked up to see Bailey standing there, hands on her hips.

"No. NO, no, no." She shook her head, and turned abruptly away, "Foolish. All of them. _My interns_, my interns need to stop sleeping with the higher ups, is what _my interns _need to do. In my day we worked hard, we didn't..." her voice trailed of down the hall.

"Does anyone care that neither of us even work at this hospital?"

Izzie sighed, "No."

XXXX

_When someone said count your blessings now _

_For they're long gone _

_I guess I just didn't know how _

_I was all wrong _

_They knew better _

_Still you said forever _

_And ever _

_Who knew _

_If someone said three years from now _

_You'd be long gone _

_I'd stand up and punch them out _

_Cause they're all wrong and _

_That last kiss _

_I'll cherish _

_Until we meet again _

_And time makes _

_It harder _

_I wish I could remember _

_But I keep _

_Your memory _

_You visit me in my sleep _

_My darling _

_Who knew _

XXXX

"What did he do?"

"Hrmmm?" Mark and Izzie had been watching a movie at Izzie's place and Mark had been about to doze off.

"When you said that Addison would leave him. What did he do?"

"Isobel that was 3 years ago and I was unconscious."

Izzie just tilted her head to the side.

Mark sighed, "He threw himself into his work, more then he already had, and bought her a brownstone."

"I'm guessing she didn't want a house," Izzie stated softly.

"No she didn't."

Izzie reached across the middle of the couch where their feet where resting and took his hand, "You tried to help them though. You were a good friend," she paused, "With the exception of the affair."

Mark brushed his thumb over her fingers, "Or maybe it's all my fault."

XXXXXXXXXX

So basically, what you are seeing there is Mark thinking that he is responsible for Derek and Addison failing at the whole marital thing. Which is sad. I feel bad that he thinks that.

Now about the thing.

You know what thing I am talking about.

The Mark and Izzie thing.

So here is the deal. Mark and Izzie were always going to be together. I decided that right around the time that I decided that I would right this. I never really considered putting Mark with anyone else. Here is why. Mark and Izzie make sense. To me. Izzie is kinda like Addison, she is smart, she is beautiful, and right now she kinda needs to be taken care of (kinda like Addison did, but with the added bonus that Izzie is not married). Now Mark is kinda like Alex in a way. He is smart and ambitius, cocky arrogent. But he is also kind and good and has basically just matured more then Alex and has the softnss that Alex is missing (and that Denny had.) God I am good sometimes.

So Izzie and Mark are together.

And for all those who wanted Mark with Meredith, there are tons of stories about Mark and Meredith. But this story is about Derek and Addison, and in this story Mark happens to be with Izzie and they are rather pleased with that arrangement.

And really. Would Addison have really tried that hard to get Mark with Meredith. I doubt it.

_Next time on Tear Your Love Apart_: Derek and Meredith go to the beach.

So here is the thing about the next few chapters. I am going to be more or less without my computer for like... 2 weeks. But I want to have this fic like more or less done by the time the new season starts. SO, I have been writing like a mad woman on crack and I have the next 2 chapters done. I think what I will do is try to write another by Monday night, upload them all to and then when ever I get a chance during those 2 weeks I will post one.

Sound good?

Review.


	22. Soak Up the Sun

_previously on Tear Your Love Apart: _Marks Love interest was revealed to be Izzie! Derek punched Mark 'cause Derek doesn't know how to use his words.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What are you doing here?"

Meredith stared at Izzie, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm working. What are you doing here?"

"I'm working. You don't work here."

"I'm thinking about neonatal nursing. Addison's having me shadow. Aren't you suppose to be at the lake?"

"I got called in and Derek dropped me off. Why didn't you tell me that you were switching to nursing?"

"'Cause I am just trying it out, I haven't decided. Did you at least have fun?"

Meredith shrugged, "I read, he slept," she held out her arms, "I don't think I even had a chance to tan.

"Izzie?" Addison spoke up from near by, "Jaquline and I have a procedure this afternoon, just a c-section. Do you want to scrub in? Observe?"

Izzie's eye's lit up, "Really? Isn't that against the rules? I don't work here anymore."

"Is that a 'no'?"

"No!"

"Then I will see you in OR 2 at 3."

Izzie grinned, gave Meredith an excited squeal and ran off.

Meredith's smile faded slightly when she locked eyes momentarily with Addison.

"I hope you wore sunscreen," Addison said, attempting to fill the silence.

Meredith looked up, then shrugged, "Didn't really think about it."

Addison gave her a look telling her she should know better then walked away.

XXXX

Addison rapped sharply on the door to Derek's trailer.

"Jesus Derek," she sighed when he opened the door.

"If you came her to gloat, you can leave," Derek grumbled.

"You _ know_ your fair, you _know_ you burn easily, and yet you _never_ wear sunscreen unless I tell you to."

"You weren't there to tell me to."

"You're a grown man."

"Did you bring aloe?" Derek asked changing the subject.

Addison held out the bag, "Don't forget your face."

"_Thanks_."

"I am serious. You can't let your face peel, you'll be out of surgery." Addison followed him into the trailer.

Derek paused in front of the mirror, "I was going to wear my red shirt tonight."

Addison smiled, "That would be a bad idea at this point."

Derek smiled back in spit of himself, "Are you telling me I wouldn't look _dreamy_?" He asked.

"I am saying that you would look rather monochromatic." she laughed.

"You wear red and you have red hair," he pointed out.

Addison leaned back on the couch, "Your face is redder then my hair," she teased, "Allot _redder_."

Derek finished putting aloe on his nose and sat down beside her.

"I should be getting home." Addison said finally, letting her head fall back onto the back of the couch, then rolling it to the side to look at Derek.

Derek copied her movement, "Then go," he whispered finally.

"I will."

Derek leaned towards her. Slowly. Giving her plenty of time to move or to tell him to stop.

She didn't.

Addison barely moved when Derek kissed her. But she didn't stop him.

Derek pulled away, resuming his prior position just watching her, "Are you mad?"

"No," she replied softly.

Derek paused, "Would you get mad if I did if again?"

Addison shook her head, and Derek leaned in.

Addison smiled in spit of herself, kissing him back a little more aggressively then Derek was expecting.

Things escalated quickly and before Derek knew what was happening, his hands were touching the bare skin just under her shirt and Addison's body was pressed up against his pushing his shirt off his shoulders.

"Addy stop!" He exclaimed, firmly pulling away.

"What?" she asked breathlessly.

"This is a bad idea."

"Why?" she demanded.

"For one thing, every time we have sex you end up yelling at me."

Addison chuckled.

"I'm serious," Derek exclaimed, "I am not having sex with you if you are going to end up yelling at me."

"I won't yell at you."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Addison laughed,

"Say it," Derek deadpanned, " Say 'I, Addison Shepherd, promise not to yell at Derek Shepherd for at least 48 hours post-coital.'"

Addison tipped her head back and laughed.

Derek lean forward and kissed right under her jaw, "Say it."

Addison continued to laugh, "I, Addison Shepherd, promise, " she laughed harder, "promise not to yell at Derek Shepherd for at least 48 hours post-coital."

"Thank you."

"However," she added, "This is the _last_ time we are having sex."

"You say that now," he teased slipping her shirt over her head.

Addison continued to laugh, "I'm not kidding Derek," she paused as he kissed her, "Seriously, this is the last time."

"Mmm hmmm."

"It is," she insisted, pushing him back onto the couch, "I am taking pity on you and your second degree sunburns. I'm distracting you from the pain"

Derek winced and froze as the rough materiel of the couch scrapped his bare back.

"You know what," He said, wrapping an arm around her waist and sliding her onto her back, "Maybe you should let me be on top this time."

XXXX

I'm gonna soak up the sun

Gonna tell everyone

To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)

I've got no one to blame

For every time I feel lame

I'm looking up o I'm gonna soak up the sun

I'm gonna soak up the sun

XXXX

"Do you want to stay for supper? I caught some trout this morning."

Addison wrinkled her nose.

Derek laughed, "I'll cook it outside. You haven't seen the new barbecue yet."

Addison sighed, "I have a date."

"A _date?_"

"Yes a date." Addison shook her head and smiled, " Andrew. Did I tell you about him?"

Derek shook his head. and stood, heading for the door.

"He handles the finances for the hospital." Addison told him following him outside, "You know that building downtown with that really ugly black sculpture outside?"

Derek nodded and grabbed a large trout out of a cooler and carried it over to the picnic table.

She followed and sat across from him, "Well, he is a partner in that firm.

Apparently he is the best."

"You deserve the best," Derek informed her, expertly gutting and filleting the fish.

Addison watched silently until he was finished, "That is a really big fish."

"Enough for two."

Addison sigh and gave him a small smile, "I_ could _just have salad."

XXXX

Addison poked at a tomato. For whatever reason she was just not finding Andrews resent business trip to Japan as interesting as she should.

Although he had brought her back an amazing kimono.

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Addison jumped as her pager went off.

"Sorry," she apologized. She dug though her purse and glanced at the screen.

_Babe, I'm getting hungry over here. -D_

Addison hid a smile.

"Hospital?" Andrew questioned.

"I'm so sorry," Addison apologized again, not answering the question. She signaled the waiter to bring her her jacket.

Andrew signaled for the check, "I have them bring around the car immediately."

Addison shook her head, "It's an emergency, I'll just take a cab." She kissed him quickly on the cheek and rushed for the door.

"I'll call you ..." Andrew called after her.

XXXX

"Took you long enough," Derek teased as Addison stepped out of the cab.

"I stopped for wine," she told him holding up the bottle.

"Trying to get me drunk?" Derek smiled, "I know your type. Your going to try to take advantage of me."

"Only if your lucky," Addison teased, slapping his gently on his arm, right where he was burnt.

He winced in pain.

"But I don't think that tonight is your lucky night."

Derek crossed over to the barbecue as Addison disappeared into the trailer to find wine glasses.

"I don't know," he said to himself, "I think my night is getting luckier by the minute."

XXXXXXXXXX

Okay goes anyone else feel kiinda bad for Andrew? Poor guy. I mean she just left him there. And he has no idea what is going on. He is just like, "She's purty," meanwhile she is like, "Sure, blow off this guy to have dinner in the woods with my Ex-husband who I keep randomly sexing is a great idea. I'll bring wine."

Yup. Good plan.

I don't think they know what they are doing. I don't know what they are doing. I do know what Derek is technically dating Meredith. And I know that Addison is dating Andrew. I also suspect that Addison is playing the field a bit and might be dating some others. You know, just to pass the time.

And I really don't know how they ended up having sex. It just happened. I was writing away and all of a sudden i was like wtf. Seriously, I think it is a bad idea.

Review


	23. Nowhere with You

_Previously on Tear Your Love Apart: _Derek and Addison decided to try and have the most complicated relationship ever.

XXXXXXXXXX

"So I have the day off today. Do you have the day off today?"

"Is this where you ask if we can have sex tonight?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Since when do you take the day off?" Addison dangled a bottle in front of Truman, trying to tempt him to finish it off, Astrid watching her every move.

"Since I had nothing better to do."

Addison cradled the phone against her shoulder, "There was _nothing_ for you to do at the hospital?"

"I took the day off. Do _you_ have the day off?"

"If you have the day off why are are you calling me?"

"Do. You. Have. The. Day. Off?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to do something?"

"Do what?"

"I don't know. I'll pick you up."

XXXX

Addison closed the door to Astrid's cage and grabbed her sunglasses when she heard a car honking in front of her house.

The door had barely closed behind her when she stopped, stared and turned around going back inside.

Moments later she returned with her camera.

Snapping a quick picture she slide into the front seat of the red convertible that Derek was driving, "I'm sending that to your mother."

"Deep down inside, you love this car."

"Your having a mid-life crisis." Addison informed him.

"If so," Derek replied, putting the car in drive, "You brought it on."

XXXX

"Where are we going?"

Derek shrugged, as he waited his turn to drive onto the ferry "Seattle has 3 ferry routes, I've only been on 2."

"I've only been on the one to get home," Addison admitted.

Derek smiled, "Then we'll go on the other one next time." he nodded to the other side of the water," I want to know what's over there."

"Okay," Addison agreed, "And what will we do once we are over there?"

"Hang out, get something to eat, see what there is to do."

"Can we shop?"

Derek smirked, "I _suppose_."

"And get ice cream?"

"I guess."

Addison gave him a serious look, "Will you wear an 'I Love Seattle' t-shirt?"

Derek groaned, "No."

"Please," Addison requested, no real emotion in her voice.

Derek raised an eyebrow, "I will if you will."

"Fine."

"Fine."

Derek smirked, he knew that she would never wear one.

XXXX

"Add, this is the most disgusting pub I have ever seen,"

Addison shrugged, "The sign says world famous onion rings."

"But I hate onion rings."

"But I _love _them."

"Fine." Derek led them to a table that looked more or less clean.

A bored looking waitress approached, "In honour of the founder of the restaurant," she said in a nasally voice, obviously not interested in what she was saying, "For today all pitchers are four dollars and all food is half price. We are also offering for today only $1 bottles of import beer."

"She wants the onion rings," Derek sighed, "And you might as well bring us a pitcher of whatever is on tap." Addison help up two fingers, "Actually bring us each a pitcher."

The waitress stared at them a second, apparently memorizing there order, then walked away.

"That's allot of beer Add."

Addison shrugged, "We are going to need it," she nodded to the stage, "There's a band. This is an irish pub."

XXXX

Derek leaned close to Addison, "We need to leave this pub," he whispered.

"Why? I'm having fun."

"I bet you are," Derek laughed. Addison was the center of attention. The band had played for 10 minutes, which was there entire repertoire, and had then had ended up joining the former Mr and Mrs Shepherd at there table. Derek might have been jealous if the youngest hadn't been at least 65, "But we've spent 14 dollars on beer. I'm concerned for our health."

Addison sighed, "Sorry boys," she teased, "Someone is feeling neglected." She winked at Derek.

Derek slapped the should of the band member nearest him, "You can't really blame me for wanting her to myself."

The laughingly said their good byes And walked out into the early afternoon sun.

"Oh God," Addison squinted and shielded her eyes, "What time is it?"

Derek glanced at his watch, "2:17."

"We should walk this off."

"Agreed," Derek said falling into step beside her.

"Oooh, look," Addison grabbed his arm."Ice Cream."

XXXX

"Are you almost ready?" Derek stood outside the gas station bathroom impatiently. He had bought the t-shirts, he had put on his t-shirt, now he was waiting for her to do the same.

"Ready," she said calmly, exiting the washroom.

Derek stared at her. She had rolled the bottom of the to big t-shirt and tied in in a knot on her side. Derek stared at her stomach.

"Ready to go?" she smirked, leaning against the car.

"That's not fair," he told her, getting in the car, "Not fair."

XXXX

"Uuummmmm," Addison moaned, "I didn't realize how much I have missed, dirty greasy hot dogs and fries."

"Almost as good as New York?"

"_Almost,"_ Addison stared up at the sky. She was laying on her back across the front seat of the car, her head resting against Derek's leg, "Do you ever miss New York?"

Derek reached over and grabbed some of the fries from the bag on Addison stomach, "Not lately."

_Ring! _

Addison sat half way up and grabbed the offending cell phone.

"Amanda," she read off the caller ID of Derek's phone.

"Ignore it."

XXXX

Derek stared at the flickering screen. He hadn't been to a drive-in in probably twenty years. He tightened him arm around Addison's shoulder. She had fallen asleep 20 minutes into the movie.

His phone rang again and he flipped it open before it could wake her up.

"Hello?" It's was Meredith. "Hey Mer.. Ya I had a great day off." he leaned over and kissed Addison's temple, "I'm watching a movie. At the drive-in actually." Addison shifted slightly against him, "Can I call you later? The movie is almost over. "Kay. Bye."

Addison murmured something in her sleep and buried herself in his side.

He nuzzled her hair gently, "You ready to go?"

Addison nodded.

"Okay. Let's go home."

XXXX

Addison sighed as they pulled up in front of her house. She turned her head to find Derek watching her.

"I have next Thursday afternoon off."

Addison grinned, and slide out of the car, "I might be able to get sometime off around then."

"So maybe I should pick you up around 2?"

"So maybe you should pick me up on a motorcycle."

Derek was still laughing as he drove away.

XXXX

"What are you doing?" floated Meredith voice over the phone.

Derek leaned against the pillows of his bed and adjusted the screen of his laptop, "I am thinking about buying a motorcycle."

Meredith laughed, "I _cannot_ picture you on a motorcycle."

Derek shrugged, clicking on the flashing icon indicting he had mail.

_To: Shepherd, Derek_

_From: Shepherd, Addison_

_Subject: Pictures from today_

Derek smile grew has he scrolled through the pictures that he and Addison had taken during the day. He laughed out loud at one of Addison kissing the cheek of one of the ancient band members.

"What so funny?" Meredith asked.

"Nothing," Derek replied vaguely, a huge grin on his face, "Just some pictures someone sent me."

XXXX

_Hey good looking, why the frown? _

_You always look better when it's upside down _

_You say you got nowhere that you're going to _

_Can I go nowhere with you? _

_I took the Dartmouth Ferry into the town, _

_Spent my pennies bumming around, _

_Tryin' to find a way to tear a strip off these boots, _

_Can I go nowhere with you? _

_Paid the cover, saw the show, _

_Sat at the bar where the drinks did flow. _

_Didn't see a single face that I knew, _

_'Till I went nowhere with you. _

_We'll kill some time, it looks like you might _

_need a little company, _

_I'm so cheap I may as well be free. _

_whoa whoa whoa whoa! _

_If you feel tired and want to go home, _

_I'm still wired, I can go it alone, _

_Same time next week at a quarter past ten? _

_And we can go nowhere again. _

_If you show up then, you know I will too, _

_Can I go nowhere with you? _

XXXXXXXXXX

Not gonna lie. I heard this song an decided that Addison and Derek had to spend a day together bumming around. So, this chapter has no real point.

And By the way, who is Amanda?

_Next time:_ Caleb. And prehaps an authors note discussing why you seem to hate Addek sex.

Review cause it's all that i am living for right now.I'm not kidding. Like reviews are down and i find it depressing and it makes me cry into my pillow everynight and the random boys are finding it hard to sleep.


	24. I Will Take Care of You

Sorry for the wait. I am sick and retardedly busy. And I have to get up in 5 hours. Go Team.

XXXXXXXXXX

"I don't know what to tell you," Addison told Meredith, "I am absolutely stumped." She sighed, "I guess... " she shook her head and stared at the chart, "Do everything. Order every test you can think of. If we haven't already done it, do it. We have to figure out what is going on by the end of the..."

"_Adda!_"

Addison turned in confusion.

"_Adda! Adda! Addaaaaa!"_

Addison's face lit up, "Caleb!"

Meredith watched as Addison embraced a petite brunette and happily took a squirming little boy out of her arms.

"Jenny, what are you doing here?"

"Well all our doctors moved to Seattle. By the way, thank you, two screaming kids on a plane with popping ears..."

"Two?"

Jenny smiled, "A little girl, Meggie. Delivered by the second best, I might add."

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith interrupted.

"Meredith, I'm sorry, this is Jenny Matthew's." she introduced, "And this is her son Caleb," Caleb's face was buried in Addison shoulder, "Caleb is a patient of Derek, so you might be working with him later on. Jenny this is Dr. Meredith Grey. She's..." Addison paused, "... interested inn neuro-surgery."

Meredith nodded to Jenny, "Dr. Shepherd, I need your signature so I can order those tests."

Addison quickly scrawled her name and turned back to the little boy,"Now Caleb," Addison said once Meredith had left, "Let me take a look at you."

"He knew your voice as soon as he heard you, I hadn't even seen you yet. I think he missed visiting you."

Addison smiled and coaxed the little boy to look at her. She gasped slightly when her turned his face to her for the first time. He was blind.

"He lost his eyesight about 3 months ago. Just over the course of a few weeks and it was completely gone. Now his hearing is starting to go, his organs are failing..." Jenny smiled sadly at her son, "The doctors in New York say they can't do anything."

"Jenny, I'm sorry."

"We came to see Derek. He's our last hope"

XXXX

Derek stood at the window looking into the small pediatric waiting room.

"Hey," Meredith said joining him, "Bad news?"

Derek sighed, "Nothing they don't know. His brain is shutting down. It's barely even sending even the most basic signals to the rest of his body. He's motor functions have decreased dramatically since the last time I saw him, his speech is slurred. The part of his brain that tells him to cough or sneeze has almost no brain activity... There is nothing I can do."

"You can't operate?"

"I can if they want. Put there is almost no chance to him surviving."

"That's to bad."

"Do you want on the case?" Derek offered, "Caleb is a very special little boy."

"Thanks. But I am pretty swamped with Addison's case," Meredith looked through the glass, "Do you know when she will be available?"

Derek watched Addison for a moment. She was sitting cross legged on the floor, her shoes kicked to the side. She was holding a toddler on her lap and playing with Caleb while chatting with his parents who sat nearby.

"Caleb's mother was a patient of Addison's," Derek told Meredith, "Addison delivered Caleb, she's been his doctor longer then I have. She isn't anymore, but she is still close with them."

Meredith nodded, "Well when you are done could you tell her I need to speak with her?"

Derek nodded and turned back to the window.

"Derek?"

Derek turned back to her.

"Do you want to have dinner tonight?"

Derek smiled, "Ya, sure."

Meredith smiled back, "Great."

Derek entered the room and knelt down by Addison, "And who is this?" he asked, placing a hand gently on the little girls head.

"This is Meggie," Addison introduced, noticing the strain on his face.

"De, De, De," Caleb stammered, moving wildly in Derek's direction.

"Hey! Little Man!" Derek swung Caleb up into his arms, "Let's go talk to Mom and Dad."

"We know what you are going to say Derek," Jenny said before Derek could even sit down, "We know the risks but," she exchanged looks with her husband, "We want him to have the surgery. And we want you to do it."

XXXX

"Derek?" Addison said softly closing the door behind her.

"I can't do this Add." Derek paced up and down the room. "He _will not _survive another surgery, I can't do it. I can't."

"Derek you can. He won't survive without it."

Derek shook his head, "I can't be responsible for killing that little boy."

"Derek," Addison soothed. stepping close and running her hands softly over his arms, "They just want you to try."

Derek shook his head,Unexpectedly he reached out and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her neck,

Addison tensed for a moment, he held her so tight she couldn't breath. She could feel his heart beating rapidly against her chest. As he relaxed his hold, she sighed and rested her chin against his shoulder, eventually turning her head so her face was close to his.

His hands slowly ran over her back softly down her sides to her hips and back up.

"Derek," she murmured pulling away slightly, "It's a bad idea.

"I know," he whispered, his hands never stalling.

"Your sure this is what you need?"

Derek nodded, "I need _you_."

"Okay," she whispered, "Okay."

XXXX

_I will take care of you_

_the very best that I can_

_With all of the love here in my heart_

_and all of the strength in my hands_

_Your every joy I'll share_

_for every tear i'll be there_

_my whole life through_

_I will take care of you_

XXXX

Addison lay on her side, staring at the call room wall. She wasn't quite sure what to think.

The past hour had not gone as she expected. She thought that Derek just needed to get out some stress and emotions. She expected that the sex would reflect that. But it hadn't. Instead it was as if Derek had needed her to take care of him and to hold him more then he had needed to, well,... Addison was expecting that Derek wanted to use her for sex.

But if he had been, he would have pulled away long ago. They wouldn't be laying here now, side by side, his arm still around her waist.

"Is it wrong that I wish they hadn't followed us here?"

Addison considered this. She rested her cheek in her palm and look down at Derek, "You love him. You watched him grow up."

Derek sighed and turned his head, staring intently at her shoulder.

"I don't know Derek. What if they _had _gone to someone else?" Addison kept her body propped up on her elbow but moved her hand down to smooth his hair out of her face "It's hard but, Caleb stands the best chance having you as his doctor."

"I never really minded that we didn't have kids," Derek confessed, "We had kids like Caleb. For me that was enough."

Addison smiled, "We are doctors, not parents."

Derek nodded, "I can't be responsible for letting one of our kids die."

"Then be responsible for helping him live."

Derek cracked a smile, "Add, that was corny."

"But you smiled," She eased as her pager went off. Addison rolled on to her back and reached blindly for her pager. "Richard," she read. She sighed, "He can wait."

XXXX

"Meredith," Derek approached her looking somewhat disheveled, "I'm going to have to cancel dinner."

"Okay..." Meredith turned to follow him as he walked right past her.

"Sorry," he apologized, turning around and walking backwards so he could continue talking to her, "Caleb's surgery is tonight."

"That's ok," Meredith called after him, "Did you tell Addison I'm looking for her?"

"No sorry," Derek replied, "I forgot."

"Well have you seen her? I can't find her."

"Ummm, she's around her somewhere," he replied vaguely as he turned a corner.

Meredith rolled her eyes and went back to the labs she was reviewing.

"McDreamy canceled? That sucks," Cristina commented from nearby,

Meredith shrugged, "It's okay. I'll just go to the gym."

"The _gym_?"

"Yes. The gym. I am taking a pilates class."

"Right. What's his name?"

"It increasing flexibility and over all good heath.:"

"I'm sure it does, What's his name?"

Meredith relented, "Mike."

XXXX

"You ready?"

Derek shook his head.

"It's what they want."

"They want a miracle."he argued.

"Maybe they'll get one."

Derek shook his head and leaned against the wall, "I don't want you to be there."

"What?" Addison asked in surprise.

"I don't want you to scrub in and I don't want you to observe."

"Why?"

"If he... _when _he..." Derek paused, "I don't want you to be there. I don't want you to see it..."

"Okay," Addison agreed slowly, "I'll sit with Jenny and Rick."

"Thank you."

"Hey," Addison wrapped her hand around his wrist, "Your the best."

Derek pulled away and entered the scrub room, "You better start praying for that miracle."

XXXX

Addison buried her face in her hands. It had been 4 hours. They should have heard something by now, at least gotten an update.

She looked up when she heard the soft squeak of sneakers on tile.

It was George O'Malley.

He shook his head slightly.

_Damnit._

XXXXXXXXXX

I don't know. I really don't. I mean, this is the direction that I decided to take the character when i first started writing this fic, but sometimes I doubt my decision.

I don't think they know what they are getting themselves into.

And for the record, Derek isn't _really _ cheating on Meredith. She _told_ him to see other people. And he is just random;y sleeping with Addison.

This chapter depressed me. And The Sex kinda creeped me out. I was actually uncomfortable with it. But At the same time I lo ved it cause it shows how screwed up and flawed their relationship is. So mostly LOVE.

Review.


	25. I'm Not Okay

So here is the nutshell. I lost the chapter. I think it happened like 2 weeks ago when the power randomly went out in my house, but I didn't notice that I had lost the chapter because, well, I was writing like 4 chapters ahead. So then I went to edit it, it was gone. So _then_ I spent like... 4 days trying to rewrite the damn thing with limited success. So now we are left with this very short chapter. Basically what I decided to do was just post what I had, which is basically all the important stuff and then I can move on with the story and the next chapter which was not lost.

So where we left off was Caleb died (oh a note on that, I don't just kill off "their" kids for kicks. I love Caleb, he rocks my socks. But he could not be saved, their was nothing I could do about it, he was to broken. But if it makes you feel better, Caleb's death is bringing to light some of the startling complexities of Derek and Addison relationship which will be further explained in the coming chapters. huh. That sounded rather intelligent. Go me.) Anyway, Caleb died. Before that Derek and Addison had sex _again_, but it was more of a weird comfort thing then the other times which had a liquor induced element or like... sex-out-of-habit. Oh and Meredith is 'interested' in a guy from her piliates class.

This chapter picks up like... I dunno, like a couple hours after the last chapter. Enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek stared unseeingly at the ceiling of the trailer.

He didn't think that it was possible to feel so... helpless.

He felt like time had stopped, and that there was no possible way that the world was still moving outside his cramped messy trailer.

Addison slowly pushed open the door to the trailer. Silently she walked to the back and wordlessly sat on the edge of the bed, slipping off her shoes and socks.

"It hurts." Derek murmured, "It physically hurts."

Addison stared at her lap, "Yeah," she replied softly.

Derek watched her until she started to take of her zip-up sweater.

"Addy," he murmured weakly, "I'm not..."

Addison froze , her arm locked behind her. She stared straight ahead. She took a deep breath and slipped the sweater all the way off and tossed it to the side, "That's not why I am here."

She glanced back over her shoulder at him.

They were changing the unspoken, undefined rules. And that was dangerous.

Derek and Addison locked eyes. Addison shifted and crawled up the bed, easing herself down onto her side

They watched each other but didn't see one another, both were lost in thoughts.

Finally Derek sighed, his voice trembling and turned back to stare at the ceiling, "I'm sorry Adda."

Addison inhaled sharply until she thought her lungs would explode, She couldn't hold back the sobs.

Derek rolled slowly onto his side and watched the sobs rake her body for a moment. He was so numb that he wasn't sure how to react.

His own tears were starting to run down his face when he finally reached out and placed a hand on her hair.

Neither spoke another word.

XXXX

"How is he?"

"What?" Meredith said loudly into her phone, turning away from the TV that was blaring be hind her.

George sighed and repeated himself, "How is he?"

"Who?"

"Derek."

"What?" Meredith questioned, still unable to really hear, the sports bar was really loud.

"Derek." GEorge repeated louder, "How is he?"

"Fine, "Meredith replied in confusion, "I guess. Why?"

George groaned, "You haven't talked to him have you."

"What? About what?"

"Caleb. He died. On the table."

Meredith was silent a moment, "Caleb? Derek's patient? From New York?"

"Ya. He didn't call you?"

"No," Meredith stood and began gathering her things, "He probably wanted to be on his own for awhile. I'll go see him now."

Meredith said a fast good bye, ignoring the winning shot and the victory dances, and quickly left the bar.

XXXX

Addison dragged her eye's open as she heard a soft knock at the door. She was still curled on her side while Derek stared unseeingly at the ceiling.

There was another soft knock and Addison slowly eased herself up.

"Don't" Derek said into the darkness.

"But..."

"Just don't"

"It's probably Meredith. She'd be worried..."

"I don't want to see anyone right now."

Addison sighed and lay back down, "Okay."

XXXX

Meredith stood on the deck for a long moment.

The trailer was dark and silent, but his car was parked off to the side.

She stared at the woods, expecting him to emerge at any moment. He often walked when he wanted to clear his head.

40 minutes later she gave up and drove home.

XXXX

The first birds were beginning to wake up before Derek or Addison spoke again. Neither had move the entire night with few exceptions. Addison got up and poured them glasses of scotch which neither of them drank, and Derek walked to the other side of the bed to rip the answering machine and the phone from the wall. He was in no mood to deal with the outside world.

"Thank you," Derek whispered softly into the blackened room, "Thank you," he repeated, reaching out and taking her hand in his and tucking both hands under his arm to lay on his chest.

"Where else would I be."

XXXX

_I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look! _

_I'm not okay. _

_I'm not okay. _

_I'm not okay. _

_You wear me out. _

_Forget about the dirty looks _

_The photographs your boyfriend took? _

_You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed _

_I'm okay. _

_I'm okay! _

_I'm okay, now _

_(I'm okay, now) _

_But you really need to listen to me _

_Because I'm telling you the truth _

_I mean this, I'm okay! _

_(Trust Me) _

_I'm not okay _

_I'm not okay _

_Well, I'm not okay _

_I'm not o-fucking-kay _

_I'm not okay _

_I'm not okay _

_(Okay)_

XXXXXXXXXX

So there you go. Derek and Addison inside the trailer, hiding. Meredith outside the trailer, waiting. To be perfectly fair, she doesn't understand the relationship that they had with Caleb. Derek tried to tell her and to involve her, but she didn't really get it. So she is outside, waiting, alone. And they are inside, being not okay, together.

What's the next chapter... I forget. Oh, it's the next day. And Meredith starts to think that maybe Derek and Addison are a bit closer then they are letting on.

Review, cause I just unpacked my VooDoo dolls and we _do not_ want to get back into that again do we. _DO WE_?


	26. Desperately Wanting

So basically it's Cessy's birthday, and I love her.

When last we met, Mereditth was outside, Derek and Addison where inside, and now it is morning.

Enjoy the chapter.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison stepped out of the trailer and stretched. Her clothes were completely rumpled from having slept in them and she was extremely tired. She picked up a note that was wedged under a rock and placed it on the step beside her as she sat down to put on her sneakers.

Derek stepped over her and walked to the edge of the deck, surveying the morning.

Addison walked up behind him and traded him the note for his coffee.

Derek quickly read through the note and smiled faintly.

"Meredith?"

"Mmm," Derek nodded "Are you running home?"

Addison took another sip of coffee and nodded.

"Don't run on the grass."

Addison raised her eyebrow and handed him back the coffee, "I run around the hospital in 3 inch heels and you are warning me about some wet grass?"

"I don't want you to fall."

"I won't," Addison assured him, putting her hands on her hips and cocking her head.

"You'll fall, and you'll get hurt," Derek continued, "And I'll have to take care of you."

Addison smiled and rolled her eyes, "Bye," she smiled, running towards the river.

"Careful," He called after her.

XXXX

"How is Derek doing?"

Meredith glanced up from her patient write up.

"I haven't seen him yet."

"Oh," Izzie sat down across from her, "He must be pretty shook up. Addison looks like she cried all night."

Meredith shrugged, "I don't know, I went to see him last night but he wasn't there."

"Or not answering the door."

Meredith looked at Izzie sharply.

"He might have wanted to be alone. Mark spent the better part of the night trying to convince Addison to come out of her room. She just ignored him."

"Are you sure she was even there?"

"Where else would she be?"

XXXX

Derek stood silently at the nurses work station. He wasn't really working, he was pretending to work, really he was thinking about fishing.

"Hey," Addison greeted as she jogged by, balancing precariously on her heels.

"Careful Addy," he warned absently, "The floors are..." he glanced up just in time to see her ankle roll, and her falling hard on her elbow, "...wet."

He rushed to her side.

"You okay?" he questioned softly.

She nodded and bit her lip.

"Okay," he said, ignoring the people gathering and the hands reaching down to help her up and did it himself. He helped her over to a nearby wheelchair and knelt down beside her.

Once settled she immediately reached down to take off her shoe.

"Don't, " Derek stopped her hand with his and moved them into her lap. "You foot will swell up if you take it off." Derek gently examined her ankle, holding her foot in his hand and lightly rubbing his thumb over her quickly bruising skin.

From a few feet away Meredith crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at Derek and Addison's hands, still clasped together in her lap.

"I'll take you down to see Callie." Derek told Addison, standing and moving behind her to push the wheelchair.

The people gathered around parted to let them past.

Not once had either acknowledged anyone but each other.

XXXX

_i remember running through the wet grass _

_and falling a step behind _

_both of us never tiring _

_desperately wanting_

XXXX

Meredith stared at Derek for about 5 minutes before approaching him. She wasn't sure, but she thought that he might be asleep, stretched out on a chair in the hallway.

"Derek?"

Derek's eyes sprang open and he smiled at her, "Hey Mer," he patted the seat beside him indicating that she should sit.

"How's Addison?"

Derek ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "She is taking it hard, but i think that she'll be okay. She's gonna want to go to New York for the funeral, so I think being able to see some of her friends and family will lift her spirits."

Meredith was silent for a moment, that's not what she had meant. "Umm, how are you?"

"I'm okay."

"I went to see you, but..."

Derek smiled, "I know. I got your note. I was in kind of a daze last night, I wasn't really up to seeing anyone."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed uncertainly, "That's what I thought."

They sat silently for a moment.

"So, have you seen Addison since she fell?" Meredith asked, trying to hit upon the topic she had originally tried to bring up.

Derek nodded, "Callie's in with her now," he nodded to a closed door across the hall, "I'm waiting to see if she needs a ride home."

Meredith stared at the closed door for a moment, "You've been waiting for her?"

Derek turned to her and smiled, "If her ankle is sprained like i suspect that it is, she is going to want to go home."

"Yeah, no, of course she will." Meredith agreed a bit to vehemently.

"Meredith.?" Derek questioned.

The door opened and Callie exited. She stared at Meredith and Derek camped out outside the room for a moment and rolled her eyes in annoyance.

Meredith and Derek both stared at the now open door.

"We are friends, Mer." Derek assured her.

"Yeah, I know." Meredith said quietly, looking at her hands.

Derek stood, but turned back to her, "Mer..."

He bent down and kissed her softly on the cheek, cupping her face in his hand, "We are _just _friends."

Meredith gave him a small smile and watched him disappear into the exam room and close the door, "_We_ used to be _just friends_"

XXXX

Addison sat quietly on the table, staring down at her wrapped ankle.

"Sprained?" Derek asked.

She nodded.

"Crutches?"

She nodded again.

"Can't work?"

"Can't be on my feet."

Derek nodded understandingly, "I told you not to run," he teased gently.

"I know."

"You realize you are going to have to wear sneakers for a few weeks, or a month. No heels."

Addison gave him a look but smiled, "You _love_ my heels."

"I like you better barefoot. It's sexy." Derek smiled at her and moved to help her off the table, "Your bleeding," he said, noticing for the first time the blood seeping through the elbow of her lab coat.

Addison bent her arm to look at it, cringing at the sight of blood on her white coat.

"Take it off," Derek instructed, moving over to the cupboard.

Addison did as she was told, bending her arm again so she could survey the damage.

Derek returned and stood in front of her, gently taking hold of her arm and cleaning her elbow.

"There," he said softly, "Not even bleeding anymore." He bent his head and carefully kissed the skin above her wound, "All better?"

She smiled softly, "All better," she affirmed.

They locked eyes for a moment.

Addison quickly looked away, "I need to go home."

Derek took a step back."I could... or I could call... Mark if..."

Addison shook her head, "No, you can..."

They looked at each other again. This was a new situation for them, being uncertain how to act around each other. No longer certain where the boundaries lay, were they ex's, were they friends, were they best friends, were they kidding themselves?

"Are you ready?" he asked.

She nodded sliding to the edge of the table.

"Add?" he questioned.

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking that..." Derek paused, "While we are in New York, for the funeral... You might like to stay in the Hamptons instead of the city,"

Addison's face softened and she smiled, "Together?" she asked uncertainly.

Derek stared at his feet, "No... I'll..."

"No. I'd like that," Addison interjected softly, "Just because we are there together doesn't mean we have to be..."

"...Together."

"Right."

"Right."

XXXXXXXXXX

So. I like Derek and Addison like this. All uncertain about things. 'Cause like before they could be like "Oh, it's just sex." or "We are just hanging out." but _now_ they are kinda like, "So we are kinda together-ish on an emotional level, but I don't want to think about it or acknowledge that it is happening So we will continue to live in denial." The best part is, is that I think they really do consider themselves to be "just friends" despite all the denial. Like when Derek said that to Meredith, I really don't think that he thought he was lying to her.

What's in the next chapter... hrmm... I need to find that paper with the plan on it... unfortunately i cleaned my room today and can't find anything...oh... Addison has a party. Chaos ensues

Review. I am decorating VooDoo dolls abd taking names..


	27. Party for Two

Sorry this took so long. I had a crazy week... of partying. But still. I may have come home slightly intoxicated at one point and tried to write will I was waiting for the drunk to wear off so I could drink more. But I went back and fixed that part. Unless you think that the whole thing sucks, then I was under the influence of drugs, alcohol, cold medicine, pms and alien-mind-probes the entire time.

So this is for Stephy and Kayli. They'll know which parts are meant for them.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison surveyed the kitchen with a practiced eye. Everything looked perfect. The waiters she had hired looked great, arranging trays and filling wine goblets. The chef was putting the finishing touches on dinner, to be served n an hours time.

Addison smiled as she felt an arm slip around her waist.

"Hey gorgeous," a husky voice whispered in her ear before moving closer and kissing her cheek, "Everything looks amazing."

Addison grinned and turned, "Andrew," she rested a hand on his chest, "You made it."

"Wouldn't miss it, I even told my secretary not to contact me unless it was a national emergency. Tonight I am all yours." he surveyed the mounds of food. "So what's good?"

"Everything." Addison replied modestly.

Andrew reached in front of her and picked up an appetizer, "Mmmm, this is fantastic."

"Thank you," Addison grinned, "I made that myself."

"Did you?"

"I did. With my own two hands." Addison bragged cheekilY, "All the appetizers, And," she paused for dramatic effect, "Dessert."

"Dessert?" Andrew questioned, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Addison ignored the look,"It's a poached asian pear taste sensation. Just wait, you'll love it."

"And she cooks."

"I cook."

"Is there anything you can't do?"

Addison considered this for a moment as she moved past him and to the door, "No."

XXXX

"She has a great view doesn't she."

Meredith continued to stare out the windows. She was standing on the landing of Addison stairway. Because Addison had vaulted ceiling throughout her first floor, the landing was more like a balcony, affording Meredith an excellent view not only the the darkened river outside, but also of the party in general.

"She does," Meredith agreed turning to face Izzie.

Izzie's face fell, "Your not having fun." She stated, "You find this awkward. We should have waited for Derek. But I wanted to get here early so that..."

"Izzie," Meredith exclaimed, "Relax. I'm fine. I just didn't realize that Addison and Derek lived so close together. It threw me, but I am over it."

"Derek?"

Meredith turned back to the window and nodded, "See those lights?"

Izzie followed Meredith's gaze until she saw 3 bright lights a little ways down the river, "Thats Dereks's trailer?"

"I think so."

Both girls were silent.

"So you don't see him around here or anything."

"Derek?" Izzie asked in surprise, "No, of course not."

"Not that it... I mean I just," Meredith paused, "They still seem... I was just thinking that maybe they... hung out."

"Well they are friends aren't they? They have to work together so they stayed on friendly terms. But I don't think that they see each other away from the hospital. For one thing Addison has been dating someone." Izzie nodded to Addison who was moving around the living room talking to her guests, Andrew at her side.

"Who's that?" Meredith asked

"Andrew something. He's a financial big shot. He's been taking her out quite a bit. I think she likes him."

"Good evening ladies," Mark appeared behind them, "Are we having fun?"

Izzie smiled as Mark wrapped an arm around her waist, "Did you know that Derek lives right across the river?"

"He does?" Mark said slowly, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" Meredith asked suspiciously.

"Well, I was just thinking that between the two of them they probably own about a mile of waterfront property on either side of the river."

Meredith rolled her eyes. Izzie gave Marl an annoyed look.

"Well," Mark exclaimed, attempting to change the subject, "Isobel, we need to get going."

Izzie smiled and turned to give Meredith a hug, "I'm sure that Derek will show up soon."

Meredith nodded, "Have fun in New York."

XXXX

"Your leaving?" Addison pouted slightly.

"I'm sorry, Addison. It's an emergency."

Addison nodded and tilted her head so that Andrew could kiss her good night.

"I'll call you later."

Addison sighed.

"Addison?"

Addison looked up to see Meredith, Cristina Yang and Preston Burke.

"We are going to have to cut the evening short. We all just got paged," Burke explained.

Addison looked around her for her pager, "I didn't..."

"And you probably won't," Burke smiled, "Small fire at a nursing home. They won't be needing you. But everyone else..."

Addison smiled, "My party isn't going to happen is it?"

"Not a chance," Cristina replied bluntly.

XXXX

Addison sighed and drained her wine glass. Her dinner party had lasted exactly 35 minutes. And now she was alone again. The caterers had taken off, leaving her with an enormous bill, even more left overs and 12 half empty bottles of wine.

Addison kicked off her heels and padded into the living room, she unzipped her dress and threw it over the back of a chair. As much as she loved her designer clothes, she kinda hated wearing them longer then was necessary.

She collapsed on the couch wearing only her slip. Wine and movies it was.

_Ding Dong._

She groaned at the sounds of her doorbell cutting threw her house.

"Damnit Mark," she muttered to herself, not bother to throw anything over her slip "I knew you two would miss that flight."

She flung open the door and froze.

Derek raise an eyebrow, "Add, I know you said it was casual, but... I'm suddenly feeling very over dressed."

XXXX

_I'm havin' me a party _

_(I don't think I can come) _

_Ah... This ain't just any kind of party _

_(Nah, I think I'll stay at home) _

_Ah, oh no... It's gonna be really, really hot _

_(It's startin' to sound good) _

_I'm gonna put you on the spot _

_(Baby, maybe I should) _

_And there'll be lots of one on one _

_(I guess I could be there) _

_Come on and join the fun _

_(What should I wear?) _

_I'll tell you that it, _

_It doesn't matter what you wear, _

_'Cause it's only gonna be you and me there _

_I'm havin' a party _

_A party for two _

_I ain't inviting nobody _

_Nobody but you _

XXXX

"So..."

"So..." Addison echoed as they wandered back into the living room after the tour of the house.

"Where is he?"

Addison stared at him in confusion for a moment, but then laughed, "He's sleeping. Come on." She led him to the back of the house and opened the door to the laundry room.

Derek stared as she flipped on the light, "That's McDreamy?"

Addison smiled, "That's him."

Derek examined the pig for a moment. Truman let out a loud snore but continued sleeping. "He's... cute."

Addison laughed and left the room, Derek close behind her,

"So, I can't help but notice that there is something missing at this dinner party.."

"The dinner? The party?"

"Exactly," Derek teased, "Where were you planning of feeding all these people?"

Addison grinned, "That's the best part." She took his hand and led him to the living room, "Okay, close your eyes."

Derek obediently closed his his eyes and stood in darkness trying to figure out what Addison was doing as she moved around him.

"Keep them closed," she instructed, moving behind him and putting her hands on his waist, urging him to take a few steps forward, "Okay, open your eyes."

Derek slowly opened his eyes and looked around him in awe. Addison had dimmed all the lights inside and opened the three sets of french doors that opened onto the stone deck. White drapes were hung around a table set for 16, giving it the feeling of being inside, but still allowing for an amazing view of the water. Derek stepped through the doors and approached the candle lit table. Everything was white and silver with the exception of dozens of deep purple flowers, the exact same colour as the slip Addison was now wearing and presumably the dress she had been wearing earlier.

"It's perfect Add." Derek told her as she joined him at his side. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you," she smiled, leaning towards him as his arm snaked around her waist.

Addison looked over at him, not at all surprised to see him watching her. Neither was really sure who leaned in first, but it didn't matter. The moment that Addison wrapped her arms around Derek's neck and he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, it didn't matter that they shouldn't be kissing each other, again, and it seemed unimportant that neither of them cared to stop.

Addison pulled him tightly towards her as she smoothly eased herself on to the table top.

"Add," Derek pulled away slightly and ran his hand over her shoulder, pushing the straps of the slip out of the way, "How attached are you to these plates,"

Addison turned and stared at the place settings, "They are rented. It's terribly expensive if they get broken." she cocked an eyebrow.

Derek did some mental calculating, "I'll split the damage with you, 50/50."

Addison smiled, "70/30."

Derek grinned and pushed away the plates in their immediate vicinity, ""Deal."

XXXX

Addison fell back, breathing heavily, and stared at the sky. Her chest still heaving she turned to look at Derek laying beside her. He was also staring at the sky through the with drapes, but for a moment a small smile drifted across his face and he chuckled.

"What?" Addison questioned, still breathless.

"Nothing," Derek grinned.

"Tell me."

Derek laughed, "I was just wondering if you would make me a sandwich.

Addison tilted her head back and laughed.

"I haven't eaten yet," Derek protested.

Addison sat up and squirmed towards the edge of the table and hoped off.

"Where are you going?"

Addison readjusted her slip, "Kitchen."

Derek sat up and stared, "Your actually going to make me a sandwich."

She laughed, "God no," she disappeared into the house, "You just reminded me I'm hungry."

Derek chuckled as he sat up and straighten the disheveled table top and picked up a couple pieces of clothing. He grinned as he entered the kitchen, she was preparing two plates.

"That was good."

Addison didn't look up, "You haven't tried anything yet."

"I wasn't talking about the food."

Addison smiled, "Good, 'cause that was the _last _time."

"Stop saying that Add."

"I mean it this time."

"Stop," Derek took a plate and stole an extra appetizer from hers.

"Derek," she protested, sitting next to him on a stool at the counter.

"No, Addison," Derek finished chewing and swallowed, "Every time you say 'it's a mistake' and that 'it's the last time'."

"Well..."

"If anything is going to stop it's you saying that this has to stop."

"But..."

"We've been having sex, allot. I am tired of pretending that every time is just an accident." he turned to face her, "It's getting kind of ridiculous."

"Fine."

"That is the last time you are going to say 'it's the last time'?"

"Yes," She smiled and leaned over to peck him softly on the lips, "It was getting kinda redundant."

'Thank you," Derek stabbed aggressively at a carrot.

Addison nodded. "Now give me back my cream puff."

XXXXXXXXXX

Well that was cute...

So I am not above extorting reviews.** It's my birthday** and no one ever reviews anymore. It makes me sad. And depressed. And I can't write when I am sad or depressed.

So in case you missed that, I'll summerize: It's my birthday, please review.

P.S. It's my birthday, review.


	28. Toxic

2 days. I updated 2 days ago.

I rock.

When last we met, Derek and Addison decided that they needed to stop talking about sex. Not stop having sex, just stop talking about it.

And allot of you commented on Andrew. Personally, I like him. He is a stellar guy. And Addison likes him. But she is kinda pulling a Derek whereas she doesn't necessarily think that she is so much cheating on him, more like... she is getting her kicks elsewhere. Plus she isn't really cheating on his because they have not defined their relationship one way or another. Derek and Addison have; they are having sex and not talking about it.

XXXXXXXXXX

"How badly do you want to do me a favor?"

Addison rolled over and buried her face, phone and all, in the pillow, "Not at all, I hate you."

Addison hit the end button.

The phone immediately rang again.

"Is that a yes?"

"No."

She hit end again.

Again it rang.

"Just come over."

"Derek it's my day off." Addison whined.

"I need your help."

Addison rolled her eyes and hung up.

He called again.

"Are you going to keep calling 'til I agree?"

"Yes."

Addison groaned and hung up.

The phone rang.

"What?"

"Are you coming over?"

"It appears that way."

"Good."

"You owe me."

"I know, put it on my tab."

"I really do hate you."

"That's fine, just get over here. And bring a change of clothes."

XXXX

"What?" Addison demanded as she came up the slope towards the trailer.

Derek held out his car keys, "I need you to go to the store."

Addison snatched the keys out of his hand, "Why?"

"Tomato juice."

Addison glared, "I hate you," she stated heading for the jeep, "Hate you. Hate. Hate. hate."

XXXX

"Derek?" Meredith got out of her car and headed towards the trailer. It was empty, "Derek? It's 6 am. I need coffee. And yummy breakfast pastries." She moved towards the shed which was standing wide open, "You better not have forgotten we are having breakfast."

Derek came around the side of the trailer just in time to see Meredith disappear into the shed, "_MEREDITH! Don't..."_

"_AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Derek sighed, "There's a skunk."

XXXX

Addison crossed the grass carrying heavy can of juice, "They didn't have tomato, so I got V8. I figured it would work better then Clamato."

"Thanks."

Addison wrinkled her nose, "She sprayed?"

"She sprayed Meredith."

:"Oh," Addison chuckled.

Derek smiled, "Be nice."

Addison held up her hands.

"Thank you." Derek replied, "Now, would you mind lending her the change of clothes that you brought over?"

Addison rolled her eyes, "Where is she?"

"Shower. Just throw them on the bed or something." Derek said, turning his attention back to the shed.

Addison walked through the trailer and threw the change of clothes on the bed. Meredith didn't noticed her presence, so Addison said nothing.

Returning to the kitchen Addison paused and poured herself a cup of coffee. Rummaging around for a moment produce milk and cereal that was only slightly stale, "God Derek," Addison rolled her eye's, exiting the trailer breakfast in hand.

"So what's the damage?" she questioned sitting down beside him at the picnic table.

"Mostly books. I was going to toss them anyway."

Addison leaned over to read a title, "_I Love You: Let's Work It Out. _Your mom?" she asked picking it up.

"No. Yours."

Addison raised an eyebrow and flipped open the front cover, "_Derek, Stop hiding behind your pride and get back to New York. Mom." _She paused, "I got this one too, from _your_ mom. It said, _He can't forgive you if he can't see you._"

"My favorite was from Sav, _Making Marriage Work: For Dummies_. 3 days after I left. I am not even sure how she found me. But it had a card with it that said _Say the word and I'll rat him out to Mom."_

Addison laughed and stole back the cereal that Derek had taken from her, "And she did. Kathleen barged into his office and hit him in the head with her purse."

Derek almost choked on the coffee.

"Don't laugh. She had a hard cover bible in there. Gave him a nasty gash."

Derek laughed until tears came to his eyes, "What were you even doing in his office?" To his knowledge Addison had only ever been in that building once or twice.

Addison shrugged, pushing the cereal back to him and taking back the coffee,"I needed some stitches out."

"Hey," Meredith said tentatively, unable to take her eyes off Addison who looked right at home.

Derek continued to stare at Addison, while Addison looked up and smiled.

"Thanks," Meredith looked to Addison, "I'm assuming..." she tugged on the hem for the shirt she was wearing

"No problem."

Meredith turned back to Derek, "Did you know that the handle on the inside of your shower is broken off?"

Addison coughed and Derek shook his head in order to clear it.

"I should go," Addison said quickly, standing, "Thanks for breakfast."

Meredith stared at the cereal and coffee now sitting in front of Derek. She cleared her throat and moved a book in order to sit down, "_12 Hours To a Great Marriage: A Step by Step Guide._"

"It doesn't work," Addison and Derek said in unison.

XXXX

Derek eased the door closed behind him and quickly stripped down to his boxers. He was stiff and sore, de-skunking a shed was hard work. Derek lay back against the pillows and sighed.

"What are you doing here?" Addison murmured, still half asleep.

"My trailer smells like skunk," he explained sleepily, "And my cereal is stale."

Addison yawned, mere seconds from sleep, and rolled over so her arm rested across his stomach, "I ha ve cereal."

But Derek was already asleep.

Seconds later, so was Addison.

XXXX

_I'm addicted to you _

_Don't you know that you're toxic _

XXXXXXXXXX

This is the last fluffy chapter for awhile. This is your warning: Things are about to go to hell. Seriously. There are hand baskets involved. The next 4-ish chapters will make or break this fic methinks.

Well it was a good run.

So I got 34 reviews for the last chapter. APPARENTLY I have to guilt you guys by posting on my birthday. Luckily I am not above guilting.

Today's predicament. So it's my boyfriends birthday. I forgot to get him a present. I didn't forget his birthday, mostly because my birthday, our anniversary and his birthday are right in a row so I can't forget it without forgetting all three, but I didn't get a gift. So I am left giving him the same thing I gave him for our anniversary, and all I really want to do is sleep.

I also have to read like 40 pages of Virginia Woolf before I go to bed, which is the real tragedy in all this.

And I burnt my finger. Ow.

I want 35 reviews this time. Your are more then capable, and if you get to 35 I'll update before the premiere on Thursday.


	29. Dirty Little Secret

So here is the thing. I may have done something that not all of you will like. However, it's kinda been the plan all along and there was a hint to it in chapter 2 or 3. So even if you are not expecting it, it was there all along..

That said. Read 'til the end of the chapter, 'cause there is the thing, and then some explainations and then somemore stuff, and then a moment, and more explainations and then some more stuff.

I am really really scared right now.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek shrugged into his jacket, "I'll see you at the hospital."

"'Kay," Addison paused, kissed him quickly and returned to putting on her earrings, "Bye babe."

Derek paused at the door that led to her deck, looked back at her and grinned roguishly, "By the way, you look hot."

Addison grinned back, "Get out."

Addison left her room a few minutes later a content smile on her face.

"Morning Addison."

Addison jumped, "Izzie!" Addison tried to regain her composure, "Your up early."

"Ya," Izzie continued to look out the kitchen window.

"Listen Izzie," Addison began.

"No it's okay, it's not my business," Izzie interrupted her, and raised her eyebrow "I don't care that your ex-husband is sneaking out of your room at 5 o'clock in the morning."

"Derek was here?" Mark questioned edgily as he entered the kitchen.

"Mark, don't even start."

"Fine," Mark moved around the kitchen and kissed Izzie on the cheek, "I won't comment on how you are making the biggest mistake of your life."

"No, that was you."

"Ouch," Mark poured himself some coffee.

Addison continued to move around the kitchen making herself breakfast.

"Your going to get hurt Addison," Mark warned.

"No I'm not Mark. It's just..."

"I swear to god if you tell me that it is just sex, I am going to strangle you both."

"Mark," Addison warned.

"How can either of you possibly think that this is going to work out?"

Addison looked at him steadily, "You forget who you are talking to."

Izzie looked wide eyed between the two of them and drank her coffee.

"You think I could forget? God, you made me a part of it, remember. And I know that it worked for awhile, hell it probably kept you together longer then you would have normally lasted. But god Addison, you cannot keep doing this, especially not with him."

"It's nothing."

"Addison!" Mark resisted the urge to throw his hands up in the air, or to strangle her right there, "You and Derek are not capable of having no strings attached sex. He is not some attending that likes your hair, and your not a nurse that likes his eyes. He is the love of your life, and your..."

"I am nothing to him. He is nothing. It's _nothing!_"

"Did you kiss him goodbye?"

"_What?_" Addison slammed the lid onto her travel mug.

"This morning." Mark took a step towards her, "Before he left, let me guess. You woke up, because I am assuming that he spent the night and didn't just stop by for a quickie. So you woke up, cuddled a bit, had a little fun, maybe a shower together, to save time or water or whatever. Then you kissed him goodbye, probably threw in a pet name, and sent him back to his trailer until tonight."

Addison glared.

"Is he still seeing Meredith?"

"Among others."

Izzie raised an eyebrow, she knew that Meredith was seeing others, but she didn't know that Derek was. Other then Addison apparently.

"And are you still seeing Andrew?"

"Among others."

Mark raised an eyebrow, "But are you sleeping with any of the others?"

Addison turned away.

Mark pushed on "Have either of you slept with anyone but each other since the divorce?"

Addison turned back and glared at him as she picked up her coffee, "Don't talk to me today. And plan on spending the night at Izzie's tonight."

Mark groaned as the door slammed behind Addison.

"Wow..." Izzie murmured under her breath.

Mark walked over and wrapped his arms around Izzie, "I promise that our life together, no matter how long or short it is, will never get even a fraction as complicated as Addison and Derek make theirs."

XXXX

"We have a definite problem," Addison murmured, attempting to casually lean on the counter beside Derek.

Derek turned to her and grinned, "Do we?" he asked, reaching out to straighten the collar of her suit jacket.

Addison batted his hand away and thrust a chart at him, "Pretend to look this over," she instructed. "Mark and Izzie know."

"Know what..."

"That we..." Addison gave him a meaningful look, "She saw you leave this morning. And then she told Mark."

"I always get caught leaving," Derek muttered, shaking his head.

"Derek!" She hissed, "You have to tell Meredith."

"What? Why?"

"Because if you don't, Izzie will."

:"Izzie won't tell."

"Won't she?"

"Just tell her... tell her the truth. There is no reason to upset Meredith for nothing."

"I know it's nothing, you know it's nothing but do you really believe that Izzie is going to think that it's nothing? She doesn't know us Derek."

"So tell her."

"Tell her? _Tell her?_" Addison exclaimed, "Do you really want her to know? Do you really want _anyone _to know?"

"Addy, it's not as if..."

"As if what? Do you know how it will sound? Do you know what people will think? Everyone in New York thought that we had..."

Derek winced, he hated that term, it didn't fit them at all.

"They thought we had an open marriage. And that is what everyone here is going to assume too." She lowered her voice as a nurse neared, "No one knows here. We started over with just us. No dirty laundry, no one chasing us, or..." Addison cracked a smile, "...falling in love with us because we prioritize differently. I don't want to go back to how it was in New York. I'm to old for that brand of gossip."

Derek smirked at her sarcasm, "Are you going to tell Andrew? Or what's that other ones name... Jake?"

"Jacob. And no, I don't work with Andrew _or _Jacob, _and _they are not friends with Izzie."

"Well in any case, we have at least a day to figure this out,' Derek smiled, "Izzie won't tell her on her birthday."

Addison gaped, "It's her birthday and you spent the night with me?" she resisted the urge to hit him, "_This_ is why we got divorced."

"First of all, it's her birthday today, not last night, and I thought we got divorced 'cause I slept with Meredith at the prom." He replied cheekily.

"No, we got divorced 'cause your an insensitive ass, which is _why_ you to slept with Meredith at the prom."

Derek's mouth twitched, "Your somewhat irresistible when your mad," he deadpanned.

Addison glared, "Please tell me you got her something good for her birthday. You have allot of pre-grovelling to do."

"We aren't doing anything 'til the end of the week. She has plans with her friends or something."

Addison's jaw dropped, "You got her nothing for today?"

"We aren't..."

"Oh my God. _Derek!_"

"What?"

"It's her birthday. God. At least go get her some flowers."

"Flowers?"

"She's a girl. We like flowers. Especially on birthdays."

Derek sighed and handed back the chart he had been holding.

"Derek, either you tell her, and soon, or," she paused, "We have to end this so there is nothing to tell."

xxxx

Izzie could not stop watching Addison as the day progressed.

Addison realized this and was on edge. She was more then a little uncomfortable having her one of her staff knowing so much about the sordid details of her life. Past and present.

"Listen Izzie..."

"I just have one question," Izzie interrupted, "And you don't have to answer."

Addison closed her eyes for a moment, then sucked it up and nodded. Really, it couldn't get any worse.

"If you and Dr. Shepherd cheated on each other the entire time you were married and knew about it, how was that the reason that you split up, twice."

"We didn't cheat," Addison snapped.

Izzie was stunned, "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Addison closed her eyes and mentally counted to 10, "I'm sorry, it wasn't cheating per say. It was..."

"Just sex?"

"Release," Addison clarified, "You've been a surgeon, you've been around the hospital for awhile. You _know _the things that we do everyday. The things that we see, that we have to do. Sometimes it gets to be to much. And you need to get it out. Sometimes the stress and the emotions lead you to do things you normally wouldn't," Addison looked at her pointedly, "Sometimes in linen closets."

Izzie blushed, but still looked at her uncertainly.

"_Fine_," Addison exclaimed, "We cheated, but to us it wasn't cheating. For us it was a way to stay sane, to not let the emotion and stress of our jobs destroy us. Compared to New York, Seattle is peaceful. We couldn't always be there when the other needed. We were the best. We were busy. So we did what we had to to survive it. But I _never _loved anyone but my husband, and I _never _turned to to anyone else when I could have been with him."

"Except Mark."

Addison flinched, "Mark and Meredith crossed a line. Mark was his _best_ friend. I brought him to our _home, _to our _bed. _It crossed a line. And Meredith... he fell in love with her. And then it was out there, for the first time we _knew _for certain what the other one was doing. It wasn't something that we just did but didn't talk about. He _saw _ me with Mark, he _saw _me with his best friend when I should have been with him. And he knew that it was different this time. And he _told _me that he was in love with Meredith. And I _saw _them together, and I knew she wasn't just a fling. I _knew _it was different."

"Is he in love with you?"

Addison smiled bitterly, "An advantage to the kind of marriage that Derek and I had, we can sleep with someone, and it can mean absolutely nothing."

"I have to tell Meredith."

Addison nodded, "Give Derek a chance to talk to her first. She deserves to hear it from him."

XXXX

Meredith squealed, "I _love _daisies," she exclaimed throwing her arms around Derek and hugging him tightly.

Derek shrugged humbly, "I planned something else for this weekend, but I thought I would surprise you with something for today."

Addison sauntered by, giving him and approving glance. Wearily she walked into the locker room, pausing at the mirror for a moment before making her way to her locker in the back corner. Slowly she opened it and smiled.

A red orchid.

"I heard from a somewhat reliable source that girls like to get flowers."

"We do."

Derek walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, "If you want me to tell her, I'll tell her."

Addison refused to look him in the eye, "I don't know what I want anymore." she sighed, "When you tell her... if you tell her, things are going to change. It's going to be like before. Except in Seattle, so with more rain. And that's only if she doesn't murder you on the spot. She'll want you to end this, and you will, because, we shouldn't be doing this in the first place. It's complicated and just plain weird."

Derek kissed her on the forehead, "Well I will just have to make her understand."

"Oh ya? How are you going to do that?"

"I'll just explain to her that," he paused, "Your Addison. Normal rules don't apply."

Addison groaned but smiled, "It's foolproof really."

XXXX

_When we live such fragile lives _

_It's the best way we survive _

_I go around a time or two _

_Just to waste my time with you _

_Tell me all that you've thrown away _

_Find out games you don't wanna play _

_You are the only one that needs to know _

_I'll keep you my dirty little secret _

_(Dirty little secret) _

_Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret _

_(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it) _

_My dirty little secret _

_Who has to know _

_The way she feels inside (inside) _

_Those thoughts I can't deny (deny) _

_These sleeping dogs won't lie (won't lie) _

_And all I've tried to hide _

_It's eating me apart _

_Trace this line back _

XXXX

"I don't want to tell Meredith." Izzie sighed, resting her chin on Mark's chest as they lay on her bed late that night.

Mark was silent along time, "You don't _have _to tell her."

"You think that I should lie to her?"

"No," Mark exclaimed,"If she asks, by all means tell her but," he paused, "Derek and Addison, it's been going on for awhile. To be honest, I don't think that Meredith and Derek are any worse off for it. So if it is only going to hurt her, why tell her?"

"How long do you think..."

Mark shrugged, "Las Vegas. They were together then. She came back with her hair all braided, and I know she can't do those fancy french ones herself, but Derek has 4 sisters so he used to do her hair, which was weird and sweet all at the same time. They were together then." There was a long pause, "And the night their divorce went through, she spent the night with him, and then... I don't know, something happened between them and..."

"So what do we do?"

"Same thing I did in New York. Let it run it's course, and hope that no one gets hurt."

Izzie studied him for along time, "You love her don't you?"

"She's my best friend."

"But you love her as more then that."

"I did."

"I think," Izzie paused, reconsidering what she was about to say, "I think I want to know everything."

XXXXXXXXXX

Please don't kill me.

I don't even know where to start. I guess, send me your questions and comments and stuff and I'll either reply right to you or write a super long authors note.

And since Izzie has decided that she wants to know everything, the next three chapters are super-fun. Basically they are going to be flashbacks of New York from Marks perspective. The first one is the start of his affair with Addison, the second when Derek walks in and the next few days, and the third awhile after Derek leaves until Addison goes to Seattle.

I don't know what to say, I tried to write a paragraph here to explain it, but I can't. The closest thing I can think of would be when Izzie was sleeping with Alex but falling in love with Denny. But thats not a great comparison.

Please don't hate me.

Review.


	30. Goodnight and Go

So, I just watched the second episode of Grey's. Thats right, the second. I love being a Canadian. Unfortunately I didn't see the first episode. Which I think is good _because _it contains a flashback that would be similar to the one that is in the next chapter, not this chapter the next one. So I am not going to watch the first one until I have finished writing the next one so as not to taint it.

I am on an update spree, I have updated almost everyday this week...

Also, remember there are flashbacks, they are seperated with a OOOO instead of a XXXX

XXXXXXXXXX

Izzie studied him for along time, "You love her don't you?"

"She's my best friend."

"But you love her as more then that."

"I did."

"I think," Izzie paused, reconsidering what she was about to say, "I think I want to know everything."

"Everything?"

Izzie smirked, "No, not everything. But everything that it going to take to convince me not to tell her everything the second that I see her."

Mark sighed, "I don't know what to tell you Isobel, they are barely the same people now. Maybe you should tell Meredith."

Izzie suddenly pushed herself away and got to her feet, "We can't have this conversation here," Izzie turned frantically grabbing at their things, "I cannot ask about Derek and Addison and their screwed up marriage in Meredith's house. It's weird and it gives me the heeby jeebies."

XXXX

"This is the worst idea you have ever had."

"Do you have a better one?"

"Addison specifically told us not to come back here."

"No she told you not to come back here, she said nothing to me either way." Izzie marched up to the front door of Addison's house, opened it and walked right in.

"Do you know what happens when you ignore the requests of New Yorkers?" Mark questioned in a low voice, "You get shot."

Izzie rolled her eyes and entered the living room. She froze.

"I told you not to come back here," Addison said coolly, not taking her eyes from the TV.

"Are we interrupting your date?" Mark questioned icily, glaring at Derek who was laying across Addison's couch.

"We are watching the news." Addison replied tersely.

Mark and Izzie stared at them. Derek laying across the couch, Addison sitting on the floor beside him, Truman on the floor beside her playing with an old slipper. This all would have looked completely innocent if Derek's hand hadn't been resting on her shoulder, mostly covered by her hair.

Addison watched them disappear onto the darkened deck, "They came here to talk about us."

XXXX

"This is different."

"Then what?"

"How they were in New York, with the others. Even with me. Addison and I were friends, but we never hung out and watched the news."

Izzie stared at him, "Tell me what it was like"

OOOO

Mark walked onto the roof. He knew she would be up here. "It's cold,"

Addison turned and smiled, "It's nice."

"Why don't you go in the solarium? Great view _and_ it's warm."

She held up her cell phone, "But no resception."

"Where is he?"

Addison sighed, "Atlanta."

"For how long?"

"Two weeks. Feels like 2 years."

Mark smiled, "You miss him."

"Enormously."

"Well," Mark paused, "If it will make you feel better, he sent me a text message and asked me to get you something," he handed her his phone.

"_Get Addy Juju_," she read with a smile.

Mark held up a thermos.

"I think it is going to take more then cocoa."

"Rough day?"

"Rough week. I think I am loosing my touch."

"You? Never."

"Stranger things have happened."

Mark leaned down and kissed her temple, "You know where I am if you need to talk."

"Thanks," she murmured as he headed for the door. He paused before exiting and looked back at her, She was already back on her cell.

"You sent me Juju," she said as Mark opened the door, "No, I love _you_." she paused, "No its okay, I understand. I guess, I'll talk to you tonight then."

OOOO

Izzie stared at him, "You think that telling me a story of how Derek sent her long distance Juju is suppose to convince me that I shouldn't tell Meredith.?"

"No, it was suppose to show you that he was sending her long-distance Juju but he didn't take the time to talk to her."

"He talks to Meredith all the time."

"I know."

"He got her flowers for her birthday today."

"I know."

Izzie nodded, "Okay, keep going."

OOOO

"I can't do it."

Mark stepped back and let Addison enter his apartment.

"Everything I touch... everyone..." she picked up Marks half empty scotch glass and drained it, "I'm Dr. Addison Shepherd, I don't loose patients. I am the _best_. People cross the country to see me. _I am the best. _I _cannot_ be making stupid mistakes."

Mark stared at her and poured himself another scotch, drinking it slowly.

"But I don't _know. _I don't know what I am doing wrong. I have nothing left to give this damn job. I have barely left the hospital in weeks. In the last month I have showered more in the locker room then I have in my own home. And my marriage. _God_. My husband and I only speak through e-mail and on the phone. Last month we spent 4 nights sleeping in the same bed. _4 nights._ And once was because we ended up in the same on call room. _God._ "

"Addison," Mark reached out and touched her arm. She was scaring him. When she first entered entered the apartment he thought she was shaking from the cold. She wasn't.

When she kissed him, his brain could not comprehend what was happening.

"Addison! Stop."

"Please," she looked up at him, her eyes pleading, "You taste like him."

OOOO

"So that's what it was like?"

Mark shook his head, "I'm not done yet."

OOOO

Mark rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

"Addison..."

She turned back, already halfway across the room on her way to the bathroom, "I'm going to shower."

"Addison..." he sighed as the door locked behind her.

He lay there in bed for what seemed like eternity. Finally she emerged admits a cloud of steam.

"Addison..." he began again.

"Are you free Wednesday?" She grabbed her clothes from around the room, "Derek gets back Monday and he mentioned that we should all go out to dinner."

Mark listened, stunned, as Addison continued to talk about completely mundane things.

"Mark? I asked if you were still dating that girl, Bridget? Mark?" she furrowed her brow, "Okay," she picked up her abandoned purse, "I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk about it then." She glanced at her watch, "What do you think the cab situation is like? Derek has a break between surgeries in an hour and I want to catch him at the hotel."

"Is this what you do?" Mark asked, "With the others. Get what you need then walk out the door?"

Addison stared at him coolly, there was a hardness in her eyes he had never seen before, "Normally, I don't ask them out too dinner."

OOOO

_Why do you have to be so cute _

_It's impossible to ignore you _

_Must you make me laugh so much _

_It's bad enough we get along so well _

_Say goodnight and go _

_Why's it always always _

_Goodnight and go _

_Oh darling not again _

_Goodnight and go_

XXXX

"It scared me, the first time," Mark confessed, "It wasn't her. It wasn't the Addison I knew. Her eyes were completely empty, and hard , and cold. It wasn't Addison." He paused, thinking hard about how to explain to Izzie what it was like, "It was as if she closed off every part of her that belonged to Derek, and the person standing in front of me in that bedroom was just what was left."

XXXX

Addison tucked her head closer to Derek's chest. She had moved and was now laying on the couch beside him. They had been laying there all night, listening to Mark and Izzie talk right outside the window.

Derek brushed his fingers against her temple, "How many were there?"

Addison was silent, they had never talked about this before, "4. Plus Mark."

They were quiet again.

"How..."

"6, including Meredith."

Addison nodded and moved a fraction closer.

Derek lightly kissed her forehead then bent to kiss her lips.

Addison sighed and spoke before he could kiss her, "We were doomed from the start."

Derek smiled, "But it was a hell of a ride."

XXXXXXXXXX

I am leaving authors notes til the end of the flashback chapters I think.

Review.


	31. All Apologies

Again this is one of those chapters where you are either going to love me or hate me. I think we have established that I don't care either way.

And has anyone seen _Brothers and Sisters_? I smell a new fav for Kendel, that pilot was AMAZING. Three thumbs up.

Now that I am finished writing this chapter, I should go watch episode 1 of the new season. I have still only seen episode 2. I was going to watch it earlier but then Acadieman was on, and watching a badly drawn cartoon spray paint 'phoque' on a giant lobster is just plain class. I couldn't miss that. C'est Supa'Cool ca. Plus you get great quotes like "Tes mittens sont hawt," and "Cet song la 'tait si mal, que si j'etais sur la Titanic je t'utilise toi-la as un floatation device", And if any of you speak french, I know that the grammar in those quotes didn't exist, but not only is that the point, it's how people here talk. 'Tis love.

Now read, this is my favorite chapter so far... I think... top 5 easy. And remember OOOO means there is a flashback in your future.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Do you think they even care that we know?"

Mark stopped stirring the scrambled eggs and moved to stand by the window with her. "Addison and Derek tend to do whatever they want despite what people think."

"I have only known about them 24 hours, and I have seen them making out on the couch, he spent the night, they had their hands all over each other when I walked in here to get coffee, and now... now I don't even know what they are doing."

Mark squinted, "They are putting up a hammock."

"A hammock," Izzie repeated, "This is like living with horny teenagers. It's not even 9 yet and I want to gouge my eyes out." She groaned, "How do I tell one of my best friends that I ate breakfast while watching her boyfriend make out with his ex-wife against a tree."

"I'd leave that part out."

"Seriously. They must know that we can see them. I mean have some consideration for other people."

Mark chuckled bitterly, "You will come to find out, that things can get as bad as they can get between them, and they will still only really notice each other."

OOOO

She was gone before he could register what happened. He had been with Addison, making love to Addison, and then she had been gone. It wasn't until he heard their voices that he realized what had happened. Derek had come home.

Derek had walked in and Addison had seen him and chased him, all without Mark even noticing they were no longer alone. He felt his heart drop, from where she was, she couldn't have seen the door. She had sensed Derek rather then seen or heard him.

Mark eased himself off the bed. He dressed and glanced around the room. He couldn't go downstair. That would only make things worse.

He winced as he heard glass break. If he was a betting man he would have to wager that the glass vase in the entrance had just been destroyed. He couldn't help but hope that it had broken over Derek's head.

Mark sat in a chair by the window. Tomorrow he would talk to Derek. He would explain that he had meant no more to Addison then anyone else. It was just physical. There was no emotion and no connection.

But that would be a lie. It was emotion for him. There was a connection for him. He wanted to protect her, and take care of her. He wanted to be there for her, all the time, not just when she was battling demons and needed a temporary fix.

Derek should be yelling at him not her.

He heard a thud, then silence. He was still, he prayed that one of them would yell something. Just to let him know that she was okay.

He took a step towards the door, but froze when he heard the front door slam.

Derek had left.

Of all the responses, Mark had not expected Derek to leave.

He'd expected Derek to come barreling back up the stairs. He expected Derek to fight him, then throw him out on the street and never talk to him again. He expected that Addison would call, a few weeks later, apologize for ruining their friendship and then ask about some trivial thing in his life that she had heard from his sister. She wouldn't mention the affair, she probably wouldn't classify it as an affair because that would give it to much significance. She would just apologize for how things turned out with him and Derek. Because that was the real issue. She had chosen the wrong man this time. She'd ruined a friendship.

He hadn't expected him to leave.

Mark stared as Addison reentered the bed room.

She was completely disheveled, her robe was starting to fall open and her cheek was bright red.

"Get out."

"Did he _hit_ you?"

"Get out."

"He hit you?"

"Only after I punched him, scratched him and almost dislocated his shoulder."

"He hit you..."

"_Get out_ Mark."

"I am going to kill that _son of a bitch._"

"Get _OUT"_

"No, Addison. I am not leaving you. Not now."

"Mark..."

"No, _I love you_."

Addison stared at him, completely and utterly dumbfounded, "I am going to be sick."

XXXX

Izzie stared at him, her jaw slack, "He hit her?"

The door to the patio opened and Derek and Addison walked through laughing, Addison walking backwards pulling Derek into the house behind her.

"I'm sorry, but if I am going to lay in a hammock I need a colourful drink with an umbrella."

"It's October. It's cold. Your wearing the worlds biggest fluffiest sweater. You look cute, but you'll look crazy holding that drink."

Addison stopped walking so that Derek was standing close to her and grinned, "Well maybe you should get to work finding me some cider."

Izzie couldn't stand it anymore, "You _hit _her?" she spat out.

Derek instantly paled.

Addison turned on Mark, "You self righteous _jackass_."

"You have a scar," Mark exclaimed defensively, "I had to stitch you back up."

Derek wavered, then turned and stumbled from the house.

"Derek," Addison called after him, "_MARK," _she hit him on the shoulder, "What the hell are you thinking."

"It's the truth Addison."

"It's your version of the truth. You weren't there, you don't know."

"I know that you walked into that bedroom with your cheek all red, and I remember seeing a gash on your face the next day that you needed stitches for."

"2 stitches. You gave me 2 stitches. And I would have been perfectly okay without them, except from the headache from you _never shutting up._"

"He left a mark on you Addison. You have a _scar_."

"Barely," Addison threw her hands up in the air, "God, no one has ever noticed. _He _has never noticed, and he knows every mark, every imperfection, _everything about me_." Addison grabbed her car keys, "Did you ever think that _maybe _you are the only one that can see it because _you_ are the reason that I have it!"

Mark and Izzie watched the glass on the door shake as she slammed it behind her.

Izzie buried her face in her arms, "I hate you for dragging me into this."

OOOO

Mark straightened up as he saw her, he knew if he waited in neuro long enough one of them would show up.

Addison smiled as she approached the nurses station, "Is my husband close by? I need to talk to him."

The nurse looked at her curiously, "Dr. Shepherd isn't here today. He took a sick day."

Addison smiled stayed in place, "Well, I guess that will teach me not to check my messages. I'll run home and check on him now. Thank you."

Addison turned from the desk and the smiled instantly faded replaced by grief and guilt. She glanced up and locked eyes with Mark who was standing a few feet away.

"I told you to leave me alone."

"I needed to see you. I'm worried about you." Mark reached out to touch her arm.

"Don't touch me," she hissed, "Don't even talk to me. My husband thinks that I cheated on him. He thinks that you meant something..."

"Didn't I?" Mark cut her off.

"What is wrong with you? I _love_ my husband. _Love. _I love him so much that the word love doesn't really even begin to describe it. How can you think you can even begin to touch that?"

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Addison spun on the intruder, "_What?_"

"The Boss wants to see you. In his office. Now."

4 hours later Mark tracked her down to a small bar he knew the Shepherds often snuck away to after work.

"An 'unspecified amount of time', "Addison said icily as Mark slid into the booth beside her, "That's what the Boss said. Derek has left the hospital for an 'unspecified amount of time'."

"He'll come back," Mark replied.

"He's left town," Addison continued, "His cell has been out of range all day. I have been calling... Do you have any idea where he would have to be to be out of range? There are cell towers everywhere. He's not in Manhattan, he not in the Hamptons. He's not at his parents, or his sisters. He has disappeared."

"He needs time."

"He needs to come home so I can explain that just because it's you doesn't mean it meant something. God. I mean I get it. I screwed up. I shouldn't have used the house. I'd be furious if I walked on that too. I get it. And I _wasn't_ thinking." Addison picked up her phone and shook it, "And if you would get your stubborn ass near a goddamn roaming tower _I could tell you that!_"

"I'll leave you to you misery then," Mark sighed and stood up/

"You _are_ my misery," he heard her murmur as he walked away.

XXXX

"I wish you would stop telling me these stories." Izzie exclaimed, "Right now I think Derek is a bastard and Addison is an idiot and I am telling Meredith everything the moment I see her."

"I'm not telling you this for Meredith anymore," he reached over and took her hand, "I am telling you for me."

OOOO

"He is going to leave me."

Mark stared at Addison. She was sitting on the front steps of her house just staring into space, it was the first time in over a week that she'd come near the house, She had been camped out at the hospital since Derek disappeared.

"He isn't coming back. He's in Seattle. He is... he's going to leave me."

"Addison," he said softly, sitting beside her, careful not to touch her, "What happened?"

"The Boss," Addison said slowly, her voice devoid of life, "He called me to his office and told me he's in Seattle. With Richard, He asked me if I was planning on telling him I was leaving or just pulling a disappearing act like my husband. " She paused, "He said it was no secret that Richard had always wanted me there, but he had expected me to at least show him the decency of informing him of my plans if I planned to move across the country. That I should be ashamed of myself for sending my husband to scoop things out and draft contracts. " Her voice wavered, "He is drafting a contract in Seattle. Seattle."

Marks voice caught in his throat, "What did you tell him?"

Addison took a deep breath, "I said I could never leave New York, no matter what the job offer. I couldn't tell him that... that whatever deal Derek is making, I'm not a part of it."

Mark exhaled slowly and stood up, "You should get inside it's getting cool."

She shook her head, "I can't go in there."

He extended his hand, "Come with me."

Addison closed her eyes for a moment, then raised her face to look at him. Slowly she reached out and took his hand, "Okay."

XXXX

"So after Derek left..."

"Addison moved in with me."

"But she..."

"Never loved me. By this point she didn't even really like me. She blamed me. I was her albatross."

Izzie looked at him sympathetically.

"And the Addison that only appeared when we were together, the scary empty Addison, that's all that there was left. The good Addison left with Derek."

"But..."

Mark smiled, "Since she came to Seattle, she's the good Addison again."

"Okay, Mark," Izzie chuckled, "Who are we rooting for here? 'Cause you seem to want Addison and Derek to continue their little tryst at the expense of my friend."

"It's a guilt thing."

XXXX

"Derek?" Meredith asked tentatively.

Derek looked up at her, his eye's heavy and blurry, "You shouldn't be here," he slurred unsteadily.

"Well neither should you," she stared at the table in front of him, "Did you drink the entire bottle?"

"I'm a bad person."

"No your not."

"Yes, I am." His words were barely understandable, "You don't see it 'cause I'm dreamy but i am a bad bad person."

Meredith smirked, "Your not so dreamy right now."

Derek slammed his fist down on the table, "You made me think I was dreamy!"

Meredith jumped back, "Okay. I'm sorry I said you were dreamy."

"I was never dreamy. I was Derek. And I liked being Derek. Derek was an okay guy. But then _Mark..._" Derek reached for his glass but Meredith pulled it out of his way, "Then _Mark_. Mark and _Addison. ADDISON." _he exclaimed angrily. Then his face changed, suddenly Meredith had the distinct feeling he might cry, "Addison," he repeated, "Addison. Addy. My Addy." he made a sweeping backhand gesture with his hand, and suddenly his head became to heavy to hold up and he dropped it to the table with a loud thud.

"Derek?" Meredith asked uncertainly.

Derek's head popped up, "Mark is evil. _Mark is evil._ I bought land. He made me McDreamy."

"What?" Meredith couldn't for the life of her understand what Derek was talking about, "Cristina named you McDreamy."

"Because of _Mark_!" Derek exclaimed triumphantly, "I need to see her."

"Cristina?"

Derek got unsteadily to his feet, "Have to... see... my keys."

"No keys for you buddy," she informed him as he wavered towards the door leading to the parking lot.

"She..." Derek looked around the parking lot, "Where is my car?"

"We are taking my car this time," she told him, opening the door and pushing him into the passenger seat.

Derek's head rolled against the head rest, "Where... I need..."

"I'm taking you home."

"Okay good," Derek agreed placidly, "I need to talk to Addy."

XXXX

Addison sat on the bed in the trailer. He had to come home sometime. She needed to reassure him.

She was never mad at him, she never resented him.

It wasn't;t his fault. He shouldn't blame himself.

What happened was as much her fault as it was his. Now he was off somewhere beating himself up, and there was nothing she could do about it.

She sighed and stood up.

Maybe he'd gone back to the house.

OOOO

"_Derek, wait," Addison pulled the knot on her robe tighter, "I'm sorry."_

_Derek spun around enraged, "**Sorry? Your sorry?**" Derek raised his hand, tensely made a fist and turned around again, heading towards the door._

"_Stop," Addison demanded, "You do not get to turn your back on me."_

"_**Turn my back on you?"** Derek yelled, right in her face, "**You were FUCKING my best friend. I'm not turning my back on you, I'm walking out."**_

"_**You don't get to walk out on me," **Addison shook her head"**You don't get to walk out that door because things are not going your way. I NEEDED YOU. And I get it, I understand. You were busy. But I NEEDED you. And I'm SORRY that you walked in on that Derek, you have NO IDEA how sorry I am,** **but you KNOW, YOU KNOW, that it meant nothing."**_

"_**NOTHING? NOTHING?" **Derek flung a stack of mail and magazines off a nearby table, "**Mark is my BEST FRIEND. MY BEST FRIEND. BEST FRIENDS ARE OFF LIMITS ADDISON. I NEVER, EVER even DREAMED of going to one of YOUR friends."**_

"_**I'm SORRY DEREK. GOD. Would you just LISTEN to me. IT MEANT NOTHING."**_

"_**My best friend, Addison! None of them were your best friends! **Not even anyone you knew**," **he paused, "Except..."_

"_Don't you dare," Addison warned evenly._

"_Gayle."_

"_Gayle," Addison repeated, "My student nurse from 3 years ago. With the coloured contacts and the bleached hair. Gayle."_

"_Gayle." Derek replied icily, "You know that hotel 3 blocks from the hotel?"_

"_Actually, I do."_

"_Why am I not surprised." _

"_You **SON OF A BITCH," **Addison flew at him in a blind rage, her nails clawing at his skin._

_Derek grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her away, chest heaving he wiped some blood off his jawbone._

"_Did you get that out of your system?" Addison demanded, "Are we even now."_

"_Even?" Derek's eyes flashed, "We will NEVER BE EVEN.** When you come home to see what I just saw, then we will be even. BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE WE ARE DONE ADDISON. OVER."**_

"_**Over? You do not get to walk into this house after being COMPLETELY ABSENT FOR 5 DAYS AND JUST DECIDE THAT IT'S OVER. IF ANYONE SHOULD BE THINKING OF LEAVING IT SHOULD BE ME. YOUR A BAD HUSBAND DEREK. BUT YOU ARE MY BAD HUSBAND, SO YOU NEED TO GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL THAT THAT MAN UPSTAIRS MEANS NOTHING. HE IS NOTHING. You, you are the one that matters Derek. Your the one that I want to be with. Your the bad husband THAT I WANT."**_

"_**I am a bad husband. I'M A BAD HUSBAND. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED ADDISON. I BOUGHT YOU THIS HOUSE. THOSE CLOTHES, THAT RIDICULOUS HOUSE IN THE HAMPTONS. I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING." **Derek turned and grabbed a vase from the table behind him, "**I bought you this vase. This ugly, ugly vase because you HAD to have it. THOUSANDS of dollars so that you could have THIS vase. And I got it for you because I would have gotten you anything, I would have gotten you TWO ugly vases if that's what you wanted," **Derek threw the vase against the wall with all his strength, "**AND YOU THANK ME BY SCREWING MY BEST FRIEND IN OUR BED. OUR BED. Where WE make love." **Derek paused and pressed his palms to his eyes, trying to force back the tears,** "You let someone else into our bed. I'M SORRY but to me that doesn't scream 'your the one i want to be with' TO ME." **Derek turned and moved determinedly to the door._

"_**NO**. You **DO NOT** get to walk out on me." Addison grabbed his arm and pulled with all her strength. She felt his arm give, falling out of it's joint rather then him relenting to her._

_She felt a searing pain flash across her cheek and stumbled back, hitting the wall with a thud and sliding to the floor._

_The room was motionless._

"_Are you okay?" His voice was hard, but tears streamed down his face._

_Addison didn't look up, she knew that there was no point, his back was to her, he couldn't bare the sight of her. She kept her face buried in her hands, "No."_

_Both remained still, neither sure what was the emotional pain and what was the physical._

"_I'm leaving," Derek said finally._

_Addison refused to let herself cry, "Are you coming back?"_

_Derek was silent, "I can't be near you."_

"_I'm sorry," she whisper, "I lo-"_

"_No!" Derek exclaimed. Spinning around he pulled her roughly to feet and pushed her back against the wall, his hands tight on her arms, "You **do not** get to say you **love** me."_

_Addison nodded, her head bowed her hair hiding her face._

_Derek let go of her arms and she slumped slightly._

"_If I ever see that man again, I'm going to kill him," he promised, closing the door behind him._

XXXX

_What else could I be _

_All apologies _

_What else could I write _

_I don't wanna fight _

_What else could I say _

_All my words are gray _

_What else could I be _

_All apologies _

_In the sun _

_In the sun I feel as one _

_In the sun _

_In the sun _

_Married _

_Married _

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah _

_All in all is all we are_

XXXXXXXXXX

Okay, I am not going to lie. I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. I do. I really do. The least of the reasons being Izzie saying "How do I tell one of my best friends that I ate breakfast while watching her boyfriend make out with his ex-wife up against a tree." I love that line.

Things are getting intense. Derek's feeling it, I don't know if anyone noticed but he is REALLY drunk. That may carry over into the next chapter. Just saying.

Random: Anyone pay attention to the flowers that Derek gave Addison and Meredith?

Review.


	32. The Walk

Interesting fact about this fic. My reviews go down, but the number of people that add it to their story alerts and favorites lists goes insane. Weird. And if you are a person that has an alert on this story, please send me a review, I have no idea who 75percest of you are, AND I WANT TO KNOW.

Oh and the flower thing. Derek gave Meredith daisies, which if you remember way back in your childhood days, you would pick the petals off and say "he loves me, he loves me not" (interesting...) but he got Addison an orchid (for no reason) and orchids are a symbol of sex and desire and of secret love. Now I didn't really think of that when I was writing it (well I kinda did about the Orchid, mostly I like Orchids), but thats cool right? RIGHT?

And this chapter like overlaps with the last one, so you jump right back in.

Read. Now.

OOOOOOOOOO

"_You do not get to walk out on me." Addison grabbed his arm and pulled with all her strength. She felt his arm give, falling out of it's joint rather then him relenting to her._

_She felt a searing pain flash across her cheek and stumbled back, hitting the wall with a thud and sliding to the floor._

_The room was motionless._

"_Are you okay?" His voice was hard, but tears streamed down his face._

_Addison didn't look up, she knew that there was no point, his back was to her, he couldn't bare the sight of her. She kept her face buried in her hands, "No."_

_Both remained still, neither sure what was the emotional pain and what was the physical._

"_I'm leaving," Derek said finally._

_Addison refused to let herself cry, "Are you coming back?"_

_Derek was silent, "I can't be near you."_

"_I'm sorry," she whisper, "I lo-"_

"_No!" Derek exclaimed. Spinning around he pulled her roughly to feet and pushed her back against the wall, his hands tight on her arms, "You **do not** get to say you **love** me."_

_Addison nodded, her head bowed her hair hiding her face._

_Derek let go of her arms and she slumped slightly._

"_If I see that man again, I'll kill him," he promised, closing the door behind him._

XXXX

"_Addison!_" Derek burst through the front door of Addison's house, Meredith close on his heels, "_Addison!_"

Addison came around the corner, concern written all over her face.

"Addison," Derek stumbled towards her almost knocking both of them to the floor. It took almost all her strength to keep them upright, but after a moment her strength gave out, Derek fell to the floor and Addison sank ungracefully to the floor beside him.

"God Derek, how much did you drink?"

"I tried to take him home," Meredith explained, "But he kept saying that he had to talk to you. He tired to walk over. In the dark. Like this."

Addison rolled her eyes.

Mark and Izzie cautiously entered the room.

Derek's face instantly filled with rage, "_Mark!"_ he attempted to scramble to his feet, intent on reaching Mark.

"Mark, get out!" Addison yelled attempting to hold Derek back.

"I never wanted to be dreamy!" Derek yelled after him, struggling against Addison and Meredith.

"He keeps saying that," Meredith murmured to Addison.

Derek suddenly stopped struggling and became very still. Addison and Meredith leaned away, wearily waiting for what he would do next. Izzie crept forward, ready to jump in if they needed help.

Derek stared at Meredith for a long time as if trying to comprehend who she was and why she was there.

Meredith and Addison exchanged looks.

"Derek," Addison said softly.

Derek's head jerked around to look at her, noticing for the first time that she was still there. "Addison," he slurred, "Addison. Addison. Addison. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he buried his face in his hands, "I'm sorry. I hurt you. I hurt you and I just left..."

"Derek, it's ok," Addison replied glancing uncomfortably at Meredith.

"No. _NO_," Derek insisted, "It's not okay. I... I..." Derek stared at her, "Show me."

"No, Derek, don't do this," Addison pleaded, refusing to look him in the eye.

"_Show me_," he growled.

"Meredith," Izzie whispered, motioning for her to come with her.

"_What_ is going on?" Meredith demanded once they had left the room.

"They just need a minute," Izzie told her, approaching Mark who was sitting at the kitchen table. head in his hands.

"What's happening?" Mark questioned.

Izzie shook her head, "Derek is beating himself up. He wants Addison to show him..." Izzie made a vague had movement over her face.

"_What_ is going on?" Meredith demanded again.

Izzie and Mark exchanged looks.

"When Derek found Addison and I in bed together," Mark began, "She chased after him, and they got into a fight in the entry way of their house."

"He hit her," Izzie broke in.

"_What?_"

"Mark!"

All three turned at the sound of Addison's voice. They left the kitchen and reentered the foyer. Derek was slumped against Addison, unconscious.

"He passed out. I waited but I don't think he's coming too."

Mark nodded, "What do you want me to do with him?"

Addison stared down at Derek, "Get me a cold cloth and some water, I'm going to try to wake him up."

Mark nodded and left with Izzie.

"He hit you?"

Addison's head jerked up to meet Meredith's eye's, "Meredith, I deserved it. And I know that your thinking 'that's what they all say', but I did. Derek is not a violent man. _I_ was the first one to draw blood, _I_ was the first one to hit him, I was the one about to dislocate his shoulder. If anything it was self defense."

Meredith looked uncertain.

"Meredith," Addison said gently, "It didn't hurt, it didn't even bruise. His ring caught my cheekbone and it started to bleed. It was an accident."

Mark reentered the room.

"Your an ass."

"That's what they tell me," he shot back, handing her a cold cloth.

"Derek," Addison began running the cloth over his face, "Der, wake up. I know the foyer floor _seems _comfortable now, but..."

"Bed," Derek murmured, eyes still closed.

"Yes," Addison laughed, "You need to go to bed. Which means that you need to stand up."

Meredith and Addison helped Derek unsteadily to his feet,

"Now where?" Meredith asked once they were standing.

"Couch?" Mark suggested.

"Is really far from the bathroom," Izzie pointed out, "Guest room?"

"Is up the stairs," Mark replied.

"He can go in my room," Addison offered, ignoring Mark and Izzie's exchanged looks, "_I'll_ sleep in the guest room."

They dragged Derek's dead weight into the bedroom and allowed him to collapse on the bed before forcing him on to his side.

"You know where to find us if you need us," Mark said quietly as he and Izzie left the room.

Addison and Meredith stood at the side of the bed staring at Derek. He stared remorsefully into space, lost in his own drunken haze.

"He's sobering up." Meredith observed.

Addison nodded, "There are t-shirts and stuff in the dresser if you want to crash..." Addison looked between the bed and the couch by the fireplace, "...where ever. I'll be upstairs. Second door..."

"I'm not staying," Meredith cut in, "I've kinda had enough of him for today."

Addison nodded as Meredith moved towards the door, "If he had actually hurt me Meredith, if I thought for even a second that he wanted to hurt me, I never would have come to Seattle.

Meredith paused for an instant, then walked out of the room.

"Meredith," Izzie jumped up from the couch, "We need to talk."

"I just want to go home Izzie."

"No. We _need _to have this talk. Derek..."

"Iz, he hit his wife. Let me process that before you give me the gory details."

"But, it's not..."

"I don't want to know."

"Meredith!"

"Izzie, I am going home and going to bed. Whatever it is, it can wait."

"UGH!" Izzie flopped back down on the couch.

"Troubles?" Mark asked, his face looming above hers.

"She doesn't want to know."

Mark shrugged, "Then I guess you don't tell her."

"I don't understand..."

"Denial," Mark nodded to himself and pulled Izzie off the couch, "It's a powerful deterrent."

OOOO

"Hey gorgeous," Mark grinned and bent to kiss Addison's cheek, "I made dinner. All your favorites."

Addison picked up the bottle of wine from the counter and filled a goblet, "Thanks, but I'm not really hungry."

"You sure? Say the word and it will be ready in 10 minutes."

"I'm really not hungry."

Mark let it drop and busied himself cleaning up the kitchen.

An hour later he entered the living room and sat across from Addison. He watched her intently as she stared unseeingly at the television screen.

Finally the scheduled programing ended and the news began.

Addison realized belatedly that it was the same news that was showing when she had first sat down. Slowly she raised the remote and turned off the TV.

Mark watched her apprehensively as she crossed the room and stood in front of him. They locked eyes and she moved towards him, maneuvering on to the chair so she closely straddled his waist. Tilting his face up to hers, she kissed him deeply. Mark moaned softly as her fingers slowly undid the buttons of his shirt and ran along the bare skin of his chest.

She pulled away when she reached his belt. "Tell me you love me," she whispered, slowly sliding the belt through it's loops.

"I love you."

"Prove it."

XXXX

"Stop!" Izzie covered her ears, "_Do not_ tell me about sex with Addison."

Mark laughed, "I wasn't going to."

"Are you sure? Cause there was clothes coming off, and I am not secure enough as a human being to handle that."

"I wasn't going to," he insisted stretching out on the bed.

"Fine," Izzie finished with her moisturizer and crawled on the bed, "She was using you."

Mark nodded, "I know. I knew even, but at that point I would have done anything to keep her."

OOOO

"Maybe you should think about unpacking," Mark whispered, holding her close. He didn't want the moment to end, it was the first time that Addison had let him hold her.

Mark studied her face as she stared at the bags and boxes in the corner. She had bought all new clothes since she had been staying with him, living out of the bags.

"I could go over to the house if you want. I'll get whatever you want."

Addison was silent for along time, "I just need my sneakers."

The next evening Mark was pawing through Addison's closet. She had allot of shoes, but he didn't see any sneakers.

The phone rang. The noise seemed to cut though house.

"_Addison?"_

Mark straightened up at the sound of Derek's voice.

"_I've been trying to get a hold of you all day, but... I didn't want to call your cell and... it didn't seem appropriate to call you at the hospital. If you're there pick up. Please Addy. I just need to talk to you for 5 minutes."_

Mark took a step towards the phone. This could be the call he had been waiting for. Addison could be free to be with him.

"_I took a job in Seattle. With Richard. I'm starting tomorrow. Head of Neurosurgry. Richard has turned the hospital into a remarkable facility, it's amazing what he has done." _

Derek's voice faltered and Mark's heart leapt.

"_And I bought some land. It's beautiful. It's not much now, but in a few years... it could be something. It's by this river, excellent fly fishing. I'm living in a trailer right now, but..."_

Mark waited, this was it.

"_Addison, I want you to come out here with me. Say the word and Richard will make it worth your while, you know your the only reason he hired me, we are a package deal Add. Not sold separately. And the land... if you don't like it I'll sell it, we can get some thing else or... or we can build whatever you want on it. We can start over here. You and me. Away from Mark and..."_

"Derek," Mark said icily into the phone.

"Mark," Derek's voice was venomous, "Where is my wife?"

"She doesn't live here anymore, she's with me now," Mark paused and let his words sink in, "She's moved on. You should too."

XXXX

"You did not do that," Izzie exclaimed, "Mark!"

"I loved her. I didn't want her to go to _Seattle._"

"Well that worked out really well... 'cause she came anyway."

"Ya, I know."

OOOO

"Addison, Sweetheart? Where are you?" Mark walked through the apartment, concern evident on his face. He had gone to the hospital to pick her up for dinner and she hadn't been there. He'd immediately called his sister, but she had been vague on the details and didn't really tell him anything.

"Addison?" he called again. No answer. The apartment was empty.

He was calling his sister again. She was the only friend of Addison's that was still talking to him, and it was more from familial obligation then anything else.

"Savannah," Mark growled into the phone, "Where is she?"

"Mark, you'll have to talk to her. I'd only be guessing."

"_She's gone._"

Savi was silent for a beat.

"Savannah, please tell me where she is." Mark pleaded.

Savi sighed, "She's in Seattle."

Mark sat heavily on the bed.

"Richard Webber called and asked her to go to Seattle for a consult. She wasn't going to go. But..." She trailed off.

"What?"

"He called back and told her that Derek is seeing an intern. She caught the first flight out."

"I have to go after her."

"Don't bother," Savi cringed, "She's going to serve Derek with divorce papers while she is there."

Mark sighed with relief.

"Mark, you know I love you, but...you _know_ she loves him."

"She did."

"She does."

"Things change Savannah."

"Not that."

OOOO

_It's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all, _

_I don't want to feel like this, Yeah, _

_No it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all, _

_I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault. _

XXXX

Addison sighed. It was almost 4 am. Derek had been staring at her for 2 hours, staring at her but not seeing her. She stood up and walked over to the bed. "Derek?" she sat down on the bed beside him and waited for a response.

Nothing.

She sighed again and stood up. She pulled off his left shoe and then his right shoe. He wasn't going anywhere for awhile, so she might as well make him comfortable. She undid his belt and jeans and pulled hard against his dead weight to pull them over his hips. She smirked slightly to herself. Never before had undressing this man been less of a sexual experience.

And they had alot to talk about in the morning.

XXXXXXXXXX

They do have allot to talk about in the morning.

Like things that may or may not have been said in front of Meredith. And my personal favorite, why Derek was insisting that it's Mark's fault he's McDreamy.

My favorite parts of this chapter, like any of you care, Addison telling Mark to tell her he loves her. POOR MARK. I mean he loves her SO much. My other favorite part. Derek's msg on the answering machine, where he says they are a package deal, not sold seperately. And the pesants say _awwww_.

Oh and did anyone notice anything about the timeline. Like, when exactly Derek called Addison, and Mark told Derek to move on 'cause Addison was with him. Just you know... something to think about.

Review.


	33. Staple it Together

So I finally watched the first episode. And I didn't watch it all, I just watched the flashback... but...Derek is an ASS. He threw her out in the RAIN. At least my Derek just hit her.

Crazy thing. I STILL think that they belong together. Fret pas mes pets. I will watch Season 3 and figure out a way to get them back together. 'Cause creating my own little fic world is the only way I can handle whatever it is that Shonda is trying to pull off. This was not what we agreed to.

Oh, and I spent SO long looking for a Jack Johnson song for this chapter. I don't listen to Jack Johnson, he kinda makes me want to slit my wrists, but this chapter to me had a Jack Johnson feel, so I suffered for the good of the fic. Plus the song jumped right out at my from his repitoire, it was the first and only one I looked at.

Warning: Addison and Derek have some issues in this chapter, in that they are not respecting each others personal space. I got to the 3rd scene and was getting rather annoyed with them.

XXXXXXXXXX

Addison groaned, she felt as if she had just gotten to sleep and now someone was knocking persistently on her door. "Come in."

Mark pushed open the door and rolled his eyes. Derek and Addison were passed out on top of the bed, Addison was still wearing her cut off sweatpants and tank top from the night before, and it looked like Derek had made a halfhearted effort to get undressed, but hadn't made it very far. But Izzie would be happy to know, they weren't even touching.

"What do you want?" Addison muttered, trying _really_ hard not to wake up.

"Chiefs on phones, says you where suppose to be in 45 minutes ago."

Addison groaned again and thrust her arm behind her to take the phone. Derek moaned as her arm hit him squarely in the chest.

"Chief?" Addison yawned, "I'm sorry but I ate some bad seafood and I've been up all night," she invented, staring at Derek passed out on his side beside her, "I realize that that sounds like a lame excuse, which if you think about it means it's probably true," Addison sat up and clamber over Derek, unfortunately he choose that moment to roll over on to his back throwing her off balance, "Ugh, stop moving," she instructed, leaning over the side of the bed picking through his clothes, "Of course I'm alone. I was talking to the room, it's spinning." Addison located Derek's cell and sat back up, "Would I lie to you?" Addison settled herself straddling the tops of Derek's legs. "I'll be in tomorrow. Bright and early." She tapped Derek lightly on the stomach trying to get him to wake up, "Yes, I promise I'll drink plenty of fluids." Addison hit the end button and leaned forward so her cheek rested against his, "Wake up," she whispered in his ear, "Wake up, Wake up."

"Hrmmugh," Derek groaned running his hands up the tops of her legs, "It's too early."

"You can speak," she teased, leaning forward again, this time to kiss him.

"Did Meredith leave?"

Addison kissed him again, "No, she's right over there."

"Too hung over for jokes Add."

"Sorry, she left a few hours ago."

Derek nodded, "Did I say anything that..."

Addison looked away for a moment, "She knows about..."

"Us?"

Addison shook her head, "No. She knows that you..."

Derek looked away, "That I hit you."

"Yeah," Addison replied softly, "Derek..."

Derek refused to look at her.

"Derek look at me," she waited until he complied, "I'm okay. You didn't hurt me." She smiled, "I've had paper cuts that have hurt more. You hit like a girl."

Derek didn't smile.

"Derek, do you think that if you had actually hurt me I would have ever talked to you again? I would have divorced your sorry ass so fast your head would have spun," she leaned forward and smiled, "I would have taken you for all you were worth, and then some."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Did you wake me up just to tell me that? Cause it's early, and my stomach hates me."

"I know," Addison soothed, patting his tummy, "But you need to call the Chief and make up an excuse for why you aren't there," Addison handed him his phone, "And don't say bad seafood, that was mine."

Derek nodded and propped him self up with a couple pillows.

"Maybe a migraine," Addison suggested, "Or a runny nose, with a fever, and a cough and... a rash..."

Derek smiled at her indulgently, and reached for her hand, playing with her fingers as the call went through, "Richard. It's Derek. Listen, I'm not going to be able to come in today. I'm really hung over."

Addison rolled her eyes, "I said an excuse, not the truth."

"It was bad Richard, ask anyone in Joe's last night, I am surprised I can talk right now." Derek paused and gave Addison the best cheeky grin he could muster, "Addison? No? Bad seafood? Really? And you fell for that?"

Addison bent Derek's hand back to a very uncomfortable angle. Derek's eyes bugged out in pain.

"Chief I've got to go, this phone call has just drained my energy."

"Jerk!" Addison exclaimed, "You're gonna get me in trouble."

"You deserve it. Skipping work." Derek shook his head and momentarily closed his eye's against the headache that was kicking in, "You should know better. Sick babies."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't," Derek pulled her towards him and kissed her soundly.

"HMph."

Addison looked up to see Izzie standing in the doorway, clearly annoyed that Derek and Addison where not in the platonic state that Mark had promised her.

"I answered your cell," Izzie stated flatly, tossing the phone onto the bed beside Addison, "It's Meredith." She turned to leave, "And for the record, if she wasn't so hell bent on knowing nothing, I'd be telling her everything."

"Fair enough," Addison picked up the phone and crawled off of Derek's lap and on to the other side of the bed. "Morning Meredith."

The line was silent for a moment.

"Meredith?"

"I just wanted to..."

"He's fine. Little dehydrated, little nauseous, seriously wishing he could turn back time." Addison paused, "Did you want to talk to him?"

Derek held out his hand.

"No," Meredith replied slowly, "I called because, we were suppose to go out for my birthday but..."

Addison glanced at Derek apologetically.

"...If you could tell him that I can't tonight. I just need a little time."

"Ok." Addison agreed uncertainly, "Meredith, just... he's not a bad guy. Maybe..." Addison struggled for words, "Instead of trying to figure this out with McDreamy, figure it out with Derek. Derek's a pretty great guy too, once you get past the stubbornness and childish tantrums."

Addison could almost hear Meredith smiling on the other end.

"Tell him I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"Absolutely." Addison flipped closed her phone and smiled at Derek, "I tried."

"She's going to dump me isn't she."

Addison nodded, "Probably."

"I'm going to need to grovel."

"Chocolates, flowers, teddy bears... trips to exotic locals..." she paused, "And you know, maybe stop by the gym. You're getting kinda flabby."

"Oh, thanks. Kick me while I'm down." Derek turned over on his side away from her, intent on falling back asleep. He smiled when he felt her arm wrap around his waist, moving in close behind him.

"I like your flab."

XXXX

"I should just accept it shouldn't I?"

"What?" Mark didn't look up from the paper he was reading.

"Them," Izzie nodded towards Addison's open bedroom door, "I should just accept that they are together."

"If you want."

"'Cause if Meredith doesn't want to know..."

"There is nothing you can do."

"So I should just accept it."

"Might before the best."

"'Cause they aren't going to break up are they."

"No."

"So I should accept it."

"Yes."

"'Cause," Izzie cringed, "They like, love each other or something."

"Or something."

"So..."

"You should accept it."

"Because he loves her."

"Yes."

"And because if I don't accept it..."

"Because if you don't accept it, you are going to drive me crazy," Mark grinned finally looking up from his paper.

"I'm going to work." Izzie glared, as she walked over to kiss him goodbye, "By the time I get home, I'll have accepted it."

"We can only hope."

XXXX

"Brown?" Addison lifted a lock of hair and examined it, "I never really thought of myself as a brunette." She rested the phone against her shoulder, "Yes, but by a change I meant curls or bangs." She smiled at Derek as he exited the bedroom, "Are you hoping that a change in hair colour might lead to a change in temperament?"

Derek walked over and place a hand on either arm of her chair, dipping his head he kissed her hard on the lips.

"Mmm," Addison tilted the phone away from her face and kissed him back, completely forgetting the person on the line for what turned into close to a minute. Finally Addison pulled away, "Don't move," she whispered, placing the phone back on her ear, "Andrew? We are having a bit of a crisis over here, I'll call you back."

Addison dropped the phone to the floor and cupped Derek's cheeks in her hands, pulling him closer.

"I have to go to work" Derek sighed _finally _pulling away, "Richard just called."

Addison nodded, "I'm going in in an hour."

"And no brown. Curls are sexy, and you'd look amazing with bangs, but no brown." He pressed a hard kiss on her lips.

"No brown," Addison agreed whole heartedly, "I don't know _what_ he was thinking."

"He needs to go."

"First thing tomorrow."

XXXX

"Meredith!" Izzie jogged towards her friend in front of the hospital.

"I still don't want to know."

"Know what?"

"What ever it is that you want to tell me."

"It's just that... I mean, your dating him. There are things that you should know."

"But I don't _want_ to know. If I _know_ anymore I'm afraid I'll dump him. We aren't heading towards smooth sailing as it is."

"But..."

"Accept it Izzie." Meredith stalked away.

"I'm trying," Izzie muttered under her breath.

XXXX

"You have no idea how glad I am to see you."

Addison cocked an eyebrow, "And why is that."

"Because," Derek brushed her hair out of her face, "All afternoon, all I could think was 'what if she dyes her hair brown'."

"Still red," Addison grinned, straightening his lab coat, glancing up and down the hall insuring it was empty, "We shouldn't be talking here."

"We can't talk at work?"

"Not this close."

"I like you this close."

"That's the problem," Addison murmured in a low voice. Feeling reckless due to the empty hall, Addison took a step forward and kissed seductively, payback for interrupting her phone call earlier. She knew he wasn't going to be able to contain himself.

She was right. Things quickly escalated and Addison found herself forcing him away with difficulty.

"See," she gasped, "It's a problem."

"Yeah," Derek sighed. He leaned against wall, pulling her with him by the waist but keeping her far enough away that he wasn't overly tempted, "Wanna play tourist after work?"

"Kinky."

Derek smiled, "Do you want to go to the Space Needle with me?"

Addison nodded, "I suppose that could be fun too."

"I'll pick you up."

"'Kay," Addison backed away stealing one last kiss before she left the hallway, "Izzie!" she exclaimed rounded the corner.

"Dr. Shepherd," Izzie remained sprawled on a gurney, "There are at least 5 nurses and 2 residents looking for you in the NICU."

"Thank you."

"Yeah. I told them that's where you were to keep them from going down that hallway," she said pointedly.

Addison closed her eyes, "_Thank_ you."

"Way to be discrete." Izzie muttered once she was out of earshot, "Seriously."

XXXX

_its really _

_too bad _

_he became a prisoner of his own past _

_he stabbed a moment in the back _

_with a brown thumb tack _

_that held up the list of things he gotta do _

_Its really, _

_no good _

_hes moving on before he understood _

_he shot the future in the foot with every step it took _

_from the faces that he knew cause he forgot to look _

_Better staple it together and call it bad weather _

_staple it together and call it bad weather _

_If the weather is better _

_we should get together _

_Spend a little time and we can do whatever _

_and if we get together we'll be twice as clever _

_So, staple it together and call it bad weather, mm hmmm_

XXXX

"It's closed."

"You sound surprised."

"I am."

"Derek it's after Midnight, what did you expect?"

"I expected the city's most popular tourist destination would be open."

Addison sat down on the grass and leaned back, "Maybe next time."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm looking at the Space Needle. It's really tall."

"The New Yorker saying something is tall," Derek teased, sitting on the grass beside her.

"Well _everything_ there is tall, this is tall all on it's own."

"Fair enough," Derek stared at the structure in front of him, "Why did you stay in Seattle?" he blurted out.

Addison looked at him strangely, "Because you asked me too."

Derek smirked, "I kinda thought you'd say no."

Addison exhaled sharply, "Sorry."

"No! Not like that. I thought you'd want to go back to New York. To Mark."

"Why would you think..." Addison closed her eyes, "Oh. You know that..."

"I called to talk to you. He answered. Told me to move on."

"You called..."

"I called."

"I'm sorry."

Derek shook his head, "Don't be. Doesn't matter now." He continued to stare at the sky, "But why did you stay? Later on."

"Because I loved you," she replied simply.

"But I treated you so..."

"I knew you loved me."

"But I was _so _horrible to you."

Addison smiled at him, "Only when I was awake."

Derek blushed.

"I don't sleep as soundly as I used too," she teased.

"So you stayed because..."

"Because I couldn't leave a man who still kissed me good night, or good bye, in the middle of the night when he thought I was asleep."

Derek smiled sheepishly.

"And," she continued, "I kinda liked waking up in the dead of night to hear my husband saying 'I love you Addy' over and over and over."

"You heard that?"

"Yeah, I heard that."

"I'm not as sneaky as I thought then."

"No," Addison laughed. She looked at him curiously, "Would you have left me?"

Derek turned to her.

"If Meredith had said she wanted to be with you, would you have left me?"

"I don't know," Derek replied honestly, "No. I don't think I could have."

"Why?"

Derek was silent for a moment, "You know the land the trailer is on? I bought that for you. For us. I wanted to get you away from Mark and New York. So I bought the land and I was going to build you... what ever it took to get you out here."

"But then you met Meredith."

"No," Derek paused, "I didn't think that this was what you wanted. New York was your home, your a New Yorker. And..." Derek gathered his thoughts, "I thought that you would be happier with Mark. And then... yeah... I met Meredith."

"I was miserable with Mark."

"That makes me... really happy."

Addison laughed, "I bet it does. I also bet that you can't say the same thing about Meredith."

"Different circumstances completely."

"In that..."

"In that... McDreamy is irresistible to women."

"Uh huh," Addison sat up further, "Which reminds me. Why is that Mark's fault? The McDreamy thing? 'Cause you were very insistent on it last night."

"I tired to kill him didn't I?"

"Uh huh."

"The night I called you and Mark answered," Derek confessed, "Well, that night, the night before I started working for Richard by the way, and he wasn't impressed. That night, I went to Joe's for the first time. Met Meredith. Woke up on Meredith's floor the next morning. By noon, I was McDreamy."

"You don't like being McDreamy?"

"Not anymore. He's worn out his welcome. I'd rather just be Derek. "

They both soaked in the implications of his words.

Addison looked pained, "Damnit."

Derek reached over and snaked his hand around her neck, bringing her face down so he could kiss her.

"Derek,' Addison pulled away.

"No," Derek kissed her again, "We agreed not to talk about it."

"No, Derek," Addison futilely tried to resist, "We had rules. No strings. Just..." She was cut off by more kisses. At this point the words coming out of her mouth were just that words. "...Sex. I'm just another girl, and your just..."

"Your not just another girl," Derek murmured against her shoulder, accidentally ripping the seam of her sweater and the strap of her camisole in a frenzy to gain access to bare skin.

"No?"

"No."

"Damnit." She moaned as the camisole slid down to her waist.

They were oblivious to everything but each other. Addison couldn't have spelt her own name if you asked her, and Derek, Derek was only aware of the ungodly things that Addison was doing to him.

"HMGH."

They jumped as a throat was cleared a few feet away.

"What exactly do you two think you are doing?"

XXXXXXXXXX

Dun dun duunnnn.

I may not be an expert, but I am the writer, and if I had to go out on a limb, I would say that _that_ is not good.

And I kinda think, and I am not completely sure on this (I know I'm the writer, but I don't know everything) but I think, they kinda want to be caught...

I really don't know what to write for this authors note. Other then, they're screwed on about 47 different levels. I believe that Mark tried to warn her that things would end badly. MAYBE if she had listened things wouldn't be SO DAMN COMPLICATED. However if things weren't complicated, no one would read this. Or you would. There aren't allot of Addek fics out there, we are kinda at the point where you have to take what you can get, and you guys are stuck with this.

On that note, REVIEW.


	34. I Fought the Law

Okay, honestly people. What the hell would Meredith be doing at the Space Needle in the dead of night?

The only reason that I am updating is because my best friend and boyfriend are whores. Don't get all excited, this is not a life imitating art thing, there was no sex. But she bailed on class and I am NOT going alone (it isn't even raining, it's misting, suck it up), but she waited to bail when I was awake enough that I wouldn't get back to sleep. So she is a whore. And my boyfriend is a whore because he is taking up the whole goddamn bed so even if I could get back to sleep, there is nowhere _for_ me to sleep. Whore. You know, at this point, this early in the morning, I would find it easier to forgive them for sleeping together. I really would.

Seriously.

XXXXXXXXXX

"This is SO your fault."

"My fault?"

"You with your 'Addy, let's go to the Space Needle' and your 'Addy, I called you, I bought you land, I don't want to be McDreamy anymore.' Ugh."

"I'm not the one caught _topless_ at the _Space Needle_ by an _officer of the law!_"

"Well I wasn't the one that ripped my clothes off. _Ripped_ Derek. I am barely decent here. That sweater is beyond repair, this camisole is being held together by a _very_ hastily made knot that I really hope doesn't let go, _because _I couldn't find my bra, _because_ _you _chucked it _into a bush"_

"_I am bleeding profusely from the head!"_

"_Because you can't follow simple directions like 'watch your head'! The morons on 'Cops' can handle that one."_

"Which one of you wants to make your phone call first?"

Addison and Derek glared at each other.

"I'll go," Addison grumbled, throwing Derek the remnants of her sweater, "You take care of that cut."

Derek pressed the clothe to his forehead again and nodded. "Who are you going to call?" he asked.

Addison turned back to him, "Mark?" she shrugged.

"Mark?" Derek questioned.

"Well who would you suggest?" Addison demanded. her hand on her hip, "Jacob? Steven? _Andrew_? Or maybe Julie? Amanda? Or how about Meredith? I'm sure she would _love_ to get this call right about now"

Derek sighed and closed his eyes, "Ask him to be discrete.

XXXX

_I fought the law and the law won_

_I fought the law and the law won_

XXXX

"Dr. Sloane? Dr. Shepherd is on line 2. She says it an emergency."

Mark didn't look up from his patient, "Put her through," he paused, "Addison? Emergency surgery in progress, I'll call you back."

"Mark," Addison's voice filled the OR, "Take me off the intercom."

Mark sighed heavily as he moved away from his patient and allowed the nurse to prop the phone on his shoulder, "What's wrong?" He listen intently, "You what? For_ what_?" he closed his eyes in frustration, "Addison..." he sighed, "I can't do anything about it right now," he paused, "Because I am in the middle of surgery. _Emergency surgery._"

He motioned to the nearest nurse to come over, "Can you get me Steevens?"

The nurse nodded and left.

"Okay, I am going to send Izzie, but it might take her awhile, and you are going to owe her for the rest of your natural life." Mark paused again, barely able to contain his annoyance at what Addison was telling him, "In 2 hours? _Addison_! What is wrong with you!" he clenched his fists tightly, "There will be someone there within the hour, but you _do not _ get to be picky about who it is."

XXXX

"Steevens!"

Izzie stopped dead in her tracks half in half out of her jacket.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go pick up Dr. Shepherd." Izzie said awkwardly.

"Which Dr. Shepherd?"

"Both..."

"Your in the middle of a shift and you are trying to leave to chauffeur attendings?"

Izzie opened her mouth to respond then reconsidered and closed it again.

"Out with it."

"I'm not doing as much chauffeuring, as I am ... posting bail."

XXXX

"This cell is freezing."

"That guy is staring at you."

Addison checked her watch again, "I have a C-Section scheduled to start in an hour."

"What do you think he did?"

"Who?"

"The guy staring at you."

Addison followed his gaze, "I think he's a pimp. And I think, he's staring at you."

Derek gave the alleged pimp a weary smile.

"Are you going to tell Meredith?"

Derek looked her right in the eye, "What do I tell her?"

Addison looked away, "What do you want to tell her?"

Derek reached over and took her hand.

"Derek," Addison began.

"Your free to go."

Addison and Derek looked up to see a large intimidating officer unlocking the door to their cell.

They followed him down the hallway, her hand still clutched tightly in his.

"Derek," she said softly, loosening her hand from his grasp, "Izzie," she explained.

Derek nodded then stopped short, "Is it to late to call Meredith?"

XXXX

Richard Webber stormed from the elevator, Addison and Derek following meekly behind him.

"Karev." Addison exclaimed, seeing the group of interns, and trying to get as far away from Webber as possible, "Get me a set of scrubs and the Robbin's chart, "Grey, get a sutures kit for Dr. Shepherd."

"Did they get mugged?" Cristina murmured to Meredith.

"Karev," the Chief called him back, "Leave the scrubs and the chart at the nurses station. Grey, hand that kit to Dr. Shepherd, he can patch himself up," Webber turned to Addison and Derek, "Office. _Now_."

"Lip reading?" Cristina whispered to Alex as they attempted to follow discreetly behind.

"Their here? Is the Chief mad?" Izzie asked joining her friends.

"You knew?"

"They called Mark."

"What happened?" Meredith whispered.

"Shhh," Alex warned. He sprinted ahead and caught the door to the office before it could latch.

The interns all moved to the window, watching Addison stitch up Derek's forehead and the Chief pacing back and forth.

"Did Dr. Shepherd just wink at McDreamy?" Cristina asked.

Izzie rolled her eyes.

"PUBLIC INDECENCY"

The interns eyes all bugged out of their heads and everyone within earshot stopped what they had been doing.

"My surgeons. My STAR. My prized neonatal surgeon and my HEAD of Neuro. My 5 MILLION dollar DREAM TEAM, are ARRESTED for having SEX at the GODDAMN SPACE NEEDLE."

"Oh you are _kidding_ me." Meredith exclaimed.

"I tried to tell you," murmured Izzie.

"You _knew!" _Meredith and Cristina exclaimed.

"And you didn't _tell_ me?" Meredith continued.

"I _tried,_ you didn't want to know."

"Well tell me now."

"Derek and Addison are sleeping together."

"I _see_ that. Since when?"

Izzie looked away, "Couple months maybe."

"What?"

"Mark thinks since they went to Vegas."

"This is _unbelievable_," Meredith exclaimed, "He is cheating on _me_ with _her._"

Alex grinned, "Some people would call that Karma."

Meredith turned on him, "_You_ are not helping."

"Hey, it's not my fault that one woman is clearly not enough for him."

"_Shut up Alex._"

"Actually," Izzie cut in, "He's kinda right. And there's sorta more.

XXXX

"Where did you hide the tequila?"

"I'm suppose to be working."

"But your not," Mark pointed out sitting next to Meredith on the tunnel gurney, "Which begs the question. Where is the tequila?"

"I don't know _how_ I can forgive him for this."

"Then don't."

"You think I should break up with him?" Meredith asked in disbelief.

"If you can't forgive him what is the point in staying with him?"

Meredith glared at him, "It's Derek."

"It's Derek," Mark repeated, "I see."

"I just don't _get it_. We were _finally _together, more or less, why would he do this?"

"I think you have answered your own question." Mark paused, "It's Addison."

"But he _left_ her."

"Actually she left him. He signed the divorce papers to make her happy."

"But he left her to come to Seattle," Meredith pointed out.

"No... actually, he came to Seattle to get away from me. He wanted her to come to be with him, I just neglected to give her that message."

"So all along, from the day we met, he _actually_ wanted to be with her. _Perfect._"

"No. He fell in love with you." Mark corrected, "He actually genuinely fell in love with you."

"But what? He forgot to fall out of love with her first?"

Mark shrugged, "That I don't know."

'But he loves her doesn't he."

"_I_ can't answer that."

"But it's not just sex is it?"

"Derek and Addison are the masters of no strings attached sex."

"But this is different _isn't it_?"

"It's not like New York no. But it could just be because they are friends."

"Or because they still love each other."

Mark just looked at her.

Meredith stood up, "So what do I do?"

"What do you want to do?"

"It's Derek..."

XXXX

"Those things will kill you you know," Derek sat down next to Addison on a low step on the roof. He took the cigarette out of her hand and inhaled deeply.

"I'm a bit stressed here Derek," Addison replied reclaiming her cigarette.

"Chief exiled me. I'm leaving in an hour to go to San Francisco for a week. Said I should use the time to think about 'what I've done'."

"Did you talk to Meredith?"

"I tried. I can't find her. She's avoiding me."

"Can you blame her?" Addison continued to smoke like her life depended on it, "God Derek. How did we let this happen."

"What?" Derek took her cigarette away again, more to curb her smoking then for any stress relief of his own.

"We are doing exactly what we promised ourselves we would never do. We are letting the other people interfere with our relationships."

"Meredith isn't..."

"No Derek, your not listening to me. _We_ are the other people. _We _aren't suppose to be letting _each other_ come between the relationships that _we_ are in. _You _weren't suppose to let _me _come between you and Meredith."

"But your..."

"I know!" she exclaimed, "I'm Addison, your Derek. It wasn't suppose to matter. But it _does _matter."

"We don't have to let..."

"Derek," Addison cut in wearily, "Go to San Francisco. When you come back if you can look Meredith in the eye and tell her that you don't have feelings for me, if you can look _me_ in the eye and say that you don't... _care _about me, then we'll pretend that none of this happened."

Derek stared at the Seattle skyline, listening to Addison rhythmically inhaling and exhaling.

"I'll call you when I get there," he said finally, leaning over and touching her face before kissing her temple.

Addison continued to stare straight ahead, "Travel safe."

Derek nodded and headed for the door.

"Derek?"

He turned.

"If I didn't matter, you wouldn't have said you'd call, and you wouldn't have kissed me goodbye. You would have just left."

XXXXXXXXXX

Well that's interesting. I'm not really sure what is going on with Addison. Like really not sure. But Izzie should be happy. No more secrets. I also am not sure what to think of Meredith. I don't get why she is hiding from Derek and not breaking up with him. I am sitting here trying to analysis her. All I can come up with is that he is still McDreamy and her poor delusional heart is still expecting him to explain this all away, kinda like "Yes I have a wife I never told you about, _but_ she cheated on me with my best friend, so really, it doesn't count." But this is kinda hard to explain away.

Addison I don't know about. I'll figure it out in the next chapter.

Oh and we broke 600 reviews on the last chapter. How cool is that! I momentarily thought we could break 1000, but then realized how many more chapters I would have to write. Then I thought of bribing the alert people with sexual favors 'cause then I would hit 1000 in about 8 chapters. So here is the deal, pole dances for non-alert readers, SOMETHING SPECIAL for the alerters.

There's the button.

V


	35. Say Goodbye

Hey look, a chapter.

You read, I am going to watch the Beverly Hills 90210 kids loose their virginity.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Wanna play a game?"

Izzie sat down on the step separating the house from the porch, "Sure."

"20 questions. I'll ask. You say yes or no." Meredith stared out into the sunset.

"Okay," Izzie said hesitantly.

"Are they just having sex?"

Izzie was silent, "I don't want to play."

"Iz, I just need to know. I need to know what I am dealing with. I'm just... numb." she paused, "Are they just having sex?"

"No." Izzie said softly.

"So he hangs out there for no reason?"

"Yes."

"Is he there allot?

"Yes. But Meredith this game isn't fair, I've only known a week."

"But in that week, he's been there allot?"

"Yes."

"Are they happy?"

"Yes, but..."

"Do they fight?"

"No... yes... no..."

"Which is it?"

"They... bicker."

Meredith was silent.

"I don't like this game."

"Have you talked to Mark about it?" Meredith asked, pointedly ignoring Izzie's reservations.

"Yes." Izzie sighed, her stomach was starting to churn.

"Does he think it's just sex?"

"No." Izzie whispered.

"Do you think that he is happier with her then me?"

"No!" Izzie exclaimed.

Meredith watched her for a moment.

"Is he in love with her?"

Izzie just stared.

"Is he in love with her?" Meredith repeated.

"I don't know..."

"Yes or no?"

"I can't answer that Meredith. I don't know." Izzie exclaimed, "I know that they are sleeping together. I know that they like spending time together. I know that they talk allot. I know that they have talked about you, and I know that Addison wanted Derek to tell you before you found out somewhere else. I know that they both swear up and down that it's just sex. I know that they are both seeing other people and that they tell each other about it. So does that mean that they are in love, or does that mean that they are friends that are having sex? I don't know."

Meredith just stared, her expression never changing, "Do they touch?"

"What?"

"Mark is always touching you, if he is within arms reach he's somehow touching you. When I was with Finn, I was always touching him, his arm or his leg. When I was with Derek, before, he would touch my arm, or my back or adjust my coat. Does he touch her like that?"

Izzie looked away. She tried to stop the flood of images in her head, moments she wasn't suppose to have seen. Derek covering Addison up with a blanket and kissing the crown of her head when she fell asleep on the couch, Addison unconsciously picking bits of lint off Derek's sweater before they left for work The way they moved around the kitchen making breakfast, touching each other gently as they moved past each other, or the night they watched TV while folding laundry which started with Addison kissing Derek every time they moved together to fold a sheet and ended with snapping towels and throwing socks.

"He does doesn't he?"

"It could just be habit."

Meredith was silent.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Meredith sighed, "It's Derek."

XXXX

Mark Sloan had seen Addison Shepherd do allot of things that worried him. He watched her discreetly leave the hospital at lunch one day to meet a married hospital administrator at a hotel when her husband was working on a high profile case that kept him in the hospital day and night. He'd seen her return an hour later with Derek's favorite sandwich from his favorite deli, because even when she had been with someone else, she had been thinking of Derek.

He'd watched her perched on Derek's lap at a cocktail party when the hospital boards Vice President's wife very publicly asked for a divorce, all the while shooting Addison dirty looks. Addison had been oblivious to the entire scene until the VP, Robert Gibbons, approached her and implied that he was glad that the marriage was over because he wanted to rekindle things with her. Mark listened worriedly as Addison simply, and with evident confusion, replied: But, I'm married.

He watched her eat nothing and drink nothing except for coffee and single malt scotch for a week after her husband walked out the door. He watched a woman that saw humour in everything not crack a genuine smile for almost 4 months. He'd watched moving men move belongings out of the brownstone when Addison left her practice and blindly moved to Seattle. He sat by impatiently when she stayed with her husband when he called her an obligation and stated bluntly that he had not forgiven her. And he stayed silent for months when he knew that she was sleeping with her ex-husband.

Now he watched her sit alone on her back deck staring at the open fire pit. She was surrounded by every bottle of liquor in the house. She was completely motionless, a bottle of overpriced vodka dangling between her fingers. Not taking her eyes off the dancing flames she stood up. Mark didn't take his eyes off of her as she stood above the flames and slowly poured the entire contents of the bottle on the fire. She watched the flames grow and flicker and eventually die down. Then she reached for another bottle and did the same.

This worried him.

XXXX

"If your worried then talk to her."

"She isn't going to talk to me."

"Then who will she talk too?"

Mark shrugged.

Izzie shook her head, then stood as the doorbell rang.

Addison didn't even turn her head at the sound.

"Where is she?"

Izzie stepped back in surprise as Meredith pushed past her.

Meredith didn't wait for an answer, just marched through the house and out on to the back deck and planted herself in front of Addison. "It was _my_ turn," she said icily.

Addison glanced up at her for a moment, not budging from her position curled up on the chair. She held Meredith's gaze for a moment, then her eye's returned to stare at the fire.

"You had your second chance with him. This was _ mine. _This was my chance to get it right. This was my chance to be with him, to be happy." Meredith exclaimed, not caring that she was getting no reaction from Addison, "I let you have your second chance. I stepped aside so you could try to work it out. I _thought_ you were doing the same. I _thought_ that for once we were on the same page." Meredith threw her hands up in the air and sat in the chair adjacent to a still unresponsive Addison, "And the worst part is, I'm not even mad at you. It's not your fault. I didn't even come here to talk to you. I came here to talk to him. I was standing at your door when I remembered that he was in California. I just finally figured out exactly what I wanted to say to him, and believe me, it was not easy figuring out what that thing, that thing I needed to say to him was. Do _you _want to know what it was, I was going to say that if he could look me straight in the eye and tell me that he doesn't love you, and if I believed him, I would forgot all this happened and we would start over and be together. Cause it's Derek, and I can't just walk away. It's Derek. God I hate him." Meredith sighed, "The most ridiculous part of this entire thing is that I came _here _to talk to him. 'Cause I knew this is where he would be. _Here_. I came to _your_ house to tell _my_ boyfriend to basically leave you and fix things with us. I hate him for making me fall for him. And I hate you for stealing him back _again_." Meredith stood to leave, "But mostly I hate him for being Derek."

Addison still didn't move.

XXXX

"I think she is just thinking," Izzie tilted her head and thoughtfully observed Addison who was approaching hour 7 of her silent vigil.

"About what? I have _never _seen her think _that_ much without speaking, or moving." Mark continued to pace the floor pausing only to stare at Addison through the glass window.

"She's stressed."

"Where is her phone?" Mark asked, forming a plan of action.

Izzie shrugged.

Mark dumped the contents of Addison purse onto the counter and fished out her cell.

"Are you calling Derek?"

Mark shook his head, "If anything this is his fault. I'm calling Kimber, who hates me, but will snap Addison out of this in about 5 minutes."

"Kimber?"

"She and Addison used to live together in College. They are close," Mark started scrolling through Addison's speed dial, "I'm not sure why. Kimber is brash, and vulgar, and completely full of herself and she hates me more then anyone else on this planet, including Derek Shepherd."

"You slept with her didn't you?"

Mark ignored her comment.

"Of course."

The cell phone started to ring in Mark's hand.

"Derek?"

He nodded.

Izzie took the phone and headed for the deck. Derek called every night, but tonight Izzie wasn't even sure that Addison would talk to him.

"Addison?"

"Mmmm?"

Izzie handed Addison the phone, gauging her reaction carefully.

Addison stared at the phone in her hand for a moment before slowly pressing it to her ear, "Hey."

"It is _way_ to hot here. I am not meant to be this far south."

Addison listened silently.

"Do you think that Richard will let me come home early? I've learned my lesson, I want Seattle back."

Addison stared up at the stars.

"Add?"

"I'm here," she replied softly.

"You're quiet."

"Long day."

"What's wrong?" Derek questioned, his tone concerned.

"Nothing. How's the case going?"

"Fine. Add, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Okay," Derek stopped pushing and waited for her to continue on her own.

"When you come back," she said finally, "I think that things should," she paused, "Change."

Derek's jaw clenched, "Change how?"

"We are preventing each other from moving on."

"I like where we are."

"I don't."

Silence crept over the line.

"Addison," Derek began, "I've been thinking allot and..."

"Don't Derek," she said, "Don't leave this up to me."

"You can't say..."

"I don't love you."

"Addison your..."

"You don't love me either."

"_Addison!"_

"Just say goodbye Derek."

Derek was silent for a beat, "_Addison!_"

"Goodbye."

XXXXX

_She said "Don't leave this up to me to say that I don't love you anyway _

_Just leave it up to me to say goodbye" _

_Because these good times will never last _

_Keep a hand on the wheel and a foot on the gas _

_We thought it would last forever _

_I wish you'd just remember _

_No_

_Won't anything change your mind?_

_So please don't leave this up to me to say that you don't love me anyway _

_I'll just leave it up to you to say goodbye _

_Cuz these good times will never last _

_Keep a hand on the wheel and a foot on the gas _

_We thought it would last forever _

_In case you don't remember _

_No _

_Will anything change your mind? _

_(She said) _

_A one way ticket was a pretty good sign _

_(And I said) _

_How can you leave it all_

_(And she said)_

_There's not much to leave behind._

_(And I said) _

_No _

_(And she said) _

_No _

_(And I said) _

_No _

_(And she said) _

_No _

_Just say goodbye _

_So say goodbye _

_Say goodbye _

_So say goodbye _

_Just say goodbye _

_So say goodbye _

_Say goodbye_

XXXXXXXXXX

WTF is going on with Addison. She spent the night camped out on the deck with a fire. Not normal. AND THEN she breaks up with Derek. The question is, did she break up with him because of what Meredith said, or was she going to do it anyway. And if she was going to do it anyway, why was she going to do it? THIS IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO ADDEK TOGETHERNESS.

I can't decide what to do with Kimber. I mentioned her in this chapter 'cause I felt that Addison was rather alone in this chapter and I wanted there to be someone out there for her even if that person wasn't there. Depending on Addison's coping mechanisms I might throw Kimber in the mix. I like Kimber.

But seriously Addison, WTF.


	36. Hello Lonely

So this chapter is all Kimber all the time. I'm serious. Kimber, for those that forget, is Addisons friend from New York. They were roommate's in college. And just in case you miss the hints, she is a director of sorts, she is kind of a slut and she never sleeps.

Read.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Mark Sloan has been calling my cell all night."

"Kimber," Addison smiled, her first smile in days.

"Did I wake you?"

"I was getting up anyway," Addison reached over and flipped the switch on her alarm clock so it wouldn't wake the house when it went off at 5, "Why are you up?"

"It's not even 2 yet. The night is young. Plus I have at least 5 more hours of stress and coffee before I can even think about sleep. And to make my night even better, Mark Sloan called me 14 times before I got curious enough to answer."

"I'm sorry Kim."

"You know how I feel about Mark Sloan."

"I believe your exact words were 'multi-orgasmic'."

"Well I didn't expect you to take that as a recommendation," Kimber shot back.

Addison chuckled in spite of herself.

"So what mess have you gotten yourself into this time?"

"It's a long story."

"Colesnote it for me. Hold on..." Addison smiled as Kimber started yelling at people, "What the hell is that? Get that piece of shit off my stage. How hard is it to find a _tree_? A goddamn tree. Christ. There are trees _everywhere. _Something to do with providing oxygen _en mass_. Those nature freaks are always planting trees. Go cut me a bunch. Don't look at me that way. I know that they will die. Cut it down. Bring it back and recreate it with all those paints and blocks of wood that are cluttering up my backstage. _GO!" _Addison stifled a laugh as Kimber returned to the line, "I hate thespians."

"You hate people."

"Technicalities." Kimber stated, "So what happened? Post-divorce sex-fest turn sour?"

"In a matter of speaking."

"Do you know what play I am working on right now?" Kimber said thoughtfully, "_One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."_

Addison laughed, "You are not lobotomizing my husband."

"Ex-husband," Kimber corrected pointedly.

"Right."

"And I could if you wanted. I did research. I'll carve Meredith Grey right out of there."

"It's not really Meredith, Kim."

"No?"

"No," Addison paused, "I told him to go work things out with her..."

"Why the f..." Kimber paused, " Christ, Add," she breathed, "I'll be there by lunch."

Addison sighed, "I love you, but there is no way you can get here by lunch time."

"Please. Give me some credit, I did not sleep to the top of this city for nothing. I must have faked it for someone with a private jet."

XXXX

"Addison Shepherd?"

Izzie glanced up. Black. Allot of black, "She's with a patient, she should be down in a moment."

The woman in black nodded, then smirked, "Isobel right? You have that whole," she made a huge sweeping gesture, "Damsel in distress thing happening. I like it. It works. The curls are a nice touch. We should have a chat later, just us."

Izzie furrowed her brow, "Do I know you."

"Not yet."

The two women stared at each other.

Izzie narrowed her eyes suspiciously, "Kimber?"

She smiled, "In the flesh," Kimber adjusted her sunglasses, an interesting choice considering it was raining and they were indoors, "Tell Addison I'll be scooping out the cast."

Izzie stared in confusion as Kimber swept away.

"Who is _that_?" Meredith questioned, appearing at Izzie's side.

"You don't want to know."

"I think I do, she is staring at me," she paused, "And waving. Am I suppose to know her?"

"No. But I'll bet you anything she knows exactly who you are."

XXXX

"So what's the damage?" Kimber sat across from Addison in the hospital cafeteria. She had exchanged the sunglasses for 3 cups of black coffee, and was still being stared at.

"Don't know."

She raised her eyebrow.

"I don't."

"So we are just dealing with basic damage control? Uncertainty with a side of heartbreak and mental instability. Perfect."

Addison smirked, "Usually this is the other way around."

Kimber took a large gulp of coffee and shook her head, "No. I specialize in box-office disasters followed by booze, married men and bouts of depression. The mental instability is inbred and the heartbreak only happens to the wives."

"I'm sorry, my mistake."

"It could happen to anyone." Kimber winked, a sign of affection bestowed on very few, "Now. Could we try clearing up one of your symptoms, my vote being with the uncertainty."

Addison shook her head, "Just you being here has done wonders for my mental instability, Let's just keep working on that."

"You have to deal with the rest eventually Add."

Addison didn't reply.

"Fine. But later we are getting to the bottom of this." Kimber smiled, "So tell me about the 'boys on the side'.

"Gone."

"All of them?"

"All of them."

"Even Andrew? I liked Andrew. Very Bogart."

Addison shrugged.

"So your telling me that the 'Serotonine Junky' of New York is completely unattached."

"Strictly speaking."

"Then I guess Hell has finally achieved a climate akin to the Arctic." she smirked, "And me without my mittens."

XXXX

"Derek Shepherd. I have a bone to pick with you."

"Kimber?"

"How come Addison is allowed to sleep with Mark but I'm not allowed too...:

"Don't even finish that sentence."

"I am just saying Derek. Best friend for best friend..."

"Unless you have a point I am hanging up."

"Of course I have a point. Do you think I am calling you just to lament over my wounded ego, to cry over the fact that you don't find me desirable. Is it long hair? Does it not suit my face?"

"_Kimber!_"

"What the hell did you do to _my_ Addison? I let you take her to Seattle and you break her. Can't I trust you to take care of my things Derek? I ask you to do one little thing Derek. One thing. Keep her in one piece. That is _all_ I asked you to do. I never should have let you marry her."

"I didn't break her!"

"Well I am looking at her and she is definitely not in the condition that I gave her to you in."

Derek was silent a beat, "Your in Seattle?"

"Yes I am in Seattle. Mark Sloan called me. He risked castration with a rusty spoon to call me and tell me that you broke my prized possession."

"Mark called you?"

"Yes Mark called me. Does that give you an indication as to the severity of the situation?"

"She was fine when I left."

Kimber stared at the phone a moment, then slammed it repeatedly on the nearest table, "She's _not_ fine now."

"I didn't _do_ anything."

"Of _course_ you did Derek. You've _always _done _something._"

"Not this time. _She's _the one that ended it. So..."

"_Derek!_ Does it _really_ matter who's fault it is? I put you in charge of taking care of her and you failed. Fix it, or I am taking her back."

"She's a grown woman..."

"Fix it or I am taking her back. That was the deal, you keep her safe and take care of her, you can keep her. Otherwise, I take her back."

"She is not a _thing_ Kimber, she is a human being."

"Exactly. You would _never_ treat your _things _like you have treated her. Fix it."

XXXX

"_Addison, love, what is going on?"_

Addison hit delete on the machine and skipped ahead to the next message.

"_I'm assuming that you deleted the first message without listening to it so I am going through the whole thing again."_

Kimber smirked. Addison grudgingly smiled and joined her friend on the couch to listen to the message.

"_I just talked to Kimber and she basically just verbally kicked my ass for not treating you right. And I probably deserved it,"_

Addison grinned.

"_But babe, I'm worried about you. I don't know what happened, or why you are so sad, but it scares me to death that Kimber's there. I'm terrified that whatever it is that is going on is so bad that Mark called her. I'm scared for you Addy. You have to tell me what is happening. You have to tell me what is wrong so that I can make it right."_

Addison stared up at the ceiling, blinking back tears.

"_It's killing me Add. I just want to get on a plane and fly back to Seattle. I need to see you, talk to you. I can't... let go. I can't move on. I can't." _

Derek paused.

"_I need to know why you walked away. It's been eating me alive, and I know it's not what you want. I know it's hurting you too. I know that you must have a reason for... but just give me a chance to prove to you that your reason is rediculous. And maybe the reasong you are... not yourself, has nothing to do with me, or us, but I still want tofic it. Please Addison. Just call me at the hotel. I don't care what the time. I haven't really slept since the last time we talked and you... ended it. I actually..." _Derek chuckled, _"I never dream, but ..."_

_BEEP_! The machine cut off.

Kimber groaned, "Oh for Christ Sakes, I thought machines only cut off like that in the movies."

XXXX

_Hello lonely _

_How you doin' today? _

_Hello sweet thing _

_Why don't you walk this way? _

_So why're you sad? _

_Don't you know that _

_It's you that holds my dreams and seems to always come back? _

_How do I live without you? _

_How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this again? _

_How do I live without you? _

_How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this?_

_Hello lonely _

_Now that you're gone I can move on _

_Goodbye sweet thing _

_Just know that I've been here all along _

_So why're you sad? _

_Don't you know that _

_It's you who holds my dreams and seems to always come back? _

_How do I live without you? _

_How could you walk away from this, just walk away from this again_

XXXXXXXXXX

I am getting Kimber her own spin off. I am calling Shonda in the morning. She is like... okay, well I like her more then Poppy Cunningham, Astrid and Truman combined. And I think that she is omnipotent. She knows EVERYTHING. Addison has barely said anything to her so far and she just KNOWS.

Review.


	37. Far Away

So I hate to do it but I am leaving you for awhile. Unfortunately it's Thanksgiving and I have family stuff. And I use the term family rather loosely cause it's really me and my roommates, my 2 boyfriends, my best friend who I think is dating one of my boyfriends, my other best friend who better not be dating my boyfriend, my gay roommates 'wife' and a 4 year old. And me being smart said I could cook turkey for 9 people. Go team. But ya, my bff is staying for a week so I am not sure when I'll update.

But, you know, this chapters good (unlike the show which is annoying me greatly and I just want to kick EVERYONE, except, strangely enough Callie). Oh bonus, I'm dealing with Addison in this chapter. I know thats been driving some of you crazy.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You know. I spend allot of time in my theater, but when I go home I am generally allowed to stay there long enough to change my underwear and pour a stiff drink."

Addison shrugged. Since she had heard Derek's message on her machine 30 minutes ago she had been completely silent. She barely flinched when her pager went off calling her back to the hospital.

"At least in the theater it is generally understood that, sure, you work all night, but it is expected that you are going to sleep all day or at least shoot cocaine or pop adrenaline pills." Kimber glanced over at her friend, "So I saw Meredith Grey this morning, she is very waif-ish. Twiggy-like even." She watched Addison out of the corner of her eye as they walked through the front doors of the hospital, she wasn't getting a reaction, "I'm surprised that Derek didn't rip her apart. As I_ remember_ he's rather well end-..." she stopped there. If she didn't get a reaction for _that_ she wasn't getting one at all. "Addison," she stopped and touched Addison's arm.

Addison turned to look at her. Her had lost most of their colour, a sure sign that she was exhausted, and her hair was uncharacteristically not perfect.

"You should call him back," Kimber advised, smoothing down Addison's hair.

Addison shook her head.

Kimber sighed, it was like dealing with a spoiled child with volatile hormones, but then again, dealing with both Shepherds always had, "Call him."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because we're over, Kimber."

"Talking to you is like bring trapped in that Graham Greene novel, with the affair and the pouting and the longing and the..."

"Colesnotes Kim, not _everyone _has time to read everything ever written."

Kimber smiled, a full sentence and an attempted joke, "I sent you the movie. They have this intense affair, love each other more then words, then she ends it and he doesn't know why. And he goes... kinda crazy. And she has a _reason_ but..."

"Kimber," Addison sighed, "She dies."

"What?"

"At the end. They reunite, and she dies."

Kimber stared, she had forgotten that part. "Well, they always die, the point is they reunite."

Addison sighed again, she wasn't up to much else, "Just stay out of trouble 'til I get back."

XXXX

"You are not worth my time and energy."

"Kimber. _Stop_ calling me."

"I have put to much effort into this relationship to have you ruin it now."

"Kimber..."

"No listen to me. _I_ got you introduced to her, _I_ convinced her that you were more then a handsome yet awkward science prodigy, a fact that I am still debating myself. _I_ told her to marry you when she thought you were to young, _I_ reminded her how much you love her when you would spend all your waking hours poking brains. _I_ spent a month trying to convince her to move out of Mark Sloans apartment because _I_ knew that she really just wanted you to come home. _I_ drove her to the airport so that she could go to Seattle and get you back, Hell _I lent her a coat_. _I_ had Mark questioned by security for 8 hours when he tried to go to Seattle to bring her back, _I_ spent an hour convincing your wife to stay in Seattle and not come back with him because _you_ didn't mean it when you said that you didn't forgive her but that you were obligated to try. _I_ told her you were just mad and upset. Which you _were. I_ talked her out of leaving you _so_ many times that it is kind of ridiculous. And when she finally did, _I_ couldn't believe it because _you_ may be completely screwed up and maybe you are in no way compatible as a couple, but I have _never_ seen _anyone_ love each other like you two do. _And I am in the theater_, larger then life love stories are _my life_. So _don't_ tell me to stop calling."

Derek was silent.

Kimber sighed, she had gotten out what she needed to say, "I know that you don't want to admit that you were wrong, but if you don't, you're over. She can't trust you anymore Derek. She has _always_ trusted you. Now she can't, and she _needs _to be able to."

"She can. She's the one that..."

"You are not a testament to your species you know that Derek Shepherd. You actually might be the stupidest person alive." Kimber interrupted, "Addison, is not herself, and if you had the intelligence of a dungbeattle you would realize that her not being able to trust you, her ending things and her suddenly not being herself, _might_ actually all be connected. She _isn't herself_ right now, which is why I am currently in Seattle while my incompetent assistant runs my multimillion dollar show into the ground. Addison needs you. And as much as I hate women that define themselves by men, she is just not _her _with out _you_. And from what I've heard you had a bit on an identity crisis without her, as Addison so eloquently put it you went from 'Hugo Boss, and looking sexy as hell' to 'Off the rack, my socks have holes and I don't care'. So can we both agree that you love each other, need each other, can't live without each other, aren't complete without each other, and all those other clichés that I hate but are apparently societies way of determining _real _love?"

Derek was silent.

"Good God. Just Call her Derek. Things need to be said."

XXXX

"Addison."

Addison sighed and hit the end button on her phone.

Kimber smiled to herself

"I can't talk to him here," Addison explained in a low voice, glancing around the hospital.

Kimber shrugged and continued to speculate silently, but freakishly accurately, over why Addison hostage intern Karev scowled so much when Mark offered to talk to Addison about Karev working with him.

Addison's cell rang again.

She immediately disconnected. "Did you..."

Then Kimber's phone rang, "Hello?" she paused, then held out the phone," It's for you."

Addison glared.

Kimber raised an eyebrow then put the phone back to her ear, "She says she's not here."

Addison rolled her eyes.

A moment later the phone at the nurse's station rang.

"Dr. Shepherd?"

"I'm not here!" Addison exclaimed.

Then she was paged for a call on line 5.

Then line 3.

Addison fumed silently, every few moments she glanced at her phone expecting it to ring.

"Dr Shepherd?"

Addison sighed with relief at Izzie.

"It's Dr. Shepherd," she held out her cell phone, "He said there is something wrong with yours."

XXXX

Addison paced the deserted on-call room, it was to close to the morgue to be frequented often. She expected Derek would be calling her any minute.

She was right.

"Addison, do _not_ hang up."

Addison sighed and sank down into the cot. Kimber dragged over a chair, sat down across from Addison and took her hand, lending silent support.

"Say the word Addison and I will be back in Seattle. If you need me, I'm there."

Addison was silent.

Derek was quiet for the longest time, he felt defeated, "Add, I don't know what to _do_," he paused, "I know... _I know_ that I screwed up, _I know_ that I made mistakes, _I know_ that I didn't treat you like I should have. _I know_ that. And not just in New York and not just in Seattle. I _know_," he paused again, he then started pacing back and forth across his hotel room, "_I shouldn't_ have put my job over you, _I shouldn't_ have made either of us feel like we had to turn to other people, _I shouldn't_ have failed you. _I shouldn't_ have made you feel that you were anything less then the _most important_ part of my life," he sat slowly on the bed, "_I should _have_ ended_ things with Meredith. _I should _have _ended_ it the second that you got to Seattle. _I should_ have _ended_ it before it started. _I should_ have _ended_ it the _moment_ that I realized that she is not the one that I wanted to be with. _I should_ have realized sooner that _your_..." He leaned over and cradled the phone closer, focusing only on Addison, " I'm probably too late, and I've waited too long, and I had no business making you wait for me to tell you that I..."

"Derek stop," she whispered.

"No Addison," Derek continued, "I have missed you so much, and I..."

"Don't..." she pleaded.

"No, damnit, Addison! I lo-..."

"Derek, I'm late."

Derek froze. She wasn't late for surgery.

Her voice cracked "I'm late, and I'm sca-"

"Late," Derek repeated to himself, "You're never late. Your like..." He was shocked, "Never late."

"I'm sorry," Addison whispered, "I'm sorry," she began to cry, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Derek numbly gripped the phone, "Are you sure?"

Addison shook her head, tears streaming down her face, "No, I haven't che-... it's only been a few days and I... I'm scared to... I can't be... I can't have..."

Kimber leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Addison the best that she could.

"I just... oh god Derek... what am I going to do?" she sobbed, her voice catching every few words. "I can't do it. I can't have... I can't raise... I don't want to be one... I see them...the moms, alone... everyday... I can't be... they try to be... I don't think I... be strong... I'm not... and they are alone, and..." Addison was barely coherent, she was sobbing so hard she was grasping her chest in pain. "I can't do that... by myself... I can't do it alone... I can't... I can't be... I can't... I can't... I can't..."

"Addison," Derek spoke weakly, unable to come to terms with what she had just said, "Add, love, listen to me. Addison!"

She didn't reply, just gulped a few times trying to control the sobs.

"I'm coming home. Okay? I'll..." Derek rain his fingers though his hair, his brain was not functioning at the moment, "I'll take the first flight back to Seattle. Just don't..." Derek wasn't even sure what he didn't want her to do, "Don't do anything. Don't find out or... Not until we talk. Okay?"

She didn't reply, she couldn't talk anymore, she just inhaled slowly and unevenly.

Kimber gently took the phone from Addison's hand and pressed it to her ear, "Your coming back?"

"Just..." Derek sighed, "Take care of her until I get there."

"I always do."

Kimber hung up the phone. Her eyes met Izzie's who stood motionless at the door, as she had been for the last several minutes.

Izzie just stared. Addison had curled herself in a silent ball sitting on the cot. Never before had Izzie seen someone look so completely lost. She was visibly shaking.

"He'll be here soon," Izzie said tentatively taking a step forward.

Addison turned her head and looked at Izzie evenly, "And what difference will that make?"

XXXX

Derek still stared at the phone in his hand. It had been 20 minutes since he had hung up, and he still felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

She thought she was alone.

XXXX

_This time, This place _

_Misused, Mistakes _

_Too long, Too late _

_Who was I to make you wait _

_I'd give it all _

_I'd give for us _

_Give anything but I won't give up _

_'Cause you know, _

_you know, you know _

_That I love you _

_I have loved you all along _

_And I miss you _

_Been far away for far too long _

_I keep dreaming you'll be with me _

_and you'll never go _

_Stop breathing if _

_I don't see you anymore _

_So far away _

_Been far away for far too long _

_So far away _

_Been far away for far too long _

XXXXXXXXXX

So.

I don't know what to say after that.

Like... I dunno.

Review.


	38. Since You've Been Gone

So here is a new chapter for all of those that haven't given up on me. It feels like years since I updated this thing. You will all be happy to know that I cooked a truely awesome turkey. Orgasmic even. Really, my turkey makes people to crazy thiings. By the time I am 25 I plan to be able to render a man completely incapable of independant thought using only an apple pie (which I also made last weekend, and it was loved by everyone except my daughter who did not like the idea of the crust, especially when there was ice cream nearby)

And I rather enjoyed tonights episode.Three words. MARK.CALLIE.SEX. That was _amazing_. The only thing that would make that better is if Derek and Addison hooked up. It could happen, notice it never showed what they were upto tonight. Picture this: Messy hotel room, messy bed, tangled legs. Is it Mark and Callie? Morning after fun. Is it George and Izzie spending some of her redicuous amount of money (which I think she will donate to build something with Denny's name on it, just a thought, I would quit school and move to Boca with Sawyer from Lost, but that is just me). No, it's Derek and Addison working out some built up frustrations from having their lives going completely wrong.

It could happen.

And I called the appendix thing.

I so called it.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You need to break up with Derek."

Meredith continued filling out her chart, "No."

"Meredith I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't 100 percent believe that this was for the best."

"I am not breaking up with him."

"Meredith, Addison..." Izzie paused, "I just think that Derek and Addison, maybe they do..."

"Maybe they do belong together?" Meredith interrupted, "Thanks for your support Iz. But I am not backing down this time. Derek and I were amazing together. Everyone thought so. When Addison showed up no one thought for a moment that he would pick her over me. We were great together."

"But he did pick her..." Izzie murmured quietly.

"Did he really though? We stayed friends. We went for walks, we hung out all the time and Addison never knew. He would sneak away to see me cause he cares about me. We had lunch together, we talked about things. We just got closer and closer while they drifted further and further apart. Their marriage was a mess, and now it is over."

Izzie just stared at her friend, "He _loves_ her."

"He loves _me_. He told _her_ he fell in love with _me_."

"Meredith..." Izzie sighed, "I just know that... I want what they have. When you are around them, I hated it on principal but, you just know that they love each other. And maybe they weren't like that when they were married, or maybe we just didn't see it because we only saw them at work, but they are like that now. They just... fit."

"Then I guess I'll just have to fight for him."

Izzie groaned as Meredith sauntered away, "Why won't you just trust me?" She demanded, "Do you really think that I am saying this because I am having a slow day and want to cause trouble? Your my _friend. _Just believe me when I say, you deserve so much more then what Derek can give you. You will never be happy with him as long as Addison is in his life, and she isn't going anywhere. When it comes down to it, he'll aways choose her."

"I can make him forget all about her."

"_No you can't!"_

"I did before."

"Did you? Or was he just trying to make it through the day without her." Izzie paused, "You can be so much _happier_ with someone else. I mean, Finn. You were _really_ happy with Finn. You'll find someone else."

Meredith shook her head, "I don't want someone else. I want Derek."

Izzie resisted the urge to throw everything in her pockets at Meredith's retreating figure. Instead she settled for aggressively tapping her foot and biting her nail.

"Surprise!"

"What are you doing here!" Izzie grinned and threw herself into Mark's open arms, "I thought that you had to go to New York for the rest of the week."

"I do, but I'll leave tomorrow, I had nothing pressing scheduled for today, besides" He leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I miss you when I'm gone."

Izzie wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as hard as she could, "I'm glad your here."

"Apparently," Mark waited patiently for her to loosen her grip, "What happened, I saw you this morning and you were gorgeous and happy and calm, now your gorgeous and slightly unstable."

Izzie hit him gently and lowered her voice, "There was this thing with Addison, and then I had a fight with Meredith. I switched sides."

"Switched sides?" Mark smirked, "I'm assuming not in a good way?"

Izzie raised her hand, "Team Addison."

"Team Addison? I guessing as opposed to Team Meredith for the heart of 'McDreamy'. I see. So there are teams?"

"There are practically t-shirts."

"That wouldn't create a hostile work environment," Mark quiped sarcastically.

"Exactly," Izzie sighed, "But I told Meredith that she should just dump Derek and let him be with Addison and now she's mad."

"Why did you say that?" He narrowed his eyes, "Have you been talking to Kimber?"

"No. I decided this all on my own. Addison's..." she paused, "I just changed my mind okay. Derek and Addison are pretty great together when you ignore all the fighting, bitching and name calling, so, whatever, I want them to work it out."

Mark stared at her, "Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"

"Shut up."

XXXX

"Kimber!" Derek jogged down the hall, "Where is she?"

Kimber uncurled herself from the gurney and started towards him, "Hey there stranger," she kissed him chastely on the lips, "I really appreciate all your efforts to stay in touch once you moved to Seattle without saying good bye."

"Where is Addison?"

Kimber stood there patiently.

Derek groaned, " Kimber I am sorry. I will call you everyday when you go back to New York and on Fridays I will send you a musical telegram. Happy? Where is she."

Kimber smiled and took his hand, leading him around the corner, "She's asleep. And it took me forever to get her that way so leave her alone."

Derek stared at his ex-wife stretched out on the gurney.

Kimber resumed her spot on the gurney on the opposite side of the hallway and observed them. She would bet the profits of her next show that Addison had picked out Derek's outfit. Derek was incapable of finding a tweed that looked good on him, or matching it with a shirt.

Derek slipped out of his jacket and balled it under his arm. He reached down and brushed some hair away from her face. He gently touched the tip of her nose a few times, smiling as she batted his hand away.

"You don't have the wake up," he whispered, "Just move over so that I can sit down."

Addison obediently moved over, turned on her side as she did so, curling ever so slightly around Derek's body. She wasn't even awake enough to recognize his presence.

Derek continued to brush her hair away from her face.

"_Don't_ wake her _up_," Kimber warned again, "It took me the better part of an hour to get her to calm down enough to take something and go to sleep."

Derek's head jerked up, "You gave her something? Are you _insane?"_

Kimber tilted her head to the side and gave Derek a look, "Do you really think I would give Addison something that had possible negative sideefftects? Do you think that Addison would _take_ _anything_ that could harm... ." Kimber shook her head slowly as if talking to a small child, "And even if she would, I gave her the sugar pills from an old pack of birth control. She just needed permission to sleep."

Derek nodded and continued to run his fingers through her hair, "She was in Seattle 2 days before I noticed this scar," he ran his finger over a small scar at her hair line, "I thought I did it."

"You did do it."

Derek shook his head, "I thought that I had grabbed her to hard. I thought that I had scratched her when I grabbed her to kiss her during some stupid fight or... I was telling her to leave town, I was calling her Satan, and at the same time reminding myself to be more gentle with her."

"She told me about that conversation. That was when she decided to lighten up on my Manhattan Vixen angle."

Derek smirked, "I figured that was you."

"You think that Addison would come up with Hell-Bitch in Heat on her own? Of course that was me. My clothes too."

Derek smiled, "Do you remember the first time I saw her."

"Of course I remember. I was naked. Worst one-night stand ever, it turned into an epic saga that I can't get out of."

"She just looked..."

"Do you _know_ what it feels like to have your one night stand march back into your room and _demand_ to know who the girl asleep on the couch is? And then insist that you introduce him to her."

"It was worth it."

"For you. My ego is still bruised."

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

Derek groaned as his pager went off, "Richard has figured out I'm not in San Fransisco anymore," he sighed. He took one last long look at Addison before draping his jacket over her. He kissed his fingertips and pressed them lightly to her cheek, "Love you," he whispered before leaving to answer his page.

Kimber continued to sit there silently, "I know your awake," she said finally.

Addison slowly opened her eyes, "You slept with my husband."

Kimber smiled, "He wasn't your husband when I slept with him."

Addison smiled half heartedly and sat up, Derek's jacket falling to her side. She sighed, "I'm going home."

"Your not going to wait for him to get back?"

Addison shook her head and pulled on Derek's jacket, "I want to go home."

XXXX

"_ADDISON! ADDISON!"_

Izzie bolted straight up.

"What the..." Mark murmured, slowly sitting up.

The sounds of doors rattling filled the house.

"_ADDISON!"_ came the voice again.

"What is he doing here? What the hell happened at the hospital today?" Mark yawned, and groped for the clock, "It's 4 am."

Izzie slipped out of bed and padded into the hall.

"Don't worry about it," Kimber said, breezing by. She had pens stuck in the messy bun on the top of her head, she was wearing dark rimmed glasses and had the headset to her cellphone dangling from her ear. She obviously hadn't bothered to go to bed yet, "I'll take care of the children, you go back to bed."

Kimber sauntered down the stairs and pulled open the front door. She fixed Derek with a look and waited for him to explain himself.

"I need to talk to her."

"Now?"

"Yes."

Kimber stood aside and allowed Derek to enter the house, "Kitchen."

Derek obediently made his way to the kitchen, his face falling when he saw that Addison wasn't there.

"You have to go through me first," Kimber indicated that he should take a seat, and started to make tea, "What did you get her?"

Derek sighed and reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. He held it tightly in his hand for a moment before pushing it towards Kimber.

She picked up the box and flipped it open. Her face didn't change as she took in the large emerald cut diamond ring, "You spoil her."

Derek smiled smugly.

"She'll say no."

"No she won't."

"She will."

Derek shook his head.

"You always do this," Kimber set the empty teacups down roughly on the table, "You feel bad, or you mess up, or she gets upset or something and you buy her something expensive, most people would simply apologize. You give her materialistic side way to much credit. So she likes designer shoes and pretty shinny things, mostly, she just likes you."

"I want her to be happy."

"_You_ make her happy. She lived in a _trailer _for christ sakes."

Derek leaned his elbows heavily on the table, "I don't know how else to fix things."

Kimber brought the tea over, and sat across from him, "What do _you_ want?"

"I wamt..." Derek trailed off, "Can you imagine Addison pregnant. With that glow? God. And watching her pick out baby clothes, and decorating a nursery and trying to knit those little tiny bootie things. Can't you picture that? Addy rocking a baby to sleep, bathing it, playing with it, singing to it completely off key just to hear it laugh."

"What if she's not?"

"What do you mean?" The thought of Addison not pregnant had not entered his mind. He had spent the greater part of the plane ride home composing the speech he would give Mark when telling him that they needed his room as a nursery so to hit the road.

"She says she doesn't feel pregnant. What will you do with that ring then?"

"How would she know?" Derek smirked, "She's never been..."

Kimber raised an eyebrow and took a sip of her tea, "9 years ago. You had just finished up with that little boy that had, I dunno a second spine or something. But she knew that there was a _chance_ that _maybe_ it wasn't yours. A slim chance, but still a chance. She wanted it to be yours so badly."

"But it wasn't," Derek questioned hoarsely.

Kimber shrugged, "I don't know. She went and talked to the head nurse in the maternity wing, and the next timeI asked she just said she was giving God a chance to reconsider. She never mentioned it again." Kimber paused and took another sip of her tea, "But I am _sure _that she didn't have an..."

"She didn't," Derek said quietly, "If _God_ had decided that she was meant to have that baby, we would have figured it out, she knew that. She just... we talked once, in medical school when she was studying reproduction and pregnancy and different options and..." Derek smiled slightly, "She just trusted that _our_ baby would be too smart to jump ship."

Kimber raised her eyebrow at Derek's reaction. Figures he would understand exactly what she had done. She didn't even know exactly, and she was her best friend.

Derek continued to smiled, "God I love her."

"So tell her."

Derek just smiled and picked up his teacup.

XXXX

It amazed him how she could seem so small.

He set the ring box on the night stand and walked over to where she was standing, staring out at the water.

"I missed you," he murmured.

Addison turned to look at him. She was unnaturally pale, had dark circles under her eyes and her face was slightly puffy from resent crying.

"I really, really, missed you," he whispered again, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently rubbing her back. It amazed him how she could seem so small when he held her like that. When she was upset. After a moment she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against his chest, "We'll figure it out. Okay love. We'll figure it out."

Addison pulled away and nodded.

Derek rested a hand on either side of her face, kissing her forehead went she wouldn't take her eyes off his chest.

"I'm glad your back," she said finally, looking him in the eye.

"Me too," He smiled, dipping his head to kiss her, "Me too."

XXXX

_It seems that nothing ever goes my way _

_Since you broke my heart when you left that day _

_There's nowhere to go so just stay with me _

_Cuz since you've been gone, I've been beggin' you please _

_To tell me you're not alright _

_And you needed to come home _

_(Since you've been gone) _

_To tell me you're not okay _

_And you needed me all along _

_Since you've been gone _

_I need to hear from you _

_Since you've been gone _

_It seems that every time you swear to God that you're leaving _

_I'm down on my knees beggin' you to stay _

_There's nowhere to go so just stay with me _

_Cuz since you've been gone, I've been beggin' you please _

XXXX

Addison woke up to the sun glaring in her eyes. She winced and sat up. She glanced briefly at Derek, still asleep beside her, then reached over and grabbed his blue shirt from the end of the bed. She was just about to slip in on when she saw it.

There was a jewelers box on her night stand.

She looked back at Derek. Confident that he was asleep, she slowly eased open the box and stared. She looked at Derek one more time before closing the box and replacing it on the table.

She edged out of bed and shrugged into the shirt. She crept into the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She's looked worse. She sighed as she pulled her hair into a messy off centered ponytail and hastily grabbed a pair of underwear from the dresser in her closet. Eyeing Derek one last time she slipped out of the bedroom, picking up his tweed jacket on the way.

Kimber raised her eyebrow as Addison walked into the kitchen wearing the shirt Derek had worn the night before.

Addison sat carefully on the stool at the counter and played with the buttons on the jacket.

"Kim," she said finally, "I think I just made a huge mistake."

XXXXXXXXXX

Well... they are back in the same city at least.

But Meredith... Meredith is going after Derek, and Addison is not emotionally stable enough to put up a defense.

Review.


	39. Bling

So, here is what happened. I have an essay due tomorrow, just a short one, 1000 words, still haven't finished the book, but then again, I never do. So I spend all weekend trying to read the book or start the essay or do the other million things that I needed to do. At 3 o'clock this afternoon I e-mail my prof., asked for an extension 'til Wednesday (her response: sure... or Friday. How cool is that!" and then I started writing this.

I hope you all like it, cause it caused me much pain and suffering. And if you hate it, blame Cess, she won't tell me what sucks, so if you have complaints I'll give you her e-mail.

XXXXXXXXXX

_She wasn't sure who made the first move towards the bed. For all she knew it was her. It probably had been her. _

_All she knew was that the sun was coming up, she had barely slept in days and she was so glad that Derek was back that she could barely contain it. She was scared and didn't want him further then arms reach ever again._

_He didn't want her too far away either, he wanted her as close as possible. He wanted to be able to hold her again and touch her and kiss her. He couldn't stop smiling. He wanted to tell her that he loved her over and over and over, but every time that he would open his mouth to say it, she would kiss him and the words would disappear._

_Addison fell asleep almost immediately, Derek was holding her close, rubbing her back murmuring things to her that she was to exhausted to understand._

_The sun was rising over the tree's before Derek closed his eyes. he wrapped the blanket tighter around her shoulders and kissed her forehead, "Sweet dreams my love."_

XXXX

"Kim," she said, "I think I just made a huge mistake."

Kimber took a sip of her coffee and leaned against the counter.

"Maybe I am pregnant," she sighed, "How else would you explain this? This isn't me," she bowed her head and ran her fingers through her hair, "This is bad Kim. What was I thinking? Making love with Derek. I am a mess and I run off and..."

Kimber smiled.

"What?"

"Nothing. You should go in and talk to him."

Addison shook her head, "I can't talk to him right now. I'm going to the hospital."

"In that?" Kimber raised her eyebrow.

Addison glanced down at her 'outfit' and groaned. She glanced towards the bedroom as she slid of the chair, "That man is ruining my life," she stated, disappearing into the laundry room.

"That perfectly irrational," Kimber smiled to herself, "So, I'm heading back to New York this afternoon."

"What?" Addison demanded, reentering the kitchen pulling a white sweater over her head, "Your leaving? You can't leave now."

"Addison. Pants."

Addison disappeared again.

"Derek's back you'll be fine. He has regained my confidence so I feel fairly good about leaving you in his care again."

Addison returned struggling slightly with her jeans, "This is an excellent start to my day," she groaned, finally getting the zipper up.

"And it will only get worse," Kimber teased, "You might have to get used to this feeling."

"They were like this when I bought them," Addison exclaimed defensively, "It's the style," she looked at her best friend sadly, "Don't go."

Kimber smiled back, "I have to. I have a dress rehearsal to oversee tonight," she stepped up to Addison, "You love him. I know you do. So, stop being so stubborn."

"It's not that simple."

Kimber waited for her to continue.

"It was easier before. In New York. I know it sounds ridiculous but..." Addison brought her hand up to her heart, "It never mattered what we did. What mattered was that at the end of the day we would come home, kiss each other hello and say 'I love you' and mean it, really mean it. What else do you really need?"

Kimber drained the last of her coffee, "I think that you should take a pregnancy test."

Addison froze.

"I have a bunch upstairs. I bought out the airport drugstore when I was waiting for my flight in New York. It would be extremely unfair if I had to leave and still not know."

"I'm not ready to know yet."

Kimber smiled, "Then I won't tell you what it says."

XXXX

"Good Morning," Derek said cheerfully entering the kitchen.

"You're in a good mood," Kimber remarked.

"I am in a great mood," he informed her, "Where is Addison?"

"She went to the hospital," Kimber watched his face carefully.

"Oh," he replied disappointedly, "I wanted to take her out to breakfast."

"So your talk went..."

Derek grinned, "No talk. I told her I missed her, she said she was glad I was back, we made love, we went to sleep. I assumed we would talk this morning, but," he continued to grin, "I want to see her. Do you think that Richard would give her the day off?"

"She _has_ the day off, she's stress working," Kimber shook her head, "Have you ever considered a low dose of ritalin?"

"Morning," Izzie said gloomily entering the kitchen, "Mark just snuck out the front door," she informed Kimber, "And if I hadn't seen that trailer for myself I really would think you were homeless," she yawned at Derek, collapsing at the kitchen table.

"Maybe I just like spending time with you," Derek teased, setting a cup of coffee in front of her.

"So what are your plans for today?" Kimber questioned Derek.

Derek smiled, "Convince Addison to marry me, then celebrate."

Izzie glanced up, "So she's..."

Derek shrugged, "I don't know. I'm going crazy. I _need_ to know, _right now. _How can she just not want to know?"

Kimber smirked.

"I am going to the hospital," Derek declared, "I need to talk to her. She needs to tell me."

"She doesn't know," Kimber called after him as he bound from the room, she laughed "Addison still doesn't know," She grinned, "But I do."

Izzie's eyes got wide, "Oh that's mean. He's going to go crazy. Just tell him."

"Nah. More interesting this way."

Izzie shook her head and smiled, "You like to cause trouble don't you."

"Don't _you?_"

Izzie continued to shake her head, "I'm glad your going back to New York. The last 24 hours have been to much."

"Hey now," Kimber teased, "You better stay on my good side, you'll need friends like me in New York."

"I'm not..."

"Not yet."

Izzie blushed and changed the subject, "So is Addison pregnant or not?"

XXXX

Kimber stood outside the hospital. She had just said her final goodbye and was getting one last coffee before catching a cab. She smiled when she saw Alex Karev on the other side of the cart.

"So your the former bad guy, huh?"

"Hey, I am still the bad guy," retorted Alex Karev.

"Not since Mark Sloan arrived," Kimber smirked.

"Mark Sloan?" Alex snorted, "Mark Sloan is a pansy."

Kimber raised and eyebrow.

"Trailing Steeven's all over this hospital like a lost puppy. It's pathetic."

"And you are completely jealous."

"I am not."

Kimber smirked, "You know, life really does imitate art. If I was to stage this little drama, I think that I would bill it at a romantic comedy. Luckily for you."

"How is that lucky for me?"

Kimber smiled, "Cause in romantic comedies, no one ends up alone."

Alex rolled his eyes.

Kimber continued to mull this thought over in her mind, "The way I see it, it stated with you and Isobel..."

"Izzie," Alex snapped.

Kimber's mouth twitched, "Izzie. You and Izzie, Meredith and Derek, and then Addison and Mark. Am I right? But then Addison and Derek happened, then Derek and Meredith again, then Derek and Addison ended, happened again and ended again, but leaving Meredith for the most part alone. Mark and Addison failed, but Mark and... Izzie, are deliriously happy and very much not ending. Which leaves you..."

Alex smirked, "Leaves me with who? You?"

Kimber smiled, "Of course not, I am simply comic relief. I show up, crack some jokes, fix everything, then either leave or end up alone."

"I thought no one ended up alone."

"Except the comic relief. Have you never been to the movies?"

"So who do I end up with in this little fairy tale?"

"Well, who's left?"

Alex smirked, "Don't tell me I get to bag the redhead?"

"The redhead is out of your league," Kimber smiled, "_You_ end up with Meredith."

Alex shook his head, "You need to cut back on the caffeine."

Kimber smirked as she watched him stalk away. She hauled out her cell phone and lit a cigarette as she waited for the call to go through.

"Hello?"

"Find her yet?"

"The woman has gone into hiding. She's not anywhere in this hospital."

"She's there, she is just avoiding you." Kimber took a long drag, "I'm on my way to the airport. I'm just calling to give you one last verbal bitch slap. Forget about repeatedly telling her you love her, just show her. And don't make a big production of it, she won't trust it. So no boombox serenades or balcony sonnets. And don't push her, give her her space if she needs it, but don't disappear either. Don't make a big deal out of anything, act normally as if the rest of your lives do not hinge on how she reacts, which they do. And don't push her to take the test, she doesn't want to know yet. Don't even mention it. Actually try to avoid mentioning the fact that she might be pregnant at all, but don't act like you don't care. Got that? And _calm down_. I know that you are happy and excited and bursting at the seams with the warm fuzziness, but you need to _calm down._"

"I can't win can I?"

Kimber laughed, "Aw baby, I don't think you can really loose. I'm fairly certain she loves you. And," she paused for a moment, "I'll tell you something that should help with all this."

"What?"

"I saw her 10 minutes ago at the 4th floor nurses station. Go get her."

XXXX

Derek walked purposely up the hall. He could see Addison standing at the nurses station and they were going to talk whether she wanted to or not.

She glanced up. Their eyes met momentarily, before she turned and headed in the opposite direction.

He stepped up his pace.

"Derek?"

He stopped short, "Meredith," he sighed brushing a hand distractedly through his hair.

"I heard you were back."

"Meredith," Derek took a step towards her, "I _want _to talk to you, I _need_ to talk to you. But right now..."

"Your busy," Meredith replied in a low voice.

Derek nodded with a small smile, "I'll find you later. I promise," he touched her arm gently then resumed his walk up the hall, Meredith watching him go a small smile on her lips.

Derek rounded the corner just in time to see Addison disappear into a supply closet. He slowed his approach, resting his hand on the doorknob for a moment. Glancing around, he let himself in.

Addison sighed as he shut the door behind him, she thought she had lost him.

Derek slowly and silently began walking towards her.

She took a step backwards and her back hit the wall. She closed her eyes and turned her head away. There was nowhere for her to go, he was blocking the door.

"I just want to talk to you," He was close, too close.

Addison finally turned her head and opened her eyes. The first thing she saw the ring.

"Don't look surprised, I know you've already seen it," he said gently, smiling at her, "And I'm not going to ask you anything right now, but I will. I _will_," he touched the side of her face and continued to smile at her, "I want us to be together, Add. All of us. We belong together, that's how it's suppose to be."

Addison didn't move or react.

"Just think about it," he searched her eye's for a moment, "Just think about it, please."

"All I've been doing for the last 5 days is thinking."

Derek continued to smile, "Well why don't you just think about this and I'll think about the rest of it," he held out his hand, the ring resting in his palm.

Addison looked up at him.

"You might as well wear it while you're thinking."

Addison lowered her eyes and stared at the ring. The room was motionless. Finally she tentatively reached out.

Derek closed his hand and gently took hers in his, slipping the ring on her finger. His hand completely covering hers. He watched her for a moment, then gently pulled her towards him and encircled her with his arms.

She sighed heavily and wrapped her arms around his waist.

All she had really needed was a hug.

"Why are you fighting me Add?"

"Why are you chasing me Derek?"

Derek continued to hold her, "Because I have too. If I didn't you wouldn't know how badly I need you," he smiled against her hair, "We may be having a child together Addison. And if I can't convince you that I love you now, I never will."

Addison moved closer, "I'm fighting you because," she paused, "because when you say you love me, I'm not sure I believe you anymore."

XXXX

_When I offer you survival _

_You say it's hard enough to live _

XXXXXXXXXX

So, I think soon everyone will know Addison and Derek's standing parentally speaking, except Addison and Derek. And you guys. And me. But Kimber and Izzie know. That's kinda like everyone.

And they are getting there, point of interest, both of them said 'made love' instead of 'had sex'. We are making progress people.

I am trying to think of something amusing to write here... but I can't think of anything.

Meredith: crickets

I know a dirty joke... I apologize if your blond ... and don't read if your like... my father.

What's the difference between a Blond and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

Review.


	40. No Other One

So I still haven't started my essay. Anyone surprised?

XXXX

Addison exited her patient's room and sighed. She needed a neuro consult, and she was really uncertain about whether or not that prospect made her happy.

"Get ahold of Dr. Shepherd," she instructed George, "Set up a consult for late this morning, before he takes off for lunch."

"Dr. Shepherd has the day off."

"Well O'Malley, so do I, and I'm still here," she made a final notation in her chart, "I saw him an hour ago, trust me, he's around."

Izzie exited the room, passing George as he left.

"Izzie, could you stick with the patient today? I want you familiar with the case so you can scrub in and handle follow-up for mom and the baby."

Izzie nodded, "Is that all?"

Addison ran a distracted hand through her hair, "I think so. Just go over her charts again. Familiarize yourself, she has a complicated history."

Izzie stared, her eyes wide "Oh. My. God." she stepped closer to Addison, "He proposed!" She covered her mouth with her hands, "Aww, I'm so happy. And that _ring_. It's so pretty. I can't _believe_ he asked already. I can't _believe_ you said yes. Oh this is _so_ great. You're _engaged_!"

Addison shook her head, "He didn't propose, and I definitely wouldn't have said yes."

"He didn't propose?"

"No."

"But he said..."

Addison raised an eyebrow, "He said he was going to propose to me?"

"This morning, he said that he was going to convince you to marry him," Izzie noticed Addison's annoyance, "He was really excited. I don't think that I have ever seen him so happy. Kimber was getting rather annoyed that he was bounding all over the house. She called him a manic-fool-in-love. And he must be, that rock is _huge_."

Addison glanced down at her hand, "Derek has a habit of buying me overly expensive gifts when he thinks I need to be cheered up," she paused, "The sheer amount of gold, perfume and cashmere that I got for Christmas last year would be enough to convince anyone that I had the most devoted husband on the planet. This ring is Derek's version to a trip to the circus."

XXXX

The morning was going by ridiculously slow. In fact, the last few days had been going by ridiculously slow. It was enough to make Izzie believe that Kimber had somehow stumbled upon the ability to make time move at her will. It would explain why she never slept. But it didn't explain why the day was still dragging by when Kimber should be back in New York.

She bit into her apple and flipped to the front of the chart again. The phone rang and she glared at it disdainfully.

"Maternity."

"That's lucky, I didn't even have to have you paged."

Izzie grinned, "You miss me already? It's only been 6 hours."

"I missed you after 6 minutes," he teased, "And to make my morning worse, I ended up sitting next to Kimber on the flight back."

"Do I need to fly to New York and post bail? Because it's been less then 2 weeks since the last time you asked me to bail someone out. Enough is enough Mark."

Mark laughed, "Don't worry, everyone made it out unscathed. Actually, she talked about you the entire flight."

"Me?"

"She likes you."

"Oh," Izzie was unsure what to make of this, "I liked her too..."

Mark chuckled, "Very convincing Isobel," he paused, "I was wondering if you would mind me talking to some people here about you."

"What kind of people."

"Medical people. Specifically Denton Price. He replaced Addison when she left."

"Why would you talk to him about me?" Izzie's heart started pounding in her chest.

"Because I want him to offer you a job. And when he does, I am going to ask you to move in with me. In New York."

XXXX

"Are you still thinking about it?" Derek slipped into the elevator after Addison.

"How could I not, this ring weighs about a pound."

"Have you decided what you are going to say when I ask?"

"Yes."

Derek grinned and closed the space between them.

"I'll say no."

Derek groaned, "Why?"

"Because you don't want to marry me."

"Yes, I _do_."

"No, you_ think_ that you do. It's like everything else. You know that ipod I got you for your birthday last year? You played with it obsessively for 2 weeks and I never saw it again."

"It's in the night stand beside your bed under your trashy romance novels."

Addison glared.

"Addison, you are being completely irrational about this whole thing."

Addison glanced at him uncertainly for a moment, then directed her eye back to the door of the elevator.

Derek took a step away from her and leaned against the wall, "You know I'm right."

"It's not that simple."

"It _is_ that simple."

Addison took a step back as the elevator doors opened and a young nursing student entered. Neither Addison nor Derek made a sound until the nervous student exited the elevator, 3 floors before the one he had selected.

Addison continued to stand in silence, no longer acknowledging Derek. Finally the doors opened onto her floor and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Addison."

Derek saying her name halted her in her tracks, it sounded different.

He took a step towards the door and leaned against the frame, his body still mostly in the elevator, "Just so we are clear, you may be an adulterous bitch," he began.

Addison stared at him in stunned silence.

"But you are _my_ adulterous bitch. And I might be a cheating bastard, but I am _your_ cheating bastard. And I want more then anything to marry you... again"

Addison continued to stare as he took a step back and the doors closed.

"Great," she sighed, "Just great."

XXXX

"Wanna grab some lunch?"

Derek continued to flip distractedly through his chart, "One minute Meredith."

"You seem tired," Meredith tilted her head and stepped closer, "Are you sleeping ok?"

"I am sleeping great, just not enough," He closed his chart and turned to her, "Meredith..."

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Derek groaned, "We'll talk later."

Meredith Grey smiled as he jogged off, "You owe me a lunch."

She turned around and instantly locked eye's with Addison Shepherd. Addison crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly to the side.

Meredith raised her chin, and looked Addison straight in the eye. She wasn't backing down.

XXXX

"I brought you milk."

"Thanks," Addison said absently.

"Do you want to go out to dinner tonight, or get take out?"

Addison turned to Derek abruptly, "What do you want?"

Derek smiled gently, "To finalize plans for dinner."

Addison sighed, "Shouldn't you be eating with your girlfriend?"

Derek sighed.

"Last time I checked, you were still dating Meredith. You owe her _lunch_," she accused in a low voice.

"I've been trying to talk to her all day," he whispered back.

"I'm sure."

"I have. God Addison."

"I believe you."

"No, you don't."

"I said I believe you Derek."

"But you don't! What more do you want me to do? I have been trying to talk to her, I have spent the day telling you repeatedly that I want to be with you. What else do you want me to do?"

"Nothing, you've done enough."

"Well clearly I haven't since you still don't believe me."

Addison was silent.

"I can't just make her _disappear_ because it's hard on you."

"I _know_."

They stood in seething silence.

"Do you want to move?" He questioned softly.

"What?"

"Do you want to move. Go somewhere else. Start over. Again."

"I thought you liked it here."

"I do, but if you aren't going to be happy..." he paused, "Any hospital in there right mind will want you. We can go where ever you want. And if we can't find somewhere that wants me too, well, you will just have to keep me in the lifestyle that I have grown accustomed too."

Addison smirked, "In a trailer in the woods?"

"No. With you."

Addison looked at him, a smile fighting it's way on to her face, "I don't want to move."

"Good," he leaned over and picked up a strand of her hair, "God, you're a frustrating woman."

She smiled, "I need a consult at 1."

"And I need to know if I am making reservations. And where. And if we are celebrating anything. And if that celebration includes wine or sparkling cider."

"God! Derek!" she exclaimed, "Stop."

"What?"

"If you mention marriage or children one more time, I'm going to _kill you_."

Derek stared at her, her mood was changing on a dime, "What did I do?"

"Stop talking about it. Can't we have one conversation today that doesn't revolve around the fact that we made a mistake and now your are trying to do the right thing."

"Our baby is _not_ a mistake," he said fiercely, "Don't let me _ever_ hear you say that again."

Addison sighed, "That's not what I meant. I know you Derek, you're all caught up in this. Once the excitement wears of you are going to regret saying all these things to me. You might love me right now, but, look how fast you fell in love with Meredith. I don't want to spend months a year from now fighting with lawyers about joint custody and who gets the dinning room table this time."

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Derek resisted the urge to grab her pager and fling it across the room.

She sighed and turned away.

"Add," he said quietly. "I may have fallen for her quickly, but, I fell out of love with her even quicker. And I never stopped loving you. I could never not love you."

XXXX

_Nobody knows me like her _

_Nobody knows her like me _

_We're all we've got _

_And we don't want to be alone _

_No, there is no other one _

_No, there is no other one _

_I can't have any other one _

_Though I would _

_Now I never could with one _

_No, there is no other one _

_No, there is no other one _

_I won't have any other one _

_Though I would _

_Now I never could with one_

XXXXXXXXXX

So, I thought I knew all along how I was going to end this fic. But now I am starting to second guess myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I've got three possible scenarios kicking around in my head. Le sigh.

And I honestly and truly don't know if she is pregnant. Trust me. My life would be easier if I did. But let me just say this: IT DOESN'T MATTER. The point of this whole story line is to force Derek and Addison to deal with their relationship. Derek has to make a choice between Addison and Meredith, Addison has to decide if she is going to let herself love him again... or still...whichever. But the point of the 'pregnancy scare' is that they are being forced once and for all to decide if they want to commit to each other, and in order for them to come to this decision and let it be just about them wanting to be together, they can't know if she is pregnant. 'Cause if they knew, then one might be tempted to think that 'oh, they are only together for the baby' or 'Well. She isn't pregnant, they could just continue on as they were before."

JOKE:

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.  After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

3 inches Stephy, 3 inches. Hee

Review and I'll buy you a puppy.


	41. Hell Just Ain't the Same

Guess what. Essay. Not written.

XXXXXXXXXX

_Well I work all day and fight all night _

_With my girl who I treat right _

_Maybe just one day she'll go on and marry me _

_Well the meals' ain't made and the dishes ain't done _

_Just a whole lot of hurtin' for everyone _

_Well hell just ain't the same without you babe _

_Well hell just ain't the same without you babe _

_Well hell just ain't the same without you babe_

XXXX

"Okay, this is the chart," Addison set her files on the table in front of Derek, "I'm going to check on her in about 20 minutes if you want to come."

"Of course," Derek smiled up at where she was standing beside him.

She smiled back at him.

"Okay," Derek attempted to focus on the case, but unconsciously swiveled his chair a bit towards her, "So what do you need me for?"

Addison raised her eyebrow and her mouth twitched, "There are some abnormalities with the baby's spine. Nothing to complicated, just delicate, so I need you in delivery with me."

"And you needed the best," he teased, his hand resting on the back of her knee as they continued to go over the case.

"Of course," she smiled, "But he wasn't available so I settled for you."

Derek laughed, "I'm vaguely insulted," he said, his hand now lightly rubbing the back of her knee, which she didn't seem to notice.

"Your suppose to be."

Derek just smiled at her, "You look very pretty today."

Addison blushed. People often told her she looked gorgeous or beautiful or hot, but sometimes you just want to be simply pretty, "Your just trying to stay on my good side."

Derek stood, running his hand casually up her leg to her hip as he did so, "Staying on your good side has been a full time job today," he whispered in her ear before quickly kissing her cheek and lightly smacking her behind as he walked away.

"15 minutes Derek," she called after him.

"I'll see you in 10."

XXXX

"How about that lunch?"

Derek glanced up from the vending machines, "Meredith," Derek sighed and turned towards her, "I'm sorry that I keep getting pulled away."

Meredith just smiled, "Your a hot shot doctor. I knew what I was getting myself into."

Derek looked pained.

"I wanted to apologize about the way that we left things Derek." Meredith stated, "Before you went to San Francisco. I was purposely avoiding you when we really needed to talk about it." She paused, then rushed on, "It's partly my fault. I'm not saying that it didn't hurt to find out that you and Addison were... but I was so caught up in myself and my own drama that I wasn't paying any attention to you and our relationship. Before it was so easy, we never really had to try. I guess I just assumed that it would be that easy again. So I'm sorry. And I'm sorry that I didn't..." she blushed slightly, "When we dated before, we fell into this pattern of just sex, and I guess in our efforts to build a relationship on more then sex, well, we forget to actually _have_ sex. So really, it's mostly my fault that you turned to her." She paused again, then cut Derek off when he opened his mouth to speak, "So, Derek, I guess what I am saying is that we should start over. We both made mistakes, but it's nothing that we can't fix together."

Derek stared at her dumbfounded. He was not expecting that.

"Dr. Shepherd!" Cristina exclaimed from down the hall, "Mr. Winterson is coding."

Meredith sighed as Derek ran off without a second look.

For the second time that day, really for the second time in the last 3 hours, Meredith Grey turned to see Addison Shepherd standing behind her with her arms crossed.

Meredith groaned, "Are you going after him too?"

Addison discretely, hidden in the crook of her elbow, turned Derek's ring on her finger so only the band was visible, "No."

Meredith nodded as Addison moved past her.

Addison slid some money into the vending machine and selected two sandwiches, coincidentally the same two Derek had been about to buy for them.

Meredith stared, "Is one of those for Derek."

"Mmm hmm."

"I thought you weren't going after him."

"I'm not," Addison balanced two bottled water on her chart along with the sandwiches, "I told you, I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me."

"He's with me," Meredith spat defensively.

Addison smiled, admittedly a bit smugly, "I'm just buying sandwiches Meredith."

XXXX

"Can I talk to you?" Izzie questioned in a low voice.

"Of course."

"Mark wants me to move to New York."

Addison smiled, "I know."

"You do?"

"I got a call."

"What did you say?"

Addison turned fully to face Izzie, "Nothing yet," she studied her face, "What do you want me to say?"

Izzie looked away.

"Izzie. You have, enormous potential. You have the abilities that will let you do, what ever you want, where ever you are. You have a desire to help people that makes every patient under your care that much more comfortable. That same desire to help people gives you the drive to learn as much as you can to help them. That's what I'll tell them. I will tell them that they would be, completely _foolish_ not to want you, and that I don't want to let you go."

Izzie looked back up.

"The position will be yours Izzie."

Izzie nodded.

"But that doesn't mean that you have to take it."

Izzie bit her lip and smiled, "I think I want it."

Addison smiled too.

"I'm just scared that..."

"That you'll move across the country, leave all your family, your friends, your job, for a man only to have it go to hell."

"Exactly."

"Ya," Addison sighed, "That really sucks."

Izzie laughed, "Are you leaving?"

Addison nodded, "At last. I'm starving."

"I think Derek is to, he's standing at the front door glaring at his watch."

"Ya," Addison said softly, "See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Izzie watched Addison descend the stairs.

"I really hate her," Meredith murmured, standing beside Izzie.

Izzie just ignored her.

"What were you talking about?" her tone was bitter but hurt, "Boys? You had your heads together like cheerleaders in homeroom. Conspiring to help her steal my boyfriend?"

Izzie silently shook her head, but smiled when she noticed Derek lightly holding Addison's fingers momentarily as they crossed the parking lot.

Meredith noticed too, "So much for her not chasing after him."

"She's not," Izzie exclaimed through clenched teeth.

"I can't believe that you are on her side."

Izzie shook her head, "Can we _just_ have a conversation where you don't complain about Addison."

Meredith was silent, "I can't _believe_ that he is going home with her. We _just _talked about starting over."

"Are you sure that you just didn't give him a chance to respond," Izzie replied dryly.

Meredith glared, "I bared my _soul_."

"Mark asked me to move to New York with him."

"I am pretty sure that he didn't hear a word I said."

XXXX

"I am saying that it doesn't matter if we get married again or not."

"How can you say that it doesn't matter?" Derek held the bedroom door open as Addison passed, "If we have a baby it would be nice if we all had the same last name."

Addison rolled her eyes, "I never changed my name."

Derek stared.

"I never changed my name Derek. I'm still Addison Shepherd," She picked up Truman walked over to the door and placed him outside the room, "We would all still have the same last name, we just wouldn't have a marriage certificate," she reconsidered this, "That was valid."

"But I want a marriage certificate," Derek protested as she disappeared into the bathroom, "A valid one."

"Why?" she demanded around a mouthful of toothpaste.

"Why not?" he asked joining her in the bathroom and beginning to brush his own teeth.

"Because it worked out _so_ well last time."

"That was an isolated incident, and I make it a point not to repeat mistakes."

They brushed their teeth in silence.

Finally he turned to her, "Are you worried it might not be mine?"

Addison shook her head, "No Derek, after 13 years I have_ actually_ managed to get this fidelity thing down. Which is ironic since I didn't have to be faithful to you, and yet you _somehow_ managed to be the only man I have slept with in over a year. So congratulations _if_ I'm pregnant, it yours."

"Then what's the problem?"

Addison rolled her eyes and left the room.

A moment later Derek followed her, "Why are you _so_ against the idea of getting married again?" He handed her his cell phone and she plugged it in beside hers, "We don't have to have another big wedding," he grinned and disappeared into her closet, "We could go back to Vegas."

Addison picked up a few things from around the room and put them back where they belonged, "It's not the wedding. Derek I'll wear the ring, I just don't want to get married again."

Derek reemerged and tossed her pajama's across the bed to her, "Married at all? Or married to me?"

"Don't take it personally Derek," Addison slipped the sweater over her head and tossed it onto a nearby chair.

"Don't take it personally?" he questioned, kicking his pants to the side on the other side of the bed, "How else am I suppose to take it?"

"It just..." Addison paused, pajama pants in hand, "The last time... it just left a bad taste in my mouth. And I am sorry if that hurts your feelings," she rushed on, "But that is how I feel."

"But it wouldn't be like last time," he stated disappearing into the bathroom again.

"You can't promise that Derek," she sighed, sliding into the soft pajama's, "I just don't want to be left wondering if you are just hanging around because some piece of paper says you have too."

"So you don't want to be legally bound," Derek called from the bathroom, "Because you think I'll be more likely to want to stay?"

"No," Addison called back starting to turn down the bed, "Well, maybe. _No_. I want to know _why_ you are staying."

Derek emerged holding a glass of water, he stood in front of her, "Now don't take this the wrong way, but conceivably, couldn't I be staying because of the baby."

Addison stared at him, she sighed, "That's why I haven't taken the test yet."

Derek took a sip of water and handed her the glass, she took a drink and walked over to her side of the bed.

"Your worried that I'm only here because you might be having my baby? I'm not," he informed her as she placed the glass on the night stand.

She shrugged and crawled into bed.

"Don't just shrug Addison," he climbed in his side, "What more do I have to do to convince you that I am in this?"

"Nothing," she rearranged her pillow, "I'm convinced."

"Really?"

"Really really."

"Seriously? You promise?"

"Promise.

"Are you just saying that 'cause you want to go to sleep?"

"Partially."

"But you partially convinced?"

Addison smiled softly, "Mostly convinced. I swear."

Derek sighed, "Thank you," he leaned over and kissed her lightly, "Night sweetheart."

"Night."

Addison turned over and cuddled sleepily against her pillow, the day felt like it had lasted a year.

She rolled back over abruptly.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"I'm _trying _to sleep."

"I realize that. Why are you trying to sleep _here_?"

"Addison," Derek rolled onto his side to face her, "When is the last time that I didn't sleep here?"

She was silent.

"See, I don't know either," he said quietly, "I do know that when I got back from San Francisco the pipes in the trailer had frozen, I had an unopened carton of milk that was 6 weeks past the expiration date and I realized that all my dry cleaning and clean laundry was over here, along with my toothbrush."

She smiled slightly.

"I think I moved in with you without either of us noticing."

"Yeah," she chuckled.

"But this house is perfect for us Add. I love it here. It's so... _you._ It's like everywhere I go your there. I kinda like that. Actually I really like that. Except this room. This room is pink and girlie and it's cramping my style."

"Your style?" Addison raised an amused eyebrow, "You don't like my bedroom."

Derek grinned, "Don't get me wrong, I am pretty much ecstatic that you even _let_ me in the bedroom, that makes me just about the luckiest guy in the world, it's just a bit pink."

Addison laughed and leaned forward, she rubbed her nose against his a few times before kissing him, "Good night, lucky boy," she whispered with a smile.

"Night my love."

Addison settled comfortably against her pillow again, "And it's not pink it's a warm beige."

XXXX

_Well I work all day and fight all night _

_With my girl who I treat right _

_Maybe just one day she'll go on and marry me _

_Well the meals' ain't made and the dishes ain't done _

_Just a whole lot of hurtin' for everyone _

_Well hell just ain't the same without you babe _

_Well hell just ain't the same without you babe _

_Well hell just ain't the same without you babe_

XXXXXXXXXX

So, Addison is kinda-sorta-more-or-less convinced that Derek loves her. I think he could make it to genuine convincement if he actually broke up with Meredith. But she's seen him try to break up with her, so that has gotten him points. I am not completely sure what did it, what started moving her in this direction, but it's conducive to Addek-togetherness, so I don't care. Actually, upon re-reading the last chapter, I think that it was Derek offering to move that did it. Like, if she didn't want to be around/reminded of Meredith, then they would go somewhere where Meredith was not.

OH, and I love that Meredith has waged war on Addison, Addison has basically excepted. But Addison doesn't have to do anything, and she knows it.

I love the last scene, they had, probably the most honest conversation to date while doing the most mundan things. I think thats my favorite scene. C'est tellemente cute-la.

le sigh... a joke... What's the difference between an "OOO" and an "AAA"? ... About 3 inches.

Next Chapter: It rains.

Oh and your puppies are in the mail. I am 75 percent sure that I poked holes in the boxes.

This time... Chipmunks.

Review.


	42. In the Middle

So I really don't have allot to say. Have I updated since the last episode? It was kinda Addek-tabulous. I mean except for the divorce part, but, they are divorced in this. I thought he was going to cry when she confessed. HE LOVES HER DAMNIT. And the couple, ahahaha, foreshadowing anyone? Funniest part about that is I think Meredith was the only one that realized that it was foreshadowing. She's all like... 'ya, they are SO gonna hook up. It's better for me to except this now', but she'll still freak out when they do.

Read

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek's least favorite thing to wake up to was the alarm. The second was the phone. Especially at 3:17 in the morning when the person on the other end has no intention of hanging up.

He fumbled around for the phone, finally getting a grip on it and hitting the talk button, "Hello?" he croaked groggily.

Silence.

Addison covered her face with a pillow, she never woke up as easily as he did.

Derek cleared his throat, "Hello?" he asked again.

"Derek?"

"Hey Chief," Derek yawned.

"I was looking for Addison."

"Ya, hold on," Derek yawned. He reached over and put a hand on her hip, shaking her a bit, "Baby, phone."

"I'm not here," came her barely coherent response.

Derek yawned again, "It's the Chief. He is already wondering why I answered your phone, if I say your not here, I sound like a perv."

"You are," Addison shot back sleepily, but excepting the phone, "It's 3:20am," she muttered as a greeting. She snuggled further into the covers, smiling as Derek cuddled in behind her, "You _did not_ call me in the middle of the night to ask why Derek is here," Derek shook his head in agreement against her back, "What celebrity?" Addison groaned, she was going to have to get up, "That's not a celebrity. It's a washed up comedians _wife_." She started to sit up anyway. Derek groaned and tried to pull her back, "He did not win an Oscar," Addison yawned and stretched, "I am not to young that I don't remember," she sighed, "I'll be there in half an hour."

"We should have been... librarians."

Addison attempted to laugh but she was to groggy, "I'm not getting dressed. I refuse," she sighed.

Derek yawned one last time and got out of bed.

"You don't have to get up, hun. Go back to sleep," she told him, disappearing into her closet in search of a bra and socks.

Derek followed her and grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, "I'll drive you in."

"You don't need to do that."

"You're to tired to drive. And it's starting to rain. The roads might be bad."

Addison smiled, "Your just as tired as I am."

"But I can drink coffee," Derek kissed her lightly, and left to go get some, "I'll meet you in the car."

XXXX

"Hey Gorgeous."

Meredith took the phone away from her ear, stared at it, and replaced it, "Mark?"

"Meredith?"

They were silent a moment.

"I think I grabbed the wrong phone this morning."

Mark chuckled, "So it seems. I'll try her at home."

"She's not there. _Addison_ called her in for a case."

Mark paused, "Don't be mad at Addison," he said quietly, "She never did anything to you."

"She stole my boyfriend. _Twice._"

"You stole her husband. Twice."

"So what, we're even?"

"Yes," Mark replied, "Your even."

"Are you on her side too?" she accused.

"I don't have a side," Mark informed her, "I want her to be happy. Partially out of guilt."

"Well that's great. Really it is. This side of a year ago everyone was on my side. Now there is a mad stampede for the dark side."

"Well, we have cookies."

"I am _trying_ to score some points for the dirty mistresses and you are making jokes."

"Meredith," he sighed, "We can't be the dirty mistresses forever."

"I _knew_ you would take her side. Your _her_ friend."

"I'm Derek's friend too," Mark reminded her, "And I've known Derek allot longer then Addison has."

Meredith was silent a moment, "What's your point?"

"Well, if you want to talk..."

Meredith sighed and stared out the window. It was gloomy and rainy and gross, "I really don't see what we have to talk about. You're _Addison's_ friend."

"Then lets talk about you."

Meredith said nothing.

"Your an intelligent, beautiful woman Meredith."

Meredith raised her eyebrow.

"Which is why I am so confused. Frankly, I am not sure why you are wasting your time chasing after Derek."

"Did Izzie..."

"Isobel told me you are fighting a loosing battle. And I agree."

"I love him."

"Do you?"

"Yes," Meredith replied vehemently, but with a touch of uncertainty.

"Can I tell you what I know about Addison and Derek. Mostly Derek, but Addison too," Mark didn't wait for a response, "They love each other. Half the time they don't realize that they do, but it's there. Even with the divorce, ask anyone that knew them, it was only a matter of time before they got back together."

"It was just sex," Meredith cut in.

Mark was silent, "Are you sure that's what it was?"

Meredith was silent.

"Isobel's heard him say he loves her. And he doesn't say they had sex, he says they 'made love'."

"Derek said they 'made love'?"

"He did," Mark paused, "Derek is a hard guy to figure out. He has a hard time figuring himself out. But I've known him a long time, so I think I have a pretty good handle on him. Condensed version, when it comes to love, Addison is pretty much it. In his mind, the word love and the word Addison are basically the same thing. So when one is shattered, so is the other. Do you understand?"

Meredith didn't reply. She was trying too hard not to cry.

"So, when say, she slips and sleeps with his best friend because he is spending all his time working so he can buy her a Mercedes' and overpriced things from Tiffany's, it makes him question everything that he knows about love because maybe that means he doesn't know her."

Meredith hung up.

XXXX

Izzie tapped her finger gently on the clear plastic of the incubator. She was moving to New York. She had decided. Whether she was offered a job upfront or not. She was moving to New York. Worst comes to worse, she models for awhile until she can get back into medicine. She smiled. She was moving to New York.

XXXX

Derek yawned again. If he was tired he could only imagine how Addison was feeling. He'd have to take her out for big breakfast when she was finished. If she was ever finished.

His phone rang.

He reclined in his cafeteria chair and answered.

"Do you love her?"

Derek jerked slightly at the voice on the other end of the phone.

"Do you love her? Does her name and the word love mean the same thing to you?"

Derek reclined again, a bit more comfortably this time, "Meredith," he said gently, almost apologetically.

She sighed, "There is a 3 car pile up pulling in, you might want to get down to the pitt."

"Mer, where are you? We should talk."

She paused, "There is nothing to talk about," she hung up.

Derek sighed. He stood up and moved towards the exit. He passed Addison just coming in looking for something quick to eat.

Meredith watched from the balcony as he handed her his half eaten pudding and touched her shoulder affectionately as he left.

Meredith sighed again.

"Hey," Izzie said tentatively, their friendship was on shaky ground.

Meredith glanced at her for a moment, "I have your phone. And Mark called. And I broke up with Derek."

Izzie was stunned.

"Try not to jump for joy."

"Meredith I didn't want you to break up with him because I like Addison better then you, I didn't want you to get hurt."

"What made you so sure I would get hurt?"

Izzie didn't reply.

"Did you _really_ hear him say he loves her?"

"He..."

"Did you hear him say he made love to her, not had sex with her."

"...Yes..."

"Are they together now? As a couple?"

Izzie looked down at Addison, who was now walking towards them, "Look at her left hand."

Meredith stared, "They're getting remarried?"

Izzie shook her head, "Addison doesn't want to, but_ Derek_ does. But she _is_ wearing the ring he gave her."

"I hate men. All of them. Today sucks."

"I'm moving to New York." Izzie spat out.

Meredith stared at her in astonishment, "Today _sucks_."

XXXX

"Dr. Shepherd? There is a note here for you."

Addison curiously excepted the sealed envelope.

_A_

_I just got pulled into surgery. I should have listened to you and stayed in bed. I put the car keys in your locker. Go home, take a nap, maybe a shower, and I'll take you out for dinner when I get home. I'm making reservations for 8 at Chez Colette so Mrs. Miller better cooperate._

_Love you,_

_D_

XXXX

Derek smiled as he entered the bedroom. The rain had slowed down to the point where it was falling steadily enough to sound nice, so Addison had opened the french doors.

"It's cozy in here," Derek commented, walking over to feel the heat from the fire Addison had built, a talent he didn't know she had.

"Mmm," she agreed, from within a pile of blankets and pillows on the bed, "I canceled our reservations."

"Did you?" Derek kicked of his jeans and crawled into bed beside her. He kissed her neck, smiling at her squirming away from his scratching stubble, he rested his chin on her shoulder, reading the title of her book, "But I was hungry."

"I thought you would be, so I have grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup ready to heat up in the kitchen."

"My favorite."

"I know," Addison grinned, "But we have to eat it in bed, 'cause me and Truman aren't moving."

Derek reached over and pet Truman who was laying on her other side, "That works, 'cause I rented movies."

Addison smiled, "Did you?"

Derek shrugged and pulled her closer, kissing her temple "I canceled the reservations too."

Hours later, as the credits ran on the second movie, Addison stretched sleepily and readjusted beside Derek. They lay in silence listening to the fire crack and the rain fall.

"Happy love?"

"Perfectly," she smiled.

"Me too," he rain his fingers lazily through her hair.

She snuggled closer to him, "I'm going to take the test in the morning."

XXXX

_What would you do if we woke up and the whole world was gone? _

_Well, would you believe with me is where you belong? _

_Well there goes the world and we're right in the middle _

_There goes the world and we're right in the middle _

_I said leave me here _

_I said leave me here with you _

XXXXXXXXXX

You guys are going to kill me on 47 levels.

Okay, the next chapter IS IT. THE GRAND FINALE. And it won't be a 3 hour mini-series Shonda style. It will be all Addek all the time. And after that is done, I am writing 'episodes'. And if you don't know what I mean by that you are missing out. For serious.

We need a joke don't we. And don't worry, I am only extremely insulted that you seem to like the jokes better then the chapter. What do you call a Dominatrix's lap dog? A Sub-woofer. HaHa. That was lame... What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson has had more noses... That was lame too. I don't care.

Review for the next to last time.


	43. Pt 1: Throw Me a Rope

You know, I don't just pick the songs at random. I usually listen to them on repeat as I am working on the chapter. If you have any of the songs you should try listening to them as you read. Allot of the time, it enhances the reading experience. I should sell surround sound.

Read please.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek woke up just as the sky was starting to become brighter then it was dark. Without opening his eyes he propped himself up on his elbow in order to see the time. It wasn't necessary, Addison wasn't beside him blocking his view. He rolled back on to his back and willed his eyes to open and to stay open. After a moment they obeyed and began searching the room for her.

He slowly maneuvered out of bed and crossed the room to where she was watching television. Snagging a throw from the back of the chair, he cuddled in beside her like a small child.

She didn't move or even look at him.

Groggily he slipped one arm behind her and around her waist, his other reached around her and pulled her towards him so there was no space between them. He rested his face close to hers and held her tightly.

She continued to flip aimlessly though the channels. She closed her eyes and was lulled momentarily by Derek's still sleepy deep rhythmic breathing against her.

"Can't sleep?" he questioned.

She shook her head silently.

"Why?"

She shrugged.

He squeezed her lightly, "Today's a big day," he murmured.

She didn't respond.

"Come back to bed," he whispered, nuzzling her neck gently.

"Yeah," she agreed numbly, uncurling herself and turning off the television.

Derek was still not completely awake as he guided her back to the bed, his hands on her shoulders.

She crawled between the covers, then looked at Derek in surprise as he crawled in beside her instead of going around to his own side.

He wrapped his arms around her again and fell immediately back into a deep sleep.

She lay there and watched the sun come up.

She never did fall back asleep.

XXXX

Derek smoothed the comforter down one more time and sat down on the bed. Propping some pillows against the headboard he reached for a medical journal that was sitting on the table beside the bed.

He figured he had about 10 minutes before Addison stopped pacing the bathroom and took the test.

He squinted. He moved the journal further away and sighed. He hated that he was starting to need reading glasses. And he hated that Addison had been telling him that for the last 2 years. He dug his glasses out of the drawer and sighed as he put them on. He didn't care how good she said he looked in them, it would be a cold day in hell when he wore them at the hospital.

He sat comfortably and flipped through the journal. He was pretty damn content with life. The sun was out, a rarity in Seattle, although it promised to cloud over again later. It was cold out, but that just meant that warm cozy socks and warm cozy sweaters and warm cozy fires were necessary. All of which he had. And it was that time of year when the leaves are bright yellows and reds, and there are just as many on the trees as on the ground. And he was pretty sure that 20 minutes from now he and Addison would be celebrating the impending arrival of their baby.

He was pretty damn content with life.

Addison emerged from the bathroom and Derek shifted so that she could sit on the bed in front of him.

"So?"

"We have to wait 10 minutes," she told him. She groaned, leaning forward until her forehead touched the bedspread, "I think I am going to throw up."

"Are you nervous?" Derek teased, slipping his hand under her sweater and rubbing her back, occasionally running his hand along her sides and towards her chest.

"Aren't you?" she asked, her voice muffled by the bedspread, "Stop trying to feel me up, this test could change everything."

"Not really," Derek replied, not stopping, "If you are, great. If your not, then I try harder next time."

"Excuse me?" Addison demanded, hastily sitting up and getting off the bed.

Derek grinned, and smiled at her in a manner that could be described as dreamy, "Next time I'll just have to try harder to knock you up," he teased.

"You _want_ me to be pregnant?"

"Of course," he paused and looked at her face for the first time, "Don't you?"

"_No!_"

They stared at each other in disbelief.

"Oh my god," Addison turned away and covered her face with her hands pressing hard against her temples. She exhaled slowly, and inhaled as she pushed her hair back out of her face and brought her hands back to rest over her mouth and nose, "Oh my god," she sank to the floor at the end of the bed, brought her knees up to her chest and buried her face against them.

Derek stood, took a few steps towards her, then turned away and ran a hand through his hair, "You don't..."

"Derek," she brought her head up but didn't look at him, "I am 37 years old. Do you know the risks having a child at my age? Even in the best of circumstances."

Derek turned towards her but he couldn't see her, she was hidden by the bed.

"I have a stressful job, an extremely stressful, complicated and unstable personal life. You cannot _possibly_ want to bring a baby into this."

"Unstable..."

"Yes, _unstable_," she said bitterly.

"But I thought," He paused, "I thought we worked that all out. _I love you_. I want to be with you."

"Ya, I caught that," she replied sarcastically.

"Then _what_ is the problem?" he demanded.

"You have told me you love me so many times in the last few days if has stopped making sense."

"You want me to _stop_ telling you I love you?"

"No," she groaned in frustration, "_God. _Do you even remember what the last two years have been like for us? _Honestly_ remember? In New York..." she paused, grateful that he couldn't see her, "In New York we never saw each other. When we did all we would do was piss each other off or ignore each other or have sex. And you'd buy me jewelry to apologize for the fights, and yes, you'd tell me you loved me when we made love and when you were in a good mood and when you'd call to say your were working late again, but it got so repetitive that saying it back got repetitive. It wasn't real anymore."

"You don't think this is real?"

"Then in Seattle," she continued bitterly, "I _apologized_ so much for Mark that _I_ even stopped believing what I was saying, and I told you that I loved you so many times that it stopped meaning anything. And you _never_ said it back."

"I told you I loved you."

"You thought I was asleep," Addison scoffed, "And then after Meredith, God, after Meredith you apologized so many times I lost track what you were apologizing for, and so did you. It became a habit, 'Good Morning Addison, I'm sorry. How was your drive in this morning, have I mentioned that I'm sorry,'" she mocked.

Derek was become increasingly angry and saddened, "Addison..."

"So now your saying that you love me," she cut him off, "And I believe you, I do. And I believe that you are sorry for everything that happened between us, and so am I," her eyes began to well up with tears, "But all this has happened in eighteen months. Almost two years where we didn't want to even be around each other for months at a time. Imagine where we could be nine months from now. You _honestly _want to bring a child into that?"

Derek clenched his fists.

"The only reason we are even in this predicament is because we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other since we got divorced. We are like a habit to each other Derek. In the past week between the two of us we have broken up with five different people, and you didn't even manage to end it with Meredith until yesterday afternoon. So explain to me how a _relationship_ in which we only have sex is a good one to bring a child in to. Because in my mind the fact that we can sleep with each other, but not the people we are actually dating, does not mean that we are meant for each other."

Derek felt every muscle in his body tense," Are you saying..." his jaw twitched, "Are you saying that you don't love me?"

Addison just buried her face against her knees and started to cry silently.

"Give me _something_ here Addison."

She didn't respond, just cried harder.

"_God, Addison!_" He exclaimed, "You have put me through _hell_. I have been _killing_ myself trying to prove to you that I love you," he turned and took a step towards the door, stopping short of punching the wall, "But it _seems_ you just don't want to be alone if you _have_ to have my baby. Am I close?" he demanded. "You just didn't want to be _by yourself _with a _baby_. And what's more, you wanted me to be _in love with you_ so that you would know that I wouldn't leave you again," he gripped the door frame tightly and stared at the floor.

Addison continued to cry silently on the floor at the end of the bed.

"You almost got what you wanted, I _do _love you, but," he paused, "I'm _leaving."_

"Derek..." she cried softly.

"I hope you don't have to do it alone."

"Derek..." she said a bit louder, turning towards him for the first time.

He was gone.

She buried her face against her knees and continued to cry.

A few minutes later she heard his car start, then drive away.

That's when she started to sob.

XXXX

_so throw me a rope, to hold me in place, _

_show me a clock, for counting my days, down, _

_cos everythings easier when you're beside me, _

_come back and find me, _

_cos i feel alone._

XXXXXXXXXX

Well, that's it. I hope you all enjoyed the story. It kinda got out of control there, I didn't expect it to get this long.

And I know that you are all pretty mad at me right now. I didn't tell you if she is pregnant or not. Sorry, but I couldn't decide.

I'm kidding. KIDDING. That's not the end. I decided to pull a Shonda and do it in parts. Mostly 'cause Addison pulled that. So there is still more coming, but I make no promises that everything will tie up nice and neat, 'cause that's just boring.

You all hate me now don't you?

Joke:

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Julie said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

My mother would do something like that. She is SO passive aggressive.

Incentive: Your own Astrid. I promise to give them ventilation this time. And I'll throw in a 6 pack of Keith's. If your Canadian you are probably sudden really excited, if your from anywhere else, you've been missing out on some good beer.

Review. This chapter only I am accepting hate mail, accepting and expecting.


	44. Pt 2: Helpless

So I started this at... like 3 am. Gave up at 4 am cause I had written nothing, and went to bed. Then at 5 am I started writing again and finished at 7 am... It's 7:05am right now, and I am making an executive decisions not to post until I can see straight. We'll see how that goes. Pretty sure nothing makes sense.

4:17pm - Well, I still can't see straight (maybe I never could). But, it does make sense. Go team stress writing.

The song is Helpless, and it's a cover by KD Lang, and it's PERFECT.

Enjoy.

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek flipped his phone closed and sighed. Well, that was done.

He pulled up to the trailer and climbed slowly out of his car. He surveyed his trailer and the land around it. He hadn't really been around that much lately. It had been summer the last time that he had actually slept here. The day Meredith had been sprayed by the skunk maybe, or Addison's dinner party. In any case, that was August, and they were now well into October.

He had lived here just over a year. He had shared that trailer with Addison for almost 8 months. 8 months that he didn't completely hate. He had at first. She was invading his space with all her girl things and making it necessary to move a rainbow of 'delicates' if he wanted anywhere near the bathroom sink. Actually, that hadn't been to bad. All he really needed to keep in the bathroom was his toothbrush and razor.

The closets were the real issue. The woman had allot of clothing. But really, most of his shirts and pants folded and fit neatly in drawers and most of her things hung up, so that had worked out okay in the end. The shoes. The shoes were a problem. Her shoes that each needed their own labeled box to keep them safe from any lurking wilderness evils. The shoes had posed a problem. But his shoes didn't all need to be in the trailer, he wore the same ones almost everyday. And his shoes were tough man shoes so they were okay in the plastic containers outside.

It was the dog really. Things got crowded with Doc. And he ate her shoes. She didn't like that. Well, he only did it once. And she gave him the silent treatment for 10 minutes and didn't give him a treat on her way out like she usually did, so he never did it again. And they laughed more when they had Doc. Actually Doc hadn't really been as much of a problem as he thought he would. Addison loved Doc, and he'd always wanted a dog.

The annoying part had been her constant complaining about hating the trailer. But she really only complained in the morning. And the trailer was a hassle with both of them trying to get ready at the same time. And you did almost have to hold your breath to pass by each other it was so narrow. And she wasn't a morning person, so really, she dealt with it allot better then he expected her too. And the complaining wasn't usually so much about the trailer itself, more what the trailer meant, which was him being stubborn and trying to make her feel like an intruder.

Which she was.

For about 3 days. Maybe a week. He wasn't really sure when he started liking the fact that he was coming home to lights and company instead of darkness.

He had missed her when she had left.

He surveyed the land and the trailer again.

He kind of hated the trailer.

XXXX

Addison kept her head down as she crossed the hospital lobby and slipped in an empty elevator. She dug a compact out of her purse and checked her make up again.

She had forced herself off the floor of her bedroom after a solid hour of crying only to realize that she was late for work. She had paused only to cuddle with Truman for a few minutes. He had been standing guard over her for the last 45 minutes. He didn't seem to realize that he was a pig, and a rather small one at that, and not a dog or a person.

She had rushed from the house trying not to notice just how many of Derek's things had made their way into her home, and sped to the hospital. She'd then sat in her car for 10 minutes using every artistic skill she possessed to make her make up cover the mess that was her tear stained face.

If she kept her head down and didn't talk to anyone she would be fine.

She threw herself into her work. Nurse's looked at her oddly but she didn't notice. Izzie trailed her the entire morning even though she was only working on one case with her. What worried Izzie the most was not that Addison looked like she might throw up or faint at any moment, it was that she was wearing jeans and a sweater which was Addison fall version of 'hanging around the house'-wear. In fact it had been several days since Addison had come to work wearing her regular designer outfits and shoes.

Addison paused at the deserted nurses station and started pulling things up on the computer. Izzie watched her curiously. Normally Addison went out of her way to avoid the computer. For one thing the nurses would put a hit out on you if you touched it, and she was somehow already on the bad side of Debbie. But Addison wasn't really doing anything, just staring, clicking, and playing with the drop neck of her gray sweater.

"Addison?" Izzie said finally, wisely choosing not to address her as a professional, "What happened?"

Addison didn't reply. She looked up at Izzie for a moment, then looked away, " I'm going..." she paused uncertainly, the stood up slowly and turned, "I'm going up to nuero for a few minutes."

Izzie forehead furrowed, "You know... you know Derek's not there right?"

Addison was motionless, she closed her eyes tightly and didn't move.

"He took a sick day."

Addison turned and stared at Izzie, "A sick day?" The deja-vu hit her like a ton of bricks, "No. No!" she repeated, diving for the phone, knocking over a jar of pens as she grabbed the receiver.

"Addison?"

Addison's hands shook as she dialed.

His cell phone was turned off.

"Son of a bitch," she murmured, frantically disconnecting and dialing a new number.

"What's going on?" Izzie demanded, "Are you and Derek fighting?"

Addison stood motionless, then dropped the receiver on the counter and sank slowly into the desk chair, "The phone in the trailer is disconnected," she looked up at Izzie, "He disconnected the phone in the trailer."

"Why would he..."

"He's leaving," Addison spoke as if in a trance, "The bastard is leaving town."

Izzie was silent.

"He's just... leaving," she stared blankly, "Again."

XXXX

Addison slowly eased her car into park. She had hoped, no prayed, that Derek's Range Rover would be sitting in the driveway when she got home. But of course, it wasn't.

She sat in the car, staring out the window. It was raining, again. It seemed appropriate.

She slid out of the car and walked slowly towards the house, she didn't even care that she was getting drenched.

She paused at the top step.

Instead of continuing towards the door she turned and walked across the front of the house down the steps and onto the grass. Within a matter of moments her shoes were ruined and her feet were soaked. She continued across her lawn and down to the river. She walked along it for a moment until she came to the bridge that Derek had built.

She had been furious when he built that bridge. He claimed that there was better fishing on her side. But it was the summer, and they were in their 'no-string, no-talking' phase and she had viewed the bridge as a complication. It was practical though. It took half an hour to drive to his trailer and only 5 minutes to walk.

She continued along the river, then slowly up the slope towards the trailer.

She froze. Stared. Then took a step behind the trunk of a large tree.

She watched as Derek emerged from the trailer and threw a duffle bag into the back seat of his Range Rover. He then walked back towards the trailer, checking the hitch to make sure that the vehicle and trailer were properly attached.

Everything was gone. The deck was bare. No barbecue, no deck chairs, no picnic table. No containers holding whatever wouldn't fit in the trailer. The canopy was folded up and everything was packed away.

Addison turned away and leaned against the tree trunk, staring at the gray rainy sky between the mostly bare tree limbs.

He was really leaving.

XXXX

_Big birds flying across the sky,_

_Throwing shadows in our eyes._

_Leaves us_

_Helpless, helpless, helpless_

_Helpless, helpless, helpless_

_Baby can you hear me now?_

_The chains are locked_

_and tied around my door,_

_and baby, will you sing with me somehow._

_Helpless, helpless, helpless_

_Helpless, helpless, helpless_

_Helpless, helpless, helpless_

_Helpless, helpless_

XXXXXXXXXX

They don't want to get back together. That is all there is to it. I tried. I tried. Addison was suppose to get mad and run out of the hospital spewing expletives about her 'no good son of a bitch ex-husband" but she didn't. And she was suppose to speed all the way home in hopes of catching him, but she didn't. Instead she is just numb and ... well, helpless.

And that damn pregnancy test has been sitting in her bathroom for hours and no one has checked. The damn thing isn't even reliable anymore. So they are going to have to go through the whole process again. Which is ridiculous, cause Kimber and Izzie have known for days. I'm starting to think, ya know, she's like 10 days late at least, that should tell you something right there. But on the other hand, she has spent a good 2 weeks stressing herself out.

My favorite part of this chapter is the very first section with Derek. Where he is listing all the reasons that he hated having Addison in the trailer, and then he turned it around and was like "well I guess that wasn't so bad". My favorite favorite part being him talking about protecting her shoes, or rather his 'tough man shoes' protecting her pretty girly shoes.

I am going to try one more time to get them back together. But after that I give up. I really do.

Review.


	45. Pt 3: All I Can Do

Do you know how many of you have told me you hate me in the last few days? Allot. You are lucky I am impossible to offend.

My favorite review though, was the one suggesting getting a leash for Derek. That was good.

This is seriously it.

LAST CHAPTER!

XXXXXXXXXX

Derek secured the last cabinet, insuring the door wouldn't fly open when he traveled. He gave one last look around, insuring that nothing would get broken in transit, then opened the door to the trailer.

He froze in surprise.

"Everything is gone," Addison said softly. Her arms were crossed protectively over her chest. She was shivering.

Derek stared at her, hurt still evident on his face, "Come inside. It's raining," Derek disappeared into the trailer, and after a moment Addison followed.

She looked around. Lawn chairs were stacked on the benches by the kitchen table, the barbecue was covered and tied against the wall by the couch, the picnic table leaning against that, also tied down.

"Your leaving," she stated.

Derek leaned against the counter and didn't reply.

"You weren't even going to say good bye."

"There is nothing to say."

"Derek," she took a step towards him.

He refused to look at her.

"Derek, I'm sorry," she said softly.

He didn't move.

"Derek. I'm _sorry_," she said again, desperation beginning to enter her voice.

He stared at the floor.

"Derek," she moved to stand directly in front of him, "I don't want you to leave. _Derek_..." she tried to catch his eye but failed, "_Derek_," her eyes filled with tears and she started to break down, "You _can't_ go. You _can't _leave me. Derek, _I'm sorry. I'm sorry. _I don't know why I said that. I don't know. I _don't_."

He continued to ignore her, and she got more and more desperate, tears continuing to fall down her face.

She grabbed hold of his shirt, "I lied. I _want_ to have a baby. I want have _your_ baby. _Our baby._ I _want our_ baby, Derek. I don't know _why_ I said I didn't, because I do. I _want _to have our baby. I _do_ want to be pregnant, I do. I do. _I do_." she was now fighting to talk through the tears, and tugging on his shirt with every word.

Derek squeezed his eyes tightly shut and gripped the counter.

"_Don't go_," she pleaded, "You _promised_ you wouldn't leave me again. You _promised. _Please come home. Please come home. _Please. _I'm sorry," she let go of his shirt, and her hands started to flutter around not sure what to do, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm _sorry,_" her hands found his face, and impulsively she kissed him, "I'm sorry," she kissed him again, "I'm sorry," and again, "I'm sorry," and again, "I'm sorry," again she kissed him.

Not once did Derek move or react.

Her kisses and her apologies got more and more frantic, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she repeated, each apology punctuated by a kiss.

"Addison," he said lowly, "Stop apologizing."

She paused, then went to kiss him again.

He turned his face away.

She tried again, and again he moved away. She sank back onto her heels. He wouldn't kiss her. He had never not kissed her. If she went to kiss him he _always always_ kissed her back. Unless...

He was teasing her.

_Bastard_. She didn't know what to do. She took a moment to calm herself, then lightly placed her hands on his sides and went back up on her toes so her mouth was level with his ear, "You can't fool me."

She sensed him smiling, so she lightly kissed his jaw a few times.

His arms went around her and he held on to her tightly pressing his forehead against her shoulder, "I never could."

She let herself be held for a few minutes, just basking in relief, then pulled away a bit, "This morning," she paused, still kind of tearful "I didn't mean any of it. _Any_ of it. I was scared. This isn't how I pictured things happening. Who does this? Who has children with their ex?" she looked at him, "I know everything about babies, but nothing about this."

"No," he kissed her forehead, his eyes also slightly watery, "You were right about everything."

"I was?" she asked softly, still trying to hold back tears.

"You were," he stated, "But you forgot the most important part." he smiled at her, "Even if our lives are insane and we have stressful jobs and we generally drive each other crazy, Add, our baby would be _so_ loved."

Addison smiled.

"_And _have parents that are crazy about each other," he looked at her, brushing the last of the tears of her cheeks, "Right?"

"Right," she paused and held his gaze, "You won't leave?"

He smiled and smoothed his hands over her hair, "I never was. I _promised _ you I'd never leave you again, and I won't. I was packing it up to bring it home."

"Home?"

"Yes home, our home," he teased, "Unless you don't want me there."

Addison gave the front of his shirt a sharp tug, "I do need someone around to do yard work."

"And that's why I love you. Hysterics one minute ..."

"Derek," she cut him off, "I really am so sorry. I'm sorry, I'm..."

"Stop saying you're sorry," he teased.

"Stop saying you love me," she countered with a smile.

"But I do."

"Well I am."

They smiled at each other.

Derek sighed happily and slipped his hands under her wet sweater. Her skin was cold and damp to the touch, "Your going to get sick," he teased, "Standing around in wet clothes."

She leaned in to kiss him. This time he let her.

"Well then, you better get me out of them."

XXXX

They couldn't have gotten closer together if they tried.

His arms wrapped tightly around her, one at her waist one snaking up her back and resting by her neck, holding her close against his chest. His face was buried against her shoulder and he lightly pressed a line of kisses across her shoulder and up her neck. Her fingers tangled in his hair, gently massaging the back of his head while her other arm circled his back, often tightening to bring them closer together.

He nuzzled her neck gently as she tightened her leg around his waist, while the other tangled further with his. If she did that much more he wasn't going to be able to move.

Not that he minded. Neither of them minded. The experience was bordering on torturous, but in a _really_ good way.

She exhaled jaggedly and with a small whimper, tightening her arms around him.

Derek pressed his face hard against her neck, then loosened his grip on her. He took some of his weight off her, putting more on his arms. He watched her, looking for any sign that he had hurt her.

Her face was turned slightly away from him, her eyes closed and she was biting down slightly on her lower lip. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She looked so completely content and peaceful. In fact, if her breathing wasn't so shallow, uneven and breathy, you would almost think she was asleep instead of concentrating intently on making love with her ex-husband.

He leaned down and lightly kissed her cheek, "You okay?"

She slowly turned her face towards him and dragged open her eyes, she was beyond comprehending words for the moment.

They watched each other.

"What?" she finally questioned softly. She smiled at him and brought one arm up to rest behind her head and casually brushed the other through his hair. She wiggled her hips impatiently.

She was fine.

He smiled at her "Addy," he whispered, "I lo-..."

"Shhhh," she silenced him, leaning up to kiss him. "I know."

"But, I..."

"I know," she repeated smiling faintly, "But stop saying it all the time. I'll stop believing that you mean it."

"And I don't want that," Derek teased gently. He leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose, then rested his forehead against hers, rubbing his nose gently against hers a few times, before softly kissing her lips, "But I do. To pieces."

"Me too," Addison said quietly,"To pieces."

XXXX

_When you're on your own _

_When you're at a fork in the road _

_You don't know which way to go _

_There's too many suns in our rows _

_You haven't laughed in a while _

_When you can't even fake a smile _

_When you feel ashamed _

_The uniform don't make you brave _

_All I can do is love you to pieces _

_Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it _

_When the day is long and the night is coming down on you _

_All I can do _

_All I can do _

_All I can do _

_When you forget your name _

_and the pleasure can't disguise your pain _

_and you don't feel the same _

_I won't forget the love you made _

_All I can do is love you to pieces _

_Give you a shoulder to cry when you need it _

_When the day is long and the night is coming down on you _

_All I can do _

_All I can do _

_All I can do _

XXXXXXXXXX

That is actually it this time. I'm serious. I'm hitting the 'Complete' button.

I think that I got everything you asked for. Happy, cuddling, kissing, squeeing Addek. Seriously, they are a tangled heap of lovin', there is a sign on the door that says 'If the trailers a rockin' don't come a knockin',' and that is how is should be.

If you still have questions (I can think of at least one you might have, like, will Meredith ever find happiness and love?), it might be worth putting me on author alert. Just saying it might be something that you want to consider.

On the other hand, if you just said to yourself 'I just wasted my life reading 45 chapters, that is time I will never get back. I am that much closer to death and I have nothing to show for it.' Then maybe you don't add me.

It's up to you.


End file.
